Ode to Running

I signed up for another 1/2 marathon, I am not sure why, and I am not sure how, but I did it. Not only am I running 13.1 miles but I am doing it at 6,500 ft and on a trail. No I have never run long distance at elevation, no I have never done a trail race before, and no I have not been training for the last 3 months. So this should be fun.... I have written a training schedule that will include 4 runs a week, 2 cross training days, and 3 lifting days. I am just going to start crushing and snorting ibuprofen.  So in honor of getting back into running and all that comes along with it. Here is my Ode to running (Sounds fancy right?)

Ode to Running

Here's to the early mornings to beat the heat, the half drunken stumble you do out the door at 4 am to try and get 10 miles in. 

Here's to the gallons of peanut butter, vaseline, body glide, goo, powerade, and water. Which you may  or may not consume in any particular order. 

Here's to proudly (ish) leaving your house wearing spandex and a fanny pack around your waist. 

Here is hiding your fanny pack and spandex when friends come over. 

Here is to the small wave, the high five, the nod, or the please dear god call 911 that you give your fellow runners on early Saturday mornings. 

Here's to act like its no big deal when you consume more calories than a baby calf after a 10 mile run then proceed to crash in a pool of your own sweat and happiness. 

Here is to significant others who dutifully pop blisters, wash your god awful laundry, stretch you when you feel like your muscles have been replaced with concrete, and stay with you in spite of it all. 

Here's to new races, new shirts, and new stickers

Here's too spending way to much money in pre race exhibit halls. Hell, here's to spending too much money!

Here's to new shoes every other week that cost more than your car payment but promise to stop your shin splints forever. 

Here's to having an excuse to eat pizza and drink beer (carb loading)

Here's to enjoying the hell out of yourself and learning to step outside your comfort zone. 

I guess that wasn't really and ode. In fact I don't really know what an Ode is. Lets call it a cheers, yes. Cheers to running and runners!

Mmm This cucumber is delicious

said no fat kid ever.


one of those days.. I just had to get my "cucumbers are not pizza" anger out

Everybody's working for the weekend!! (just try not to sing it and do some really bad 80's dance moves...you can't can you? ha.)

Weekends are hard.

It seems like every time I turn around some sneaky bastard is like "Today we have a beautiful egg sandwich with cage free, super awesome, happy chicken eggs, fresh off the vine roma tomatoes, feta cheese straight from happy greek cows (cows? goats? who cares...opa!), all between two pieces of fresh baked, buttered ciabata bread!"  and then someone like me comes along and I have say something dumb like ummm, yeah that sounds awesome but can you make it egg whites, hold the butter (stay strong Paula Deen!), and pull some of the delicious doughy awesomeness out of the ciabatta roll? k. thanks.
Even I am embarrassed when I say things like that. I feel like I should stop and explain myself to everyone behind me in line, the person taking my order and Paula Deen herself.
" No, No its ok! see I have this weight issue and I have to log my foods and work out. So if I eat all that doughy goodness my ass will be a big mess of doughy not so goodness.... also hold the large caramel frappachino, I will take a water cup."
I expect the people in line to start booing me until I leave and go to sprouts.

The good news about weekends is they usually include bacon, I mean bacon. Shit. No, no bacon. I mean salad... they include salad.
with bacon. Crap.

Ok lets try this again....

Weekends include cheat meals, yay cheat meals! This is what we all work for, this is what I dream about as I eat my 3rd salad of the day. I think damn this is good romaine lettuce, it would be better if it was pizza but just hold out until your cheat meal and you can eat whateva, whateva you want. So today is my cheat meal, I stayed strong at breakfast, I had a decent lunch, and I will tear a pizza apart at dinner. I am really looking forward to the tearing apart...part. After I embarrass myself and my husband at a local restaurant, we are headed to watch a local trail run race, so that should make me feel good about my life decisions. (that last sentence was heavily laden with sarcasam.)
Then to make up for my decision to eat pizza and not run, I am getting up at 5 am to go run 5 miles with Heather. Scott is going on a 90 minute bike ride and we are all meeting for protein pancakes to congratulate each other and go through a round of high fives (well earned high fives)

So everyone stay stong, enjoy your cheat meals, log your foods, and grab a couple slices of pizza.

I'm back!

I'm back.

My clean eating/running sabbatical was pretty awesome. I didn't even know I was on one, I just looked around one day and realized I was surrounded by a cocoon of pizza, beer, soda, and good times. Funny enough my running shoes were no where to be found and I had switched my daily dose of ibuprofen for a daily dose of tums.  I went back to Texas for a week and had an awesome time eating/drinking my way through multiple cities, family get together's, and finding new restaurants (I miss you fuzzys!). I have a new appreciation for Shiner Bock, BBQ, and the great state of Texas. But, all great things must come to an end and I am proud to say that I am back.

