Is fist pumping a workout?

Today is the first day in the past month or so that I feel like I actually have something to say. Writing isn't always easy for me and I have spent the past two months feeling sorry for myself and letting myself go back where I never thought I would be again. But today I have something to say, the inner skinny kid wants to fight back so I am letting him have his say. Its time to stop calling it my inner fat kid, I have an outer fat kid and an inner skinny kid. I am overweight, out of shape, and just plain tired. The skinny kid is fighting to get out and I keep beating him back down (its's really not hard to do, he is easily pursuaded by pizza)

So here is an update as to what I have been up to....
1. started a new job, its a great job and I love what I am doing. My stress level is way down, I am home at night, and I get to spend a lot more time with my family. However I not as active as I was before, I spend most of my day in a office chair except for the 30 min or so I go out and walk during lunch. Office life is different, I used to be around people that were in fairly decent shape. There were definitely a lot of people on the ambulance who weren't in shape unless you count round as a shape but they could lift a gurney or a patient when it came down to it. I always looked at the patients and thought how much I did not want to be like them but there is a disconnect when you are the EMT and they are the patient. You don't put yourself in the same category as them, you are better then them, you are healthier, you are younger, etc etc. But now that I work in the office I am one of them, there is no separation of healthy and sick or young and old. We are just all office staff. More than half of the office has type 2 diabetes, there are a couple with pancreatitis, and more than a few who are setting up for a major cardiac event. I am right there with them, not as far along the track but I am getting there. You would think that this would have made me want to eat lettuce and water but I have had a free for all lately.

2. I have gained back some of the weight I lost not a lot, mostly muscle tone. I am trying to get back into going to the gym after work. Now that I have more time I don't have any excuse not to go.

3. I have been trying to work on my coping skills for stress, and anger. I realized that I have been channeling a lot of those things into what I am eating. Bad day at work? eat a donut. Mad because you gained weight? Have a beer! Saying NO! is the hardest part. I can make the right food, and study work out guides until my eyes cross but it doesn't do any good If I don't put the work in.
So now its time to put in some work, some really hard, fist pumping, oatmeal eating, weight lifting work. I am not sure where the fist pumping comes into  place but it just felt right. ANNNND in the spirit of complete honesty....here is my horrible diet diary, not so bad workout diary, and my steps according to my pedometer

Breakfast- bfast sandwhich(crossiant, cheese, ham, egg) fruit bowl
lunch- ft long turkey sandwhich on wheat, no cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayo mustard onion oil vinegar salt pepper
snack- crunch bar
predinner snack- hummus with whole wheat pita
Dinner - whole wheat spaghetti with heart smart sauce and chicken sausage

workout- squats with 40lb rack, push ups, seated row, step ups, physioball curls, 10 min walk 4.0 speed, 5% incline

Pedometer: 10,674 steps (anything over 10k is good)

Chair Ass.

I am now getting ready for my first friday at my new job. I have almost made it through a whole week. I haven't been fired, I kinda know what I am doing, and when someone says lien waver I don't puke anymore :)  That being said I am all new to office life. I have to get used to office politics and all the food! Jesus, offices love to eat! Its killing me! I have seen cupcakes, monkey bread was mentioned in my interview, there is a candy drawer filled with type 2 diabetes, and today we are having a breakfast. Its been great getting to know my co-workers and the cupcakes were actually a fundraiser but I feel like everyday is a gauntlet of food I can't eat. I want to eat it, it looks delicious and my lean cuisine has nothing on the options provided (For Freeeee) but I must resist! The silver lining is that the new job makes it way easier for me to get to the gym, If I am at the gym between 4:45-5am then I can work out, get ready, and make it to carpool around 6:45. I no longer have any excuses. I let the holidays take over and I while I did lose the weight I gained, its time to get rid of that and more. I don't want my ass to look like the seat of my new awesome rolling chair (you have to enjoy the small things in life). I want a runners ass, or once again lets go back to Jessica Biel...lets take a moment of silence for the best body a girl could ask for...................................................................................................................

 I am off to my first friday as a cubicle occupant.... Pray for my strength against monkey bread, bacon, and eggs (the holy trinity of breakfast) now that I think of it, and again this is my wierdo imagination working overload but I just imagined myself standing in the corner, drooling, and rocking back in forth trying to withstand the powers of bacon. That might scare some of my co-workers who are not aware of my bacon issues... 

Happy Friday!!!!

French Fries

Get excited! This recipe allows you to eat what you are craving while still staying low calorie!


