Marathon Training through the fat kids eyes

I have never felt more Bipolar then I have during the last 9 months, let me explain that sentence a little more. About 9 months ago I made a very stupid and idiotic decision. I decided to run a marathon, if you are not familiar with marathons, they involve running a stupid and idiotic 26.2 miles. When I made this decision I could barely run 1 mile without ending up bent over sucking wind and thinking about tacos. 9 months later I still think about tacos while I am running ( and ice cream, smashburger, etc, etc) but I spend hours doing this instead of minutes. This is where the bipolar comes into play, now that I am into my major mile runs I have lots of time to spend thinking. I spend most of this time thinking about running, how much I hate it. How much I love it. How proud I am of myself. Wondering why I am allowed to make my own decisions. Wondering why I am paying someone for 5-6 hours of pain. Thinking about all the high heels and new clothes I could have bought with the money I spent on new running shoes (minus the bad ass pair my husband bought me for my bday). Thinking about how bad ass my new running shoes are.  Wondering when the last time I wore something other than running clothes was. Thinking "damn I love yoga pants."
It goes on like that for 3+ hours.... Riveting I know.

Training for a marathon has introduced me to a whole new world. (admit you sang that last part to the tune of  Aladin)

I had dipped my toe into the world of active adult living a time or two but nothing as serious as this. I had no idea how intense and huge this other world is. You find your self talking and reminiscing with complete strangers about things like chub rub, body glide, and the pros and cons of fanny packs (yeah take a second and absorb that gem of a sentence). Or say things like, "oh its only a 9 mile run" to which my inner fat kid responds with something like this...



yes this just became a picture book-esque blog.

People will also tell you that you are an idiot, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. But they will also tell you that they are proud of yu, that you are in inspiration**. These are the things that in combination with better fitting clothes and an huge weekend calorie deficiency, keep you going. I am sure you are wondering how someone calling you an idiot will keep you motivated to get up a 5 am and go run 17 miles, but I am overly competitive and this pushes me to prove them wrong.

**side note, I am still not sure how to take that one. I am used to impressing people with how much pizza I can put away in such a small amount of time or my innate ability to use cream cheese in all of my recipes.



So that's a short look into where I am with marathon training. I will check back this week with more... :)

ok, one more picture....



you're welcome.

Handling stress like a true fat kid

The more I stress the more I want pizza. As my work load, family worries, and general “being an adult sucks” stress increases I try to find ways to bury them in gooey, delicious, cheesy, doughy, goodness. Yes, it’s not the most adult way to handle my adult problems but it’s how I have always dealt with things in the past. Take a hour or so, enjoy a good meal and an adult drink, relax, forget my worries (just for an hour), regroup and then tackle everything head on. So this week when I am thinking about moving ahead at my job, getting the mortgage out on time, my family in Texas, I immediately want to go to my old standby. I want to order an extra-large Barros pizza with pepperoni, sausuage, and extra cheese. Maybe a side of wings if I am feeling dangerous… Oooo and let’s not forget the extra sides of ranch. You are not a true fatty unless you have an emotional connection with ranch (I am worse because if I am not smearing something in ranch then its mayonnaise and the real stuff not the wimpy “miracle whip”) The hardest part of trying to make a lifestyle change is the fight you have with yourself, the rationalizations, the arguments, the “but everyone else cans”, or my particular favorite… How many miles do I need to run in order to cancel out the heaping serving of cardiac arrest I just served myself? It is a constant frustration, all I want to do is eat what I want and not get fat. I don’t think that’s too much to ask…

Last night I went to the gym, ran 3 miles and did the intermediate 300 workout. That workout kills me everytime, my abs are still sore. Now that the half marathon is over and we are creeping up to the Mudder I really have to work on upper body/core strength. Being able to run for hours at a time is not going to help me get over a 20ft wall. I have asked Scott to make sure that I am sufficiently terrified in the hopes that it will keep me from eating crap.

Today has been really, really, really hard to not shove my face with carbs covered in cheese or chocolate, or ranch. I am trying to stay strong and right now my only defense is to combat the urge to eat crap by eating good stuff. Carrots, bell peppers, almonds, hummus with a whole wheat pita, salad, chicken, egg whites, gallons of water… the urge is still there, I still think I am hungry when there is no possible why I can be, but this is part of the fight, part of the changing, and part of the challenge to better myself.

So off I go to eat rabbit food (I am not overly enthusiastic about it today) and continue my prayers that one day I will live in a world where pizza is calorie free and doctors encourage you to eat tons of it.

The tinkerbell half marathon results

I have run 3, 1/2 marathons in the past two years...here is the run down

Women's half marathon: 3 hours

Phoenix PF Chang's: 2:35 hours

Disney's tinkerbell half marathon....drumroll please....

2:10:37

Ahem....

Love, hate, churros, and running

The closer I get to race day the more I seem to dread running. We are now 4 days away, countless miles have been ran, goo’s have been eaten, blisters/bruises/scrapes and scratches have been attended to, costumes are planned and now it is time to put all of this time and effort into 13.1 miles. The last 6 weeks have been spent on a pretty strict running regimen (minus 1 week when the flu kicked my ass), 4 shorter runs during the week and 1 long run on Sundays. This also included 3 other races (green run 10k, turkey trot 10mile, and chocolate run 15k) to help prepare us. I feel like we have spent so much time running and putting miles on our shoes that I need to sleep this week away to get ready for the race. Of course I can’t do that so I get home, put on my running shoes, head phones, 18 layers of clothing and head out the door.

I have this love/hate relationship with running. I hate almost every second that I am out there, I hate breathing hard, I hate the cramps and the aches that come with it but I also can’t seem to function without it. It also relieves stress and makes me feel better. My legs look better and I am proud of myself for setting goals and accomplishing them. Then there are the days where everything just seems to click and I just murder a run. Those days are when I decide to lose my mind and sign up for another race but it is such an incredible feeling to just let go and run. Let my stress melt away, let myself get lost in the music, let my aches and pains fall away with every mile. I love the days that I feel like I can run forever, but for every day I have like that I have a day where I can barely get myself out the door. Every step feels like my knee is going to give out, I can’t seem to find my pace, and I spend the next three days holding onto stair railings or using the handicap bathroom to pee because I am so sore I need the bar to help me sit down. It’s a very frustrating game of internal tug of war

Other than the 13.1 miles I am pretty damn excited about this race

A: It’s in Disneyland

B: I get to run with two of my best friends

C: Disneyland

D: Churros and margaritas after the race

E: Disneyland

F: Disney runners expo

G: Disneyland

H:Carbs

I:Disneyland

J:and Disneyland.

There is no point in arguing against Disneyland, it’s the happiest place on earth which is now even happier thanks to Downtown Disney and the availability of adult beverages!

The Mind of an Athlete with the Body of a Competitive Eater

Thanksgiving morning I ran in my first official "Turkey Trot" it was 10 miles of hills, gasping for air, and calf cramping. My goal time was 1 hour and 30 minutes, I finished in 1:35:22. Not bad, 5 minutes off of my goal time but I have another month before my next race (chocolate race 15k) and I am hoping to shave some time off of my mile time before then. I am 8 weeks out from the Disney half marathon and my goal is to run it in 2 hours or less. That means I need to average a 9 minute mile for 13.1 miles, right now I am averaging 9.5 minutes. As I start to complete more of my races I start to freak out a little more and more about the Marathon. 26.2 miles ..... WHAT THE F*&$# was I thinking?!?!