Now, what does that mean exactly?
Well, for the first time in almost 3 years I am not training for anything (except life mf'er)
That means I don't have to get up and run 18 miles on Saturdays, I don't have to eat 12 lbs of protein to keep my poor muscles functioning, and eating a slice of pizza every now and then will not cause a disastrous shift in my little universe.
But I am also heavier than I wish to be and since my stomach has not listened to my pleas to quit keeping everything like some kind of adipose hoarder, I have to get back to eating right.

Sooo.. (I know you are wondering if there is a point to all of this or just the ramblings of an a.d.d, oh hey look a squirrel!)

anyhoooo... oh right.

I am trying to get back in the swing of things, working out, prepping foods, eating right and saying no.
That's a big one, it is so damn hard to say no.

Would you like a beer? YEA NOOOO

Double cheese, extra sausage pizza? HELL YES! I umm mean no. no thank you

lets go run 5 miles! HELL NAH! JK! I will go get my running shoes...

Balance, right? Its all about balance...

Quitin cold turkey

I am a paleo failure.

I tried it, I really did. I tried to be excited about trying something new and being a sprouts shopping, coconut milk drinking, no preservative hippie but that shit is not for me! I found that the more I tried to be good, the more I cheated. If I put a million limits on what I can eat then I just get cranky and pissy. Hangry became a constant state for me. So I stopped. That easy, I quit eating hippie shit cold turkey... impressive I know :)

That's not to say that I didn't learn something from it or that I am going to scrap every paleo tendency from my diet. I am going to continue to cut back on my grains, dairy, and sugar. Not because its paleo but because I honestly did feel better. I just can't cut it completely. As soon as I type that, a small but very competitive part of my brain screams out "Quitter!!!, what a sissy! You just don't have the willpower!" but I feel like this is the right decision for me and the fat kid. I have to walk this very fine line of not giving myself too much slack (because I will give an inch, take a mile) and not being too hard on myself.

I will continue to try and not put cheese on everything I eat because lets be honest, my breakfast,  lunch, and dinner don't really require a heaping portion of gooey gooey goodness. It makes it taste much better and but I don't have to have it. That was a revelation for me thanks to paleo.

So as I prepare my food for the week (a little late this week) I am trying not to think "paleo" or "hippie" but just healthy and good for me.

prepped foods:

roasted zucchini with garlic, salt, and pepper
roasted broccoli and bell peppers with garlic, salt, and pepper
grilled chicken
carrot sticks
egg whites


and for the sake of keeping myself honest... todays food diary

not my best day but not my worst either...

Breakfast:
egg whites with bell pepper and ground turkey

snacks:
trail mix
granola bar

lunch:
prime rib sandwich with cheese on rye (no mayo!!)

dinner:
avocado chicken salad lettuce wraps
with grilled peaches

I also went to the gym

10 min warm up on the stairmaster
30? 45? minutes legs
leg press 3x15 with 180lb
3x15 lunges with 30 lbs
3x20 box jumps

3x10 overhead press
3x10 curls

10 minute aaaaabs
50 crunches
25 reverse crunches
20 bicycles
20 floor wipers
3 rounds

Day Three

Well its day 3 of no cheese, no dairy, no sugar, and no grains. I am doing good and staying strong but geeeeezus would I love some Macaroni and cheese. I made the nearly fatal mistake of getting on the pinterest, I was looking for new recipes to try but everything on there is cheesy, gooey, dairy filled deliciousness wrapped in carbs. That plan backfired.

Sooo I decided I would write instead of scanning the web for food porn like some kind of van driving creeper.

I didn't go to they gym today but I did prep some more food for the week. I am a little burnt out on salad so I have been eating roasted vegetables instead. Today I made roasted sweet potatoes, zucchini, and broccoli. I toss the in coconut oil, salt, pepper, and garlic,then I bake them at 400 degrees until they are tender. It's pretty damn tasty if I do say so myself :)

Tonights dinner is Paleo approved Italian chicken, if it is tasty I will make sure to post the recipe.

Have a great day!

Hippie Shit.

Things are starting to get back to normal, I am still sad and I still miss him but I am ok.

Since the marathon I have avoided running at all costs but if I don't run that means I have to find some other form of cardio and I have to be even more careful with what I eat. I have started swimming more and reacquainting myself with the stair master just to break away from running, I have run a time or two but I have done mostly sprints. The last two weeks have not been the best eating weeks for me. No excuses, I just ate like shit and ignored the giant red, blinking,  vegas-esq sign that said STOP!! I did good for a little while, I cut back on coffee and sugar, I prepared my foods, but I always found a way to sneak in a "snack"  so now its time to face the music and the music doesn't lie. It makes you and the scale cry when you get on in the morning. So its back to the grind, and since owning up to my food crimes on the blog tends to keep me in line I am clearing my conscience.