French Fries

2 russet potatoes (Peeled and cut into 1/4 in fries)
1Tbls evoo
1tsp salt
1tsp cayenne pepper (optional)

Heat your oven to 425degress
toss potatoes in Evoo, salt, and cayenne pepper
Spread evenly across cookie sheet
cook for 20-25 minutes or until the fries are starting to brown on the outside


Its super easy! and for less than 150 calories...

Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches

This is from the Cook This Not That cookbook, I recommend picking it up If you don't have it already. The recipes are amazing, low calorie, nutrient packed, and cost efficient.


Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches - 4 servings

You'll need:
1/4 cup crumbled blue cheese
1/2 cup Greek yogurt
Juice of half a lemon
Salt and pepper to taste
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (4 to 6 oz each)
1/2 Tbsp chili powder
1 red onion, sliced
2 Tbsp butter, melted in the microwave for 20 seconds
2 Tbsp hot sauce (Frank's Red Hot is our pick)
4 romaine lettuce leaves
4 sesame buns, toasted

How to make it:
1 Preheat a nonstick grill or grill pan. As it's heating, combine the blue cheese, yogurt, and lemon juice, plus a pinch of salt and pepper. Stir and set aside.

2 Season the chicken breasts with salt, pepper, and chili powder. Add the breasts to the hot grill and cook for 5 to 6 minutes on one side before flipping them.

3 Add the onion to the grill's perimeter. (If you're using a grill pan, you'll need to wait to remove the chicken before grilling the onions.) Cook the chicken until firm and springy to the touch, 4 to 5 minutes more. Remove it to a plate, along with the grilled onions.

4 Combine the butter and hot sauce and brush the mixture all over the chicken. Place a leaf of romaine on the base of each bun. Top with a chicken breast and spoon on some blue-cheese sauce(I switched out a slice of mozzarella cheese due to my intense hatred of Blue Cheese). Add grilled onions and the top half of the bun. Makes 4 servings

Per Serving: 421 calories, 44 grams (g) protein, 25 g carbohydrates (1 g fiber), 16 g fat, 680 mg sodium

Happy Friday

Well even though I want to cheat, and I would be cheating if I could.... I forgot my wallet :) so the fates are working against the fat kid today. They said, NO CHIPOTLE FOR YOU! I can't complain that much because I did bring my own lunch and I had breakfast before I left for work. I am just having one of those days where nothing really sounds good. I had kashi cereal for breakfast which is very good, healthy, and most importantly it actually fills me up. I brought low calorie healthy choice soup for lunch, and cheese sticks and a protein shake for snacks. So I am not going to starve, the fat kid seems to think that that is the case but he can shove it. Last night I made a recipe out of the Cook this not that cookbook. It was supposed to be hot wing chicken sandwiches with french fries but the dogs ate the bread so... we just had the chicken with fries. Now don't get all worked up just because I mentioned the words french and fry in the same sentence. These weren't your normal Mcdonalds fries, I used a recipe and portioned them out so they were less than 100 calories per serving . They paired nicely with the chicken especially because the dogs ate our other serving of carbs. I will put up the recipe along with calorie content if anybody is interested :)

Some of you may not know this yet but I am leaving Southwest Ambulance to join an Equipment rental company and next week will be my last week. I am going to miss a lot of things about SWA including the people, the adrenaline rush of a good ems call, and the daily dose of laughter provided by my daily dose of idiots who call 911.  I am also excited for a new adventure, but with this new adventure comes a whole new set of worries, complications, and stressors. The only one pertaining to the fat kid however is the fact that I will now be an office dwelling, cube occupying, large ass growing part of corporate america :) I know it is stupid but I am actually worried about going from a fairly sedentary job where I occasionally had to lift a gurney, pull a extra wide person across a bed, or just get up and move in general to a job where I sit in a chair for the better part of 8 hours. Of course there will be stairs to walk up and down and I will have more time (and hopefully be less tired) to make it to the gym. My hours will also be changing to a more normal schedule so I can go before work or after. I still worry that my ass will start to look like an office chair...Any suggestions to combat this will be welcome! except working on a treadmill, I can't afford that.

Enjoy your weekend. If you are going to be running in the Tough Mudder or PF Changs, GOOD LUCK and I am jealous. I will be helping a friend work Changs so say hi if you see me :) 

A day in the life....

 Picture 1: This is the red raspberry danish that I picked up and stared at for about 20 minutes, debating whether or not I was going to eat it. I looked at calories and fat, rated how good it would actually taste, worried about people finding out I had eaten, and finally put back in the basket where I found it.

