The Fat Kid has Moves....

OK, confession time.
.
I just destroyed..DE-wait for it-STROYED a plate of turkey spinach enchiladas.

and.... I/the inner fat kid enjoyed it.  Yes, you heard right. I stuck my face in a plate of gooey gooey goodness and didn't come up for a breath. Actually I even ate by myself because I didn't even wait for Scott... That kind of hunger only comes around 87 times a day. The fat kid was dancing and eating, and dancing and eating, and then he choked a little bit on a tomato but recovered quickly and continued dancing.  The good news is these enchiladas are filled with a mix of good and bad like spinach, ground turkey, cream cheese, shredded cheese, and tomatoes. Bad news is I ate a plate full of them. Yep. And you know what?! I am not going to feel bad or apologize for it because I have worked my ass off this week, and get one cheat meal. So there!

yeah that sounds like rationalizing.

whelp. That's all I have for tonight...

lets review.

A: I ate a lot of food tonight
B: it was my cheat meal
C: I haven't decided If I feel guilty or if I am still basking in a glow of cheese and sour cream
D: I am still hungry and trying desperately not to be
E: the fat kid has moves
F: I still want a churro.


Good Night Everybody   :)

Just because I can.

I have opened and closed this page 2 or 3 times tonight. I thought of things I wanted to say, I thought of things I couldn't say, I thought of things I shouldn't want to say... But at the end of the day nothing sounded right so here you go. A little bit of motivation... 

pull that doughnut out of your mouth, put down the slice of pizza and go to the gym! 

Life Goals and Ricky Bobby.... Yep.

I bought bike today, and by bought a bike I mean I smiled at my husband as he handed over the credit card...also on an unrelated note we are eating top ramen for the next year.

This is a big step in my training, it means I can go outside!! away from the spin bikes and the spawn of Satan spin instructors.  I will now join the ranks of bike gangs you see roaming the streets around 5:30 in the morning.... Not like hells angels bike gangs but packs of idiots in spandex, clogs, and butt cream. I even have a helmet! (nothing funny about brain damage, folks!)

Tomorrow I will do my first ride (not including my ride around the neighborhood this afternoon when I learned how to use my gears and yelled "I wanna go fast!" repeatedly). We are going to do the race course to get a better idea of how long it will take me and how many donuts I need to replace my energy afterwards...I have timed my swim, I have a general idea of how fast I can run, and once we do this I will have a general idea of how long it will take me to finish the sprint tri. I know what time I want to finish in but I won't know if that is a realistic goal until after tomorrow.

Lauren's Realistic Goals:
Eating a whole pizza faster that Scott
Eating a churro in every "land" at Disneyland

Lauren's maybe realistic/maybe far fetched/maybe I just need to shut up and do it... Goals:
Finish a spint/olympic/half ironman
Run a marathon at Disneyworld
Swim the Alcatraz challenge
Eat a churro in every "land" at Disneyland

Have a great weekend everyone!

Fat Pants and Drunken Sorority Girl Brawls.

I am in a rut. I am not sure if it’s actually a rut if you are in the same “rut” for 6+ months… It might have been upgraded to a habit or lifestyle. Either way I need to get out of it, I need to refocus but I feel like I just don’t know how anymore. I have no idea how I made a decision last year, stuck with it, and ended up losing 30 pounds. Those Mf’ers are back and I want  need to get rid of them again. Fa Reals, Forever, good bye, adios, get the hell out of here and take my fat pants with you GONE. Saying one thing and making it sound special and pretty its great and all but the question is, can I do it? can I say no? can I push away pies, doughnuts, bean burritos, and pizza? Can I push my needs to the forefront and shove my stomachs wants to the back burner? I know I just need to have faith in myself, push myself, and tell the my stomach, my doubts, and the pizza guy to F*&k OFF! (sorry pizza guy, it’s not your fault. Please don’t spit in my cheat meal)

 

I did it before, I can do it again…right? RIGHT?! Hells yes I can… I think. Shit. I can do it! If Gabrielle Iglesias can say no to a few tacos then so can I!

 

Good Lord, my mind really goes off into a weird place sometimes. I just went back and re-read that sentence. Welcome to the upside down, chaotic, hungry world my brain lives in…

 

Ok so I will do it again! I will keep it off! I will say no! I will not go into the break room when they have doughnuts, and BBQ, and Chick Fila. I will cut down my caffeine! I will start prepping my foods again. If my stomach doesn’t like it then it can get the hell out! I will go to the gym and I won’t leave until I am the crying, sweating , sore, can’t breathe mess of a person. No more wussing out on workouts or leaving early. Me and my body are numero uno (tied for first with my family). No more “easy” meals, it takes just as much time to make a salad and grill some chicken as it does to make egg burritos. I will remember that enjoying restaurants does not revolve entirely around the food but the company. I do not deserve anything, I must work for my cheat meals and days of rest. I don’t need pizza. I do need to run. Working out is a privilege that is denied to many, quit taking it for granted. And when my stomach gets in a drunken sorority girl type brawl with my mind over what I am going to eat I will not let the hair pulling, nail scratching, and screaming deter me from my salad. SO THERE.

Some ramdom motivation for everyone!

Short Lived Moments of Greatness with a few random thoughts on Life, running, and Pizza tossed in.

 I ran my first race since the marathon yesterday. 14.12 miles (they measured the course wrong) of up and down mountain terrain, it was the most challenging half marathon I have run to date (that did not include electrocution). But I had a great time doing it! Beautiful scenery, well organized race, and plentiful aid stations.  I went into the race for the enjoyment of running and knowing full well that this would not be a PR race for me. My training has not been the best and I really do not have the urge to break any speed records. I averaged a 12:50 pace and came in at 3 hours, slow but considering I walked the back half of the race, I will take it! the second  6.5 miles were up hill on a uneven dirt road, this portion of the race KICKED. MY. ASS.  I couldn't breathe, I couldn't feel my quads, and the only thing that kept me going was the fact that an 80 year old man (Who I had passed on the way down) was quickly passing me and eventually put so much distance between us that I lost him. We were at 5k-6k feet and the elevation coupled with the uphill just crushed me, I still have a cough today from the lack of oxygen in the air. I also ran with Scott, Stacey, and Heather... my partners in idiocy.

So since I had 3 hours to kill I had a lot of time to think and try to take my mind off of running and knee pain. Here is a quick list of random thoughts that go through my head while running.

1. I am hungry
2. I should eat
3. What should I eat
4. I am running 13 miles, I can eat whatever I want
5. Pizza, definitely pizza
6. How much pizza
7. A whole one (and if you think I mean a whole slice, A. welcome to my blog, B. you're adorable)
8. Where can I get pizza at 9 am
9. Oh hey, there is my tendinitis. I didn't miss you.
10.This feels like longer than 13.1 miles

I also wore my Blerch shirt from The Oatmeal ( if you are a runner and you don't know what the oatmeal is, I recommend googling the oatmeal, long distance running. You're Welcome.) and I had a few people come up and compliment my shirt and ask me if I ran into the wall.... But I do not believe in the wall! (this will make a whole lot more sense if you read the oatmeal, http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running, go ahead I will wait.
.
.
.
.
.
See?! now you understand the awesomness and the Blerch.
So anyways, I wore my Blerch shirt and I had this fleeting moment of awesomness... I had a lady come up to me and start frantically pointing at my shirt, I was wearing my headphones and jamming out to NKOTB so I am not entirely sure how long she was doing this for but I finally pulled my headphones out and tried to understand what she was saying and make sure she wasn't having a seizure. She told me she loved my shirt and loves that blog, here is how that conversation went

her: I love your shirt, I read that blog all the time!
me: Thanks!, yeah I love the Oatmeal!
Her: the what?
me:


The oatmeal, its the website where I got this shirt and the guy who originally wrote about the Blerch!

Her: Oh, no I read it on some lady's blog.
Me: (inner voice) Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. I have just met a complete stranger that reads my blog!
Me: (Actual voice) Really?! what is the name of it??
Her: Oh, I can't remember
Me. Oh. Does it have something to do with a Fat Kid?
Her: No, no. that's not it.
Me: Ok Byeeeeee, gotta run


I got so momentarily excited, I finally found that runners high that all those crack pot ultra marathoners talk about but it was quickly shot down. At this point I picked up my pace so I could get out of distance and stop to giggle like an idiot at myself.
So all it all it was a good race, I did not eat pizza but I did make a waiter at red lobster uncomfortable with the amount of cheddar bay bisuits and endless shrimp I put away.