After the marathon I decided to give the paleo lifestyle a try, I have had multiple friends tell me how awesome it is and how much better they feel. If you aren't familiar with paleo its main line of thought is back to the caveman basics. Eat, drink, and think like a caveman. No dairy, no sugar, no wheat, no grains of any kind, no alcohol,  and everything should be fresh. My brain translated this to "so your telling me I have to eat hippie shit?" the fat kid was not impressed, he likes dairy (especially cheese), and beer, and sugar. A lot.
So I grumbled all the way to sprouts (hippie shit),stared at the cheese case for a little while, then I grumbled all the way home, and I grumbled in the kitchen as I prepped my food. It doesn't taste bad, in fact most of the food is very good and not that different from what I normally eat but it means no cheese or sour cream on my lettuce wrap fajitas, no cream or sugar in my coffee (if you are not aware I drink cream and sugar with a shot of coffee), no fake sugar either. All of the stuff that I used to make my healthy food taste better and talk the fat kid off the ledge has been cut from my day to day diet. To sum this up in one word... BOOOOOOOOOO

Ok its not that bad but I just had to get all my pent up food anger out. I still have more days than not where I resent my body and my genetic make up that does not allow me to eat filib's on a regular basis. I like being healthy, I like working out, and I like feeling better but I still could go for a extra large pizza, wings, and a ice cold soda. I will say this, I have noticed a big change in how my stomach feels by cutting out diary and sugar. I am going to give it another shot, I am going to pay attention to the big red blinking stop sign that hangs above the the donuts and pizza, and I will learn to enjoy things without cheese.

So watch out, I am about to go all sorts of caveman on this place!

The man that hung the moon, part 2.

The world lost a good man last night.

 

I am sad that I will never get to hear his laugh again, or feel his hug, or listen to some long winded story from the good ole days but I am not going to dwell on that sad. I am going to celebrate his life and the 26 years I was able to spend with him. I am going to remember all of the good times and the laughter. I am going to remember how handsome he always looked in a suit with his boots and bolo tie. I am going to spend time with my family as we laugh, cry, and remember. I will probably get a little drunk on bourbon and spill some red chili on my white shirt. So please celebrate a good, long life and remember all of the good times and how lucky we all were to know him.

The man that hung the moon.

I am going to take a step away from my normal blog topic, this has been a rough couple of days and I need an outlet.I am a very private person and I try to keep my everyday life (outside of my food and workout habits) off of the internet. I am not a talker and I tend to hold things inside for my own worry wort pleasure. So please bear with me as I try something new...

Day by day we are coming closer to losing a great man. I have been blessed to have many great male figures in my life including my dad, my brother, my cousins, my uncles, my husband and my grandfathers. I have been even more blessed to have all of them for 26 years but that record is quickly coming to an end as my Papa loses the battle against his health in Texas. He has lived a long time and in my eyes had a pretty good one.

 I don't want this to be depressing so here is to the man who hung the moon, Domingo Tellez...

Here is to the WWII veteran, the father, the grandfather, the husband. The detective, the police officer, the original DIY'er. The man who could fix anything, build anything and if you don't believe me then just threaten to pay someone to do the job in front of him. The man who carried around his grandchildren, drove them to school, let them ride in the back of his truck, drove them around the west coast, and let his granddaughter brush his hair and play pretend. The man that couldn't hear a damn thing. The man who could never get to the grocery store enough, and who was constantly worried about running out of toilet paper. The man that would eat anything and by his own confession would eat shit if it was prepared right. The man who preferred two fingers of the nasty. The man that built a see saw for the kids to play on and who would give them candy when mom's weren't looking. The man that would call me a smartass and then give me a hug.

He loves all of us without abandon, he gave the best hugs and I will miss him tremendously. Please say a prayer for him and my family, then have a shot of bourbon in his honor. Salud!

26.2 miles later

I survived and shockingly I even kind of enjoyed it. I never thought I would ever say that much less that I could see myself doing it again. Even that morning as I woke up and dragged myself to bathroom I could not sum up the energy to be excited about the run. I was like gumpy cat...

Husband: Yay this is everything you worked for!
Lauren:

 

Hubby: This is great music, aren't you excited??

Lauren:


Hubby: this is exciting, look at the crowd!

Lauren:



It was really hard to get over my anxiety, I was so terrified that I would fail. The thought of what I had to face for the next 5-6 hours threatened to jeopardize everything I had worked for. Luckily it got better, once I got out on the course I started to enjoy myself, its hard not to when you are running past stunning views of the ocean and some of the most expensive real estate in Southern California. I relaxed a little bit and started to think positive thoughts. The first 13-14 miles went really quick, there was so much to look at that it really kept your mind off of running. People lined the road to watch family and friends,they cheered, they laughed and they supported random strangers. Even the residents got into the spirit of things, they sat on their porches with cold water, snacks for the runners, and words of encouragement.  Around mile 15 my hip and knees really started to hurt so I had Scott bring me some more ibuprofen. Scott was nice enough to pack a back pack with about 75 pounds of random shit (sunscreen, extra goos, ibuprofen, water, powerade, bananas, oranges, etc) and he rode along the course on his bike with his mom, bouncing back and forth between me, stacey, and heather. Mile 20 is when it really sank in that I was running a marathon and that I still had 6 miles to go. I kept telling myself that 6 miles is no big deal, I had already ran 20 and 6 miles is just a warm up. Well those happy thoughts lasted until about mile 22. Don't let anybody tell you different, the last couple miles of a marathon kick your ass, they are mentally defeating. But this is where you put all of your sweat, tears, shin splints, cramps, and all out exhaustion into everything you have. You pull some kind of energy out of god knows where and you power through. The feeling you get when you finally cross that finish line is unlike any other. The exhaustion mixed with your emotions can be a royal mess but the empowerment, the feeling of achievement,  and the pride is completely overwhelming. It is one of the best feelings I have ever felt.  I understand now why people do this on a regular basis, its something to fight for, something to be proud of, and its something that you can share with only a few people.

