Paleo day 6

I am worn the f out. Avoiding no no foods has worn my resolve to a nub. Today was a gauntlet of my own doing, I went and got my husband donuts at 5:30 am, went out to brunch and avoided mimosas and breakfast beers, followed by grimaldis and more beers, then I made green chili enchiladas for dinner. I did have a small taste of the sauce to make sure it tasted right but that has been my only "cheat"
I am over the excitement of doing something new phase and I have transitioned into the "can I just nap away the days until this over?" phase. I am hoping to find the phase where eating like this becomes a habit.
So good night world, goodnight cheese, goodnight pizza, good night cold beer...I'm off to dream of kale and skinny jeans.

Breakfast: black coffee, omelet with turkey sausage, onions, spinach and a side of sausage.
Lunch:  side salad, green tea
Dinner: roasted bell peppers and zucchini with roasted turkey breast.
No snacks, no donuts, no creamer, no cheese, and no pizza.

Just water, thanks!

Today was the first really hard day for the fat kid, I have had days where I wanted to cheat but didn't. I have had days where I was cranky but survived, but today was my first day outside my bubble of homemade foods and my strictly regimented meals. It was my first weekend, my cousin is in town and my usual form of family bonding includes alcohol...copious amounts of alcohol and food. I am half Mexican so it's in my DNA...family = food and alcohol. It was also my dad's birthday and we needed to celebrate. This all added up to a fat kid gauntlet full of cheese, beer, more cheese, beer, cheese again, and a beer nightcap.
I started morning with 7 mile run at 4:30 am, eggs, bacon, coffee, and a smoothie ( and that was just my breakfast). After a few near misses with popcorn and protein bars and a pep talk with the fat kid we headed downtown to meet my folks and show my cousin part of downtown phoenix. Which of course included killing time at a local bar with a killer beer selection and even better menu. By this time my quads were screaming for any tiny morsel of food, my brain was screaming for beer, my stomach was screaming for pizza and I was trying to reign it all in as the fat kid skipped merrily along. When the waiter came around I uttered the forbidden phrase at any great beer joint  "just a water, thanks!"
I really was starving and I felt a cheat coming on so I scoured menu for anything that might fit my parameters. I settled for brisket tacos... hold the cheese, the tortillas, and the beans. I just ate the brisket and red cabbage slaw which was actually delicious and it kept the hunger demons at bay. After we finished up there we met my parents at the arrogant butcher for an early dinner. I know you are thinking "Jesus Christ woman, you just ate the douchiest version of a taco ever. How are you still hungry! ?"
And my answer to that is... Hi. My names Lauren, welcome to my blog. Also... 7 miles,  you judgemental a hole.
It was also a few hours before I ate again, everyone ordered beers and appetizers while I stared at the ceiling and memorized my fingerprint pattern. Everything seemed to be covered in cheese, dipped in cheese, or just a plate of cheese.  My favorite phrase was uttered over and over again... just water, thanks!
But I survived and I enjoyed myself without binging and that says a lot right there. I don't need food to enjoy a night out, I can enjoy the company and conversation instead.  I ended up ordering a burger and side salad (no cheese, no bun). No beer, no cheese, no grains, no cheating.
All this being good has worn me out, time for bed at the party animal hour of 8:30.

Paleo Day 3

I am three days in and the cheese/sugar/grain free world has not come crashing down around me. I feel good, hungry... but good. I am not starving in a way that is unhealthy but it is taking my body to get back on the right track. It doesn't help that Triathlon/Race training amped up this week so I am burning excess calories on top of detoxing and cutting the crap from my diet. I haven't jumped on the scale yet and I am trying to hold out until Monday morning but we will see if that happens. I have a lot of energy and I have not had the headaches that usually accompany a good detox. I am also trying to not focus on counting every calorie that goes into my body. Everything I am eating is fresh and unprocessed so the calories that I am taking in are good calories. My theory has always been to eat as much as I want of the good stuff (carrots, avocados, apples. etc) and try to keep my portions in check for the not so healthy stuff.  Tomorrow is catered lunch day at work and of course they decided to go with Portillos. I scoured the menu and the only thing I could see that fit in my parameters was a burger, no bun, no cheese, no mayo. Just meat. I will bring my own salad and try not to pout.