Have a great weekend everyone, beat down those fat kids (Inner! Inner fat kids! Don't go abusing children with glandular problems!)

Don't judge.

It's only 1 tablespoon and I am starving... DONT JUDGE :)




You can also now follow the fat kid on twitter as I awkardly try to narate my batlles, play by play, against the fat kid. It's not pretty but you can't say I didn't warn you!

@bdmyinnerfatkid

#beatingdownmyinnerfatkid
#stillnotsureimdoingthisright

 

Woooo Saaaah

I worry way too much, I stress, I create imaginary situations that may or may not happen but have not happened yet and I worry about that. I worry about anything I can worry about. It’s not my best quality but I have also found its part of what makes me, me. It’s why I push myself harder to be the best I can be, it’s what keeps me going when all I want to do is take a nap. Today is one of those days, I am just dragging ass. I can’t drink enough coffee to keep my eyes open and my give a shit is broken. I know I just need to get through the day, go home, make dinner, and just relax. Maybe go for a run to help decompress and come back tomorrow ready to go. 

So as I was thinking about what I would write I decided to shut my brain off and scan facebook for a little while, as I was doing this I came across one of those Jesus loves you E-Cards that said “my child, you worry too much. I’ve got this, remember? –God”

Now, I am not an overly religious person, I am a Christmas and easter mass/service going, catholic raised, Lutheran married hybrid.  But this struck a chord with me, sometimes the one thing I have to remember is just to have faith. Faith in whatever you chose to believe in. Whether that is God, the universe, or the idea that the cardinals may one day win the superbowl… Just Faith that things will happen the way they are supposed to.  As much as my bossy pants self would love to control every situation and every moment of every day, I can’t.

My promise to myself today is to not worry (too much). Projects will get handled, Training will happen, Races will be run, Appointments will be made (and kept). I have faith that I will find time for it all and I will accomplish what I set out to accomplish, maybe not with style or the upmost class, and I may stick a straw in a wine bottle as I work but it will get done.  

Stupid salad and its stupid leaves.

My salad is pissing me off today.

 

 I know what an Idiotic, ridiculous sentence that is but it's how I feel today. I made myself a decent breakfast (egg whites with sauteed spinach and mushrooms) I had mini sweet peppers for my snack and lunch was supposed to be a salad with grilled chicken and avocado. Supposed to, being the key words in that sentence. My first hint that lunch wasn't going my way was when I realized I was out of dressing and I would have to eat my salad dry. Second hint was my frozen and wilted lettuce. So instead of eating my salad anyways, I cut up my chicken and avocado and proceeded to eat it with excruciating slowness as I shot dirty looks at my uncooperative salad.

 

Childish? Yes. Ridiculous? Yes.

 

But I'm still pissed off at an inanimate object because its not the dairy queen blizzard mixed with a shot of rum that I want it to be.

 

I may eat it later if I get hungry enough (that seems highly probable, my stomach seems to think it is constantly on the verge of starvation) but for right now I am ignoring it and its stupid vitamin packed leaves.

 

Ok. My rant against lettuce is over :)

 

 

This guy gets me...

 

Da Bears.

It is officially football season in the Ellis household, we have switched from watching the Diamondbacks to watching the wildcats and bears. Saturdays and Sundays are now devoted to football, pork, couches, beer, and Da Bears.  Bear Down is screamed out on a regular basis, along with Bill Swerski and the Super Fans quotes. We wear jerseys, eat bad food, and scream at our TV, all in the name of football. This is one of my favorite times of the year, not because I am a overly devoted football fan but because I am an overly devoted food fan. I love cold weather, football themed food. Yes it is still over 100 degrees on a regular basis in Arizona but that's our fall season. We will be trick or treating in tank tops and shorts...  So with fall and football comes pumpkin spice lattes, brauts, chili, and all sorts of dips. Can we just take a few minutes to pay homage to all the dips?
1. Cheese dips, this is a general category because I don't have the time to list all my favorite cheese based dips.
2. Bean dips
3. Spinach/Artichoke Dips
3. Salsa Dips
4. Ranch/onion Dips
5. Cream cheese dips
Plus all the fantastic dipping vessels, toasted bread, fresh pretzels, chips, etc.

I love all this food but I can't eat all this food so I have to stay away from it all. So on this rainy Sunday morning as I sip my coffee and watch Da Bears I am writing, because if I am writing then I am not eating, or cooking, or baking. Which is exactly what I would like to be doing. We are having turkey chili for dinner, this is kind of a compromise on my part. It sounds good, and it sounds like rainy day football food but its healthy. I know, I know. This is very un-american of me. Somewhere up in heaven Chris Farley is crying over his sausage and beer. But I can't let myself rationalize every bad food decision I make. Believe me this was hard, I walked around the grocery store for a good 45 minutes picking up and putting down different ingredients for different calorie laden, deliciousness. I finally squashed the fat kid who was running around the cheese aisle like a bath salt crazed maniac and left with the few items I actually needed. I didn't even buy cornbread or biscuits to go with our Chili. I am resolved to not make a holiday out of every weekend and allow all the work I do during the week to be crushed. I will repeat this over and over again to myself as I enjoy my chili and try to not pout over the lack of pie.

Happy Sunday everyone!


Turkey Chili recipe:

Extra lean ground turkey (1lb)
1 green bell pepper chopped
1 red bell pepper chopped
2 cloves garlic chopped
1/2 onion chopped
can of tomato sauce (low sodium)
can of pinto beans
can of kidney beans
cumin, red chili flakes, salt (all to taste)

brown ground turkey, onions, garlic, and bell peppers until turkey is cooked all the way through the vegetables have softened. Add tomato sauce, beans, and seasoning. Allow to simmer on low heat and serve when ready. This also works well in a crockpot!

We top with cheese and onions

Ode to Running

I signed up for another 1/2 marathon, I am not sure why, and I am not sure how, but I did it. Not only am I running 13.1 miles but I am doing it at 6,500 ft and on a trail. No I have never run long distance at elevation, no I have never done a trail race before, and no I have not been training for the last 3 months. So this should be fun.... I have written a training schedule that will include 4 runs a week, 2 cross training days, and 3 lifting days. I am just going to start crushing and snorting ibuprofen.  So in honor of getting back into running and all that comes along with it. Here is my Ode to running (Sounds fancy right?)

Ode to Running

Here's to the early mornings to beat the heat, the half drunken stumble you do out the door at 4 am to try and get 10 miles in. 

Here's to the gallons of peanut butter, vaseline, body glide, goo, powerade, and water. Which you may  or may not consume in any particular order. 

Here's to proudly (ish) leaving your house wearing spandex and a fanny pack around your waist. 

Here is hiding your fanny pack and spandex when friends come over. 

Here is to the small wave, the high five, the nod, or the please dear god call 911 that you give your fellow runners on early Saturday mornings. 

Here's to act like its no big deal when you consume more calories than a baby calf after a 10 mile run then proceed to crash in a pool of your own sweat and happiness. 

Here is to significant others who dutifully pop blisters, wash your god awful laundry, stretch you when you feel like your muscles have been replaced with concrete, and stay with you in spite of it all. 

Here's to new races, new shirts, and new stickers

Here's too spending way to much money in pre race exhibit halls. Hell, here's to spending too much money!

Here's to new shoes every other week that cost more than your car payment but promise to stop your shin splints forever. 

Here's to having an excuse to eat pizza and drink beer (carb loading)

Here's to enjoying the hell out of yourself and learning to step outside your comfort zone. 

I guess that wasn't really and ode. In fact I don't really know what an Ode is. Lets call it a cheers, yes. Cheers to running and runners!

Mmm This cucumber is delicious

said no fat kid ever.


one of those days.. I just had to get my "cucumbers are not pizza" anger out

Everybody's working for the weekend!! (just try not to sing it and do some really bad 80's dance moves...you can't can you? ha.)

Weekends are hard.