 Picture 2: This is the back of the Red Raspberry danish...notice all the ingredients just for a freakin danish?! I think danishes should have less than 300 ingredients ( I may be a little over dramatic about that number) also notice the 350 calories just for a danish that would have taken me 2 seconds to eat, left me hungry, and probably tasted like shit

Picture 3: This is what is usually stocked in EMS rooms. When you haven't eaten a meal all day or are dead broke they are a god send but when you have carrots in the ambulance and you have to make the decision between the two, it can get very tricky

Picture  4: this is the fridge in the EMS room, I took this picture at night time so its pretty empty but if you can see its filled with soda, powerade, sandwiches, and water. I usually steal as much water as I can because I try to drink a gallon a day and this helps my wallet.


So this is what I battle every day. I look at the food, I pick it up, I think about it, I guilt trip myself, Imagine the look on my imaginary kids faces when I die from a heart attack and then I put it back...usually. Its hard and most of the time I try to stay away from them. Its also hard to get mad when the hospital is stocking these items for us at no cost, I appreciate all they do for us and like I said when you having one of those days when a breakfast, lunch or dinner break is nonexistent they are life savers. Some are better, some are worse. There is one hospital in the west valley that almost has water, apples, and oranges but there is one in the east valley that has bagels, candy bars, and chips...

ps: an EMS room is a room inside the ER of a hospital that is set aside for paramedics/emts to finish paperwork after we drop off a patient. 

Resolutions

Its a new year and that means its time for New Years Resolutions. Me and Scott have decided that part of of our new years resolution will be to cut down on how much we eat out. It has become ridiculous how much money we spend (that we don't have) on things we don't need. So it's time to start acting like the domestic goddess I hope to be one day and that means planning...lots of planning. There are women/men/families who do this all the time, I think they call it a habit or something like that. The new cool thing that these domestic goddess are doing and blogging about (which is also the cool new thing) is planning and executing a cooking day. So what you ask is a cooking day? Well not too long ago I was wondering the same thing, I had seen it on   a couple blogs and here and there on pinterest. I have known my mother in law to spend a couple hours or a day in the kitchen whipping up freezer meals so I think I may have to give up a day off and test out my kitchen skills. Now I can cook, fry, steam, and baste with the best of them, and by best of them I mean people like me who can follow a recipe and are not chefs. But to spend an entire day on my feet in a kitchen, sweating, burning fingers and constantly yelling at the dogs to get out of the kitchen is not my idea of fun. BUT! for the sake of our budget, my waistline, and my evening bonding time with the couch, I think I may have to try this! 
So a cooking day is where you spend an entire day cooking ( tough concept I know). You make freezer meals for dinner, pack snacks for weekday, make weekday lunches, make freezer bags filled with smoothie ingredients so all you have to do is throw it in the blender, make homemade egg mcmuffins for breakfast. And you do all of this with fresh produce, lean meats, no preservatives, lots of foil and ziplocks, a 6 pack of calorie free monster(coffee, soda, meth whatever works for you)  to keep you awake and slightly less cranky, and crocs to keep your knees from screaming after you spend 6 hours standing on tile. I think this is something that I will either A: need everybody out of the house for, or B: need a buddy and some wine to get me through it. BUT! at the end you should have a months worth of food and you won't have to spend weekdays worrying about what you will make for dinner, or going to McDonalds for breakfast because you work at 6am and if you want breakfast that means getting up at 4am. Remember this will be a painful trip to the grocery store, come armed with coupons, look for whats on sale, and repeat to yourself over and over again that it is a months worth of food. Once I get my game plan set (grocery list, meal list, xanax prepared) I will post it up here. 


here are a couple links to professional moms who do freezer meals


This lady is amazing, she is the planning guru
http://moneysavingmom.com/2010/02/how-to-plan-bulk-cooking.html  




http://www.beautifulfrugallife.com/2011/11/freezer-cooking-day-prep-and-cooking-schedule-2/

Happy New Year

First let me say, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! its a time for renewal, new goals, resolutions and all that bullshit :)

I hit the holidays hard. I ate everything in site, I ate all day long and I didn't work out as much as I should.The inner fat kid was more of an outer fat kid and he came to the party in elastic waist pants and baggy sweatshirts. I have lists longer than the day is long as to why I didn't go to the gym or why I decided to eat that 4th piece of pizza. I was sick, its the holidays, its too much trouble to make myself something different..Blah Blah Blah. So today is day 1 of healthy eating. Its countdown time, GAMEFACE! bikini time is slowly approaching and with it comes spring training (aka beer, brauts, and nacho cheese).