Breakfast: Smoothie-kale, banana, pinapple, coconut water, and 1/2 scoop of egg white protein powder
Lunch: Leftover beef curry and 2 cups of spring mix
snacks: 2 apples, 1/2 avocado and small portion of roasted turkey
dinner: Mexican Chicken with green chili and lime, pan roasted zucchini and 1/2 avocado

workouts: 1:10 min bike ride  

Paleo day 2

A little more hungry, a little more cranky, and very sore from riding/running/swimming/biking. I haven't strayed from the plan but I had a couple moments where I came close. We normally never have any sweets in the house but with Easter, chocolate seems to be everywhere. I made it through the day and I really tired. I don't know if it's from getting back into race training or getting used to eating right again. Tonight we made a curry recipe out of the whole 30 book and it came out pretty well. It was ground beef with carrots and cauliflower, seasoned with salt, pepper, curry, and garlic salt.

Breakfast: smoothie with kale, strawberries, and vanilla egg white protein
Lunch: leftover peppers and sausage with two cups of spring mix

Dinner: ground beef curry with carrots and cauliflower

Snacks:  bell peppers, apple, grilled chicken and avocado

Paleo day uno

I have survived day one. I can't say that I skipped along like a bunny on crack all day but I didn't feel like I was being dragged behind a pizza delivery guy either. I tried to focus on not grazing all day and making more out of my meals. I ate slower and took the time to plate my foods. Normally I race through my meals and then spend the next 20 minutes scavenging for more food.  I will try to blog a couple times a week and keep everyone updated

Food day 1
Smoothie: kale, strawberries, bananas, coconut water
Carrots
Chicken, avocado, and salad
Chicken, avocado with lemon pepper
Grilled zucchini, bell peppers, sausage
And enough water to sink a boat

More information than you actually needed about my stomach

I have been toying with the idea of paleo again lately. I couldn't stick with it last time and I had a very hard time cutting out the dairy and sugars. Which exactly why I should probably try it again. I have worked on cutting down my cheese and sugar intake because I really do feel better when I limit them, but to cut them out completely? That has always been a commitment I was not ready or willing to make. 

When the topic comes up, people tend to ask one question.

Why?

 Well. Shit. Um. 

because. 

How do you politely explain to someone that every time you drink milk or heaven forbid you look at a carton of ice cream your gut immediately throws a hissy fit that even the best parent would walk away from?

Or that after cutting the majority of sugar from your diet, one kit kat can leave you feeling like the Hindenburg blimp ( Full of hot gas and crashing quickly)... too soon?

How about trying to knock out 10+ miles on a stomach that is requesting that you waddle ( in the most embarrassing way ) into every gas station, Starbucks, or grocery store you can find. Not to mention the judgy looks you get from the starbucks employees when you walk back out again and don't buy a coffee but rather skip out with a smile that only runners understand. 

I am sure this is way more information than you bargained for 

Anyways. Paleo... 

(ugh, right?)

No cheese. No dairy. No sugar. No grains. No legumes 

that is a lot of no's. 

Yes vegetables. Yes Meat. Yes Eggs. Yes fruit. 

Yes, healthy, whole, clean eating food. 

I know this will help me feel better and be the best athlete I can be. 

I have 2 tri's, a 6 hour race, and at least 1 full on pizza binge in my future that I need to be ready for. 

I can't perform at my best if I don't feel my best, right? 

I want to be the best me that I can be.

 I don't care if I never run a 6 minute mile, I don't care if I never qualify for Kona, I don't have any interest in placing in my age group either. 

But I do care about finishing, I do care that I never DNF, I care that I give my best effort possible. 

