Tuesday, January 16, 2018


I have survived the first half of training, only 5 weeks to go. 
5 weeks to take another considerable chunk of time off my miles
I have made significant strides with my speed but I have to now add in consistency
AND take away some of the standing on a random road trying to suck air into my lungs while convincing my legs to keep going and simultaneously yelling numerous amounts of curse words put together in creative fun lengthy strings. 
Less of that. 
I am starting to get into the longer miles and every weekend is based on when and how I can get my run in
Waking up at 5  (ON A WEEKEND!) 
eating oatmeal
wearing fanny packs
having friends drive out to bring you lube on a Sunday morning
Yeah. That happened
Chill out it was for my arms
Oh, whats that you say? 
Why would one put lube on their arms?
that's not the fun way to use it?
That's, like,  your opinion man. 
Also some of us don't quite think out the fact that their super cool back pack that carries treats (yes I call them treats) and water might create enough friction under their arms to start a fire (or draw blood)
Training is FUN!
also... time to switch back to the fanny pack
But progress is happening
improvement is happening 
Those are W's in my world
Is there a chance that I won't hit the sub 2?
It's so hard to balance this brain of mine
Inner Athlete is screaming " There is no failure! We DO NOT accept defeat. Sub 2 or die trying" 
Inner rational Lauren says "give it everything you have, but don't let this consume you"
Inner Fat Kid wants to know if we get pizza afterwards and by afterwards he means do we really have to run at all and can't we just eat the pizza? 
Its a 3 way tug of war. 
Right now I am leaning towards " If you can walk when you finish you didn't push hard enough but if you don't hit your goal then try again and a large Sausage double cheese."
Training continues
The inner battle continues
I continue. 

Ya'll I had to put out an SOS to my running friends to bring me lube
And she showed up with multiples kinds
 that cracks me up. 
It just makes me giggle
Ok I will stop


everyone have a good week and I will try to get better at checking in 

I sent out a lube SOS

Ok I swear that was the last time... 

Monday, November 27, 2017

In the words of Bruce Willis

It's been a while
A long while
My computer gave me a "new number who dis" when I tried to sign in 
 My self imposed year off is over 
I celebrated by signing up for a half marathon
because... duh 
and I am sure you are all wondering why I signed up for another race
But Lauren, you didn't even know if you liked racing anymore
You couldn't remember what it was like to enjoy training
you spent hours and days wondering if you actually liked racing or if you did it because other people in your life enjoy racing. 
and this is what you decide??
A half marathon?
way to ease into it dipshit
Guess what?
Turns out I really do like racing
training.... eh
its alright
but racing.
its the best. 
Finish lines and cheering crowds
people pushing to be their best
the adrenaline
the sweat
the feeling like your chest is about to explode and  your legs might give out and jesus christ am I hallucinating or is that pepperoni pizza at an aid station
its the best.
and I missed it
at first I didn't think I did
I went to a few races and without fail 17 or more people asked me if I was sad
and I proudly held up my breakfast burrito, looked down at my sandals and said NO!
then a few months later I went to some more races
and I watched people cross the finish line
cross the finish line into a giant puddle of sweaty stinky smiling mess
and I smiled
then I teared up
then I said seriously Lauren? get yo shit together. 
and thats when I realized 
I missed racing
I missed it so much
I wanted to grab a bib from someone, anyone and push my legs to the limit
I wanted to have the black lung from a particularly hard run
I wanted the hunger and the pain
I wanted it all
Its official.
Love it 
I have this competitiveness that has to be let out 
running gives me that feeling
and it doesn't matter if I am first or last
(but first would be pretty fucking cool)
It matters that I gave it everything I have. 

Will I do another full Ironman?
probably not
Will I do another half Ironman?
Fuck Yes I will
and I will hit sub 7
Will I have moments of failure, moments of wanting to quit, moments of doubt, fat kid off the leash at at buffet moments
Ha... oh yes, so so many moments. 
Will I decided to push for a sub 2 hour half?
You betcha
Will I make other decisions that make people question my sanity?
More than likely. 

but fuck. 
Life is too damn short to give it anything but everything you've got. 

As the wise Bruce Willis once said
Image result for yippee ki yay

Friday, May 19, 2017


Discipline has never really been my thing

Donuts have been my thing

Pizza has been my thing

Eating Chinese food and watching blazing saddles has been my thing

But discipline…

Nah, I’m good thanks.

I wait for motivation to strike and then I bleed that well dry

Example: training for 3 half iron and 1 full iron distance races in 12 months.