I know I have the mental strength to do it. I was an athlete at one time and not matter how old I get or how out of shape I might be I still have that little voice in my head that pushes me to be the absolute best I can be. Yes it sometimes comes out at awkward moments and family game night can be a little tense when that competitive streak comes out but hey, its what pushes me to make myself better.  That voice is what makes me keep running when my knee is telling me to slow down and grab a cane, that voice is what puts a little extra drive in my pace as I start to pass people in the final mile, and its what continues to push me out of a squishy, round body and into a runners body.

I have had this body for 25 years going on 26 and at this point I know pretty much everything about it. I know that I look better in jeans and a T-shirt than a fancy gown. I know that I have more chins that I did in high school (but less than I did 3 months ago). I know that I am changing and evolving into what I want to be. I am very aware that if need to walk/run/jump or make any sudden movements then I should be wearing body armor because I tend to fall down more than the average person. Dairy products are my kryptonite. I have a weakness for anything coated in cholesterol and triglycerides. I also know that I look more like a competitive eater than someone who runs on average 15-20 miles a week and spends a minimum of 1 hour a day , 6 days a week at the gym.

So I will continue to run and to push myself into the uncomfortable world of shin splints and ice bags (Good thing I married a physical therapist/ATC) and I will dream of doughnuts and frappachinos as I go. Maybe one day my worlds will meet in a doughy (the food not my body), svelte (my body not the doughnuts), mixture of awesomeness. 

Wagon Riding

Hi everyone :) 

Sorry it has been a while, I was busy being run over by the wagon that I was supposed to be proudly riding on. It was a wagon made out of mostly beer, a little whiskey, some Dr. Pepper, and a few slices of pizza. Of course I found excuses and rationalizations, at the end of the day I am a human being and I am going to cheat, I am going to have bad days, and I am going to work on pulling myself out of the pizza pot hole every time I do. I am trying to be positive and find the highlights, because when I find the negatives I tend to throw myself a pity party and drown my sorrows in a large pizza (extra cheese). So lets review the past couple of weeks....

Week 1: Whiskey, beer, more whiskey, rodeo, dancing, and more whiskey.
That pretty much explains the weekend (what I remember of it). The upside was that I had an absolute blast....

Week 2: Road Trip!!
We drove up to Colorado to spend time with Scotts family and celebrate our nieces 3rd birthday and as is the road trip tradition we had crap food, soda, energy drinks, coffee, really loud music, and what I think was a heart attack from the combination of coffee, monster, and Greenday playing on the radio at top volume as I tried to keep myself awake at 1:00am driving through the Indian reservations. Heather and I did get up and run 3 miles one of the days we were there but that was the best we did...

Week 3: Flagstaff
Last weekend we drove up to Flagstaff for the night, when we got up the next morning we went and had breakfast complete with chorizo. It is impossible for me to eat right in that town, so many memories and restaurants!! 3 words..... Pesto.Cream.Cheese.

Sunday I found my resolve tucked away between the chorizo and a bag of cheese. I made myself a healthy breakfast, painted the house, redecorated (kind of), and got the ball rolling. Scott and I went grocery shopping, cleaned out all the crap food in our house and reorganized. We grilled a weeks worth of chicken, boiled eggs, prepped veggies for snacking, and made our weeks menu. So far I have stayed on the wagon... Its been hard, I want eat a candy bar and stuff my face with more pizza but its been egg whites and green veggies. My main motivation (besides my health! blah blah blah) is that we will be in out of town again soon and I want to look goooood!!!

Quick Update

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't written in a while, life has kept me busy!

quick update: 27 pounds, gone. 10k, done. Pizza extravaganza, check. House painted, eh kinda. Foster dog in fur-ever home, check. New stupid goals, yep. New recipes, deliciously done.... I think that covers almost everything!

Sunday we  (me, Heather, Krisha, and Stacey)  ran our first race together. If you are wondering, Stacey is Heathers best friend from forever and Krisha is one of my friends from work. They have been recruited to do dumb stuff with us. Ok where was I? Umm, oh right! This was the first of many many many more to come, it was a 10k to warm us up for the upcoming stupidity we have planned. It was hot and humid outside when the race started and it only got worse. I was crampy and tired and I didn't do as well as I wanted. This could be for many reasons...A: Copious amounts of beer consumed 2 nights before B: I didn't pace myself and ran way too fast to start  C: I didn't drink my gallon of water the day before D: I have only run on a treadmill for the last 3 weeks. I am not sure if I am being too hard on myself or I am finding too many excuses.  I did finish in under an hour which was the goal I set for myself (Scott bribed me with pizza). I think  I can really take some more time off my miles and I am hoping that by April I can keep a consistent 7-8 minute mile for at least 10 miles. April is when the spartan race is in Vegas and I hope to run for time and stay somewhat ahead of the pack. My brother has agreed to run it with the group and race me for time, loser buys dinner and drinks.

We are starting to creep up on some of the scarier races, we are less than 2 months away from the first 1/2 marathon, 4 months from the disney 1/2  marathon, 5 months away from Mudder, 7 months away from spartan, and 9 months away from..... The full F'ing marathon in San Diego. I am terrifed.

I will post some new recipes hopefully tomorrow and a few new workouts. Thanks again for checking in :)

Lunch

Here is what I eat for lunch on an average day, this meal fuels me through my afternoon workout so it tends to be my biggest meal of the day

3 cups of spring mix with light dressing

1roma tomato

1/2 cup rottisiere chicken

1 avocado

500 calories
36g carbs
28g fat
43g protien

Snacks

I still miss my donuts but I really can't complain about todays mid-morning meal...fresh peaches in from CO and a hard boiled egg

Calories:140
Fat: 5g
Carbs: 17g
Protein: 8g
Sugar:15g

Not too shabby

BOOYA

I am finally at the point where I am starting to see change and that is one of the most exciting and motivating things ever. Two years ago I decided to run a race with some friends and our moms, it was a nice and easy 5k. Just 3.2 miles but I remember training for it like it was the Boston Marathon, I didn't think I could run 3.2 miles. I struggled with a 12 minute mile and took a lot of breaks while I trained on the treadmill. I ran 1-2 miles at a time and I was genuinely scared to run in the race. I ran it in 33 minutes, averaging an 11 minute mile. Scott ran it in 27 minutes and that became my new goal, run as hard if not harder and faster than the boys (have I mentioned I am tiny bit competitive?). So as we all know I have been running... a lot. I have been running sprints, hills, sprints up hill, long runs, short runs, runs with burpees in between, even a rock run to make things interesting. Well folks it finally happened yesterday, I ran 3 miles in under 27 minutes. If you are asking yourself, I wonder if Lauren finished her run then got off the treadmill and kicked it while screaming BOOYA MOTHER F&%$#@#!! The answer is unfortunately (for me and the surrounding treadmillers) yes...yes I did. I made that treadmill my bitch and I am proud of it, I went home and told Scott what I did (while showing him my guns, of course).And because he is an amazingly loving  and supportive husband he congratulated me and even gave me a hug and a kiss, which was a big deal because I did not smell like a basket of roses. Of course today I can barely walk and I feel like I have been hit by a car. Every freaking inch of me is sore but I am not alone in my pain, Heather is feeling the same.

This last weekend we went camping, it was my first time camping and I was about ready to pee my pants with excitement. We bought a tent, excessive amounts of alcohol, bad food, and firewood, It was awesome. I had deliciously bad food, cold beer, and the time of my life. We did do one workout while we were up there and if you haven't run at a high altitude before I recommend it. It was just a short run but we made it count. We ran 1mile-ish to the Walmart down the road (not the most primitive camping trip ever) and did three rounds of 15 burpees, 15 push-ups, and 15 squat jumps. Then we ran back but to make it interesting we grabbed some nice looking boulders and ran with them. Then when that got old we decided to throw the rocks, run to the rock, throw the rock, run to the rock (you get the idea). That sucked big time and by the time we made it back to the campsite I was sucking wind. We also fished, swam in the lake, walked around, played horseshoes, corn hole and frisbee golf. I only gained two pounds but based on the way I ate and drank I will take it.