So I will go full on paleo/ whole30 crazy and see what happens. 

The sky may open to rainbows and unicorns 

Or I may go crazy and be cranky for 30 days (Lucky Scott!)

This craziness starts on Monday 4/21 (after an Easter binge)

I will try to update how I am doing as often as possible. But it may just be a grunt. If it is just a grunt, you can loosely translate that to

 "Screw off and give me a kit kat"

Either way. Lets do this!

Chicago

Chicago

Land of deep dish pizza

The mecca of hot dogs

A drinking town with a sports problem 

Beer, Baseball, Da Bears

and my home for 3 of the next 5 days

Fun Fact about Chicago... Its also the location of United Airlines headquarters. 

I will be going for work and I am uber excited, I have never been before and I can hardly stand it. 

I will be going for a menu presentation, this is my first one and I am not sure what to expect but it sounds dangerous. My boss has assured me that we won't be doing a tasting but I am still a little wary. It's not like being paid to eat food made by great chefs would be the worst thing in the world but its a little hard to tell an executive chef that you are trying to stay away from cheese or that you don't like seafood. In my experience they take this as a challenge... "well that's because you haven't had my orange roughy in a tangy mango and passion fruit glaze with a side of  blah blah blah" and they are usually right but it makes an awkward situation when they aren't and you are looking for a potted plant to spit out the monstrosity that is assaulting your tongue... Not that I have ever tried to spit my food in a potted plant, I wrap it in my napkin (like a lady). 

This also means I will be away from the gym, there should be one there but I tend to push working out to the back burner when I am out of town. I could also run outside but I tend to turn into a scared white girl from Mesa when I run by myself in an unfamiliar place. I once convinced myself that Heather had been beaten, killed, and probably thrown in a bush when  I lost her on a run, turns out she got lost in a neighborhood. There was also a javelina that I thought was a dog. Don't pet javelinas... but that's a story for another day.  

Where was I?

Oh right, making myself workout is not always easy. It's even harder when I am out of town. 

I have an itinerary but I am not sure yet when I will be able to work out. We will be going out to dinner both nights we are there and leaving the hotel early to get to the office. 

There is always the option of squats, burpees, and pushups in my room though, right? 

Yep. Lets go with that. 

My plan is to eat as clean as possible when it does not mean eating to earn a paycheck. 

This kind of seems like an insult to one of the top culinary citites but it seems like kind of an insult to my goals as well. 

This won't be easy but it's not really hard either. Just deciding what I want more. 

I want authentic deep dish pizza that gives me heartburn for days. 

dammit. 

What I meant to say was... I want to be fit and healthy. I don't want to be upset by my pant size when I go shopping. I want to run for fun. I want to be ridiculously confident naked (sorry, TMI). I want to be proud of a rockin body that I know I have put my best into. 

I guess that means I better go eat some kale while doing squats and holding our fridge or 

something... 

also...

Go Bears! 

Confessions of an emotional eater

Lies I tell myself: 

I'm going to turn Frozen off after Let it Go so I can get stuff done. 

I'm not hungry, this salad is very filling and I hardly miss the cheese. 

I am going to wake up at 3:45 and go to the gym before work. 

Nobody needs tacos. 

Squats are fun! They are like the Disneyland of the gym.

You know what this smoothie needs? More kale. Definitely not more kit kats and ice cream. 

Cheese is overrated. 

Coffee tastes good black

Seriously, I am going to turn Frozen off. 

Confessions:

I feel like a huuuge douche when I talk about things like eating Paleo, kale, almond milk and protein powder. 

Sometimes I put my headphones in at the gym without any music playing so I don't have to listen to the meat heads talk about all the things I just referenced in my previous sentence. 

Some days I loathe running with a hatred that is unmatched, other days I can't live without it. 

I eat the worst when I am alone. 

I am an emotional and closet eater. 

I can eat more than your average linebacker. 

I have watched frozen 3 days in a row. 