Last weekend I went out in style and ate shit all day every day but the good news is I also got my butt off the couch. Sunday and Monday I painted all day and Monday and Monday we also went and hiked Camelback. If you have never hiked camelback, I recommend it. It was fun and horrible all at the same time. I felt Bipolar the whole way up. " I love this, I hate this, the views are beautiful, I can't breathe, woo hoo I am working out, sweet baby jesus kill me now" but as soon as I was finished I was happy with what I had accomplished. If you are interested in going I recommend going really early, there are about 3 parking spots and 87 people waiting for them to open up. Yesterday was the first day I went back to the gym, I ran 3 miles/30min alternating sprints with jogging. I felt ok, my legs are sore today but its a good sore. My new schedule makes it hard for me to get to the gym but I really need to start pushing myself to get there. Food has been Ehhhh.... One meal I do great the next meal I eat whatever I want. I need to start making all my  meals in advance again. My mother law bought me another book in the eat this not that series, it is a collection of recipes that are budget and waistline friendly so I want to start trying different meals out of it.

I am going to be better about posting, I took a couple weeks off during the holidays and now its time to get in gear. I have a lot of work to do on myself for myself and my family. So goodbye cheesecake, goodbye pizza, and goodbye beer. We had a good run and I enjoyed the hell out of these last couple weeks, but you are bad for me and I am kicking you to the curb...again....dammit pizza is one smooth talking sob.

A Festivus for the Rest of us

I know I have said this a hundred time before but I love food. Looove. Love. LUUUUUUHHHHVE. 
I love watching food network and travel channel. I love looking at the food catagory on Pinterest. I love reading recipe books and trying new things. I love cooking, baking, experimenting. But most of all I love eating the things I buy/make or the things people make me. The holidays are hard to be good and I have had more bad days than good. I have had booze, sweet treats, pork and other miscellaneous works of the Devil (or just devils food cake). I am also finding that I seem to be more hungry than I normally am. I have no idea why but as soon as I finish one meal I am planning my next.  I just came back to work after 6 days off and now that I am on my new schedule I have spent most of my time sitting in a lazy boy and drooling into my salad as I watch Man Vs. Food. I think I could be a competitive food eater. 64 hot dogs in 12 minutes? DONE. 
Hmm that makes me think of whole hot dogs traveling though my arteries, that might cause a heart attack (but what do I know?!).
The good news is I have been really good about working out. Not every workout has been at the gym, I tried a few new things to change it up and not let myself lull into gym boredom. I took the dogs for  a walk/trip to the dog park. Walking my dogs is a cardio workout as well as a strength workout. I know some of you are reading this and wondering "Lauren, how can walking dogs be a strength workout?" well let me explain... I have 3 dogs, all 3 weigh 60lbs or more and are a tad bit psychotic. They are friendly and super sweet but they love to run and feel the wind beneath their paws and when there is 130+ lbs of dog dragging you down the road, you use every muscle in your body to reign them in. Until you just give up and run with them (this is where the cardio comes in). Now that I think of it, it's also a core workout because you are trying to hold yourself upright.  The other out of gym workout I did was an impromptu trip to Jumpstreet. Now if you have never been I recommend kidnapping your kid/niece/nephew/cousin etc etc and taking them for the afternoon of your lives(you need a kid to make you look legit and not like a creepy pervert). There are trampolines EVERYWHERE! they have trampoline dodge ball, trampoline aerobics, or you can just jump. Because we did not know we were going until 2 minutes before and we were going with our nieces(ages 2, almost 2, and 3), nephew(almost 5), and my cousin(almost 13) we didn't think we would be jumping. I thought we would watch the little ones tumble around and grown ups would be restricted to the hard surfaces. Well I was mistaken, I was allowed to go jump with the kids and because I spent most of Jr. High and High School on a competitive cheer team. I was very familiar with the trampoline. My parents also bought me and my brother one so as soon as I walked in I started grinning like an idiot and trying to figure out how to get on one. My lovely sisters in law handed over there passes and off I went. We spent just over an hour there playing with the kids. I had a blast!!! But if you have not jumped on a trampoline in a couple years like me, the next day you will be sore in places you forgot you had. I can't wait to go back and play on the big kids (SHUT UP, I know I am an adult) trampoline and try doing all the stuff I used to do in cheer. This will probably end with a trip to the ER but I am OK with that. 


So now we are going into the holiday countdown. I still need to finish Christmas shopping, I still need to bake, and I still need to wrangle my love of fudge. I will not restrict myself during the holidays, I will eat in moderation and not let myself overdo it but I will still let myself enjoys the foodie goodness. I will also kick my workouts into overdrive. Its time to kick my ass... Running, Jumping, Walking, and Lifting. GAME FACE!!!! It will be a festivus miracle :)

Letter to the Stairmaster

I hope you die mother f'er.
I hope that when I am sweat profusely and gasping for air, a drop of sweat falls into your inner workings and short circuits the entire system.
I wish you didn't burn calories so efficiently.
Your warning label should not read "stop if you have trouble breathing or chest pain" I feel both of things the moment I take a step, actually I think I get anxiety attacks just thinking about the first step.

see you tomorrow you bastard.