This weekend is our first weekend warrior trip up Camelback Mountain, I am really excited and I can
t wait to see everyone. Email me if you want to join!

Motivating

Lately I have had people start to ask me what I am eating and what exercises I am doing at the gym so I decided to start a weekend workout group. This is a group of girls that can get together every weekend and hike, run, workout, and just enjoy each others company. I know not everyone can afford a trainer or a boot camp but everyone needs to be active. So if you want to join us just shoot me and email or join the group on facebook.

I love trying to motivate people to live a healthier life, to try and make the changes that I am making. I have been trying to get a few people to run some races with me and Heather in the next couple of months and I have been able to sign up a few recruits. One of my friends told me that I was taking her out of her element, she said that she was never an athlete and didn't know if she could do it. I know she can, she is a mom, a wife, a employee, she is one strong lady and she can do anything she puts her mind to! But that got me thinking... We are never too old to make these changes but why not do it now before the serious consequences set it. I have never been a serious athlete, I was a cheerleader and a golfer in high school. Not exactly the most athletic sports in the world, but I have always had the athlete mindset. I love competition, I like pushing myself, and I like rewarding myself when I am done. I am in no way shape or form a obstacle course athlete but I am trying to shape myself into one. Change is a good thing and the more we push ourselves the better our outcome is going to be. I look at those girls who run the obstacle courses and win or the girls who compete in the crossfit games and that's what I want to be like. I want to push myself to that edge and find that athlete that has been hiding behind a layer of fat and a bag of potato chips. It takes a certain amount of courage to make the changes, it's easier to stay the way you are but for me it was harder to look in the mirror everyday and not like what I saw. I am not even close to being done but already I am happier, lighter (literally), and less stressed. Decide which voice you want to listen to... the one who tells you to get your ass to the gym and put down the donut or the one who thinks its ok to be unhappy.

So I guess the take away message for today is think about who you want to be, where you want to be and what is holding you back. The only person who can tell you you can't is you, and you don't have to listen.

Small Victories

You know those days when the last place you want to be is the gym? The days when you would much rather be cuddled up in bed watching a mind numbing reality show and eating pizza? Or out with friends drinking a few beers, eating whatever you want? That was me and Heather yesterday. We just didn’t want to be there but we were.

Heather ran before I got there and we started our Spartan workout as soon as I walked in the door, it started out kind of slow, lots of talking, and lots of whining. That’s when I realized that just because we are at the gym doesn’t mean we are going to get anything out of it if we keep acting like this. I thought to myself, suck it up! You got yourself in this position and you have to get yourself out! If you don’t want to go to the gym everyday then maybe you shouldn’t have spent so much time eating pizza and watching TV. So mid-whine I told Heather let’s put on our big girl panties and get this workout done! No more talking in between reps, no more whining! She agreed with me and we got to work. We all have bad days at the gym but I think yesterday helped bring the big picture into focus. We were starting to slip and we weren’t pushing ourselves to the limit like we have been. We made a pinky promise (don’t judge) while stretching after our workout to get back on this weight loss/healthy lifestyle train and plow through our workouts and eating habits. No more testing food we don’t need to eat, no more whining during workouts, or talking for 20 minutes between reps.

Some days are harder than others. Some days I am so motivated and excited to be doing what I am doing that I can barely stand it, I whip through a workout and finish sweaty and out of breath then go home and enjoy my salad. Other days I drag my feet, take breaks on my run, and eat my salad while grumbling under my breath. I know I have said it 100 times before but every day is a struggle and every day that I make it through a workout out or meal is a small victory for me. I have to constantly try to keep myself excited about things, excited for a new outfit, excited to finish an 8 mile run, excited to not be fat anymore. Today’s small victory is wearing a shirt that I have not worn comfortably since the day I bought it (Don’t ask me why I bought something that didn’t fit) I looked like a sausage that has been packed to tight but today I wore it with confidence and that felt goooood!

 On a side note… My office is slowly trying to kill me with donuts and swivel chairs. I feel like I spent most of my morning trying to avoid the delicious pink and orange box from Dunkin. Stupid frosted, fried, deliciousness.

Surviving the ups, the downs, and the crazy like a pro.

Once a month my uterus makes a serious attempt to get me killed. It has many different approaches but each one  has the possibility to land me in an early grave.

Top 3 Possible Causes of Death:

1. It tells me to eat anything and everything coated in grease, deep fried, or anything with sugar listed as the first ingredient  which as we all know leads to.... DIABETES!!! YAY! (delayed and prolonged death but still death)

2. It makes me so crazy and unstable that my husband considers hitting me over the head with a frying pan

3. The pain of cramps combined with absolute starvation 10 minutes after I finish eating causes me to run into  oncoming traffic.


So that's how my week has gone so far....

Eating has been ehhhh, workouts have been killer, and my mind has been a bowl full of crazy. I have spent all week arguing with myself which we all know is super healthy. Friday it really came to a peak, all I wanted was ice cream. Nothing crazy but I wanted it and I wanted it bad, I had already had a slip up and devoured a mini almond joy in a moment of raging hormone weakness and I wasn't going to allow myself to have anything else. My mind tried tricking myself into it, I asked Scott if I could have some (he said no), I thought about texting Heather to see if Fro Yo was on our list of approved foods (its not) and I even tried to figure out a way to sneak it. I haven't felt that out of control in a while or spent that much time trying to rationalize cheating. We went to blockbuster to pick out a movie and I grabbed every type of candy in the checkout lane just to read the calorie/sugar/carb contents of each one. I do this a lot when I am craving something and I think once I see how bad it is for me I actually am able to take a step back and say no. For some reason it becomes real once I see the 220 calories per serving. The craving goes out the window at that point because then I start to think of how long I would have to run in order to burn it off.

Today I got up at 4:30 and hiked Camelback mountain with Heather and my cousin Victoria. It was a good solid two hour hike followed by an egg white scramble and protein pancakes (not as healthy as it sounds but a great cheat meal). This week I hope to lose a couple extra pounds and get in some extra miles running, I think it is time to step it up again. I feel like I am starting to get into a comfort zone with my food and workouts and that's not a bad thing but I need to make myself uncomfortable and push myself to the limits. I have goals that I plan on giving my everything in order to attain them and I can't do that and I won't change anything by letting myself get comfortable. I have to keep reminding myself....

"If you're tired of starting over, STOP GIVING UP!!"

Somebody's got a case of the Mondays....

Its Monday…. Boo Monday.

The one nice thing about Monday is it is my day off from running, my one day a week that I let my knees/ankles/body recover from the concrete and treadmill. I will usually get on the stationary bike or elliptical when I get to the gym to warm up before we start our circuit. Yesterday I ran 1 mile at high speed and then jumped off the treadmill to do our Bosu workout (I made it up). I finally bought new headphones so I was able to listen to music while I ran which was nice. I had forgotten what a huge difference that makes! 8 miles on Saturday to the upbeat tune of the wind didn’t really get me going… But on Sunday I was pumped up, singing, and just generally in a better mood as I punished my body. I worked hard, sweated more  (not sure sweated is a word but I am going with it) and I can barely walk today because of it. My butt and arms are so sore! Scott recommended that I try doing more 1 leg squats in order to banish my inner thigh jiggle (at my request). When it comes to my legs they are                 S-O-L-I-D, as soon as I do one squat or calf raise they muscle up and lean out so to have one problem area on my legs was driving me crazy. So in order to get rid of the problem area I substituted a medicine ball chop/1 leg squat in for one of my exercises and I can feel it today.