Sometimes I eat so fast I wonder how I don't end up throwing up in the grass like the dogs after they drink too much water. 

I spend a lot of time thinking about pork 

I plan my next meal as I am eating my current meal 

(and not in a grown up who plans her meals and grocery shops according to those plans kind of way)

Also, I rarely blog when I am in a deep abyss of pizza and beer. That's a good sign that I am being dragged and run over by the proverbial wagon. 

sigh. 

That last confession stung a little. 

I will not eat my feelings, I will not eat my feelings. 

Donuts bad, kale good (and kinda douchey)

Baked Goods.

So I started a new job last week, I was offered a great opportunity and I jumped at it. I still miss my coworkers but I know that I have made the right decision for my family and I. Starting a new job can be a little stressful. Well actually it can be a lot stressful. Stress shot through the roof about a month ago as I A: waited not so patiently to hear back from company B. 

B: put in my two weeks at company A.

C: started to learn a new and terrifyingly awesome new job. 

I have been at company B for just over a week now and when I left company A I really thought 

"wow, this should help me lose a few extra lbs, no more pot lucks or daily catered lunches!" 

well, there haven't been any poftlucks, or daily catered lunches. 

here is the run down of positives and negatives as they relate to the fat kid. 

(because, lets be honest. He is the one running this joint)

Positives:

Stairs. 

Yep, lots of stairs. The office that I share with my coworkers is up a flight of stairs. So any time I have to go pee (which is a lot), I go down and back up the stairs. If I want to grab something to eat or drink, I have go down and back up the stairs. If I want some fresh air, I have to go down and back up the GD stairs. 

The upside to this is I am far away from the kitchen. Bad part is I drink A LOT of water and the pee pee dance is really awkward to do while running down a steep flight of stairs. 

I also think of this image every time I get to the bottom of those bastards, look up and think

 "I should run this"

I am really busy. 

Not that I wasn't busy at my old job but jesus, there is a lot of food that goes on planes! 

I am also starting at step 1 so in the time it would take me to run down stairs, steal a donut and get back I would have missed 87 new things that I need to know. 

Theresa.

My boss is pretty cool (and I am not just saying that because she reads this), I have known her since I was born and she knows the complexities of the fat kid. She reigns me in and tell me no and smacks me on the nose with a newspaper when I get that gleam in my eye that says DONUT! 

(she doesn't really hit me, calm down!)

Proximity to Fast Food. 

There is nothing around. Nothing, Nada. I have to make my lunch and snacks every day or I don't eat

Also nothing is open on my way into work (5am) so I have to make my breakfast before I leave. 

Negatives:

Baked Goods

Every Friday the magic baked good fairy drops off a bucket load of every breakfast baked good you can imagine. Last week alone we had fresh chompies bagels, donuts, blueberry scones, orange cranberry scones, chocolate croissants,  fresh baked bread, and english muffins. 

I am not that strong. 

Catered Lunches. 

Our weekly meeting is catered. Last week was Oreganos, this week is BBQ Company.

Need I say more?

Menus. 

Most of my day is spent looking at menus. All sorts of food and snacks... I stared at the word risotto so much last week that I started to have a Pavlovian response to the word. 

This weeks craving is Shrimp. 

Did I mention the baked goods?

So the fat kid is faced with a new struggle but this keeps it new and interesting as I face off with him over cream cheese.  Lots of carrots, lots of chicken, lots of veggies, lots of water, lots of kale, lots of trips to the bathroom (because of the water, not the kale. Gross.)

tacos.

Sometimes your most difficult run can be your best run. Not in a "I just crushed that and PR'd" kind of way but in a "thank god I didn't die and that shit is over" kind of way. When you have a shitty run it feels that much better when you get home and it adds a little bit of pride to your day to know that no matter the level of suckiness, you finished that bastard and made it home alive. Yes, I know that seems a little dramatic but I still have the black lung cough and I am slightly nauseous so I am feeling a little dramatic.  