Egg Muffins

This is another complicated and tiring recipe. Prepare yourself to spend a lot of time in the kitchen ;)

Chopped Veggies (whatever you prefer, I used red bell pepper and onion)

5 eggs beaten 

Protein of some kind 

(again whatever you prefer, I used chicken sausage that I had on hand. You could use bacon, breakfast sausage, or no meat at all. )

1/4 cup cheese
pesto-optional 

cooking spray

Spray Muffin tin with cooking spray

add a layer of veggies and protein , filling about 1/3

add a layer of cheese

fill almost to the top with egg mixture

stir with a fork 

Bake for 20 min at 350 degrees

I also made one that was with egg whites, fun fact: egg whites expand. alot. That is the muffin that is taking over the pan. 

I froze mine to be reheated at a later date but you could very easily make this in the morning for a group of people or as snacks for the kids :)

Turkey Meatballs

1lb Extra Lean ground turkey
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1/3 cup shredded romano cheese
1 egg
cooking spray


Combine all ingredients
roll into 1 in balls
brown in a pan that has been sprayed with cooking spray
Transfer to sauce pan with sauce
let simmer and finish cooking (about 20 min)

Now take a break, drink some wine and maybe take a nap. You worked hard and deserve a break :)

Cooking Light on a Heavy Body

In case you were wondering, the spaghetti and turkey meatballs turned out great! the entire meal was 435 calories. That included a full serving of spaghetti, sauce, meatballs, and salad. I honestly can't taste a huge difference between turkey and lean beef when I use it in recipes. I know there is a foodie out there who just gasped in terror but I am not a food snob. I used the same recipe I use for regular meatballs, I just swapped out the pork and veal mixture for extra lean turkey. I also made them much smaller. I used a jar of Prego sauce because I wasn't in the mood to make my own, and my grandmothers recipe calls for about 1 cup of sugar. The packaging on the linguine box said 1/8 of the box so I eyeballed the serving sizes but I only cooked half of the box and we had leftovers (which I took to work and ate cold :) ). I just added some premade salad and low cal dressing and we were set. It was super easy and it tasted good. My dad always made spaghetti and meatballs on Sundays during the winter. So whenever we have a cold rainy day I crave spaghetti. Now I can have it without crying myself to sleep and cuddling with my spare tire. That day I also made "egg muffins" I think they came out great but again I am not that picky. I just chopped up some veggies and some chicken sausage then layered that in a muffin tin with some cheese and beaten eggs. I baked them for 20 min at 350 degrees. They are 100 calories per muffin but the down side is I need about 12 of them to fill me up. I threw them in a bag and tossed them in the freezer. Tuesday morning I reheated two of them and ate them with a apple. Veggies? Check. Protein? Double Check. Fruit? Check. Delicious? CHECK!
Today has been another experiment in Healthy or substitute cooking. I just finished a banana bread that is under 200 calories per slice and no sugar! Woo Hoo. I am pretty proud of this one, I found a recipe on a blog called Clean and Delicious. I swapped the sugar for splenda and it turned out great. I think its a little bit denser than normal banana bread, but if I can eat banana bread at all I am happy. I don't create any of these recipes myself but I like to try new things and turn family favorites into Healthy family favorites.
Today I am also making some shredded chicken in the crockpot that is 120 calories for 4 oz. I just threw 4 frozen boneless skinless chicken breasts in with 1 can of diced tomatoes, enough low sodium no fat chicken broth to cover the breasts and some salt, pepper, cumin, and oregano. I figured we could shred it and keep in in the fridge for meals during the week. I can use it to top a salad, make enchiladas, fajitas, or just as a quick snack.

I want to remind everyone that these are not my recipes. I am in no way, shape, or form creative enough to come up with this on my own. But I do like experimenting and trying new food, especially food that can work with our new lifestyle that I like to call " Lets stay alive and avoid Diabetes"
When I can I will post a link to the recipe that I used. I will post the recipes from todays blog, in case anybody now has a weird craving for banana bread with meatballs and eggs...