I am usually a lot hungrier on Mondays. I think it’s just getting back into the routine combined with occasional boredom that makes me hungry. If I am busy then I don’t notice that I am hungry but when I have a slow day it feels like I am constantly starving. Today I was saved by Dawna and her Mary Poppins bag of healthy food. I went to the snack drawer hoping against hope that they had stocked something relatively healthy in there for me to eat but I was out of luck and staring at a candy bar/cracker/popcorn/Mac and cheese Mecca. Dawna saw me staring in and drooling all over the snickers peanut butter bars and offered me a cheese stick and strawberries. CRISIS AVERTED!!!

We tried a new twist on an old favorite last night and could have easily eaten the entire dish by myself, I ended up only eating four because I felt bad that I was going to polish it all off before Scott had a chance to eat one. We had baked fajitas, I ate them wrapped in lettuce leaves with a small amount of cheese and fresh guacamole. Scott ate them in tortillas with sour cream, cheese, and guacamole. This was a nice change of pace because it was something I could make for both of us without forcing Scott to eat what I was eating. He had the option of tortillas or lettuce.

Baked Fajitas:

2 chicken breasts –sliced into thin strips                               

1 bell pepper (I used red) –sliced into thin strips

½ onion –sliced

1 tsp Garlic salt

1 tsp Cumin

 ½ tsp Chili powder

½ tsp Oregano

1 Tbls evoo

**feel free to mess with the spices adding more or less as you choose

Toss the chicken, onion, and bell pepper with the spices and olive oil until coated arrange in a baking dish (you want it big enough so that you only have a single layer)

Cook at 400 degrees for 25 minutes.

Eat with lettuce as a wrap or tortillas J

Lauren's World Post Pizza

It's the day after pizza...gooey , cheesy, delicious, pizza. I gained 1.5 pounds from yesterday to today but I will take it and not let that get me down. I told myself that I would get a reward when I hit a certain weight and it felt good to celebrate.

Pizza day started with an 8 mile run around Arrowhead, I really wanted to get in a good long calorie burning workout out before I stuffed myself full of cheese and carbs. The run went OK, I hit a wall around mile 7 and I had some chaffing issues (or as I prefer to call it "Chub Rub"). Scott said that this will happen with almost any long run so I went and invested in a pair of Nike spandex shorts to wear under my running shorts. That made the last mile or so of my run pretty uncomfortable and I am pretty sure I looked like a jackass running wide legged down Union Hills. I also felt around mile 7 that I just didn't have the energy, probably due to the fact that we went dancing and drinking the night before and I only had about 4 hours of sleep. I am still proud that I got up and ran despite the fact that I was exhausted. 8 miles and 1.38 hours later I talked Scott into going and grabbing breakfast with me. We went to Wildflower (one of my favorites) and I had a roasted vegetable egg white frittata with fruit and toast. It was amazing, I love bread so much and I really enjoy the times that I actually get to eat it. After that we went home and had a pretty lazy Saturday, most of our day was spent napping and watching Gene Wilder movies.

I was so excited by the time dinner time rolled around I could barely stand it. I had spent most of the week trying to decide where I wanted to go for pizza, the debate had been narrowed down to two choices: Grimaldis(thin crust NY style) or Barros (home town favorite, Chicago style).... Grimaldis won but it was a close battle. My parents, Scotts parents, and Heather and her two girls all met us to celebrate the combined 50+ plus weight loss between Heather and I. We drank wine, talked, let our nieces entertain us, and killed 3 large pizzas. I helped as much as I could, taking out 4 of the slices. It was so good, it reaffirmed my love of pizza. It also felt good to eat it in celebration, and not just because its easy. My stomach hurt all night long because it is not used to the grease, fat, or carbs but I still would do it all over again!! I think my next reward (after I lose another 20 lbs) is going to be new clothes. I am sure I will find a way to sneak another pizza day in there somehow :)

Don't stop until you are proud

Sometimes it’s hard for me to not go all Richard Simmons or Act like a nut bag spreading the word when it comes to eating healthy and staying fit.  I want to share my story and how hard it was for me to get on track and how everyday is a constant struggle. I want to do this so that other people can find a way to be healthy too or lose that extra weight they have been lugging around. I am not finished working on myself and in no way shape or form am I shining example of how to lead a healthier lifestyle but I get so excited trying to help people that I think I come across as pushy or crazy. Which to be fair I am pretty bossy and slightly crazy (In a good way)… I want others to be as happy as I am, losing 20 pounds has done more for me mentally than physically. Yes I can run faster and longer, lift heavier weights, and push myself to go that extra mile but I have always been an active person with an athlete mindset. The bigger problem was getting myself in the right place mentally, learning to say no and learning to enjoy my healthy food without feeling deprived. I still want to eat the bad stuff but now the good stuff is my main focus. Eating out or having a cheat meal means that much more than eating pizza every week or having fast food for lunch, I celebrate those meals and savor the taste. Before I would eat so fast I didn’t even taste my food. I like having a routine, I work better knowing what I am going to have for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This helps me stay within my boundaries, and yes it can be very tedious and boring but it’s what works for me. Trying to make a different meal every time and trying to fit those different meals within my food boundaries stresses me out and then I end up going back to what I would eat before.  

The other big factor is my success is my family and the support they provide. I couldn’t do this if I didn’t have Heather to meet me at the gym,  Scott to remind me that cheating isn’t worth it. Today was the first time in a long time that I actually felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am hoping that light isn't a train but  I finally feel like I am doing something, that every pizza slice, cake slice,and hamburger patty I have turned down in the last two months is starting to show. I can see myself losing more weight, Hell I lost 20 pounds whats to stop me from losing the next 50 pounds that I plan on losing in order to reach my goal weight??!! I want to be proud of my body and I feel like that day is coming. Ok let me back up... I am proud of my body and the time and effort I have put in to changing my body but I want to be a different kind of proud. I want to be running in a sports bra, not wearing a cover up over my swim suit, wearing a string bikini kind of proud. 

weight loss inducing squeals

I stepped on the scale this morning and let out a very unlady like (very drunk sorority girl like) squeal…yes squeal. I have officially lost the vacation weight plus ½ pound! This brings the grand total to 19.5 pounds woo hoo!! And yes I wanted to go pee and lose the final ½ pound to round it out to 20 but I didn’t! I am hoping that it will be gone by the time I weigh in at the gym tonight or tomorrow morning. This means I am 3 pounds away from pizza, sweet saucy, cheesey, meat covered pizza. Moment of silence for the deliciousness…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Hopefully this weekend I will have a date with my hubby and a large pizza :)

I am starting to have some worries about actually eating the pizza, I don’t want to go up 6 pounds every weekend and spend every week trying to get it off. I know it will only be one meal and that the likely hood of me gaining six pounds from one meal is slim to none but I’m a girl so I have to over think everything. Maybe I will start pizza day with a nice long run to compensate for the calories.

Today I seem to have an unnatural focus on food and it seems like more than normal. I am not even that hungry but I just keep thinking about Taco Bell and looking at menus for different restaurants. I know that I am just torturing myself but sometimes it helps take the focus off of being hungry and I feel better looking at the bad stuff but still saying no. I know it sounds weird but I feel stronger afterwards, like I am building up a tolerance to the temptation.