I knew it around .75 miles that this was not going to be my best run, mostly because I was already walking...and thinking about tacos. 

actually I am still thinking about tacos. 

But I finished the run and today that is the victory, not my time, not my effort level. Just finishing. 

It's ok to have those days, sometimes you need to have those to remind yourself that you can do it. To remind yourself that no matter how bad it sucked, you finished. If you can finish a shitty run then you can get through a bad day and still get to the gym. If you can finish a shitty run then you can eat a taco. If you can finish a shitty run then you can rule the freakin world. 

Actually that last statement probably isn't true, I think I am more dehydrated than I originally thought. 

here is a taco gif 

The holy cheesus

Potlucks.

I am convinced they are the main reason behind corporate americas weight gain, well that and sitting in a chair for 8+ hours a day.

Today is my last day at my current job and in honor of me leaving they decided to have a potluck, a mexican food themed pot luck. So here I am sitting around, nothing really to do because my stuff has been shuffled off in preperation for my departure with a couple gallons of melted cheese and beans next to me. Trying to eat in moderation and stay within my boundaries is very, very, very hard.

I really like melted cheese, I am one of the people that had a mini anxiety attack when velveta had a shortage before the superbowl. I also really like beans, and homemade tortillas, and all the other good stuff that was made for ME!

I can't even fathom how many miles I will need to run tonight, tomorrow morning, and again tomorrow night. Its a good thing I took a few days off to prepare for my new job. I can spend my free time in the gym cursing the stairmaster.

So wish me luck,I will say a prayer to the holy cheesus for strength.

 



Running is a four letter word

I realize it't not actually a four letter word but it's in that category. The thing about running is to get better at it you actually have to run. You can read all the books you want, study the theories, wear the best shoes, and own the best high performance spandex, but if you don't get out there and put your feet on the pavement you won't get any better. I want to eat pizza, drink beer, and be a 7 minute miler but unfortunately those don't go together. So I have to learn to be uncomfortable again. 

I have run the last three days and I know you are thinking " whoa calm down there Forrest!" but it's something right? that's what the chub rub under my arms and the funny side step/fall down the stairs that I have been doing the last few days are telling me. I have been trying to get my mile times down and my muscles or lack there of are protesting big time. I have found that the best way for me to get my mile times down is to run /walk. I run at at very fast pace and then walk for 1-30 seconds to catch my breath. There is absolutely no science behind this or any set times. I run until I think fuuudge this sucks, maybe I can make it to that next intersection without throwing myself into oncoming traffic and then I walk through the intersection, milk the intersection a few more feet and then talk my screaming calves into ramping back up. I also spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about bacon. 

Running also involves a pretty sterling diet, at least until you get into the 15+ miles range and then its pizza time. For me this involves, lots of proteins, some carbs (I am picky about what kind), and lots and lots of water. This sucks but throwing up on a run sucks even more. The better you eat, the better your runs, and the better you feel. Do you see what a vicious cycle it is? ugh. 

I just keep up my mantra 

" you are wearing fat pants, your sweat smells like bacon, and sweat pants are your go to outfit" 

that usually makes me snap back to reality and reminds me that I am not in fact a bad ass but more of a fat ass. 

Before you get offended by that remember that I can finish an entire pizza by myself in under 10 minutes. Try to argue... me and my sweatpants dare you. 

(side note, Scott I am really sorry. I am sure this is not a sexy picture I am painting)

(side, side note... sorry to my family and mostly my dad for using the word "sexy")

 yep. lets end there. 

goodnight

Smooooothie time

Coffee, frozen bananas and almond milk...hell yeah I did.
Caffeine is in the system, time to start prepping food!