Boundaries

Depending on my mood I can be very good at pushing boundaries. I can push peoples personal space boundaries, I can push socially acceptable fashion boundaries (not anything crazy, just a lot of sweat pants) or I can push the boundaries of how much fat my pants can actually hold. Working out and losing weight is about pushing your own boundaries. Pushing yourself to that point where you don't want to go any farther, you want to die, you think dying might be less painful and you curse the higher power who decided that all things delicious must also kill you. I am trying to push myself to be the kind of person that my husband, my family, my children that don't exist, and myself can be proud of. The vain part of me also wants to be the person at the gym you hate because I look GOOOOOD, I want people to call me that bitch who probably never eats a carb, the one all the catty girls talk about. But I can't have my dream legs, arms, back, stomach, or pant size if I don't push myself to the edge. I don't mean that in a "lets see how many days I can go with out food, or lets see if anyone notices that I throw up every meal" but I want to push myself to run harder, lift more, and eat better.
Today I only worked half day so I decided to hit the gym on the way home. I didn't have any time constraints like I normally do and nowhere I had to be. Just me, the gym, and some self induced guilt from not getting up at 4:30 this morning to go run. It was really nice to take my time and really give myself an ass kicking. I started on the treadmill and ran for 30 minutes, 5 minute warm up followed by 5 minutes of jogging, and then 20 minutes of jog for 2 minutes at 5.7mph and sprint for 1 minute at 7.5 mph. I read that sprint workouts burn more calories and are better at increasing your cardio threshold, not sure if its true or not Hmm I should probably ask   Scott about that....Anyways I prefer that kind of treadmill workout because it makes the time go by quicker. After my run I lifter for about 45 minutes. I worked on my arms, killed my legs, and slaughtered my core. Even now as I am typing this I am laying in bed because I am already sore. I then went back to cardio, I did 30 minutes on the stairmaster using the speed interval setting level 5. I always try to end with cardio because I read  somewhere (In a Book! Dodgeball reference anyone?) that you should always end with cardio because your heart rate stays up longer and it boosts your metabolism. After I finished all that I went and sat in the sauna, letting my toxins sweat out like the hippies.

Now I am off to make dinner. We are having Whole Wheat Spaghetti with turkey meatballs (pray for scott, this is an experiment) and I am going to try and make the "egg muffins" I will post pictures and recipes if they turn out to not suck. Hey! more boundary pushing! I am going to push my husbands comfy food boundaries :) not that he has much say in the matter haha

ohhh sorry one last thing! Shout out to the hubby.... He made an awesome Turkey Chili Meatloaf last night out of the biggest loser cookbook, it was delicious and only 172 calories for a 2 slice serving. 

Overactive

They say that the beginning is the hardest, once you take that step to choose to be healthy, to chose to be fit that you can do anything. Well I have been at this for 3+ months and it is still hard, I want to know when it will get easier, when it will all slide into place. Everyday is a fight, a battle against the fat kid. I arm myself with lean protien, fruits, vegetables, and water but have you ever tried to battle a piece bacon with a fruit bowl and water?  I can say all the right things and preach until I lose my voice but that doesn't change anything when I eat pizza anyways. Its hard to know that I CAN do this, I know HOW to do this, but I still don't always make the right decisions. Its hard to not get down on  myself when I know what the right decision is and I turn into the loving warm arms of fast food. I am on a path of self destruction and I am ignoring all the signs that say turn around. I will say its a delicious path but still its a path that leads down to a deep dark hole that I don't think I can pull myself out of again. Unfortunatley my lack of krispy kreme also makes me very cranky towards the people who are trying to help. Sorry If I have bitten your head off in a fit of hunger rage, I don't mean it...You weren't adopted, your parents still love you, and you are not the son of a bitch I claimed you were :)  Lack of fat makes me a grumpy SOB. I know I can't have both but I don't think its too much to ask, all I want it to eat and be skinny. NO sorry not skinny...Healthy. Healthy is the new term, skinny is out. I want to keep my curves and I don't want to be able to see my food as it is digesting.


I read somewhere that calories are tiny evil creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes just a little bit tighter every night. It made me laugh but it also made me think of all the "small" lies the fat kid whispers to us as we reach for just one more bite. Things like "a small slice of pie doesn't count" or "there are no calories on vacation." There lies are what got me through all the guilt ridden meals in Hawaii :)
Sometimes you have to let go, have fun, and leave the calorie counter at home. The food lies are what get me in trouble. Like thinking a salad is good for me and low calories just because they call it a salad, but if its covered in cheese, dressing, and croutons all that hard work goes right out the window.

have a happy Sunday everybody. Enjoy your day off, read a book, day dream about waistlines that don't expand (ever.) and relax. I can do this, I can be the person I want to be. The only person standing in my way is me and because its kind of hard to offend myself I can tell myself to "shut up fatty, no one asked your opinion anyways." to which my fat self would probably respond with " no you shut up ass hole, I am going to  sit over here in my sweat pants while I enjoy a double double from In and Out"
hmmm I may have a slightly over active imagination....I can't stop imagining scenarios between my fat self and my healthy self. Its like Rosy O'donell has Kelly Ripa in a Headlock and while rosy has kelly in pure substance, kelly is a scrapy little fighter and she is ready for the take down.
Yep. Imagination is waaay too overactive.

