Race Report: Ironman Arizona 140.Freaking6

I wanted to use another word for Freaking

You're welcome Dad. 

I am an Ironman

I have joined the ranks of crazy bastards who swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles, and run 26.2 miles

Ya'll are a bunch of nut-bags

and I am so happy to be here

It was such a long day (16+ hrs) but it seemed to go by in a blur

Friday afternoon I got off work and headed down to check in

I was so stressed and anxious that I almost had a melt down right there in the beach park

I pulled myself together enough to nod along and pretend I was listening to the very nice volunteers explaining to me where to sign my life away, where to put my stickers and I tried not to think of the bracelet as a handcuff. 

Once I was checked in I headed to the swag tent.

because....swag. 

We wandered around a bit and then headed home. 

Once we were home I started panicking again. 

It was 4pm, I still needed to pack, swim, seat, and go shopping

Luckily Scott saw the panic in my eyes, took my shopping list and went to grab my extra supplies and grab dinner while I got my last swim in

We packed my bags, unpacked them, repacked them and then I made myself leave the Tri-room and attempt to relax (aka: eat a bean burrito laced with xanax)

Before I knew it, it was Saturday morning... how in the almighty fuck did that happen?

why is time NOT slowing down

I am not ready 

I didn't train hard enough

I could have pushed myself harder

I could have... I should have... 

Then I told myself to cram it

I checked my bike and bags in, talked with friends and went home to eat my way through the pita jungle menu and put my feet up. 

I woke up at 3:30 Sunday morning, oddly calm. 

I had laid everything out 

(or so I thought....foreshadowing)

so I just needed to make my breakfast, coffee and get into the truck for the ride down

We beat the traffic down and my anxiety went down even more

before I knew it I was lining up with 3000 of my closest friends

I placed myself with the 1:20 group and waited not so patiently for the gun to go off

I knew once I was in the water and moving the anxiety would go away and I could do the job I had come out to do

The male pro's went off, followed by the womens then they started letting us age groupers in the water

It was a rolling swim start so once you are the water your chip starts timing

This was my first non- age group all female wave swim

let me tell you something... 

men swim like drowning bears

they throw fists, they climb over you, push you and they pissed me the hell off

I think I swam faster just because I had to keep kicking them off my feet

I came out of the water at 1:24 

this was right in my goal time so I was pretty damn happy

Scott was a volunteer and managed to make it to the wetsuit stripping and he helped me out of my 

suit and ran off to grab my bags

Once I had my bags I ran into T1 to another smiling face Mrs. Amy

I warned her about what she was about to see and started stripping

I did FULL costume changes in each transition so I could be as comfortable as possible through out the day.

I wanted padded bike shorts for my ride, my comfy running shorts and a clean dry shirt for my run

once I was out of T1, I grabbed my bike from Scott and ran out

Once I was on my bike it started to settle in that I needed to bike 112 miles, 3 loops on the beeline. 

I had not managed to make it past 80 miles in my training so this was going to be my longest ride ever. 

(Apparently I dipped into the Beardedginja/Tdds training program)

Loop 1 felt great, I made it to the turn around in 1:23 and I had very little knee pain. 

The weather couldn't have been better, 70's and overcast

I headed back down to Rio cruising at 24 mph and finished the first loop in 2:20

As I started back up the hill for the 2nd loop I started to feel the dreaded knee pain that had knocked me down flat the last 2 weeks of training. 

I prayed to whatever gods had gotten my liver through college and downed more Ibuprofen 

I trudged up the GD hill to shea for the 2nd time but this time I had to stop to stretch my quad, my back, and I made it to special needs (another cameo from team TDDS)

They helped me unpack mybags and they held my bike so I could sit on the ground and stretch some more. 

I am pretty sure I got off my bike more that any other person on that course

thats how it felt anyways. 

I had actually stayed on top of my water intake and I was polishing off 4 bottles per loop

which is great news for my liver and kidneys

not so great for the 87 bathroom breaks I had to take

I also forgot my first set of base salt and nuun so I had to wait until I made it to special needs for my extras, then at some point those fell out of my jersey. 

So water it is!

I tried a gatorade and it was awful, way too much sugar for me. 

I also at one point thought I had left my uncrustables (which I had already left at home but luckily Mark ran to the store on his way in for me) in T1... Scott and Mark pointed out that they were in fact just in the back pockets of my jersey. 

DOH!

I had gone 2 laps on just two burgers and as many lara bar bites as I could shove in my mouth

I felt better on loop 3 than I did on 2

I made it up to shea in decent time

Scott and Mark were there waiting for me so I got off  my bike for a few minutes

re-lubed... found a chafed spot courtesy of the lube

tried not to cry

went to put some vaseline on my wind burned lips and thankfully Scott reminded me to switch hands

Do not lube and put chapstick on with the same hand

Also don't put biofreeze on first then use the same hand to re-lune

just trust me on that one. 