It seems like every time I turn around some sneaky bastard is like "Today we have a beautiful egg sandwich with cage free, super awesome, happy chicken eggs, fresh off the vine roma tomatoes, feta cheese straight from happy greek cows (cows? goats? who cares...opa!), all between two pieces of fresh baked, buttered ciabata bread!"  and then someone like me comes along and I have say something dumb like ummm, yeah that sounds awesome but can you make it egg whites, hold the butter (stay strong Paula Deen!), and pull some of the delicious doughy awesomeness out of the ciabatta roll? k. thanks.
Even I am embarrassed when I say things like that. I feel like I should stop and explain myself to everyone behind me in line, the person taking my order and Paula Deen herself.
" No, No its ok! see I have this weight issue and I have to log my foods and work out. So if I eat all that doughy goodness my ass will be a big mess of doughy not so goodness.... also hold the large caramel frappachino, I will take a water cup."
I expect the people in line to start booing me until I leave and go to sprouts.

The good news about weekends is they usually include bacon, I mean bacon. Shit. No, no bacon. I mean salad... they include salad.
with bacon. Crap.

Ok lets try this again....

Weekends include cheat meals, yay cheat meals! This is what we all work for, this is what I dream about as I eat my 3rd salad of the day. I think damn this is good romaine lettuce, it would be better if it was pizza but just hold out until your cheat meal and you can eat whateva, whateva you want. So today is my cheat meal, I stayed strong at breakfast, I had a decent lunch, and I will tear a pizza apart at dinner. I am really looking forward to the tearing apart...part. After I embarrass myself and my husband at a local restaurant, we are headed to watch a local trail run race, so that should make me feel good about my life decisions. (that last sentence was heavily laden with sarcasam.)
Then to make up for my decision to eat pizza and not run, I am getting up at 5 am to go run 5 miles with Heather. Scott is going on a 90 minute bike ride and we are all meeting for protein pancakes to congratulate each other and go through a round of high fives (well earned high fives)

So everyone stay stong, enjoy your cheat meals, log your foods, and grab a couple slices of pizza.

I'm back!

I'm back.

My clean eating/running sabbatical was pretty awesome. I didn't even know I was on one, I just looked around one day and realized I was surrounded by a cocoon of pizza, beer, soda, and good times. Funny enough my running shoes were no where to be found and I had switched my daily dose of ibuprofen for a daily dose of tums.  I went back to Texas for a week and had an awesome time eating/drinking my way through multiple cities, family get together's, and finding new restaurants (I miss you fuzzys!). I have a new appreciation for Shiner Bock, BBQ, and the great state of Texas. But, all great things must come to an end and I am proud to say that I am back.

Now, what does that mean exactly?
Well, for the first time in almost 3 years I am not training for anything (except life mf'er)
That means I don't have to get up and run 18 miles on Saturdays, I don't have to eat 12 lbs of protein to keep my poor muscles functioning, and eating a slice of pizza every now and then will not cause a disastrous shift in my little universe.
But I am also heavier than I wish to be and since my stomach has not listened to my pleas to quit keeping everything like some kind of adipose hoarder, I have to get back to eating right.

Sooo.. (I know you are wondering if there is a point to all of this or just the ramblings of an a.d.d, oh hey look a squirrel!)

anyhoooo... oh right.

I am trying to get back in the swing of things, working out, prepping foods, eating right and saying no.
That's a big one, it is so damn hard to say no.

Would you like a beer? YEA NOOOO

Double cheese, extra sausage pizza? HELL YES! I umm mean no. no thank you

lets go run 5 miles! HELL NAH! JK! I will go get my running shoes...

Balance, right? Its all about balance...

Quitin cold turkey

I am a paleo failure.

I tried it, I really did. I tried to be excited about trying something new and being a sprouts shopping, coconut milk drinking, no preservative hippie but that shit is not for me! I found that the more I tried to be good, the more I cheated. If I put a million limits on what I can eat then I just get cranky and pissy. Hangry became a constant state for me. So I stopped. That easy, I quit eating hippie shit cold turkey... impressive I know :)

That's not to say that I didn't learn something from it or that I am going to scrap every paleo tendency from my diet. I am going to continue to cut back on my grains, dairy, and sugar. Not because its paleo but because I honestly did feel better. I just can't cut it completely. As soon as I type that, a small but very competitive part of my brain screams out "Quitter!!!, what a sissy! You just don't have the willpower!" but I feel like this is the right decision for me and the fat kid. I have to walk this very fine line of not giving myself too much slack (because I will give an inch, take a mile) and not being too hard on myself.

I will continue to try and not put cheese on everything I eat because lets be honest, my breakfast,  lunch, and dinner don't really require a heaping portion of gooey gooey goodness. It makes it taste much better and but I don't have to have it. That was a revelation for me thanks to paleo.

So as I prepare my food for the week (a little late this week) I am trying not to think "paleo" or "hippie" but just healthy and good for me.

prepped foods:

roasted zucchini with garlic, salt, and pepper
roasted broccoli and bell peppers with garlic, salt, and pepper
grilled chicken
carrot sticks
egg whites


and for the sake of keeping myself honest... todays food diary

not my best day but not my worst either...

Breakfast:
egg whites with bell pepper and ground turkey

snacks:
trail mix
granola bar

lunch:
prime rib sandwich with cheese on rye (no mayo!!)

dinner:
avocado chicken salad lettuce wraps
with grilled peaches

I also went to the gym

10 min warm up on the stairmaster
30? 45? minutes legs
leg press 3x15 with 180lb
3x15 lunges with 30 lbs
3x20 box jumps

3x10 overhead press
3x10 curls

10 minute aaaaabs
50 crunches
25 reverse crunches
20 bicycles
20 floor wipers
3 rounds

Day Three

Well its day 3 of no cheese, no dairy, no sugar, and no grains. I am doing good and staying strong but geeeeezus would I love some Macaroni and cheese. I made the nearly fatal mistake of getting on the pinterest, I was looking for new recipes to try but everything on there is cheesy, gooey, dairy filled deliciousness wrapped in carbs. That plan backfired.

Sooo I decided I would write instead of scanning the web for food porn like some kind of van driving creeper.

I didn't go to they gym today but I did prep some more food for the week. I am a little burnt out on salad so I have been eating roasted vegetables instead. Today I made roasted sweet potatoes, zucchini, and broccoli. I toss the in coconut oil, salt, pepper, and garlic,then I bake them at 400 degrees until they are tender. It's pretty damn tasty if I do say so myself :)

Tonights dinner is Paleo approved Italian chicken, if it is tasty I will make sure to post the recipe.

Have a great day!

Hippie Shit.

Things are starting to get back to normal, I am still sad and I still miss him but I am ok.

Since the marathon I have avoided running at all costs but if I don't run that means I have to find some other form of cardio and I have to be even more careful with what I eat. I have started swimming more and reacquainting myself with the stair master just to break away from running, I have run a time or two but I have done mostly sprints. The last two weeks have not been the best eating weeks for me. No excuses, I just ate like shit and ignored the giant red, blinking,  vegas-esq sign that said STOP!! I did good for a little while, I cut back on coffee and sugar, I prepared my foods, but I always found a way to sneak in a "snack"  so now its time to face the music and the music doesn't lie. It makes you and the scale cry when you get on in the morning. So its back to the grind, and since owning up to my food crimes on the blog tends to keep me in line I am clearing my conscience.

After the marathon I decided to give the paleo lifestyle a try, I have had multiple friends tell me how awesome it is and how much better they feel. If you aren't familiar with paleo its main line of thought is back to the caveman basics. Eat, drink, and think like a caveman. No dairy, no sugar, no wheat, no grains of any kind, no alcohol,  and everything should be fresh. My brain translated this to "so your telling me I have to eat hippie shit?" the fat kid was not impressed, he likes dairy (especially cheese), and beer, and sugar. A lot.
So I grumbled all the way to sprouts (hippie shit),stared at the cheese case for a little while, then I grumbled all the way home, and I grumbled in the kitchen as I prepped my food. It doesn't taste bad, in fact most of the food is very good and not that different from what I normally eat but it means no cheese or sour cream on my lettuce wrap fajitas, no cream or sugar in my coffee (if you are not aware I drink cream and sugar with a shot of coffee), no fake sugar either. All of the stuff that I used to make my healthy food taste better and talk the fat kid off the ledge has been cut from my day to day diet. To sum this up in one word... BOOOOOOOOOO

Ok its not that bad but I just had to get all my pent up food anger out. I still have more days than not where I resent my body and my genetic make up that does not allow me to eat filib's on a regular basis. I like being healthy, I like working out, and I like feeling better but I still could go for a extra large pizza, wings, and a ice cold soda. I will say this, I have noticed a big change in how my stomach feels by cutting out diary and sugar. I am going to give it another shot, I am going to pay attention to the big red blinking stop sign that hangs above the the donuts and pizza, and I will learn to enjoy things without cheese.