Dear Santa....

For Christmas I would like...

1. An ass like Jessica Biel
2. Arms like Jessica Biel
3.  To look like Jessica Biel :)
4. to be able to work some martha stewart magic on my house
5. win the lottery
6. to be able to control my taco/beer/pizza craving
7. Somebody to invent calorie/carb free vodka (really, we can put somebody on the moon but you can drink and be skinny?)
8. The self control, will power, and determination to not give up.

I don't think that is too much to ask? haha ok most of you are probably either A. Laughing (what I was hoping for) B. going into mom mode and think, "aww hunny you are fine the way you are! who cares if every time you bend over you can hear your jeans scream in pain, while you die a little bit on the inside?" or C. "C'mon Fat Ass you can do this, quit whining and get off the couch!"
I myself am thinking of a combination of all three when I read my list, "C'mon fat ass, I just heard your jeans scream again and even though people like you as you are and being happy is more important than being skinny, think of how happy and healthy you could be!" all while laughing of course, because lets be honest...a world without tacos is no world for me.

This week was a struggle after my free for all last weekend. I know most of what is holding me back is a mental   issue. I have good days, bad days, awesome days, and pizza days. Wednesday at work I did awesome! I worked out with my sister in law at 4 freaking 30, did my cardio and didn't cheat all day. I wasn't even hungry for most of the day. I honestly think I was so tired that I just didn't care and every time I started to get hungry we would run and call and I would forget all about it. Thursday I was trying to catch up on sleep after a busy week at work that I didn't eat that much either. But when I am home and my options aren't limited to food I can eat on the go or in the ambulance I tend to cook more elaborately than I normally would. So I had egg whites and Wheat toast for breakfast, I went out and got some coffee then planted my ass on the couch for some quality time with hulu and pinterest. I made some kind of chicken thing (I don't know what to call it, I browned some chicken and put it in the crockpot with a jar of beer and onion braising sauce then served over brown rice) it was a little spicy but under 400cal/serving and it was nice for a cold night. Tonight I am going out to dinner with my best friend from HS/Maid of honor and luckily she is awesome at eating the right things so she always helps keep me on track. Its hard to justify ordering fried chicken when the other person is having a salad, no cheese, dressing on the side and water to drink. It guilts me into eating the same. When we go out to eat and people are ordering food that isn't on my plan, I will usually take that as sign from above that its a splurge day (Yes I know the higher power doesn't usually use food as a sign)

I hope everyone has a good day, I will leave you with this picture....its either motivation for you or you are a boy and you are just going to stare at the screen for a few minutes. either way ENJOY :)

I like beer. and Pizza. Ohh ohhh and Beer... Damn

Most of you know from past posts about my constant struggle against wanting to enjoy life and learning to enjoy life without the fat producing, sloth inducing, fun having items such as beer... pizza...and cinnabon. I give into peer pressure very easily, I am a people pleaser. Most of the time I say yes ma'am and yes sir without realizing it, I say excuse me after somebody else body checks me at the mall, and as soon as somebody says "Lauren, we're getting a beer sampler" my response (because I don't want to hurt their feelings, that would be rude) is usually something long thought out and thought provoking like.."I'm down." I love beer. It's cold, delicious, and thirst quenching. So what had happened was... We went to Four Peaks for dinner last night with our friends Amy and Chris, and my sister in law Heather and my Mother in Law Karen. Heather and Karen had never been so we had to show them the amazingness that is Four Peaks. How can you not love fresh cold craft beer and really, really, really good food. So when you take a Four Peaks virgin for their first time you have to take them through all the essential steps. You must A. make them drink a beer sampler B. make everybody order something different so you can all share and C. Make sure somebody orders Arizona Chicken Rolls. These steps are very important, and we followed everyone of them. So after my good breakfast, my low calorie pride inducing/ego boosting lunch...I had pizza and beer. Amazing pizza and beer, but still calorie loaded pizza and beer. The guilt would have beer hard to deal with if not for the comforting arms of beer. I feel like this is getting repetitive. I like beer.

So now its Saturday, I made the whole wheat banana bread pancakes for breakfast. I think they turned out really good, Scott liked them too. The syrup was a little rich but I am not a big fan of pure maple syrup. I liked them with just butter on them. It was a nice alternative to regular pancakes, with the whole wheat and the bananas it turns a calorie loaded carb party into a calorie loaded carb party that you can be proud of. It is definitely a breakfast that should be a special occasion breakfast but still a crowd pleaser. I shared some pizza with my nieces and then because I didn't have any beer telling me its OK to eat pizza, I went for a 7 mile run. The run went well, my knees hurt but that's nothing new. I wasn't able to run the whole thing but I finished.