Fat pants

It's funny how one little statement can set you on a completely different journey. Two years ago I said screw this overweight shit. I am done being unhealthy, I am done getting tired while walking upstairs. I am just done. I lost 30 lbs, gained it all back, lost 10, gained that all back, and now I have lost 2. I have run 3-5ks, 1-10k. 1-15k, 4-1/2 marathons, 1 full marathon, 4 mud runs, and 1 triathlon. But I settled into this grove of eat what I want, don't train, and then get confused when the scale doesn't tell you what you want to hear. It is defeating. I am back in this never ending circle, I thought I had jumped off that train but I found myself back at the same place. Unfortunately I have nobody to blame but myself, I didn't stick to the change and I let myself get away with it. 

So back at square one. Back in pants that don't fit, back into feeling uncomfortable, back to where I never wanted to be again. What do you do when you hit the bottom again? How do you find the inspiration to get back on track? 

Well if you are me you sign up for a couple races that scare the ever living shit out of you. In the next 6 months I have agreed to run 2-1/2 marathons, 2 triathlons (sprint & olympic), and I have filled my fridge with more vegetables and meat than is considered appropriate. I have to do this. I am so completely and utterly tired of being uncomfortable, sad, and ashamed of my body. Please let me make sure that everyone understands this is not me trying to play the sympathy card. I am not looking for the "oh stop it, you look fine" or the " you are beatiful no matter your size" or anything along those lines. Doing so will result in me giving you this look 

So don't mind my crankiness, I am trying to find that in shape girl that I was for a fleeting moment so I can beg her to come back. I also really, really, really, want to throw away my fat jeans. sigh...

What Do We Want? Almond Milk and Kale!... Wait. What?

I have been pretty vocal about my feelings on hippie food. I am a pizza a beer kinda girl which is probably why my pants don't fit but that's another topic for another day. I have tried to stay focused on the basics when it comes to food and eating healthy. Protein, veggies, few to no heavy starches or carbs.... simple right? Very lacking in hippie shit, correct? Well, I have apparently lost the battle. I came home the other night and started digging through the fridge to see what I could make for dinner, as I was pushing stuff around, throwing recipe ideas around, asking Scott for his input, blah, blah...I had a moment. I froze and took a good hard look at what was in my fridge, at the same time I had Kale, Almond Milk, and Quinoa. These are the cornerstones of hippie-ism. I had become a hippie without even realizing it. The worst part is, I enjoy this food! I enjoy shopping at sprouts! I even made my own hummus. We might as well move back to Flagstaff!!

I felt like I needed to go eat a bacon burger just to make myself feel better; or go shop at wal-mart in my pj's. Something to bring me back to the comforts of what I know. I guess it's time to give up the fight, accept my new status of a proud sprouts shopper and go on my merry way. 

weekly food prep

Food prep is not always fun but it is necessary. It keeps you on track, makes you more accountable and keeps your bank account happy. If I don't prep my food I binge and when I fall off the wagon I hit the wheel, get crushed under the wagon, and then get dragged for miles. 

So here is a look into a day (or two) of weekly food prep. 

Step 1: make a menu and grocery list 

You have to decide what you want to eat before you go to the grocery store. 

My weekly list of food 

Breakfast: Smoothies

Lunch: roasted veggies, brown rice, and grilled chicken

snacks: carrots, apples, hard boiled eggs 

Step 2. Grocery shopping

I try to do this the day before so that I don't get too tired and cranky while dealing with the general public to come home and cook. People, grocery carts, screaming children, its just so much fun. 

I use a mixture of fresh, frozen, in season, out of season, sale items and coupons to figure out what I want to eat. 

Step 3: prep your food to cook

Lunch:

I had a craving for roasted vegetables so I picked up what was on sale and in season

I used garlic, salt, pepper, and olive oil to season them

Then Stuck them in the over @400 degrees for 30 minutes

I put them on foil to make clean up nice and easy!