So watch out, I am about to go all sorts of caveman on this place!

The man that hung the moon, part 2.

The world lost a good man last night.

 

I am sad that I will never get to hear his laugh again, or feel his hug, or listen to some long winded story from the good ole days but I am not going to dwell on that sad. I am going to celebrate his life and the 26 years I was able to spend with him. I am going to remember all of the good times and the laughter. I am going to remember how handsome he always looked in a suit with his boots and bolo tie. I am going to spend time with my family as we laugh, cry, and remember. I will probably get a little drunk on bourbon and spill some red chili on my white shirt. So please celebrate a good, long life and remember all of the good times and how lucky we all were to know him.

The man that hung the moon.

I am going to take a step away from my normal blog topic, this has been a rough couple of days and I need an outlet.I am a very private person and I try to keep my everyday life (outside of my food and workout habits) off of the internet. I am not a talker and I tend to hold things inside for my own worry wort pleasure. So please bear with me as I try something new...

Day by day we are coming closer to losing a great man. I have been blessed to have many great male figures in my life including my dad, my brother, my cousins, my uncles, my husband and my grandfathers. I have been even more blessed to have all of them for 26 years but that record is quickly coming to an end as my Papa loses the battle against his health in Texas. He has lived a long time and in my eyes had a pretty good one.

 I don't want this to be depressing so here is to the man who hung the moon, Domingo Tellez...

Here is to the WWII veteran, the father, the grandfather, the husband. The detective, the police officer, the original DIY'er. The man who could fix anything, build anything and if you don't believe me then just threaten to pay someone to do the job in front of him. The man who carried around his grandchildren, drove them to school, let them ride in the back of his truck, drove them around the west coast, and let his granddaughter brush his hair and play pretend. The man that couldn't hear a damn thing. The man who could never get to the grocery store enough, and who was constantly worried about running out of toilet paper. The man that would eat anything and by his own confession would eat shit if it was prepared right. The man who preferred two fingers of the nasty. The man that built a see saw for the kids to play on and who would give them candy when mom's weren't looking. The man that would call me a smartass and then give me a hug.

He loves all of us without abandon, he gave the best hugs and I will miss him tremendously. Please say a prayer for him and my family, then have a shot of bourbon in his honor. Salud!

26.2 miles later

I survived and shockingly I even kind of enjoyed it. I never thought I would ever say that much less that I could see myself doing it again. Even that morning as I woke up and dragged myself to bathroom I could not sum up the energy to be excited about the run. I was like gumpy cat...

Husband: Yay this is everything you worked for!
Lauren:

 

Hubby: This is great music, aren't you excited??

Lauren:


Hubby: this is exciting, look at the crowd!

Lauren:



It was really hard to get over my anxiety, I was so terrified that I would fail. The thought of what I had to face for the next 5-6 hours threatened to jeopardize everything I had worked for. Luckily it got better, once I got out on the course I started to enjoy myself, its hard not to when you are running past stunning views of the ocean and some of the most expensive real estate in Southern California. I relaxed a little bit and started to think positive thoughts. The first 13-14 miles went really quick, there was so much to look at that it really kept your mind off of running. People lined the road to watch family and friends,they cheered, they laughed and they supported random strangers. Even the residents got into the spirit of things, they sat on their porches with cold water, snacks for the runners, and words of encouragement.  Around mile 15 my hip and knees really started to hurt so I had Scott bring me some more ibuprofen. Scott was nice enough to pack a back pack with about 75 pounds of random shit (sunscreen, extra goos, ibuprofen, water, powerade, bananas, oranges, etc) and he rode along the course on his bike with his mom, bouncing back and forth between me, stacey, and heather. Mile 20 is when it really sank in that I was running a marathon and that I still had 6 miles to go. I kept telling myself that 6 miles is no big deal, I had already ran 20 and 6 miles is just a warm up. Well those happy thoughts lasted until about mile 22. Don't let anybody tell you different, the last couple miles of a marathon kick your ass, they are mentally defeating. But this is where you put all of your sweat, tears, shin splints, cramps, and all out exhaustion into everything you have. You pull some kind of energy out of god knows where and you power through. The feeling you get when you finally cross that finish line is unlike any other. The exhaustion mixed with your emotions can be a royal mess but the empowerment, the feeling of achievement,  and the pride is completely overwhelming. It is one of the best feelings I have ever felt.  I understand now why people do this on a regular basis, its something to fight for, something to be proud of, and its something that you can share with only a few people.

After the race we all went back to the hotel to shower and change our of our running clothes. When I came back downstairs my parents had a pepperoni pizza and a tall boy of corona waiting for me (they know me so well) and if you are wondering... I did share my pizza (my dad made me).

Monday was a new experience, I have never been so sore in my life. If/When I run another marathon I will make sure to take the next day off, walking down the stairs took at least 20 minutes and my friend at work called me speedy all damn day. I could barely walk, it was more of an old man shuffle. I am still pretty sore today but I am at least able to walk without people asking me if I am ok.

I am taking this week off to eat what I want, not work out, and let my body rest. Next week I will be back on the egg white express to bikini town but for now I am just going to enjoy myself :)



Before I forget, I want to thank everyone who came out to support me, Heather, and Stacey. Thank you Scott, Mom, Dad, and Karen.

Thank you Heather and Stacey for going along with my idiotic plans

Thank you Larry and Krisha for watching my kids

Thank you random people with hillarious signs

Most memorable Signs:

• Good Job random stranger!
• WTF (where's the finish)
• High five station
• make this mile your bitch
• Worst.parade.ever.     also    This is a weird Parade
• Smile if you're not wearing underwear

Thank you random strangers for orange slices at mile 23

and last but not least....

Thank god its over!!! (for now...)

It's the final countdown!!!! (it's ok to sing the title, I did)

We are now in the official 48 hour countdown to the marathon. Two words... HOLY SHIT.

How did the time go so fast? It seems like just yesterday we were talking about the idea of running a marathon... Now almost a year later we are packing and getting ready to head to California. I think it really hit me yesterday when I left work, I put my out of office on, forwarded all my calls and ran out the door. As soon as I hit the outside air my first thought was Fuuuuuuuuudge, what the hell did I get myself into?!?! I know that seems silly, I have been training for months, I have run countless miles, and now it hits me? 72 hours before? well planning has never been my strong point...

I have so many emotions running though me, my own a.d.d. can't keep up. This is going to suck, my poor knees, maybe I can fake a sickness, holy shit holy shit holy shit, this is going to be awesome, what am I going to do with all my spare time now that training is done? maybe I should sign up for a new race, I am never running again! maybe a triathalon? I'm not going to share my pizza with anyone, seriously. How soon can I get ice cream? will my body hold up? did I pack enough ibuprofen?  did I pack my shoes? Shit, where are my shoes? and so on and so forth... the dogs gave up trying to follow me around the house and are just laying down watching me with feigned interest.

I know what we are doing is capital A, AWESOME but I don't think that feeling will hit until I am done. And even then it might take me a week or so to look back on the race with positive thoughts...

wish me luck, pray for knees and stay the hell away from my pizza :)

100 posts and still craving pizza!

100 posts, holy crap.

I wish I could be more articulate then that but that pretty much sums up how I feel. Its been over a year since I started this journey towards a healthier, happier me. I have learned a lot about myself, pushed my body farther than I ever thought it would go and definitely made progress towards the Lauren I hope to one day be.

Hell, I ran 20 miles last week and not just through out the week. I ran 20 miles in a row! That's 4 hours of running...in a row! I know I keep saying that but I am not the kind of person that you look at and think "she must be a runner." I am the kind of person that you look at and think "she must really love pizza" and I do, I really do love pizza.