After the race we all went back to the hotel to shower and change our of our running clothes. When I came back downstairs my parents had a pepperoni pizza and a tall boy of corona waiting for me (they know me so well) and if you are wondering... I did share my pizza (my dad made me).

Monday was a new experience, I have never been so sore in my life. If/When I run another marathon I will make sure to take the next day off, walking down the stairs took at least 20 minutes and my friend at work called me speedy all damn day. I could barely walk, it was more of an old man shuffle. I am still pretty sore today but I am at least able to walk without people asking me if I am ok.

I am taking this week off to eat what I want, not work out, and let my body rest. Next week I will be back on the egg white express to bikini town but for now I am just going to enjoy myself :)



Before I forget, I want to thank everyone who came out to support me, Heather, and Stacey. Thank you Scott, Mom, Dad, and Karen.

Thank you Heather and Stacey for going along with my idiotic plans

Thank you Larry and Krisha for watching my kids

Thank you random people with hillarious signs

Most memorable Signs:

• Good Job random stranger!
• WTF (where's the finish)
• High five station
• make this mile your bitch
• Worst.parade.ever.     also    This is a weird Parade
• Smile if you're not wearing underwear

Thank you random strangers for orange slices at mile 23

and last but not least....

Thank god its over!!! (for now...)

It's the final countdown!!!! (it's ok to sing the title, I did)

We are now in the official 48 hour countdown to the marathon. Two words... HOLY SHIT.

How did the time go so fast? It seems like just yesterday we were talking about the idea of running a marathon... Now almost a year later we are packing and getting ready to head to California. I think it really hit me yesterday when I left work, I put my out of office on, forwarded all my calls and ran out the door. As soon as I hit the outside air my first thought was Fuuuuuuuuudge, what the hell did I get myself into?!?! I know that seems silly, I have been training for months, I have run countless miles, and now it hits me? 72 hours before? well planning has never been my strong point...

I have so many emotions running though me, my own a.d.d. can't keep up. This is going to suck, my poor knees, maybe I can fake a sickness, holy shit holy shit holy shit, this is going to be awesome, what am I going to do with all my spare time now that training is done? maybe I should sign up for a new race, I am never running again! maybe a triathalon? I'm not going to share my pizza with anyone, seriously. How soon can I get ice cream? will my body hold up? did I pack enough ibuprofen?  did I pack my shoes? Shit, where are my shoes? and so on and so forth... the dogs gave up trying to follow me around the house and are just laying down watching me with feigned interest.

I know what we are doing is capital A, AWESOME but I don't think that feeling will hit until I am done. And even then it might take me a week or so to look back on the race with positive thoughts...

wish me luck, pray for knees and stay the hell away from my pizza :)

100 posts and still craving pizza!

100 posts, holy crap.

I wish I could be more articulate then that but that pretty much sums up how I feel. Its been over a year since I started this journey towards a healthier, happier me. I have learned a lot about myself, pushed my body farther than I ever thought it would go and definitely made progress towards the Lauren I hope to one day be.

Hell, I ran 20 miles last week and not just through out the week. I ran 20 miles in a row! That's 4 hours of running...in a row! I know I keep saying that but I am not the kind of person that you look at and think "she must be a runner." I am the kind of person that you look at and think "she must really love pizza" and I do, I really do love pizza.

So here are a few things I have learned along the way

1. First off, whoever decided to spread the nasty rumor that nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels is a lying bastard. Cupcakes are delicious and as much as I love wearing smaller jeans, denim does not taste as good as cream cheese frosting. Cheat meals keep me sane and if I say no all the time then I will binge and when I binge it is not pretty...  please see example below




2. Your body can do more that you give it credit for. In the last 12 months I have run countless miles, been electrocuted (voluntarily), and pushed myself to new limits. My body said screw you, I am going to sit here and drink a margarita and I my mind said no! screw you, we are going for a run and then we went for a run. I have iced almost every part of my body, found new muscles I didn't even know could be sore, bought stock in ibuprofen and enjoyed the hell out of myself.

