Discipline

Discipline has never really been my thing

Donuts have been my thing

Pizza has been my thing

Eating Chinese food and watching blazing saddles has been my thing

But discipline…

Nah, I’m good thanks.

I wait for motivation to strike and then I bleed that well dry

Example: training for 3 half iron and 1 full iron distance races in 12 months.

As I entered my (Scotts) credit card info I basked in my motivation

I sat high upon my motivation mountain and looked down

I was motivation, I breathed motivation, I became one with motivation

Right up until I wasn’t

The well was dry

I was chugging my bike up another goddamn hill thinking how I could be eating donuts and not chewing on another peanut butter and jelly sandwich and boom motivation was gone.

The fickle creature left me right in the middle of my training.

Poof.

Gone.

See Ya Later

My motivation had gone to the pizza parlor to kick back with a beer

I was still on the hill

It was discipline that kept me from throwing my bike in front of traffic and following my motivation to get pizza

There has to be a balance

As soon as I crossed that finish line I lost a large chunk of both

I put my bike in hibernation, nursed my sore and chafed body parts, and went after some beer and pizza.

Its 6 months later

My bike and I are still not talking

Nether regions have not forgiven me

I have enjoyed the hell out of not training

I do miss competition but I am sticking to my year off

The problem with a year off is finding the discipline and motivation to treat my body like it deserves

 My goal is happy and healthy

Not a finish line

Not a specific weight

Not a certain pair of jeans

Happy

Healthy

So I have had to find discipline

Motivation is easier

Motivation is my husband, my family, our trip to New Zealand

Discipline is looking over a pile of donuts as I eat my eggs

Are donuts the devil?

No

Do I have to eat only Kale and water to hit my goals?

Nope.

In fact if I did that I would be miserable

Miserable is very far from happy and healthy

 

So what is the point of my random ramblings?

Motivation will not always be there

Discipline will not always be there

Keep moving forward regardless

If you don’t have motivation to go to the gym that day then go because you are a disciplined athlete

No discipline to put down the donuts? Then use your motivation to back away and eat something that makes you feel good.

We have to find balance

None of us are perfect

Least of all me

 

Find the balance

Find the motivation

Find the discipline

Find Happiness.

Confessions of an emotional eater

Lies I tell myself: 

I'm going to turn Frozen off after Let it Go so I can get stuff done. 

I'm not hungry, this salad is very filling and I hardly miss the cheese. 

I am going to wake up at 3:45 and go to the gym before work. 

Nobody needs tacos. 

Squats are fun! They are like the Disneyland of the gym.

You know what this smoothie needs? More kale. Definitely not more kit kats and ice cream. 

Cheese is overrated. 

Coffee tastes good black

Seriously, I am going to turn Frozen off. 

Confessions:

I feel like a huuuge douche when I talk about things like eating Paleo, kale, almond milk and protein powder. 

Sometimes I put my headphones in at the gym without any music playing so I don't have to listen to the meat heads talk about all the things I just referenced in my previous sentence. 

Some days I loathe running with a hatred that is unmatched, other days I can't live without it. 

I eat the worst when I am alone. 

I am an emotional and closet eater. 

I can eat more than your average linebacker. 

I have watched frozen 3 days in a row. 

Sometimes I eat so fast I wonder how I don't end up throwing up in the grass like the dogs after they drink too much water. 

I spend a lot of time thinking about pork 

I plan my next meal as I am eating my current meal 

(and not in a grown up who plans her meals and grocery shops according to those plans kind of way)

Also, I rarely blog when I am in a deep abyss of pizza and beer. That's a good sign that I am being dragged and run over by the proverbial wagon. 

sigh. 

That last confession stung a little. 

I will not eat my feelings, I will not eat my feelings. 

Donuts bad, kale good (and kinda douchey)