I seasoned the sweet potatoes with olive oil, kosher salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg

then into the oven at 400 degrees for 40 minutes or until crispy on the outside and soft inside

while my vegatables were in the oven I started the brown rice and grilled the chicken. I also peeled, chopped, and put my carrots into snack bags. 

here is what they all look like put in pretty containers!

rice:

salads:

Smoothie Prep:

I picked up frozen, strawberries, black berries, blueberries, raspberries, mangoes and fresh bananas

I cut the bananas up and then throw them all into bags at random. This is not a very scientific formula, I just throw what sounds good together in a bag and stick it in the freezer :)

 now in the mornings I can just throw the fruit in a blender with almond milk and I am good to go!

Step 4: Clean up

ignore this step and have a glass of wine. 

(this is my favorite step)

Every day is a fight with the fat kid, he screams PIZZA MF'er!!! and I scream back GRILLED CHICKEN.. WITH ROASTED VEGGIES. BOOM BITCH!

and then I eat my veggies and this wow this taste nothing like pizza. 

Week 2 Recipe

So as usual I jumped two feet and face first into something that I probably should have thought out a little bit more and as it turns out, there is very little at the grocery store that I have not eaten. So I am going to twist this a little bit and make it recipe/ingredients. This weeks recipe is one that blossomed out of a need for change paired with a side helping of lactose intolerance. I have a few requirements when it comes to meals, and I am the most picky about breakfast. It has to be something that is A. easy to make (for weekdays) B. healthy  C. has to fill me up. D. Taste

 

I am getting a little tired of eating egg whites everyday for breakfast so I decided to jump the tracks for a week or two so I don't end up hating one of my favorite foods.

Week 2 Recipe

 

Breakfast Smoothies!

 

What?! What?! Raise the Roof... the roof.. the roof! whoop whoop... get excited!!!!!!!!

 

Super easy, pretty cheap, and its not egg whites

 

AHHHHH and the crowd goes wild!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

so. anyways.

breakfast smoothies eh?

 

I went to the store picked out a bunch of fruit that I like some frozen some fresh and a half gallon of vanilla almond milk (this was the new ingredient)

The great thing about using almond milk instead of regular milk or water is that it adds a nice creaminess, it's low calorie, and it doesn't make my stomach want to fold in on itself and die like milk does. I have basically taken a hiatus from all things dairy the last couple years becuase it is not worth the pain in my stomach or the sounds it makes as it tries to speak whale.

Lactose intolerance is fun!

 

Once I got home I cut up the fresh fruit and stuck it in zip lock bags with a cup of one of the frozen fruits. Each bag had about 2 cups of fruit, I then stuck them all in the freezer. There is no need for ice if I do this and since we never hooked our freezer up the water line and I always forget to buy ice this works for us.

 

Now every morning all I have to do is grab a bag of fruit, add a cup of almond milk, a cup of water and blend! Super easy, healthy, full of protein, and when I pair it with a slice of toast and peanut butter I am full for a couple hours.

 

This fills two red solo cups to the top. I usually pour mine first then add a scoop of protein powder to the remaining smoothie, blend again and add more liquid if necessary and that is Scott's Breakfast.

 

Voila.

Breakfast Smoothies.

Boom!

 

This all adds up to around 200-300 calories based on the amount of fruit, type of fruit, etc etc

 

 

 

 

My Disney Hangover

I know you are probably reading that title and thinking " Really Lauren? Drinking at a child's amusement park? Classy" but no, I did not drink... I thought about it, as being around screaming children tends to lead to me cradling and sweet talking a bottle of wine but this Disney hangover is purely a food induced hangover of cataclysmic proportions.

This was a trip solely based on food. I said to hell with calories and guilt, I am going to enjoy the hell out of myself.

Churros, Pretzels, and Ice Cream, oh my!

You really start to question your life decisions when you are sitting on a bench with 3 other grown women, staring down main street, surrounded by children while stuffing a corn dog in your face. Now that's not to say that I wasn't enjoying every moment of that but it still makes you think. This delicous hand dipped super fresh corn dog was post churro, post cream cheese filled preztel (YES. Cream.Cheese. Filled. 3 of the greatest words that can be strung together), post beignets, post cajun dinner, pre ice cream, pre tacos. Take a moment to re-read that list of awesome foods. CREAM CHEESE FILLED PRETZELS!