3. I can eat a lot... like a lot a lot. Add in a good calorie burning workout or 2 and get out of the way. I have learned that it is best for the general public if you do not stand between me and my food. What I eat is usually pretty limited to a few things and if you try and barricade me from the few things I am allowed to have then I will cut you. I will go all sorts of east mesa gangsta on you and do whatever it takes to get to my food. It may be a battle for carrot sticks but dammit if I run a good chunk of miles then I deserve my carrot sticks.

4: Along those same lines... I eat fast. Really, really fast. It makes my sister in law and partner in crime laugh most of the time, sometimes it terrifies her (she doesn't say this out loud but I can see it in her eyes when we go to eat and I finish before she has time to get her silverware out) This is a bad thing and I really do try to slow down but patience is not one of my virtues.

5: Preparation is key. I am probably the last person you should take advice from when it comes to preparing.  I can barely pack my own suitcase... But my boy scout hubby is always there to make sure I have what I need. Like a tooth brush or underwear, simple things really but I almost always forget them.... wait... Where was I? Shit. ummmmm

Oh, right! Preparation! Make your foods ahead of time, grill your chicken, scramble your egg whites, chop your salad. I do this on Sundays that way during the week it is all ready and pre-packaged so all I have to do is grab what I want and throw it in my nifty kids lunch Subway bag. I am waaaay less likely to cheat or go out to eat at lunch if I have it all with me.

6: Find what works for you. Everyone is different, if you don't like tiliapia or white fish, don't eat it! I sure as hell don't. I have a pretty core set of meals that I interchange and that works for me. When I get tired of one thing I change it up. This is my current meal plan:

Breakfast: 3/4 cup scrambled egg whites with taco seasoned ground turkey, and cheese. Side of fruit and 7 or 8 cups of coffee.

Lunch: Big salad, 2 chicken breasts (don't judge) and some kind of dressing
*this is the meal I have to change the most, you can only eat so much grilled chicken and salad. Blah Blah Blah!

Dinner changes every night but I rotate between 5 or 6 meals. Its just me and the hubbs so I don't have to appeal to any picky eaters. Here are a few examples...
Chicken salad (chopped chicken, red bell peppers, onion, celery, mashed avocado, feta cheese)
Baked chicken fajita lettuce wraps
Turkey taco lettuce wraps (I wrap everything in romaine boats, then I close my eyes and imagine its a tortilla)
Turkey burgers
BBQ Chicken with steamed veggies

7: Screw everyone who says you can't. I take every negative piece of criticism and imagine cramming right back into the gaping hole it came out of, then I giggle. I can only act like an adult for so many hours of the day...

8: Take the time and enjoy it. There may come a time when I won't be able to run, or lift, or swim or be active and until that day I am going to enjoy the hell out of myself. Some days I just don't want to go to the gym, I don't want to run, and I don't want to have to do any of it. Those are the days that I sweet talk Scott into loading up the truck, corralling the dogs and heading the lake. I spend a couple hours swimming, kayaking, playing with the dogs and enjoying life. It may not be the same calorie burn as a 10 mile run but it keeps me sane.

9: Involve your family, if you don't have a family then hijack a few friends, if you don't have any friends then grab the homeless dude on the corner. He's not doing anything and could probably use the exercise...
This awesome group of people are your support, they listen when you are bitching about shin splints, they come to your races and hold signs that say "high five station." If you are as lucky as I am then then run the races with you and drink beer with you afterwards...

10: Do it for yourself. If you try to make this lifestyle change for someone else it will lead to bitterness and resentment. You deserve to be the best you, you can be.  I hate to get all sappy and heartfelt but seriously... If you want this to be a decision you are going to stick with then you have to find a reason to fight for it.

My reason changes everyday but make sure that I have a reason.
Here are a few of my reasons....
-My family has a history of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and strokes. This is my best defense
-I want to be there for my future kids and I want to be able to keep up with them
-I like pizza and beer
-I want to rock a bikini
-I want to finish a triathalon
-I want my family to be proud
-I want to prove everyone who says I can't, wrong.
-I want to put up some kind of fight when I my 150 lb rottie decides she wants to sleep on the bed
-I want to be happy with myself, I want to be proud of what I see in the mirror. I am tired of sucking it in, wearing spanx, and limiting what kind of clothes I can wear.



I hope I have helped a 1 or 2 people along the way, I hope I have made people laugh and ya'll enjoy reading this.


Here is to 100 more posts, laughs, and stupid ideas  (this is where we cheers our imaginary drinks)

one more picture...


promise! (kinda)

the benefits of locking kids in cages

I am a big believer in living life to the fullest. Drink wine, eat red meat, and just generally do what makes you happy(unless it involves murder or watching toddlers in tiaras). I have an inner fat kid so I have too watch myself and keep him on a short leash but every now and then you just have to let the leash go and hope for the best.