Once I finish up at work I will head over to the gym for another round of punishment…

ps: Got on the scale after the gym and I am officially down 20.5 pounds....WAAAAA HOOOOOO

give an inch...take a carbohydrate

I got up this morning will all the resolve in the world. I had a stern talking to with myself and I explained that there would be no more just testing food, no more “quality control”, no more cheat days, no more alcohol, no more slacking on my runs, and no more listening to my starved, deprived, whiny inner fat kid. I am still standing strong but my will power is wavering. This morning I made my breakfast of three egg whites with ½ an avocado, forgot to put garlic salt on it, didn’t cook it all the way in my haste to eat, and packed a spoon instead of a fork. This is what happens when you take a few days off from preparing your food. So now I am hungry because I couldn’t eat runny egg whites with no taste and the frustration of eating with a spoon. This is making it really hard not to cheat… I have a bowl of tomato soup in my desk that just keeps calling my name. Somebody in the office is also eating popcorn so the smell of that combined with my hunger and lack of food is killing me. The only thing that is holding me back is my lack of weight loss last week, it was obvious that I didn’t eat as well or run as hard as I should of.

I am the epitome of give an inch, take a mile. If I give myself any kind of wiggle room then I can rationalize eating whatever I want. I think the downhill started with the office potluck on Friday and ended with a burger Saturday night. I started to gain back some control on Sunday and I had a chicken veggie bowl for lunch and chicken salad (no mayo) for dinner. My work outs were ok, Saturday we went to go run the mountain but we only made one trip before my stomach started acting up and heather got light headed. Sunday we kicked the poop out ourselves with my new favorite Spartan WOD (it takes up quite a bit of time but it’s worth it). I ended up sweaty, out of breath, and much happier with myself.

Pray for me this week as I try to tackle the inner fat kid… He is armed with waffle fries and self doubt(a killer combination) but I am armed with loose fitting pants and the will to enjoy chicken and salad.

Spartan WOD

50 body weight squats

15 burpees

50 lunges (25 each leg)

25 sit ups

15 push ups

25 jumping jacks

1 minute plank

20 kettle bell swings

Repeat 1-12 times (we have only made it to 5)

3-5 mile run

Laurens super awesome healthy delicious Chicken salad J

1 grilled chicken breast (chopped up or shredded)

¼  cup red bell pepper, chopped

¼ cup onion (more or less for your preferences)

1 tbls feta

½ avocado mashed up (should be the consistency of guacamole)

Garlic salt (to taste)

Lemon juice (to taste)

Ok here is a little back story on how the chicken salad came to be….last week I was making dinner and I wanted anything but 3 cups of lettuce with a side of grilled chicken (not that it’s not delicious but variety is the spice of life!). I was making Scott an egg salad sandwich for dinner and I was thinking about how good a chicken salad sandwich sounded while also grumbling to myself about the lack of mayonnaise in my diet. So I decided to try and make up a healthy chicken salad with no mayo, no bread, and a whole lot of taste. I took the avocado and mashed it up like I would guacamole, added some garlic salt, chopped up the remaining ingredients and mixed it all together. It was easy, healthy, delicious, and most important it was filling. I liked it so much that I have made it for dinner 5 nights in a row J it would be better with a whole wheat pita to scoop up all the deliciousness but I made do with a spoon.

36 hours...6 pounds

I survived vacation.. well I kind of survived vacation. My liver still refuses to talk to me much less process any more alcohol. I gained a good 6 pounds in California then came back for a week, lost the 6 pounds, went to Texas and found out that those sneaky bastards were hiding in Texas!! So the 6 pounds found me again. I’ve already lost 3 of them and I am hoping the lose the rest by Sunday (the the pizza countdown officially begins!). I had a fantastic 36 hours in Texas, I earned every one of those 6 pounds. There were piles of homemade mexican food (nobody can cook like my family), 4 pounds of beans, copious amounts of alcohol, jello shots, no sleep, laughing, crying, yelling(not in a bad way that’s just how we prefer to communicate),champagne at breakfast, staying up until 2 am, whataburger, bull riding, chris cagle, and again… a lot of alcohol Whew I am tired just thinking about it. I did get up and run 3 miles on Sunday before the party started again but it was a slow run and it was a painfull run. I thought the heat here was bad,its nothing compared to the heat and humidity at 10 am in Texas. So now I am back, back to the real world, real salad, and real cravings. I have done ok this week, I had a couple week moments but I always got right back on track. Workouts have been hard but nothing out of the ordinary. We are going to do a big mountain run on Saturday if you would like to join me and heather just let me know (TBird mtn H3 trail at 4:30am). I have 6 more pounds until I let myself have pizza.I am craving it all day everyday now its been almost 2 monthsmonths since the last time I had pizza. I think I want to go all out and go to Grimaldis or possibly Barros. I have days that are mentally worse than others. Days where I want to give up and eat whatever I want and days where me and my metabolism can conquer anything. As always its ups…downs… andpizza filled pot holes

Do they give medal's for turning down deliciously bad food?

Saturday morning I went hiking/running/crawling/dying with my partner in crime Heather. It was brutal but it was a fantastic workout, so great in fact we decided to run it twice. It wasn't  the smartest idea we have ever had but it burned a shit ton of calories and I felt less guilty about my cheat meal. I am still sore from the run, I feel like somebody beat me with a stick all over my body. Today was better but yesterday I was dying. Today we did another Spartan Workout of the Day, brutal but efficient.

3-5 mile run
50-200 body weight squats
50-100 push ups
4 minute plank
50-200 lunges
10-50 burpees
50-200 crunches

(We did the max but broke it into to sets)

I started to hop on the pity train this weekend. I wanted to eat like a normal person and not feel guilty or have to run 7 miles in order to eat a 540 calorie breakfast with GASP...CARBS!!! but before the pity train could derail my healthy lifestyle into the intersection of pizza boulevard and fried cheese corner I tried to remember that eating what I wanted wasn't going to get me where I wanted to be. There are days that I have to remember what exactly it is that I want, why I want it, and what I am willing to do to get there. Every day its almost the same thing. I eat breakfast, then I am hungry and I think about lunch and how far away 11 am is, then I eat lunch, then I think about kit kat bars and dr. pepper, then I go workout, then I come home spend time with the hubby and kill a giant salad. I always realize after the meal that eating healthy wasn't that bad, I don't ever regret having a salad but I know that I would have regretted eating a pizza.

Last Thursday I went to BJ's brewery for one of my friends Birthday dinner... You don't know how strong you are until you stare down a party plater of pizzouki (hot melty giant cookie topped with ice cream) I actually had to get up and pretend to go to the bathroom where I had a stern talking to myself. I felt like a deserved a medal of honor after I stared down the cookie but that may be slightly over dramatic......

Hump Day

We officially started this journey two weeks ago on June 12 since then I have lost 14 lbs and Heather has lost 21lbs total! How bad ass is that?!

I still have this week and next week before I leave for California and I am determined to look halfway decent in a bathing suit by then. I want to lay on the beach, get a tan, hang out with one of my best friends, and possibly enjoy a few adult beverages. I will not be “dieting” on this vacation but I will try and eat in moderation most of the time. Its only two days but I know I can do a lot of damage in those two days! I am looking forward to Carbs…Sweet, sweet, delicious, tasty carbs. If I can talk Amy into I want to go to Hash House a Go Go they have the best breakfast and amazing coffee, if I am going to cheat that is the place to do it!

After I go to California I go back to work for a week and then we fly out to Texas to go see my family. I am so excited I can barely stand it! I get to spend time with my Aunts/Uncles/Cousins/Grandparents/Mom and Hubby. Plus Scott has never been to Texas to visit my family so that should be an experience! But again it will be a fight to stay on track. I won’t be dieting but I will be watching myself very closely, I have a feeling most of the calories are going to come from the adult beverages.