I am getting ready for the week and I am going to try and make some new breakfast items. I saw a recipe on pinterest where you just whisk up some eggs, pour them into a cupcake tin, and add whatever you like. You can add cheese, turkey, tomato, etc. and then you just reheat them when you are ready! sounds good to me :)

Will Power is a Muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.


if you are interested in Pinterest.... just go to www.pinterest.com and I apologize in advance for your new addiction :)   

Lazy Day

Good news... I am clear to go back to work! woo hoo! this also means that I am clear to go back to the gym. I am still going to take it easy because I have never hurt my back before and I don't want to aggravate it again. It sucks! I went and did yoga yesterday. It was nice, I didn't break a big sweat but I am sore today so that's a good thing. Today is going good so far, I had egg whites with turkey, avocado, and cheese for breakfast. I had a salad with turkey roll ups for lunch and dinner is undecided. I am also becoming a very big fan of the skinny options at Starbucks. I have always been a fan of their zero calorie tea but  now that I can have a Skinny Peppermint Mocha, I am in coffee heaven. I think I know what the Christmas spirit is all about now, I am less inclined to kill drivers who go 30mph down a major road when I have some caffeine in me. Or more inclined depending on how much caffeine I have actually had....Life has been fairly boring today, I have spent all of my time at the doctor or impatiently waiting for work to call. Boring usually means a eating binge, or a cleaning binge, or a workout binge. But today it has been a relax binge...stressful, I know. I am letting my back heal? Anyone buy that? No? or I am just being lazy.

Todays exciting lunch :)

Get ready for awesomeness...

Are you ready??? OK here it is, the new recipe. A new Sunday/Saturday morning tradition... it has bananas and whole wheat flour so it must be healthy right? Well kind of anyways...its more of a once in a while food that  hits the nutritional reqs when paired with a fruit salad. You can also swap brown sugar for splenda's brown sugar and cut out the syrup completely. With everything it runs about 200cal per pancake and yes that includes the syrup! so add a fruit bowl and drink your water with it and you will have a well rounded breakfast! FEAST ON!

PS: I found this recipe on Pinterest, it's from another blog called "How Sweet It Is" She has tons of great stuff..check her out!

Whole Wheat Brown Sugar Banana Bread Pancakes

makes 12 pancakes

2 cups whole wheat pastry flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

2/3 cup milk

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

3 large ripe bananas, mashed

2 tablespoons butter, melted

In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, sugar, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg in a large bowl. Measure out the milk and add the vanilla extract to it. Whisk together the dry ingredients and add in milk and vanilla, stirring to combine. The mixture will still be dry. Add in mashed bananas and mix. Add in melted butter and stir until batter is somewhat smooth.

Heat a skillet or grilled on medium heat. Using a 1/3 cup measure, spoon batter into rounds and cook until bubbles form on top – about 2-3 minutes. Flip and cook for a minute or two more. Repeat with remaining batter. Serve hot with butter and syrup, or the vanilla maple glaze.

Note: if you don’t have/can’t find whole wheat pastry flour, use 1 cup of regular whole wheat and 1 cup of all purpose. Or 2 cups of all purpose.

Vanilla Maple Glaze

1/2 cup maple syrup

3/4 cup powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and stir until smooth. Pour over pancakes.

Happy Holidays

December is officially here. That fun time of year when family comes into town, parties are thrown, presents are unwrapped and your pants no longer fit. We drink, we eat, and we celebrate. Most the time we are too busy working overtime for extra Christmas money, wrapping presents, shopping, and eating or drinking at parties to actually hit the gym. The food is always good, tenderloins, fudge, and lets not forget the roast beast. Drinks include eggnog, champagne, beer, and the ever present liquor. Now I am a fan of all of these things, they get me in the spirit of Christmas and they are just delicious. However I need to stay away from them, they are not going to help me attain my goals and I need to make up for November. I don't want to go back to the uber strict rules I placed on myself during the first month to help me gain control but I think it might be time for that. I tend to do better when there are strict rules and no exceptions. I can make an exception for food at any time. So white meat only, no fast food, and no drinking anything but water, tea, and coffee. Back to 6 small meals a day and as soon as my back is feeling better it will be back to the gym. 

If you are curious I went back to the doctor yesterday, she didn't clear me for work yet but put me on light duty. I feel a lot better but it does still hurt and as the day progresses it tends to tighten up. I go back again on Friday and she thinks she will be able to clear me for work. WOO HOO! As for now I am laying flat on the couch, all 3 dogs piled on top of me and relaxing.