I let the fat kid out this weekend and he came to the party dressed in cut off jean shorts, an 'merican flag tshirt, a beer in one hand,  a turkey leg in the other and a fanny pack filed with donuts. The fat kid was ready to party and party we did. Beer was consumed in mass quanities, and the food.. sweet baby jesus, the food. It was fair food on steroids, if it wasn't barbequed it was fried and if it wasn't fried it was wrapped in bacon. We had an amazing time but I will be on a steady diet of pepto, tums, and advil for the next couple of days.

This means we are now in the official marathon countdown and that means as soon as I leave country thunder it will be egg whites and chicken. I am not overly excited to shove the fat kid back in his cage but it has to be done. I will lock him in, wrap bungee cords around it and then padlock that sumabitch if I have to.

the standard picture, in honor of cages...

Channeling the Spirit of Chris Farley

You know what sucks about marathon training?  You are hungry all the time… and not just “oh give me a few carrots and I will be good” hungry. Like “somebody give me a whole GD chicken and leave me the hell alone” hungry.  Yeah…

 It’s not pretty and it’s certainly not lady like. Scott knows to just drop a goat in the cage Jurassic Park style and run for the hills after I do a major run .

 Yesterday I ran 18 miles (in a row!)  then I had an egg white sandwich from Paradise for breakfast, it didn’t fill me up but I was too excited to get to the lake to care too much. Scott also brought me a banana and some Gatorade to help me recover, running that much seriously kicks your ass.  Then I swam for an hour or two, kayaked around the lake and just generally relaxed with the hubs. This was all fantastic but by 4pm I was ready to EAT and because I had run 18 miles and then swam for a little while, I had calories to spare. So we went all out it was a sausage, extra cheese, hold the rabbit food and leave your dignity at the door pizza. It was delicious!!! I am still hungry today and its killing me. I had a big lunch of rotisserie chicken and a giant salad but I still could eat a couple foot longs from Subway (Yeah, I said it! Don’t judge).

 

 

This is me when I am hungry. Again… this is a judgment free zone, so lay off me, I’m starving!

10 steps to your first marathon! (only 2 involve pizza)

This journey to my first marathon has been a long one, its had its ups and downs. It is the one the most rewarding decisions I have ever made that I somehow still regret (kinda). The feeling of accomplishment and doing something I never thought I could do keep my feet moving along the road. I am now less than 1 month out from D-day and I thought I would share with you a few things I have learned along the way.

 Here is my 10 step program to running a marathon

Step 1: Go to an extremely inspiring event. This usually involves people crying, cancer (that rat bastard), exercise, and raising money. For me this was PF Changs Rock and Roll Marathon, watching cancer survivors cross a finish line, people raising money for every kind of terminal disease, and realizing that this is something I can do to help make a difference. This is something I could do for my family members with cancer, for my god father, for all the people who can't get up and run. The moment you realize that what you take for granted and probably don't even think about in a normal day, other people are praying that one day they might be able to. If you run for a cause its hard to back out...

Step 2: Find a friend and get them drunk.

Step 3: Talk drunk friend into running 26.2 miles with you (make sure this is someone you enjoy spending time with and that you are ok sharing stories about bodily functions)

Side note: you can also join a bad ass running group if your friends refuse your awesome drunken plots. There are TONS out there and they will help you train and provide support.

Step 4: Find a race that inspires you. It doesn't matter why it inspires you, as long as it is something that will keep you on track. This could be a run to support breast cancer, a run that ends with free beer, or a destination race. I went for the destination race, because if I am going to run 26.2 miles it better involve a beach and drinks with umbrellas afterwards.

Step 5: Pay yo money. Its hard to back out when you have already forked over the cash. Unless you are a former lottery winner or trust fund baby, and it that case... Bite me.

Step 6: Spend lots of money on new gear (I will elaborate further after I finish the steps)

Step 7: Train. Train. Train. Train.

Step 8: Well I personally am not at step 8 yet but its race day. So run your race and kick some serious ass...

Step 9: Drink a cold adult beverage (unless you are under age, then you get a frosty glass of milk and a high five from me for being so far ahead of the game... seriously if you run a marathon before you are 21 you didn't reach your full lazy adult potential and you can probably still wear the same clothes from high school you bastard. Never mind, no high five for you! and quit making the rest of us normal adults look bad!!)

oh and pizza, eat lots of pizza!

Step 10: Ice bath and a hot date with ibuprofen...and pizza. It will be a super awkward but awesome bath.


Things you will need:

Good running shoes. I cannot stress this enough, go to a running store and get fitted. You will spend more money than is comfortable and you will leave an empty wallet, sweet kicks, new socks that are designed for runners, and insoles. It feels like a scam but its not, you actually need all of these things.

New socks. I prefer the ultra thin ones with arch support that a low cut. Don't go to Walmart and just  grab any old pair. This is also something you will need to buy at a sports store, unless you enjoy blisters the size of a chihuahua.

Sweet fanny pack. You will be running stupidly long distances and this will save you from dying. You can fit all your waters, goos, and spare change in it. Again something you will need to buy at a running store, they have special running fanny packs that are not big and bulky.