Today went good. I still feel guilty that I didn't get up and run this morning but I was so cranky and tired last night that I took the extra 15 minutes of sleep for a mental break. I ran tonight to make up for the extra sleep this morning and really tried to push myself hard. I did 4 minutes at 7mph and then 1 minute at 5 mph pace for 30 minutes. I ran just over 3 miles in that time and I was breathing pretty hard when I got off the treadmill. We then did our Bosu ball work out, we upped our weights to 20's and 15 lb dumbells. That sucked big time, the 25's killed me. I am still sore from my workout on Monday so that made today and yesterday even harder. 

I am still staying in my boundaries with food and even though some days I would kill for a piece of toast or give up my first born for a piece of french toast...nom nom nom. OK food day dreams are done, I am going to bed where I can dream of pizza, cold beer, and snickers bars (I still want that damn snickers bar from the work candy drawer)

Happy Hump Day!! Eat a Salad, Drink some Water, and pretend that Filibertos doesn't taste or sound good! 

Who wants to invest in a children/donut farm? Any takers??

Todays battle against the fat kid was laced with bagels, donuts, chick fila, soda, diabetes, and a whole herd of children ranging in ages. Let me back up and explain so you don't think I run a child farm where I raise donuts for profit (A deliciously creepy idea...the donuts are delicious not the kids... crap... ok I'm stopping now). Today was take your kid to work day because who doesn't love screaming children running around the office jacked up on Mountain Dew and chicken nuggets? Ok that came out too mean, the kids were very well behaved and it was fun to watch them call and ask people for money... But because we had kids running around today, Sunstate had a catered lunch for all the kids and their parents (this is where the chick fila comes in). They brought in Chick Fila which is one of my favorites! There were platters of chicken nuggets, chicken sandwiches, and waffle fries... And that was just lunch! When I got to work there were fresh, warm, Einstein bagels with cream cheese and I could smell them from my desk! I had just finished making it through the bagel gauntlet when all of a sudden our receptionist is at my desk with donut holes from dunkin donuts!! Yes I did notice the excessive use of exclamation points in the last few sentences but seriously?! bagels, donuts, and chick fila!!!!!! Well I took my scroogness and bah humbugged myself right outside for lunch by myself in the heat just so I could eat my grilled chicken and salad in peace and without the smell of chick fila enticing me into cheating. So HA! take that delicious food

Workouts have been food, I slept through two alarms on Thursday so I had to get my lazy but out of bed this morning and go run. I tried to pick up my pace and made it a little bit farther today. It can be frustrating to go to the gym and run 3 miles in under 30 minutes but then go outside and barely make it past 2 miles in the same amount of time. Diet has been good too, lots of salads, egg whites, and chicken. I have to spice my foods up because I just cannot eat plain lettuce, plain chicken, and plain egg whites every day. Breakfast is 3 egg whites, 1/2 avocado, and sometimes I will add some homemade green salsa for an extra kick. Lunch is usually very plain, salad with grilled chicken leftover from the night before but I started marinating the chicken . Dinner is grilled chicken with salad. My dinner salad is more elaborate than just lettuce, I use spring mix and top it with bell peppers, avocado, reduced fat feta, and lemon juice for dressing. Today I just could not eat another salad for dinner so I made more egg whites with avocado and salsa but I did have some grilled chicken with it.

I also want to thank everybody for the amazing outpouring of support! You have no idea how awesome it is to hear from friends from high school that I haven't talked to in years. Just to pop in and say hi makes me feel like what I am doing is worth it... My family has been amazing as well. To hear that my sister in law has started running, or that Heather has lost 20 pounds (Can I get a hell ya?!) my mother in law is even making me salad with chicken for dinner on Monday! My parents follow me and call me to tell me that they really liked the blog, my grandparents read it and I couldn't do any of this without my husband who stands by me and eats salad every night with a smile on his face just so I won't be tempted to cheat. With a support system like that I can't fail!

11 pounds down! take that kick to the teeth fatty....

Happy Saturday

I made it through the week...by the skin of my teeth, but I made it! In four days I lost 7 pounds!!!
 HOLY SHIT!

It's amazing how eating right and cutting the crap out of my diet helps ha ha. We went out to dinner last night and because I didn't want to go all crazy on food and end up rolling around in a bed of pizza we went to Pita Jungle. They have plenty of healthy options (plus some deliciously bad options if you're in the mood) and I managed to stay on track even out at a restaurant. I had a greek salad (romaine, tomatoes, cucumber, red onion, feta) with dressing on the side and I asked for grilled chicken on top for some extra protein. It was really good and it filled me up. According to my calorie tracker it was around 700 calories but that still brought me in under my calorie goal for the day.

Today I got up early and went for my 50 minute run, I wanted to get up and out the door before my body had a chance to say.."HEY! oh HELL NO! get back in bed and snuggle with your pillows and dogs right now! Don't you know its Saturday??!!"  I ended up running 4.2 miles in 50 minutes which is around a 12 minute pace. I really need to get my mile times down before fall. I really want to run my half in 2 hours or under. Realistically I would be happy with just running faster than my first 1/2 marathon (2:35) but I need to prove to myself how far I have come and how far I can go. Maybe one day I will even enjoy running...


Today I am hanging out with my sister in law and we have a big day planned :) golfing, wet n wild, and carbs... WHOA GET CRAZY!

Happy Saturday Everyone

pizzapocalypse 2012

Today was day 3 of eating right and marathon/mudder training. I am still feeling the effects of detoxing, I am very very very tired and I am constantly hungry. I did my 3 30 minute runs and evening lifting sessions with Heather and I stayed on track with my diet. Today was a struggle, it was the pizza apocalypse of 2012. If you have ever read my blog before then you know that I have an unhealthy relationship with pizza, it's my favorite food. Today at work my boss decided to buy the department lunch and of course they HAD to order pizza! So there I am sitting at my desk nodding along with everyone thinking  "it's cool I got this! I will just eat my salad and stay away." 11:00 came and I ran to the break room to eat the food I had been thinking about from the moment I finished my breakfast. But to my horror I had forgotten to pack a new bag of salad, so I had 1/2 cup lettuce and a chicken breast. I tried to make it last as long as I could and gulp my water in between and that lasted about 2 minutes. Dawna felt so bad for me that she gave me one of her string cheese which I also devoured. We sat outside for an hour eating lunch as I silently prayed that all the pizza would be gone when we went back inside, but no that would be too easy...I walk inside, go back to my desk and realize that the leftover pizza is sitting on the cabinet that is right in front of my desk. I can smell it, I can imagine it how it tastes, and I want to rub my face in it (yes i know how creepy that sounds). So most of my afternoon was spent trying to talk myself out of pizza. I had one very weak moment and as soon as I realized it was going in the break room to be put away I went to go sneak a piece.I argued with myself the entire way but I was hungry and looking forward to eating my feelings in shame by myself. But the fates were working against me and there were other people in the break room so I acted like I just needed to fill my water bottle and went back to my desk. After that moment I really realized the power food has over me and how important it is that I find the ability to say no to 1 piece of pizza. The rest of the afternoon went smoother and I didn't try and sneak anymore pizza.

After surviving the pizzapocalypse 2012 I went to the gym and we did the tough mudder workout, sat in the steam room, and weighed ourselves. I am so proud of my sister in law for losing the weight and sticking to our diet plan. It's weird that we both smile now when we get off the scale. It makes me realize how bad we were eating before, we aren't working out any harder but the weight is falling off. No processed foods, no sugar, and no caffeine. I made a salad for dinner with spring mix, avocado, bell peppers, chicken, and lemon juice for dressing.