So here are a few things I have learned along the way

1. First off, whoever decided to spread the nasty rumor that nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels is a lying bastard. Cupcakes are delicious and as much as I love wearing smaller jeans, denim does not taste as good as cream cheese frosting. Cheat meals keep me sane and if I say no all the time then I will binge and when I binge it is not pretty...  please see example below




2. Your body can do more that you give it credit for. In the last 12 months I have run countless miles, been electrocuted (voluntarily), and pushed myself to new limits. My body said screw you, I am going to sit here and drink a margarita and I my mind said no! screw you, we are going for a run and then we went for a run. I have iced almost every part of my body, found new muscles I didn't even know could be sore, bought stock in ibuprofen and enjoyed the hell out of myself.

3. I can eat a lot... like a lot a lot. Add in a good calorie burning workout or 2 and get out of the way. I have learned that it is best for the general public if you do not stand between me and my food. What I eat is usually pretty limited to a few things and if you try and barricade me from the few things I am allowed to have then I will cut you. I will go all sorts of east mesa gangsta on you and do whatever it takes to get to my food. It may be a battle for carrot sticks but dammit if I run a good chunk of miles then I deserve my carrot sticks.

4: Along those same lines... I eat fast. Really, really fast. It makes my sister in law and partner in crime laugh most of the time, sometimes it terrifies her (she doesn't say this out loud but I can see it in her eyes when we go to eat and I finish before she has time to get her silverware out) This is a bad thing and I really do try to slow down but patience is not one of my virtues.

5: Preparation is key. I am probably the last person you should take advice from when it comes to preparing.  I can barely pack my own suitcase... But my boy scout hubby is always there to make sure I have what I need. Like a tooth brush or underwear, simple things really but I almost always forget them.... wait... Where was I? Shit. ummmmm

Oh, right! Preparation! Make your foods ahead of time, grill your chicken, scramble your egg whites, chop your salad. I do this on Sundays that way during the week it is all ready and pre-packaged so all I have to do is grab what I want and throw it in my nifty kids lunch Subway bag. I am waaaay less likely to cheat or go out to eat at lunch if I have it all with me.

6: Find what works for you. Everyone is different, if you don't like tiliapia or white fish, don't eat it! I sure as hell don't. I have a pretty core set of meals that I interchange and that works for me. When I get tired of one thing I change it up. This is my current meal plan:

Breakfast: 3/4 cup scrambled egg whites with taco seasoned ground turkey, and cheese. Side of fruit and 7 or 8 cups of coffee.

Lunch: Big salad, 2 chicken breasts (don't judge) and some kind of dressing
*this is the meal I have to change the most, you can only eat so much grilled chicken and salad. Blah Blah Blah!

Dinner changes every night but I rotate between 5 or 6 meals. Its just me and the hubbs so I don't have to appeal to any picky eaters. Here are a few examples...
Chicken salad (chopped chicken, red bell peppers, onion, celery, mashed avocado, feta cheese)
Baked chicken fajita lettuce wraps
Turkey taco lettuce wraps (I wrap everything in romaine boats, then I close my eyes and imagine its a tortilla)
Turkey burgers
BBQ Chicken with steamed veggies

7: Screw everyone who says you can't. I take every negative piece of criticism and imagine cramming right back into the gaping hole it came out of, then I giggle. I can only act like an adult for so many hours of the day...

8: Take the time and enjoy it. There may come a time when I won't be able to run, or lift, or swim or be active and until that day I am going to enjoy the hell out of myself. Some days I just don't want to go to the gym, I don't want to run, and I don't want to have to do any of it. Those are the days that I sweet talk Scott into loading up the truck, corralling the dogs and heading the lake. I spend a couple hours swimming, kayaking, playing with the dogs and enjoying life. It may not be the same calorie burn as a 10 mile run but it keeps me sane.

9: Involve your family, if you don't have a family then hijack a few friends, if you don't have any friends then grab the homeless dude on the corner. He's not doing anything and could probably use the exercise...
This awesome group of people are your support, they listen when you are bitching about shin splints, they come to your races and hold signs that say "high five station." If you are as lucky as I am then then run the races with you and drink beer with you afterwards...

10: Do it for yourself. If you try to make this lifestyle change for someone else it will lead to bitterness and resentment. You deserve to be the best you, you can be.  I hate to get all sappy and heartfelt but seriously... If you want this to be a decision you are going to stick with then you have to find a reason to fight for it.

My reason changes everyday but make sure that I have a reason.
Here are a few of my reasons....
-My family has a history of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and strokes. This is my best defense
-I want to be there for my future kids and I want to be able to keep up with them
-I like pizza and beer
-I want to rock a bikini
-I want to finish a triathalon
-I want my family to be proud
-I want to prove everyone who says I can't, wrong.
-I want to put up some kind of fight when I my 150 lb rottie decides she wants to sleep on the bed
-I want to be happy with myself, I want to be proud of what I see in the mirror. I am tired of sucking it in, wearing spanx, and limiting what kind of clothes I can wear.



I hope I have helped a 1 or 2 people along the way, I hope I have made people laugh and ya'll enjoy reading this.


Here is to 100 more posts, laughs, and stupid ideas  (this is where we cheers our imaginary drinks)

one more picture...


promise! (kinda)

the benefits of locking kids in cages

I am a big believer in living life to the fullest. Drink wine, eat red meat, and just generally do what makes you happy(unless it involves murder or watching toddlers in tiaras). I have an inner fat kid so I have too watch myself and keep him on a short leash but every now and then you just have to let the leash go and hope for the best.

I let the fat kid out this weekend and he came to the party dressed in cut off jean shorts, an 'merican flag tshirt, a beer in one hand,  a turkey leg in the other and a fanny pack filed with donuts. The fat kid was ready to party and party we did. Beer was consumed in mass quanities, and the food.. sweet baby jesus, the food. It was fair food on steroids, if it wasn't barbequed it was fried and if it wasn't fried it was wrapped in bacon. We had an amazing time but I will be on a steady diet of pepto, tums, and advil for the next couple of days.

This means we are now in the official marathon countdown and that means as soon as I leave country thunder it will be egg whites and chicken. I am not overly excited to shove the fat kid back in his cage but it has to be done. I will lock him in, wrap bungee cords around it and then padlock that sumabitch if I have to.

the standard picture, in honor of cages...

Channeling the Spirit of Chris Farley

You know what sucks about marathon training?  You are hungry all the time… and not just “oh give me a few carrots and I will be good” hungry. Like “somebody give me a whole GD chicken and leave me the hell alone” hungry.  Yeah…

 It’s not pretty and it’s certainly not lady like. Scott knows to just drop a goat in the cage Jurassic Park style and run for the hills after I do a major run .

 Yesterday I ran 18 miles (in a row!)  then I had an egg white sandwich from Paradise for breakfast, it didn’t fill me up but I was too excited to get to the lake to care too much. Scott also brought me a banana and some Gatorade to help me recover, running that much seriously kicks your ass.  Then I swam for an hour or two, kayaked around the lake and just generally relaxed with the hubs. This was all fantastic but by 4pm I was ready to EAT and because I had run 18 miles and then swam for a little while, I had calories to spare. So we went all out it was a sausage, extra cheese, hold the rabbit food and leave your dignity at the door pizza. It was delicious!!! I am still hungry today and its killing me. I had a big lunch of rotisserie chicken and a giant salad but I still could eat a couple foot longs from Subway (Yeah, I said it! Don’t judge).

 

 

This is me when I am hungry. Again… this is a judgment free zone, so lay off me, I’m starving!

10 steps to your first marathon! (only 2 involve pizza)

This journey to my first marathon has been a long one, its had its ups and downs. It is the one the most rewarding decisions I have ever made that I somehow still regret (kinda). The feeling of accomplishment and doing something I never thought I could do keep my feet moving along the road. I am now less than 1 month out from D-day and I thought I would share with you a few things I have learned along the way.

 Here is my 10 step program to running a marathon

Step 1: Go to an extremely inspiring event. This usually involves people crying, cancer (that rat bastard), exercise, and raising money. For me this was PF Changs Rock and Roll Marathon, watching cancer survivors cross a finish line, people raising money for every kind of terminal disease, and realizing that this is something I can do to help make a difference. This is something I could do for my family members with cancer, for my god father, for all the people who can't get up and run. The moment you realize that what you take for granted and probably don't even think about in a normal day, other people are praying that one day they might be able to. If you run for a cause its hard to back out...

Step 2: Find a friend and get them drunk.