As I entered my (Scotts) credit card info I basked in my motivation

I sat high upon my motivation mountain and looked down

I was motivation, I breathed motivation, I became one with motivation

Right up until I wasn’t

The well was dry

I was chugging my bike up another goddamn hill thinking how I could be eating donuts and not chewing on another peanut butter and jelly sandwich and boom motivation was gone.

The fickle creature left me right in the middle of my training.



See Ya Later

My motivation had gone to the pizza parlor to kick back with a beer

I was still on the hill

It was discipline that kept me from throwing my bike in front of traffic and following my motivation to get pizza

There has to be a balance

As soon as I crossed that finish line I lost a large chunk of both

I put my bike in hibernation, nursed my sore and chafed body parts, and went after some beer and pizza.

Its 6 months later

My bike and I are still not talking

Nether regions have not forgiven me

I have enjoyed the hell out of not training

I do miss competition but I am sticking to my year off

The problem with a year off is finding the discipline and motivation to treat my body like it deserves

 My goal is happy and healthy

Not a finish line

Not a specific weight

Not a certain pair of jeans



So I have had to find discipline

Motivation is easier

Motivation is my husband, my family, our trip to New Zealand

Discipline is looking over a pile of donuts as I eat my eggs

Are donuts the devil?


Do I have to eat only Kale and water to hit my goals?


In fact if I did that I would be miserable

Miserable is very far from happy and healthy


So what is the point of my random ramblings?

Motivation will not always be there

Discipline will not always be there

Keep moving forward regardless

If you don’t have motivation to go to the gym that day then go because you are a disciplined athlete

No discipline to put down the donuts? Then use your motivation to back away and eat something that makes you feel good.

We have to find balance

None of us are perfect

Least of all me


Find the balance

Find the motivation

Find the discipline

Find Happiness.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Life Post Ironman

2 weeks ago I raced 140.6 miles 
then I did nothing 
well I did eat
but as the cruel fates would have it I also contracted the cold from hell 
so while I could eat and not have to train
I was also coughing up my lung
I did combine a crap load of dayquil with some intense will power to attend a concert with Mr Fat kid
we had so much fun, dancing and singing. 
So much fun in fact that we were hurting the next morning
Did you know there are bars that sell 6 packs?
we didn't
we do now...
Like I said... We were hurting 

So what does life after Ironman hold for me? 
Well I am sticking to my guns about no racing/training in 2017
My life has revolved around Ironman training for the past 20+ months
I need a break mentally
You can only spend so much time worrying about did you buy enough lube, is what you just ate going to make you shit your pants on a run, or does this fanny pack look cool?
Even before I decided to tackle the Ironman world I was always training for something
It has been my way of keeping the fat kid in check 
If I pick a race that scares the crap out of me then I am more likely to get my ass to the gym
so now I have a year of relying on my own motivation to continue to stay healthy
that is scary
the fat kid is running around screaming that we are going to eat ALLLLLLL the Cake
drink ALLLLL the beers
Meanwhile the inner athlete is walking around in circles wearing the Ironman medal and trying to calculate the pace we would need to keep to run a sub 2hr 1/2 marathon, the training plan we could build to get back down to a 9 min mile, or searching Tri bikes for sale in stevebay.
I need balance
I need to trust myself 
and I need the inner athlete to sit on the Fat Kid
There has to be a world where we eat cake (A piece not the whole cake)
we run because we want to, not because we have to
maybe we even run fast 
maybe we work in some zone 2
maybe we research fast/flat 70.3 courses and day dream about a sub 6.5
maybe we say screw it and spend out afternoons jumping on trampolines
Or sitting in our house blogging while listening to Spice Girls with a snoring dog at my feet
(definitely not what is going on currently)
Who knows

I know  that it is scary
Who thought I would be afraid of not training
not me
not the fat kid
maybe the shaking and rocking inner athlete, she might have had an inkling
how do you trust yourself?
how do I let go of that control
my sweet sweet control...
no training plans
just me and the motivation to stay healthy and  enjoy myself
enjoy working out
I know part of the reason I love racing is I love pushing my body to that limit
I love finding that limit and pushing past it
I like the pain
I would feel weird about that last sentence but I know I am not alone
I married someone who feels the same way
So now I workout out to enjoy it
again the fat kid and inner athlete are screaming over what to do
the fat kid is making the argument that if we change the TV channel enough times its a workout
The inner athlete is wearing a drill sergeant outfit while screaming to run sprints and do burpees
I think trampolines and riding horses at adrenaline inducing speeds are in my future
bonus... I don't have to worry about getting hurt and dropping out of a expensive race

Have I mentioned I am scared?

Image result for trust yourself funny

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Race Report: Ironman Arizona 140.Freaking6

I wanted to use another word for Freaking
You're welcome Dad. 