Goo's. They suck and taste awful but they work and when you are running 2-5 hours at a time you need a calorie replacement.

Body glide. (If you need an explanation as to why you need body glide, go run 5 miles without it and you will see how effective it is when it comes to putting out the fire that your thighs rubbing together started)

Spandex. (see above) don't question it, just hand over your credit card to the judgmental 17 year old at Sports Authority along with your dignity.



Great tools:

www.mapmyrun.com

seriously this website is awesome, they also have an app that you can use to log all your runs. It tells you your pace, calories burned, distance and all that fun stuff. I use the website to map out my long runs so I know where I am going.

I am sure there is tons of stuff  I am forgetting but just leave a comment if you have any questions.

thanks!!

*** FYI these are MY steps to running a marathon and other than I am currently training to run one, I am in no way shape or form qualified to give running advice :) think of them more as helpful hints from a lightly seasoned running veteran (I've got the blisters and chub rub to prove it!)






ha. You thought I forgot to include a picture....

Marathon Training through the fat kids eyes

I have never felt more Bipolar then I have during the last 9 months, let me explain that sentence a little more. About 9 months ago I made a very stupid and idiotic decision. I decided to run a marathon, if you are not familiar with marathons, they involve running a stupid and idiotic 26.2 miles. When I made this decision I could barely run 1 mile without ending up bent over sucking wind and thinking about tacos. 9 months later I still think about tacos while I am running ( and ice cream, smashburger, etc, etc) but I spend hours doing this instead of minutes. This is where the bipolar comes into play, now that I am into my major mile runs I have lots of time to spend thinking. I spend most of this time thinking about running, how much I hate it. How much I love it. How proud I am of myself. Wondering why I am allowed to make my own decisions. Wondering why I am paying someone for 5-6 hours of pain. Thinking about all the high heels and new clothes I could have bought with the money I spent on new running shoes (minus the bad ass pair my husband bought me for my bday). Thinking about how bad ass my new running shoes are.  Wondering when the last time I wore something other than running clothes was. Thinking "damn I love yoga pants."
It goes on like that for 3+ hours.... Riveting I know.

Training for a marathon has introduced me to a whole new world. (admit you sang that last part to the tune of  Aladin)

I had dipped my toe into the world of active adult living a time or two but nothing as serious as this. I had no idea how intense and huge this other world is. You find your self talking and reminiscing with complete strangers about things like chub rub, body glide, and the pros and cons of fanny packs (yeah take a second and absorb that gem of a sentence). Or say things like, "oh its only a 9 mile run" to which my inner fat kid responds with something like this...



yes this just became a picture book-esque blog.

People will also tell you that you are an idiot, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. But they will also tell you that they are proud of yu, that you are in inspiration**. These are the things that in combination with better fitting clothes and an huge weekend calorie deficiency, keep you going. I am sure you are wondering how someone calling you an idiot will keep you motivated to get up a 5 am and go run 17 miles, but I am overly competitive and this pushes me to prove them wrong.

**side note, I am still not sure how to take that one. I am used to impressing people with how much pizza I can put away in such a small amount of time or my innate ability to use cream cheese in all of my recipes.



So that's a short look into where I am with marathon training. I will check back this week with more... :)

ok, one more picture....



you're welcome.

Handling stress like a true fat kid

The more I stress the more I want pizza. As my work load, family worries, and general “being an adult sucks” stress increases I try to find ways to bury them in gooey, delicious, cheesy, doughy, goodness. Yes, it’s not the most adult way to handle my adult problems but it’s how I have always dealt with things in the past. Take a hour or so, enjoy a good meal and an adult drink, relax, forget my worries (just for an hour), regroup and then tackle everything head on. So this week when I am thinking about moving ahead at my job, getting the mortgage out on time, my family in Texas, I immediately want to go to my old standby. I want to order an extra-large Barros pizza with pepperoni, sausuage, and extra cheese. Maybe a side of wings if I am feeling dangerous… Oooo and let’s not forget the extra sides of ranch. You are not a true fatty unless you have an emotional connection with ranch (I am worse because if I am not smearing something in ranch then its mayonnaise and the real stuff not the wimpy “miracle whip”) The hardest part of trying to make a lifestyle change is the fight you have with yourself, the rationalizations, the arguments, the “but everyone else cans”, or my particular favorite… How many miles do I need to run in order to cancel out the heaping serving of cardiac arrest I just served myself? It is a constant frustration, all I want to do is eat what I want and not get fat. I don’t think that’s too much to ask…

Last night I went to the gym, ran 3 miles and did the intermediate 300 workout. That workout kills me everytime, my abs are still sore. Now that the half marathon is over and we are creeping up to the Mudder I really have to work on upper body/core strength. Being able to run for hours at a time is not going to help me get over a 20ft wall. I have asked Scott to make sure that I am sufficiently terrified in the hopes that it will keep me from eating crap.