I found a picture today that really made me think and it pushed my to get through the rest of my day...

" If you are tired of starting over, STOP giving up"

I hope everyone has a great weekend/fathers day, I will pray to the food gods for strength against carbs and fat :)

The Joys of Detox

Day 1 is always fun. I have a throbbing headache, I am hungry, and I am very cranky. BUT!! I did get up and run this morning and I did go to the gym when I got home from work. Today’s foods have included Egg whites with avocado and a light sprinking of cheese, grilled chicken breast leftover squash and salad for lunch, dinner will be grilled chicken and salad again. I need to do this to prove to myself that I can, I don’t have to give in every time I think I am hungry. I have been drinking green tea to make up for being so hungry, the caffeine withdrawal, and the sugar withdrawal.  YAY DETOXING!!! I didn’t think it would be so hard to give up coffee! This is a sign that I need to cut back on the coffee, I usually have about a cup a day but I think it will be a weekend only drink from now on. However   because I am not drinking coffee I am also very very tired. That could be because I was up at 4:30 this morning, or the lack of sugar and caffeine... 

I really need to work on being uncomfortable and being in pain... not the oh dear god I think I just tore something kind of pain but the oh dear god I can't breathe and my legs are jello kind of pain. I always run until it gets hard and then I walk. As soon as my calves start to cramp or I start wheezing I immediately go to grab the side rails on the treadmill, I step to the sides, or slow all the way down to a walk. Of course I tell myself its because my Pandora just skipped and I don't have the balance to fix it while I run, or I need a drink of water and heaven knows I can't run and drink at the same time! That's crazy talk!! Either way I end up not pushing myself as hard as I could. This week I started talking to myself while I run (not in a crazy person talking to the voices kind of way) I just try to keep reminding myself to keep going, work through the paid, you can do it!*

So now its 8pm and I am going to bed... I wish that was just because I am so tired from working out but I really just like sleeping and I function better on old people hours :) 

* That is censored version of what I tell myself, what I actually tell myself would make a football coach blush...

Roasted Summer Squash

I needed a new veggie to eat for dinner, I was tired of salad every night so we tried a new recipe. Turned out great, it's healthy  and easy to make so win-win. 

4 squash ( I used 2 green and 2 yellow)

1Tbls of extra light olive oil

2 Tbls fresh pesto 

salt and pepper to taste

pre heat the oven to 500 degrees

cut the squash into 1 inch chunks

toss in the olive oil until coated

place on a cookie sheet and into the oven

let roast for 5-7 minutes

turn over and roast for another 5-7 miuntes until slightly browned and tender

take out of the oven and toss with the pesto and salt/pepper

Enjoy!! 

Where's the re-set button on this thing?

The first week of marathon training is done, we did 3-30 minute runs during the week and 1-50 minute run on the weekend. The 30 minute runs were done inside on a treadmill averaging 9-10 minute miles. Saturday I decided that I would run outside. My alarm went off at 5:15am and after I hit the snooze button 5 or 6 times I made it out the door by 5:45. I ran, walked, cried, cursed the running gods and made it back home in 47 minutes running 3.65 miles. Not my best run...I have been spending too much time inside on the treadmill and depending on the treadmill to propel me forward. We decided to alter the marathon training and stay on last weeks training schedule until we are able to run 50 minutes at race pace. This means that starting this week I have to get my lazy butt out of bed, put my running shoes on, and start running. Even as I write this I am regretting this decision. I like my sleep and the extra 30 minutes I get in bed being lazy now that I work out at night. I will still continue to work out at night but Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I will have to get up and run.

Today we did the Spartan race Workout of the Day... It sucked. But as the gym manager pointed out when we were leaving "You are sweaty and out of breath, must have been a good workout!" 

I know you are all dying to know what the Spartan WOD was and I won't hold you in suspense any longer. 

Behold the Horribleness we subjected ourselves to ( It's not that bad but I am feeling slightly over dramatic today)

10 burpees                             *** we are not cool enough to run 1 mile in between 10 sets

10 Pushups

20 Lunges                               ***We are cool enough to run 1/2 miles in between 5 sets

1/4-1mile run 

3-10 times 

We then proceeded to the pull up/dip machine congratulating ourselves in between breaths and showed our muscles to each other (Yes we are those people, shut the hell up) then followed up with abs. 

We also decided that the rest of the week would be filled with Egg Whites, grilled chicken, and green veggies. We have been eating so bad lately that I felt like a needed to hit the re-start button and get my mind used to saying no, walking away from the donuts, and staying on track. Salads have been purchased, chicken has been grilled, and I am looking forward to my egg white and avocado omelet. 

Scott has been reluctantly dragged into this with me but like the awesome husband that he is, he ate his grilled chicken and squash with a smile. 

it's more of a waddle...

I am leaving for San Diego in about 5 weeks, it will be a girls weekend with one of my best friends as the boys go off to Colorado to do boy stuff (grunt, scratch themselves, drink beer, and climb mountains). This means I will be in a swimsuit…on a beach… in PUBLIC. Operation eat rabbit food and drink green tea is officially in motion!! The next few weeks will be tough. I am going to be hungry, angry, starving but dammit if I won’t look decent on a beach by July! I am still working out with my sister in law almost every afternoon after work. We do a combo cardio/strength workout to get ready for the Tough Mudder Race and what we originally planned to be a half marathon. After reading everyone’s posts last weekend about the San Diego rock and roll marathon I decided that it was time to really give myself something to cry over. I decided that I would run my first (and probably last) full marathon in 2013. And then I immediately wished I could take the words thathad just spewed out of my mouth right back. I can’t run a marathon!! I am overweight, 25, and not a runner. Yes I can run, yes I have run 2 half marathons but in no way shape or form does that make me a runner. I am more of a waddler if anything… But I said I would do it (Scott heard me say it, no backing out now) and I have recruited my sister in law to join me. So every day in addition to our normal strength routine we have added the 16 week marathon training program. This involves 3 light to moderate running days during the week and one long run on the weekends. This week we did 3 30 min runs and on Saturday we will do a 50 minute run. I am hoping to stay in the 12 minute range for the marathon and A: just finish B: not die and C: finish AROUND 5 hours. I don’t think that is asking too much! The longest I will run before the marathon is 18miles...bleh!! And to be honest that scares the crap out of me! 18 miles???!!! Oh hell. I’m not even going to think about the 26.2 until I can think about 18 miles without wanting to puke or cry.

I can make FOOD (an inanimate object) feel uncomfortable...

The best way to describe how I feel about food is that it is a battle, every day, every meal, every workout, every moment of every day. Yes that may be slightly over dramatic but that is how it feels. Every day I wake up I want a Cinnabon extra large cinnamon roll, doesn’t matter that an egg white omelet is delicious or that a bowl of fruit will fill me up, I still want what I can’t have. The devil foods cake on one shoulder and the angel on the other, eat the cake, don’t eat the cake, eat the pizza, have a banana, watch greys anatomy in your sweat pants with Ben and Jerry, go for a run…etc etc

Today I had oatmeal for breakfast (150 cal) with 2 cups of coffee and by 10 am I was starving. I know, how can I be “starving” 3 hours after breakfast? No idea but I would have killed a box of krispy kremes if they were in front of me, I would have been crying in a corner as I ate them but I still would have destroyed them.  But because we didn’t have any krispy kremes or any other bad choices free and available, I went and got the apple I packed for lunch. Woofed that down and then tried to imagine that I wasn’t still hungry…well that dream lasted about 30 seconds before I was back in the lunch room working my way through my lunch. I had a piece of the left over pizza from last night (calm down people I made it at home with whole wheat crust, skim mozzarella, and turkey pepperoni) I was planning on eating it with my lunch but that was in the dream life where I eat only what I’m supposed to when I’m supposed to. I finished that and I was at least able to hold off on eating lunch for a few more minutes. 10:35 hit and I was in the lunch room creating a salad of epic proportions (not really but I like to build it up in my mind to make myself feel better) it was just a bag of premade salad, feta cheese, and light balsamic dressing on the side; healthy, delicious, low calorie, and filling. So the battle against the fat kid is over at least for now, I will have to gear up again for dinner and then tonight when we take my boss out for retirement drinks. I am still working on building up an arsenal against the fat kid, right now it includes Scott(very persuasive when it comes to talking me down the from the pizza ledge), the gym (where I go to clear my head of all the negative thoughts), the mudder (because jiggly fat arms will not help pull myself up a 20ft wall), and good old fashioned catholic guilt.