I am an Ironman
I have joined the ranks of crazy bastards who swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles, and run 26.2 miles
Ya'll are a bunch of nut-bags
and I am so happy to be here

It was such a long day (16+ hrs) but it seemed to go by in a blur
Friday afternoon I got off work and headed down to check in
I was so stressed and anxious that I almost had a melt down right there in the beach park
I pulled myself together enough to nod along and pretend I was listening to the very nice volunteers explaining to me where to sign my life away, where to put my stickers and I tried not to think of the bracelet as a handcuff. 
Once I was checked in I headed to the swag tent.
We wandered around a bit and then headed home. 
Once we were home I started panicking again. 
It was 4pm, I still needed to pack, swim, seat, and go shopping
Luckily Scott saw the panic in my eyes, took my shopping list and went to grab my extra supplies and grab dinner while I got my last swim in
We packed my bags, unpacked them, repacked them and then I made myself leave the Tri-room and attempt to relax (aka: eat a bean burrito laced with xanax)
Before I knew it, it was Saturday morning... how in the almighty fuck did that happen?
why is time NOT slowing down
I am not ready 
I didn't train hard enough
I could have pushed myself harder
I could have... I should have... 
Then I told myself to cram it
Image result for i panicked but then i handled it
I checked my bike and bags in, talked with friends and went home to eat my way through the pita jungle menu and put my feet up. 

I woke up at 3:30 Sunday morning, oddly calm. 
I had laid everything out 
(or so I thought....foreshadowing)
so I just needed to make my breakfast, coffee and get into the truck for the ride down
We beat the traffic down and my anxiety went down even more
before I knew it I was lining up with 3000 of my closest friends
I placed myself with the 1:20 group and waited not so patiently for the gun to go off
I knew once I was in the water and moving the anxiety would go away and I could do the job I had come out to do
The male pro's went off, followed by the womens then they started letting us age groupers in the water
It was a rolling swim start so once you are the water your chip starts timing
This was my first non- age group all female wave swim
let me tell you something... 
men swim like drowning bears
Image result for bad swimmer cartoon
they throw fists, they climb over you, push you and they pissed me the hell off
I think I swam faster just because I had to keep kicking them off my feet
I came out of the water at 1:24 
this was right in my goal time so I was pretty damn happy
Scott was a volunteer and managed to make it to the wetsuit stripping and he helped me out of my 
suit and ran off to grab my bags
Once I had my bags I ran into T1 to another smiling face Mrs. Amy
I warned her about what she was about to see and started stripping
I did FULL costume changes in each transition so I could be as comfortable as possible through out the day.
I wanted padded bike shorts for my ride, my comfy running shorts and a clean dry shirt for my run
once I was out of T1, I grabbed my bike from Scott and ran out
Once I was on my bike it started to settle in that I needed to bike 112 miles, 3 loops on the beeline. 
I had not managed to make it past 80 miles in my training so this was going to be my longest ride ever. 
(Apparently I dipped into the Beardedginja/Tdds training program)
Loop 1 felt great, I made it to the turn around in 1:23 and I had very little knee pain. 
The weather couldn't have been better, 70's and overcast
I headed back down to Rio cruising at 24 mph and finished the first loop in 2:20
As I started back up the hill for the 2nd loop I started to feel the dreaded knee pain that had knocked me down flat the last 2 weeks of training. 
I prayed to whatever gods had gotten my liver through college and downed more Ibuprofen 
I trudged up the GD hill to shea for the 2nd time but this time I had to stop to stretch my quad, my back, and I made it to special needs (another cameo from team TDDS)
They helped me unpack mybags and they held my bike so I could sit on the ground and stretch some more. 
I am pretty sure I got off my bike more that any other person on that course
thats how it felt anyways. 
I had actually stayed on top of my water intake and I was polishing off 4 bottles per loop
which is great news for my liver and kidneys
not so great for the 87 bathroom breaks I had to take
I also forgot my first set of base salt and nuun so I had to wait until I made it to special needs for my extras, then at some point those fell out of my jersey. 
So water it is!
I tried a gatorade and it was awful, way too much sugar for me. 
I also at one point thought I had left my uncrustables (which I had already left at home but luckily Mark ran to the store on his way in for me) in T1... Scott and Mark pointed out that they were in fact just in the back pockets of my jersey. 
I had gone 2 laps on just two burgers and as many lara bar bites as I could shove in my mouth
I felt better on loop 3 than I did on 2
I made it up to shea in decent time
Scott and Mark were there waiting for me so I got off  my bike for a few minutes
re-lubed... found a chafed spot courtesy of the lube
tried not to cry
went to put some vaseline on my wind burned lips and thankfully Scott reminded me to switch hands
Do not lube and put chapstick on with the same hand
Also don't put biofreeze on first then use the same hand to re-lune
just trust me on that one. 
Downhill on loop 3 was rough, I was going into the wind, I was tired and I wanted to un-wedge the bike seat from my ass. 
I only managed 18mph on the downhills and maybe 12mph on the flats 
Finally I came into T2
its pretty awesome to come in with your family and friends screaming for you
Scott was at t2 and grabbed my bags for me and I went back into the land of naked stinky women
one more costume change, some water and I was out on the run course
now I had not really thought too much about the run during my training
I was much more concerned with my ability to ride 112 miles in my allotted time
as I stepped out of the tent it hit me that I still had to run 26.2 miles
As I started loop 1 I passed Sasha headed out on loop 2
by the 2nd aid station I had to pee AGAIN
damn you tiny bladder 
luckily Stacey was there to get a picture! 
but guess what? I didn't poop my pants
loop 1 was pretty uneventful
I was running more than I had anticipated and Scott joined me for a good portion of the run to keep me company
as I came into mile 13 I hit a wall
A hard, immovable my feet hurt, I am tired, is this over yet... wall
Scott kept walking with me, he told me I had to keep a sub 18 min mile to finish in time
that kind of pissed me off 
I am not an 18 min mile person
I am not a fast runner but I am not a walker
I am stubborn and I am not going to take that route just because it would be easier on me
I grabbed my bean burrito at special needs
I let my dark thoughts fester for 2 miles
As I came back under the bridge Scott, Mark, and Jen walked with me for a bit
I had a scowl on my face and I was hurting
I decided then that it was going to hurt either way. 
I started running
my knee was screaming
I gritted my teeth and kept going
I ran  20 of the concrete slabs in the side walk then walked 5
all of a sudden I was running a 12 min mile and cruising towards Mill ave
the look on Scotts face as I came under the bridge told me I was making good time
I got a Holy Shit woman, you are doing 12 min miles from Amy
I had a smile back on my face
I may be slow
I may need to walk
but I am stubborn as fuck. I would give a mule a run for its money
I made my way up curry where I ran into Scott, mark and Jen again
Scott told me to slow down so I didn't hurt myself
I smiled to myself and told him its a good day to die 
Image result for prefontaine quotes 