Today has been really, really, really hard to not shove my face with carbs covered in cheese or chocolate, or ranch. I am trying to stay strong and right now my only defense is to combat the urge to eat crap by eating good stuff. Carrots, bell peppers, almonds, hummus with a whole wheat pita, salad, chicken, egg whites, gallons of water… the urge is still there, I still think I am hungry when there is no possible why I can be, but this is part of the fight, part of the changing, and part of the challenge to better myself.

So off I go to eat rabbit food (I am not overly enthusiastic about it today) and continue my prayers that one day I will live in a world where pizza is calorie free and doctors encourage you to eat tons of it.

The tinkerbell half marathon results

I have run 3, 1/2 marathons in the past two years...here is the run down

Women's half marathon: 3 hours

Phoenix PF Chang's: 2:35 hours

Disney's tinkerbell half marathon....drumroll please....

2:10:37

Ahem....

Love, hate, churros, and running

The closer I get to race day the more I seem to dread running. We are now 4 days away, countless miles have been ran, goo’s have been eaten, blisters/bruises/scrapes and scratches have been attended to, costumes are planned and now it is time to put all of this time and effort into 13.1 miles. The last 6 weeks have been spent on a pretty strict running regimen (minus 1 week when the flu kicked my ass), 4 shorter runs during the week and 1 long run on Sundays. This also included 3 other races (green run 10k, turkey trot 10mile, and chocolate run 15k) to help prepare us. I feel like we have spent so much time running and putting miles on our shoes that I need to sleep this week away to get ready for the race. Of course I can’t do that so I get home, put on my running shoes, head phones, 18 layers of clothing and head out the door.

I have this love/hate relationship with running. I hate almost every second that I am out there, I hate breathing hard, I hate the cramps and the aches that come with it but I also can’t seem to function without it. It also relieves stress and makes me feel better. My legs look better and I am proud of myself for setting goals and accomplishing them. Then there are the days where everything just seems to click and I just murder a run. Those days are when I decide to lose my mind and sign up for another race but it is such an incredible feeling to just let go and run. Let my stress melt away, let myself get lost in the music, let my aches and pains fall away with every mile. I love the days that I feel like I can run forever, but for every day I have like that I have a day where I can barely get myself out the door. Every step feels like my knee is going to give out, I can’t seem to find my pace, and I spend the next three days holding onto stair railings or using the handicap bathroom to pee because I am so sore I need the bar to help me sit down. It’s a very frustrating game of internal tug of war

Other than the 13.1 miles I am pretty damn excited about this race

A: It’s in Disneyland

B: I get to run with two of my best friends

C: Disneyland

D: Churros and margaritas after the race

E: Disneyland

F: Disney runners expo

G: Disneyland

H:Carbs

I:Disneyland

J:and Disneyland.

There is no point in arguing against Disneyland, it’s the happiest place on earth which is now even happier thanks to Downtown Disney and the availability of adult beverages!

The Mind of an Athlete with the Body of a Competitive Eater

Thanksgiving morning I ran in my first official "Turkey Trot" it was 10 miles of hills, gasping for air, and calf cramping. My goal time was 1 hour and 30 minutes, I finished in 1:35:22. Not bad, 5 minutes off of my goal time but I have another month before my next race (chocolate race 15k) and I am hoping to shave some time off of my mile time before then. I am 8 weeks out from the Disney half marathon and my goal is to run it in 2 hours or less. That means I need to average a 9 minute mile for 13.1 miles, right now I am averaging 9.5 minutes. As I start to complete more of my races I start to freak out a little more and more about the Marathon. 26.2 miles ..... WHAT THE F*&$# was I thinking?!?!

I know I have the mental strength to do it. I was an athlete at one time and not matter how old I get or how out of shape I might be I still have that little voice in my head that pushes me to be the absolute best I can be. Yes it sometimes comes out at awkward moments and family game night can be a little tense when that competitive streak comes out but hey, its what pushes me to make myself better.  That voice is what makes me keep running when my knee is telling me to slow down and grab a cane, that voice is what puts a little extra drive in my pace as I start to pass people in the final mile, and its what continues to push me out of a squishy, round body and into a runners body.

I have had this body for 25 years going on 26 and at this point I know pretty much everything about it. I know that I look better in jeans and a T-shirt than a fancy gown. I know that I have more chins that I did in high school (but less than I did 3 months ago). I know that I am changing and evolving into what I want to be. I am very aware that if need to walk/run/jump or make any sudden movements then I should be wearing body armor because I tend to fall down more than the average person. Dairy products are my kryptonite. I have a weakness for anything coated in cholesterol and triglycerides. I also know that I look more like a competitive eater than someone who runs on average 15-20 miles a week and spends a minimum of 1 hour a day , 6 days a week at the gym.

So I will continue to run and to push myself into the uncomfortable world of shin splints and ice bags (Good thing I married a physical therapist/ATC) and I will dream of doughnuts and frappachinos as I go. Maybe one day my worlds will meet in a doughy (the food not my body), svelte (my body not the doughnuts), mixture of awesomeness.