Step 3: Talk drunk friend into running 26.2 miles with you (make sure this is someone you enjoy spending time with and that you are ok sharing stories about bodily functions)

Side note: you can also join a bad ass running group if your friends refuse your awesome drunken plots. There are TONS out there and they will help you train and provide support.

Step 4: Find a race that inspires you. It doesn't matter why it inspires you, as long as it is something that will keep you on track. This could be a run to support breast cancer, a run that ends with free beer, or a destination race. I went for the destination race, because if I am going to run 26.2 miles it better involve a beach and drinks with umbrellas afterwards.

Step 5: Pay yo money. Its hard to back out when you have already forked over the cash. Unless you are a former lottery winner or trust fund baby, and it that case... Bite me.

Step 6: Spend lots of money on new gear (I will elaborate further after I finish the steps)

Step 7: Train. Train. Train. Train.

Step 8: Well I personally am not at step 8 yet but its race day. So run your race and kick some serious ass...

Step 9: Drink a cold adult beverage (unless you are under age, then you get a frosty glass of milk and a high five from me for being so far ahead of the game... seriously if you run a marathon before you are 21 you didn't reach your full lazy adult potential and you can probably still wear the same clothes from high school you bastard. Never mind, no high five for you! and quit making the rest of us normal adults look bad!!)

oh and pizza, eat lots of pizza!

Step 10: Ice bath and a hot date with ibuprofen...and pizza. It will be a super awkward but awesome bath.


Things you will need:

Good running shoes. I cannot stress this enough, go to a running store and get fitted. You will spend more money than is comfortable and you will leave an empty wallet, sweet kicks, new socks that are designed for runners, and insoles. It feels like a scam but its not, you actually need all of these things.

New socks. I prefer the ultra thin ones with arch support that a low cut. Don't go to Walmart and just  grab any old pair. This is also something you will need to buy at a sports store, unless you enjoy blisters the size of a chihuahua.

Sweet fanny pack. You will be running stupidly long distances and this will save you from dying. You can fit all your waters, goos, and spare change in it. Again something you will need to buy at a running store, they have special running fanny packs that are not big and bulky.

Goo's. They suck and taste awful but they work and when you are running 2-5 hours at a time you need a calorie replacement.

Body glide. (If you need an explanation as to why you need body glide, go run 5 miles without it and you will see how effective it is when it comes to putting out the fire that your thighs rubbing together started)

Spandex. (see above) don't question it, just hand over your credit card to the judgmental 17 year old at Sports Authority along with your dignity.



Great tools:

www.mapmyrun.com

seriously this website is awesome, they also have an app that you can use to log all your runs. It tells you your pace, calories burned, distance and all that fun stuff. I use the website to map out my long runs so I know where I am going.

I am sure there is tons of stuff  I am forgetting but just leave a comment if you have any questions.

thanks!!

*** FYI these are MY steps to running a marathon and other than I am currently training to run one, I am in no way shape or form qualified to give running advice :) think of them more as helpful hints from a lightly seasoned running veteran (I've got the blisters and chub rub to prove it!)






ha. You thought I forgot to include a picture....

Marathon Training through the fat kids eyes

I have never felt more Bipolar then I have during the last 9 months, let me explain that sentence a little more. About 9 months ago I made a very stupid and idiotic decision. I decided to run a marathon, if you are not familiar with marathons, they involve running a stupid and idiotic 26.2 miles. When I made this decision I could barely run 1 mile without ending up bent over sucking wind and thinking about tacos. 9 months later I still think about tacos while I am running ( and ice cream, smashburger, etc, etc) but I spend hours doing this instead of minutes. This is where the bipolar comes into play, now that I am into my major mile runs I have lots of time to spend thinking. I spend most of this time thinking about running, how much I hate it. How much I love it. How proud I am of myself. Wondering why I am allowed to make my own decisions. Wondering why I am paying someone for 5-6 hours of pain. Thinking about all the high heels and new clothes I could have bought with the money I spent on new running shoes (minus the bad ass pair my husband bought me for my bday). Thinking about how bad ass my new running shoes are.  Wondering when the last time I wore something other than running clothes was. Thinking "damn I love yoga pants."
It goes on like that for 3+ hours.... Riveting I know.

Training for a marathon has introduced me to a whole new world. (admit you sang that last part to the tune of  Aladin)

I had dipped my toe into the world of active adult living a time or two but nothing as serious as this. I had no idea how intense and huge this other world is. You find your self talking and reminiscing with complete strangers about things like chub rub, body glide, and the pros and cons of fanny packs (yeah take a second and absorb that gem of a sentence). Or say things like, "oh its only a 9 mile run" to which my inner fat kid responds with something like this...



yes this just became a picture book-esque blog.

People will also tell you that you are an idiot, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. But they will also tell you that they are proud of yu, that you are in inspiration**. These are the things that in combination with better fitting clothes and an huge weekend calorie deficiency, keep you going. I am sure you are wondering how someone calling you an idiot will keep you motivated to get up a 5 am and go run 17 miles, but I am overly competitive and this pushes me to prove them wrong.

**side note, I am still not sure how to take that one. I am used to impressing people with how much pizza I can put away in such a small amount of time or my innate ability to use cream cheese in all of my recipes.



So that's a short look into where I am with marathon training. I will check back this week with more... :)

ok, one more picture....



you're welcome.

Handling stress like a true fat kid

The more I stress the more I want pizza. As my work load, family worries, and general “being an adult sucks” stress increases I try to find ways to bury them in gooey, delicious, cheesy, doughy, goodness. Yes, it’s not the most adult way to handle my adult problems but it’s how I have always dealt with things in the past. Take a hour or so, enjoy a good meal and an adult drink, relax, forget my worries (just for an hour), regroup and then tackle everything head on. So this week when I am thinking about moving ahead at my job, getting the mortgage out on time, my family in Texas, I immediately want to go to my old standby. I want to order an extra-large Barros pizza with pepperoni, sausuage, and extra cheese. Maybe a side of wings if I am feeling dangerous… Oooo and let’s not forget the extra sides of ranch. You are not a true fatty unless you have an emotional connection with ranch (I am worse because if I am not smearing something in ranch then its mayonnaise and the real stuff not the wimpy “miracle whip”) The hardest part of trying to make a lifestyle change is the fight you have with yourself, the rationalizations, the arguments, the “but everyone else cans”, or my particular favorite… How many miles do I need to run in order to cancel out the heaping serving of cardiac arrest I just served myself? It is a constant frustration, all I want to do is eat what I want and not get fat. I don’t think that’s too much to ask…

Last night I went to the gym, ran 3 miles and did the intermediate 300 workout. That workout kills me everytime, my abs are still sore. Now that the half marathon is over and we are creeping up to the Mudder I really have to work on upper body/core strength. Being able to run for hours at a time is not going to help me get over a 20ft wall. I have asked Scott to make sure that I am sufficiently terrified in the hopes that it will keep me from eating crap.

Today has been really, really, really hard to not shove my face with carbs covered in cheese or chocolate, or ranch. I am trying to stay strong and right now my only defense is to combat the urge to eat crap by eating good stuff. Carrots, bell peppers, almonds, hummus with a whole wheat pita, salad, chicken, egg whites, gallons of water… the urge is still there, I still think I am hungry when there is no possible why I can be, but this is part of the fight, part of the changing, and part of the challenge to better myself.

So off I go to eat rabbit food (I am not overly enthusiastic about it today) and continue my prayers that one day I will live in a world where pizza is calorie free and doctors encourage you to eat tons of it.

The tinkerbell half marathon results

I have run 3, 1/2 marathons in the past two years...here is the run down

Women's half marathon: 3 hours

Phoenix PF Chang's: 2:35 hours

Disney's tinkerbell half marathon....drumroll please....

2:10:37

Ahem....

Love, hate, churros, and running

The closer I get to race day the more I seem to dread running. We are now 4 days away, countless miles have been ran, goo’s have been eaten, blisters/bruises/scrapes and scratches have been attended to, costumes are planned and now it is time to put all of this time and effort into 13.1 miles. The last 6 weeks have been spent on a pretty strict running regimen (minus 1 week when the flu kicked my ass), 4 shorter runs during the week and 1 long run on Sundays. This also included 3 other races (green run 10k, turkey trot 10mile, and chocolate run 15k) to help prepare us. I feel like we have spent so much time running and putting miles on our shoes that I need to sleep this week away to get ready for the race. Of course I can’t do that so I get home, put on my running shoes, head phones, 18 layers of clothing and head out the door.