I had to walk some more as I approached mile 25 
mile 26 I got a big ass grin on my face
This has to be what it feels like to be a pro athlete
people on either side of the chute screaming your name, high fiving you, crying for you
then you hear it... 
Mike Reilly the voice of Ironman says
fist pump
fist pump 
run to Scott who some how has womens race winner taking our picture as he places the medal aroundmy neck and gives me a big kiss and hug. 
I am an Ironman
the finish line is a blur
there were lots of pictures
We even got a picture with Meredith Kessler !
a volunteer grabbed me by the shoulders (they don't trust you to walk on your own) took my timing chip, handed me my hat and shirt and directed me to the pizza tent
16+ hrs all to have people bring me pizza and take my shoes off for me
I am beyond proud of myself 
it took a lot to get me to this point
Thank you to Scott who was my husband, sherpa, best friend, shoulder to cry on, xanax feeder, chef, housekeeper, landscaper, and the best volunteer out there
thank you to team TDDS. You all made me smile and laugh every day. You made training so much better. 
Thank you to my Coach Frank Sole, you believed in me and pushed me and I will forever be thankful. (lets talk more about that sub 6:30-70.3 this time next year)
thank you to all the volunteers especially, Amy, Julie, Steve, Christy, Stacey, Zachary, Scott, Mark, Mandy
Our Cheering squad, Gotta Run, My parents, Anthony, Theresa, My In-laws (parents, and brothers), TDDS, Heather (even with your evil music), my nieces and nephews, Sarah, all the random strangers 
thank you Ironman for putting on great race
maybe some more TP and the late night aid stations
although yelling from a porta potty to volunteers while my pants are down and my quads are frozen so I can't move any where is pretty funny
( now... not funny then)
Thank you to the lady who made sure she was far enough in front of me before she stood up and peed on her bike
Thank you to the athletes who took the time to say hi, ask my name, and ask how I am doing
Just thank you.

I am sorry if I forgot anyone
I really couldn't do it without any of you
I am sticking to my word and I am taking a year off from racing
I need to focus on being a better Lauren, a wife, a friend, dog mom, and horsewoman. 
  maybe that barrel racing horse is in my future... ha! 
I may not have pooped my pants but there is a chance Scott just did