This was all fantastic, I had the time of my life, we had a churro in every land (thats a big CHECK! on the bucket list), I almost got sick of churros (almost), we walked 22+ miles in one day, spent 17 hours on the park property, went to bed waaaaay past our bed time, drank a lot of coffee, giggled like idiots, made inapropriate jokes about the Pleasure Island sign in Pinnochio, smiled stupidly at the characters, took a ton of pictures and crashed hard around midnight.

The next morning I woke up feeling tired but ok, I had some eggs and bacon at IHOP and we hit the road back to Phoenix. Then we hit McDonalds, for chicken nuggets and caffiene, then we rolled into phoenix just in time for Super Bowl.

Needless to say I am heavier than when I left, my head still hurts, I still have heartburn and I have a pretty clear picture of why I try to eat as healthy as possible. This 3 day Disney food hangover is BS!
 I have had a smoothie for breakfast, a luna bar for snack, I have my turkey skillet for lunch with steamed veggies, and dinner will probably be turkey chili. All of this was with a side helping of tums, ibproufen, and coffee (hangover trifecta)

 

DISNEYLAND!

 

 Matching Shirts

 

 Disneyland!

 

 Looking out the windows of the Monorail

 

Judgement Free Zone.

Do you ever have a workout that was so good you are still panting and sweating as you leave the gym? I did today and as luck would have it, I had to run errands afterwards. Imagine a sweating, heaving mess in spandex walking down aisles of michaels. Now if you were there you might be thinking " wow, I didn't realize homeless people were into crafts and DIY" or you might be thinking "she should shower" either thought would be justified. So I puttered around Michaels for a while until I got my breath back and then I ran across the street to Sprouts (yes, more hippie shit). Now I am sure we have all heard that you shouldn't go the groccery store hungry and there is a reason for that... You will roam the aisles looking for anything you can shove in your face hole. So take tired, add in hungry, multiply that by treadmill workout and lifting and you get hummus, pretzels and cheese snack time as you shop. Yeah. Eating while shopping. I will let that sink in for a moment....
I walked (very slowly, thought about licking) past the muffins and cookies and scooted over to the sabra hummus snack packs and cheese sticks. These are two of my go to healthy snack especially when I go into a murderous rage thinking about vegetables. I picked up what I needed and stood in line waiting my turn while trying to hold my items and unwrap my cheese stick, that combined with my spandex and sweating must have really set off an air of desperation because the lady in front of my told me I could jump her in line. It's ok.. take another moment but remember this is a judgement free zone.

drug pedaling little bastards.

It's the fat kids favorite time of year. The drug dealers are out in their adorable green vests pedaling the fat kids version of heroin... Girl Scout Cookies. I love them all, Thin Mints, Samoas, the lemon ones, the peanut butta ones, all of them. And not like I buy one box and it last all year kind of love.. its the buy boxes until I hate myself, wake up in the middle of the night to sneak a frozen thin mint, eat a whole box at a time kind of love. That's a forever kind of love. I can't even use not having cash as an excuse anymore, those adorable little bastards just whip out their Iphone and slide your visa through their square, all while smiling at you. These high tech drug dealers are at every store, every office, we even saw them waiting outside a Willy Nelson concert (to be fair, that was genius). A deprived fat kid surrounded by thin minty goodness leads to exessive grumbling, grouchiness, and unwarranted anger towards children. So let me say I am sorry in advance,

I am sorry to the mothers who are just trying to raise money for their childs troop... You are not an enabling bitch and I don't mean what I say out of hunger. Nor are your children drug mules.

I am sorry to the children in front of walmart... Your parents do love you, and you probably aren't adopted (but its awesome if you are!)

If you see me grumbling in a corner while shoving carrots and greek yogurt in my face, please know that I am ok, just hangry and better left alone from a safe distance.