Side note:

 I stared down a serving of sweet and sour chicken today… I could have motor boated the chicken, stuck my face right in it and devoured its deliciousness. But I didn’t, I wanted to, I still want to but I am going to stay strong. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. You don’t want chicken, your don’t want delicious sweet and sour chicken, you don’t want amazing Chinese food… ok dammit that’s not working. Lauren you don’t want chicken that is going to go right to your ass and never leave, you don’t want to have to go to the gym on your rest day, you don’t want to have to add an extra mile to your run tomorrow. Ok slightly better, at least it’s not my main focus anymore. Mmmmm chicken

Fat Kid Update

It’s May almost June and 9 months since I first started down the road to a healthier life style. The road has been filled with ups and downs, bumps, pot holes, and Pizza. I am not where or who I wanted to be and my weight has been all over the place but I am still working on myself. You may be asking yourself (probably not, but I can dream)  Hey why hasn’t Lauren blogged lately about her fascinating, relatable, HILLARIOUS struggle with weight loss? Well fans of the fat kid I have mostly been distracted by eating, more eating, a little bit of life, and a whole lot of self pity. I let myself feel bad and pretend that eating whatever I wanted wouldn’t have a negative effect on my health, mind or general well being. Unfortunately it did have an effect, mostly on my pant size, my sense of self worth, and my happiness. I know a number on a scale shouldn’t decide whether or not I am happy and it doesn’t entirely rule how I feel but it does affect me.  And when I’m not happy that creates a ripple effect to my friends and family. I don’t want to say that I’m not happy, because I am. I have an amazing husband, 3 “kids”, a great job, and a great family but I don’t think I am as happy as I could be and my weight is the difference. So no more self pity, loathing, or general whining (which I am REALLY good at)

So what has the fat kid been up to?

 Hmmm well the new job is going great, love the company and the lower stress levels. I don’t love the snack drawer that I swear calls my name… Lauren eat more snickers… Lauren there is peanut butter in here…Lauren the one thing you are missing is a bag of buttered popcorn…Lauren I can hear your pants button popping off from here….

I decided to run in the 2013 AZ Tough Mudder, I am 100% sure that this is a terrible idea that I will regret the moment I reach the electric eel

(a “fun” little obstacle where you crawl through water and try to avoid the hanging live wires)  Luckily I will have a support team with me to help shove my ass into the obstacles when I try to back out. Scott, Heather, and Chris L. have all agreed to run, because we are idiots and enjoy different forms of torture on cold ass Sunday mornings in February.  I will also be running my 3^rd half marathon in January at Disneyland, if I can afford it I will also run the women’s half in November and PF changes in January. If..IF I accomplish all of this in a reasonable manner, with only minor injuries then my next goal will be to run a full marathon.

I still try to take each day one at a time, focus on making it through one meal without extra layer of fat to my ass or blocking an artery. We are a lot better at what kind of food we make at home, and not going out as much. We are each other support systems, last night Scott wanted Dairy Queen but I smashed that dream into the ground like a bug, today I wanted a snickers bar (Damn snack drawer) but all Scott had to say was dairy queen and I understood, paybacks a bitch but I understood. The craving will pass and I will be much happier knowing that I didn’t eat the snickers. At least that’s what I keep telling myself, I still want the F@*^ing snickers bar….

Workouts have been going good; I meet Heather at the gym 5-6 days a week. We do some kind of run ranging in time (10-60min) miles (1-5) and intensity (sprints/ hills/pace). The run is followed by a strength circuit, sometimes we do the mudder workout, or Scott writes a program, or we find it in books. Mile times are slowing coming down; I can now keep a 10min mile pace for around 1 hour.  Working out with somebody has made the biggest difference, I don’t hate or loathe going to the gym like I did before. I like getting to spend time with Heather and we push each other to lift more and not bitch out or whine…mostly because we are both scared shitless of Tough Mudder.

If you receive a text/call/email/twitter from me about what bad food I am craving tell me to cram it and go run.

Is fist pumping a workout?

Today is the first day in the past month or so that I feel like I actually have something to say. Writing isn't always easy for me and I have spent the past two months feeling sorry for myself and letting myself go back where I never thought I would be again. But today I have something to say, the inner skinny kid wants to fight back so I am letting him have his say. Its time to stop calling it my inner fat kid, I have an outer fat kid and an inner skinny kid. I am overweight, out of shape, and just plain tired. The skinny kid is fighting to get out and I keep beating him back down (its's really not hard to do, he is easily pursuaded by pizza)

So here is an update as to what I have been up to....
1. started a new job, its a great job and I love what I am doing. My stress level is way down, I am home at night, and I get to spend a lot more time with my family. However I not as active as I was before, I spend most of my day in a office chair except for the 30 min or so I go out and walk during lunch. Office life is different, I used to be around people that were in fairly decent shape. There were definitely a lot of people on the ambulance who weren't in shape unless you count round as a shape but they could lift a gurney or a patient when it came down to it. I always looked at the patients and thought how much I did not want to be like them but there is a disconnect when you are the EMT and they are the patient. You don't put yourself in the same category as them, you are better then them, you are healthier, you are younger, etc etc. But now that I work in the office I am one of them, there is no separation of healthy and sick or young and old. We are just all office staff. More than half of the office has type 2 diabetes, there are a couple with pancreatitis, and more than a few who are setting up for a major cardiac event. I am right there with them, not as far along the track but I am getting there. You would think that this would have made me want to eat lettuce and water but I have had a free for all lately.

2. I have gained back some of the weight I lost not a lot, mostly muscle tone. I am trying to get back into going to the gym after work. Now that I have more time I don't have any excuse not to go.

3. I have been trying to work on my coping skills for stress, and anger. I realized that I have been channeling a lot of those things into what I am eating. Bad day at work? eat a donut. Mad because you gained weight? Have a beer! Saying NO! is the hardest part. I can make the right food, and study work out guides until my eyes cross but it doesn't do any good If I don't put the work in.
So now its time to put in some work, some really hard, fist pumping, oatmeal eating, weight lifting work. I am not sure where the fist pumping comes into  place but it just felt right. ANNNND in the spirit of complete honesty....here is my horrible diet diary, not so bad workout diary, and my steps according to my pedometer

Breakfast- bfast sandwhich(crossiant, cheese, ham, egg) fruit bowl
lunch- ft long turkey sandwhich on wheat, no cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayo mustard onion oil vinegar salt pepper
snack- crunch bar
predinner snack- hummus with whole wheat pita
Dinner - whole wheat spaghetti with heart smart sauce and chicken sausage

workout- squats with 40lb rack, push ups, seated row, step ups, physioball curls, 10 min walk 4.0 speed, 5% incline

Pedometer: 10,674 steps (anything over 10k is good)