I have this love/hate relationship with running. I hate almost every second that I am out there, I hate breathing hard, I hate the cramps and the aches that come with it but I also can’t seem to function without it. It also relieves stress and makes me feel better. My legs look better and I am proud of myself for setting goals and accomplishing them. Then there are the days where everything just seems to click and I just murder a run. Those days are when I decide to lose my mind and sign up for another race but it is such an incredible feeling to just let go and run. Let my stress melt away, let myself get lost in the music, let my aches and pains fall away with every mile. I love the days that I feel like I can run forever, but for every day I have like that I have a day where I can barely get myself out the door. Every step feels like my knee is going to give out, I can’t seem to find my pace, and I spend the next three days holding onto stair railings or using the handicap bathroom to pee because I am so sore I need the bar to help me sit down. It’s a very frustrating game of internal tug of war

Other than the 13.1 miles I am pretty damn excited about this race

A: It’s in Disneyland

B: I get to run with two of my best friends

C: Disneyland

D: Churros and margaritas after the race

E: Disneyland

F: Disney runners expo

G: Disneyland

H:Carbs

I:Disneyland

J:and Disneyland.

There is no point in arguing against Disneyland, it’s the happiest place on earth which is now even happier thanks to Downtown Disney and the availability of adult beverages!

The Mind of an Athlete with the Body of a Competitive Eater

Thanksgiving morning I ran in my first official "Turkey Trot" it was 10 miles of hills, gasping for air, and calf cramping. My goal time was 1 hour and 30 minutes, I finished in 1:35:22. Not bad, 5 minutes off of my goal time but I have another month before my next race (chocolate race 15k) and I am hoping to shave some time off of my mile time before then. I am 8 weeks out from the Disney half marathon and my goal is to run it in 2 hours or less. That means I need to average a 9 minute mile for 13.1 miles, right now I am averaging 9.5 minutes. As I start to complete more of my races I start to freak out a little more and more about the Marathon. 26.2 miles ..... WHAT THE F*&$# was I thinking?!?!

I know I have the mental strength to do it. I was an athlete at one time and not matter how old I get or how out of shape I might be I still have that little voice in my head that pushes me to be the absolute best I can be. Yes it sometimes comes out at awkward moments and family game night can be a little tense when that competitive streak comes out but hey, its what pushes me to make myself better.  That voice is what makes me keep running when my knee is telling me to slow down and grab a cane, that voice is what puts a little extra drive in my pace as I start to pass people in the final mile, and its what continues to push me out of a squishy, round body and into a runners body.

I have had this body for 25 years going on 26 and at this point I know pretty much everything about it. I know that I look better in jeans and a T-shirt than a fancy gown. I know that I have more chins that I did in high school (but less than I did 3 months ago). I know that I am changing and evolving into what I want to be. I am very aware that if need to walk/run/jump or make any sudden movements then I should be wearing body armor because I tend to fall down more than the average person. Dairy products are my kryptonite. I have a weakness for anything coated in cholesterol and triglycerides. I also know that I look more like a competitive eater than someone who runs on average 15-20 miles a week and spends a minimum of 1 hour a day , 6 days a week at the gym.

So I will continue to run and to push myself into the uncomfortable world of shin splints and ice bags (Good thing I married a physical therapist/ATC) and I will dream of doughnuts and frappachinos as I go. Maybe one day my worlds will meet in a doughy (the food not my body), svelte (my body not the doughnuts), mixture of awesomeness. 

Wagon Riding

Hi everyone :) 

Sorry it has been a while, I was busy being run over by the wagon that I was supposed to be proudly riding on. It was a wagon made out of mostly beer, a little whiskey, some Dr. Pepper, and a few slices of pizza. Of course I found excuses and rationalizations, at the end of the day I am a human being and I am going to cheat, I am going to have bad days, and I am going to work on pulling myself out of the pizza pot hole every time I do. I am trying to be positive and find the highlights, because when I find the negatives I tend to throw myself a pity party and drown my sorrows in a large pizza (extra cheese). So lets review the past couple of weeks....

Week 1: Whiskey, beer, more whiskey, rodeo, dancing, and more whiskey.
That pretty much explains the weekend (what I remember of it). The upside was that I had an absolute blast....

Week 2: Road Trip!!
We drove up to Colorado to spend time with Scotts family and celebrate our nieces 3rd birthday and as is the road trip tradition we had crap food, soda, energy drinks, coffee, really loud music, and what I think was a heart attack from the combination of coffee, monster, and Greenday playing on the radio at top volume as I tried to keep myself awake at 1:00am driving through the Indian reservations. Heather and I did get up and run 3 miles one of the days we were there but that was the best we did...

Week 3: Flagstaff
Last weekend we drove up to Flagstaff for the night, when we got up the next morning we went and had breakfast complete with chorizo. It is impossible for me to eat right in that town, so many memories and restaurants!! 3 words..... Pesto.Cream.Cheese.

Sunday I found my resolve tucked away between the chorizo and a bag of cheese. I made myself a healthy breakfast, painted the house, redecorated (kind of), and got the ball rolling. Scott and I went grocery shopping, cleaned out all the crap food in our house and reorganized. We grilled a weeks worth of chicken, boiled eggs, prepped veggies for snacking, and made our weeks menu. So far I have stayed on the wagon... Its been hard, I want eat a candy bar and stuff my face with more pizza but its been egg whites and green veggies. My main motivation (besides my health! blah blah blah) is that we will be in out of town again soon and I want to look goooood!!!

Quick Update

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't written in a while, life has kept me busy!

quick update: 27 pounds, gone. 10k, done. Pizza extravaganza, check. House painted, eh kinda. Foster dog in fur-ever home, check. New stupid goals, yep. New recipes, deliciously done.... I think that covers almost everything!

Sunday we  (me, Heather, Krisha, and Stacey)  ran our first race together. If you are wondering, Stacey is Heathers best friend from forever and Krisha is one of my friends from work. They have been recruited to do dumb stuff with us. Ok where was I? Umm, oh right! This was the first of many many many more to come, it was a 10k to warm us up for the upcoming stupidity we have planned. It was hot and humid outside when the race started and it only got worse. I was crampy and tired and I didn't do as well as I wanted. This could be for many reasons...A: Copious amounts of beer consumed 2 nights before B: I didn't pace myself and ran way too fast to start  C: I didn't drink my gallon of water the day before D: I have only run on a treadmill for the last 3 weeks. I am not sure if I am being too hard on myself or I am finding too many excuses.  I did finish in under an hour which was the goal I set for myself (Scott bribed me with pizza). I think  I can really take some more time off my miles and I am hoping that by April I can keep a consistent 7-8 minute mile for at least 10 miles. April is when the spartan race is in Vegas and I hope to run for time and stay somewhat ahead of the pack. My brother has agreed to run it with the group and race me for time, loser buys dinner and drinks.

We are starting to creep up on some of the scarier races, we are less than 2 months away from the first 1/2 marathon, 4 months from the disney 1/2  marathon, 5 months away from Mudder, 7 months away from spartan, and 9 months away from..... The full F'ing marathon in San Diego. I am terrifed.

I will post some new recipes hopefully tomorrow and a few new workouts. Thanks again for checking in :)

Lunch

Here is what I eat for lunch on an average day, this meal fuels me through my afternoon workout so it tends to be my biggest meal of the day

3 cups of spring mix with light dressing

1roma tomato

1/2 cup rottisiere chicken

1 avocado

500 calories
36g carbs
28g fat
43g protien

Snacks

I still miss my donuts but I really can't complain about todays mid-morning meal...fresh peaches in from CO and a hard boiled egg

Calories:140
Fat: 5g
Carbs: 17g
Protein: 8g
Sugar:15g

Not too shabby

BOOYA

I am finally at the point where I am starting to see change and that is one of the most exciting and motivating things ever. Two years ago I decided to run a race with some friends and our moms, it was a nice and easy 5k. Just 3.2 miles but I remember training for it like it was the Boston Marathon, I didn't think I could run 3.2 miles. I struggled with a 12 minute mile and took a lot of breaks while I trained on the treadmill. I ran 1-2 miles at a time and I was genuinely scared to run in the race. I ran it in 33 minutes, averaging an 11 minute mile. Scott ran it in 27 minutes and that became my new goal, run as hard if not harder and faster than the boys (have I mentioned I am tiny bit competitive?). So as we all know I have been running... a lot. I have been running sprints, hills, sprints up hill, long runs, short runs, runs with burpees in between, even a rock run to make things interesting. Well folks it finally happened yesterday, I ran 3 miles in under 27 minutes. If you are asking yourself, I wonder if Lauren finished her run then got off the treadmill and kicked it while screaming BOOYA MOTHER F&%$#@#!! The answer is unfortunately (for me and the surrounding treadmillers) yes...yes I did. I made that treadmill my bitch and I am proud of it, I went home and told Scott what I did (while showing him my guns, of course).And because he is an amazingly loving  and supportive husband he congratulated me and even gave me a hug and a kiss, which was a big deal because I did not smell like a basket of roses. Of course today I can barely walk and I feel like I have been hit by a car. Every freaking inch of me is sore but I am not alone in my pain, Heather is feeling the same.

This last weekend we went camping, it was my first time camping and I was about ready to pee my pants with excitement. We bought a tent, excessive amounts of alcohol, bad food, and firewood, It was awesome. I had deliciously bad food, cold beer, and the time of my life. We did do one workout while we were up there and if you haven't run at a high altitude before I recommend it. It was just a short run but we made it count. We ran 1mile-ish to the Walmart down the road (not the most primitive camping trip ever) and did three rounds of 15 burpees, 15 push-ups, and 15 squat jumps. Then we ran back but to make it interesting we grabbed some nice looking boulders and ran with them. Then when that got old we decided to throw the rocks, run to the rock, throw the rock, run to the rock (you get the idea). That sucked big time and by the time we made it back to the campsite I was sucking wind. We also fished, swam in the lake, walked around, played horseshoes, corn hole and frisbee golf. I only gained two pounds but based on the way I ate and drank I will take it.

This weekend is our first weekend warrior trip up Camelback Mountain, I am really excited and I can
t wait to see everyone. Email me if you want to join!

Motivating

Lately I have had people start to ask me what I am eating and what exercises I am doing at the gym so I decided to start a weekend workout group. This is a group of girls that can get together every weekend and hike, run, workout, and just enjoy each others company. I know not everyone can afford a trainer or a boot camp but everyone needs to be active. So if you want to join us just shoot me and email or join the group on facebook.

I love trying to motivate people to live a healthier life, to try and make the changes that I am making. I have been trying to get a few people to run some races with me and Heather in the next couple of months and I have been able to sign up a few recruits. One of my friends told me that I was taking her out of her element, she said that she was never an athlete and didn't know if she could do it. I know she can, she is a mom, a wife, a employee, she is one strong lady and she can do anything she puts her mind to! But that got me thinking... We are never too old to make these changes but why not do it now before the serious consequences set it. I have never been a serious athlete, I was a cheerleader and a golfer in high school. Not exactly the most athletic sports in the world, but I have always had the athlete mindset. I love competition, I like pushing myself, and I like rewarding myself when I am done. I am in no way shape or form a obstacle course athlete but I am trying to shape myself into one. Change is a good thing and the more we push ourselves the better our outcome is going to be. I look at those girls who run the obstacle courses and win or the girls who compete in the crossfit games and that's what I want to be like. I want to push myself to that edge and find that athlete that has been hiding behind a layer of fat and a bag of potato chips. It takes a certain amount of courage to make the changes, it's easier to stay the way you are but for me it was harder to look in the mirror everyday and not like what I saw. I am not even close to being done but already I am happier, lighter (literally), and less stressed. Decide which voice you want to listen to... the one who tells you to get your ass to the gym and put down the donut or the one who thinks its ok to be unhappy.

So I guess the take away message for today is think about who you want to be, where you want to be and what is holding you back. The only person who can tell you you can't is you, and you don't have to listen.

Small Victories

You know those days when the last place you want to be is the gym? The days when you would much rather be cuddled up in bed watching a mind numbing reality show and eating pizza? Or out with friends drinking a few beers, eating whatever you want? That was me and Heather yesterday. We just didn’t want to be there but we were.

Heather ran before I got there and we started our Spartan workout as soon as I walked in the door, it started out kind of slow, lots of talking, and lots of whining. That’s when I realized that just because we are at the gym doesn’t mean we are going to get anything out of it if we keep acting like this. I thought to myself, suck it up! You got yourself in this position and you have to get yourself out! If you don’t want to go to the gym everyday then maybe you shouldn’t have spent so much time eating pizza and watching TV. So mid-whine I told Heather let’s put on our big girl panties and get this workout done! No more talking in between reps, no more whining! She agreed with me and we got to work. We all have bad days at the gym but I think yesterday helped bring the big picture into focus. We were starting to slip and we weren’t pushing ourselves to the limit like we have been. We made a pinky promise (don’t judge) while stretching after our workout to get back on this weight loss/healthy lifestyle train and plow through our workouts and eating habits. No more testing food we don’t need to eat, no more whining during workouts, or talking for 20 minutes between reps.

Some days are harder than others. Some days I am so motivated and excited to be doing what I am doing that I can barely stand it, I whip through a workout and finish sweaty and out of breath then go home and enjoy my salad. Other days I drag my feet, take breaks on my run, and eat my salad while grumbling under my breath. I know I have said it 100 times before but every day is a struggle and every day that I make it through a workout out or meal is a small victory for me. I have to constantly try to keep myself excited about things, excited for a new outfit, excited to finish an 8 mile run, excited to not be fat anymore. Today’s small victory is wearing a shirt that I have not worn comfortably since the day I bought it (Don’t ask me why I bought something that didn’t fit) I looked like a sausage that has been packed to tight but today I wore it with confidence and that felt goooood!

 On a side note… My office is slowly trying to kill me with donuts and swivel chairs. I feel like I spent most of my morning trying to avoid the delicious pink and orange box from Dunkin. Stupid frosted, fried, deliciousness.

Surviving the ups, the downs, and the crazy like a pro.

Once a month my uterus makes a serious attempt to get me killed. It has many different approaches but each one  has the possibility to land me in an early grave.

Top 3 Possible Causes of Death:

1. It tells me to eat anything and everything coated in grease, deep fried, or anything with sugar listed as the first ingredient  which as we all know leads to.... DIABETES!!! YAY! (delayed and prolonged death but still death)

2. It makes me so crazy and unstable that my husband considers hitting me over the head with a frying pan

3. The pain of cramps combined with absolute starvation 10 minutes after I finish eating causes me to run into  oncoming traffic.


So that's how my week has gone so far....

Eating has been ehhhh, workouts have been killer, and my mind has been a bowl full of crazy. I have spent all week arguing with myself which we all know is super healthy. Friday it really came to a peak, all I wanted was ice cream. Nothing crazy but I wanted it and I wanted it bad, I had already had a slip up and devoured a mini almond joy in a moment of raging hormone weakness and I wasn't going to allow myself to have anything else. My mind tried tricking myself into it, I asked Scott if I could have some (he said no), I thought about texting Heather to see if Fro Yo was on our list of approved foods (its not) and I even tried to figure out a way to sneak it. I haven't felt that out of control in a while or spent that much time trying to rationalize cheating. We went to blockbuster to pick out a movie and I grabbed every type of candy in the checkout lane just to read the calorie/sugar/carb contents of each one. I do this a lot when I am craving something and I think once I see how bad it is for me I actually am able to take a step back and say no. For some reason it becomes real once I see the 220 calories per serving. The craving goes out the window at that point because then I start to think of how long I would have to run in order to burn it off.

Today I got up at 4:30 and hiked Camelback mountain with Heather and my cousin Victoria. It was a good solid two hour hike followed by an egg white scramble and protein pancakes (not as healthy as it sounds but a great cheat meal). This week I hope to lose a couple extra pounds and get in some extra miles running, I think it is time to step it up again. I feel like I am starting to get into a comfort zone with my food and workouts and that's not a bad thing but I need to make myself uncomfortable and push myself to the limits. I have goals that I plan on giving my everything in order to attain them and I can't do that and I won't change anything by letting myself get comfortable. I have to keep reminding myself....

"If you're tired of starting over, STOP GIVING UP!!"