Downhill on loop 3 was rough, I was going into the wind, I was tired and I wanted to un-wedge the bike seat from my ass. 

I only managed 18mph on the downhills and maybe 12mph on the flats 

Finally I came into T2

its pretty awesome to come in with your family and friends screaming for you

Scott was at t2 and grabbed my bags for me and I went back into the land of naked stinky women

one more costume change, some water and I was out on the run course

now I had not really thought too much about the run during my training

I was much more concerned with my ability to ride 112 miles in my allotted time

as I stepped out of the tent it hit me that I still had to run 26.2 miles

As I started loop 1 I passed Sasha headed out on loop 2

by the 2nd aid station I had to pee AGAIN

damn you tiny bladder 

luckily Stacey was there to get a picture! 

but guess what? I didn't poop my pants

#winning

loop 1 was pretty uneventful

I was running more than I had anticipated and Scott joined me for a good portion of the run to keep me company

as I came into mile 13 I hit a wall

A hard, immovable my feet hurt, I am tired, is this over yet... wall

Scott kept walking with me, he told me I had to keep a sub 18 min mile to finish in time

that kind of pissed me off 

I am not an 18 min mile person

I am not a fast runner but I am not a walker

I am stubborn and I am not going to take that route just because it would be easier on me

I grabbed my bean burrito at special needs

I let my dark thoughts fester for 2 miles

As I came back under the bridge Scott, Mark, and Jen walked with me for a bit

I had a scowl on my face and I was hurting

I decided then that it was going to hurt either way. 

I started running

my knee was screaming

I gritted my teeth and kept going

I ran  20 of the concrete slabs in the side walk then walked 5

all of a sudden I was running a 12 min mile and cruising towards Mill ave

the look on Scotts face as I came under the bridge told me I was making good time

I got a Holy Shit woman, you are doing 12 min miles from Amy

I had a smile back on my face

I may be slow

I may need to walk

but I am stubborn as fuck. I would give a mule a run for its money

I made my way up curry where I ran into Scott, mark and Jen again

Scott told me to slow down so I didn't hurt myself

I smiled to myself and told him its a good day to die 

 

I had to walk some more as I approached mile 25 

mile 26 I got a big ass grin on my face

This has to be what it feels like to be a pro athlete

people on either side of the chute screaming your name, high fiving you, crying for you

then you hear it... 

Mike Reilly the voice of Ironman says

LAUREN ELLIS YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!

fist pump

fist pump 

run to Scott who some how has womens race winner taking our picture as he places the medal aroundmy neck and gives me a big kiss and hug. 

I am an Ironman

the finish line is a blur

there were lots of pictures

We even got a picture with Meredith Kessler !

a volunteer grabbed me by the shoulders (they don't trust you to walk on your own) took my timing chip, handed me my hat and shirt and directed me to the pizza tent

16+ hrs all to have people bring me pizza and take my shoes off for me

I am beyond proud of myself 

it took a lot to get me to this point

Thank you to Scott who was my husband, sherpa, best friend, shoulder to cry on, xanax feeder, chef, housekeeper, landscaper, and the best volunteer out there

thank you to team TDDS. You all made me smile and laugh every day. You made training so much better. 

Thank you to my Coach Frank Sole, you believed in me and pushed me and I will forever be thankful. (lets talk more about that sub 6:30-70.3 this time next year)

thank you to all the volunteers especially, Amy, Julie, Steve, Christy, Stacey, Zachary, Scott, Mark, Mandy

Our Cheering squad, Gotta Run, My parents, Anthony, Theresa, My In-laws (parents, and brothers), TDDS, Heather (even with your evil music), my nieces and nephews, Sarah, all the random strangers 

thank you Ironman for putting on great race

maybe some more TP and the late night aid stations

although yelling from a porta potty to volunteers while my pants are down and my quads are frozen so I can't move any where is pretty funny

( now... not funny then)

Thank you to the lady who made sure she was far enough in front of me before she stood up and peed on her bike

Thank you to the athletes who took the time to say hi, ask my name, and ask how I am doing

Just thank you.

I am sorry if I forgot anyone

I really couldn't do it without any of you

I am sticking to my word and I am taking a year off from racing

I need to focus on being a better Lauren, a wife, a friend, dog mom, and horsewoman. 

  maybe that barrel racing horse is in my future... ha! 

I may not have pooped my pants but there is a chance Scott just did 

Taper Ramblings

We are slowly starting to wind our way down to IMAz 

I opened my phone on Monday to a message from Ironman that said "Welcome to Taper Week AZ Athletes!"

Yeah? Really Ironman? 

It's not enough that you send me Athlete guides or Bib Lists

Now I need be smacked in the face with the fact that my sand is very quickly running out?

Well. Fine. 

I guess those emails ARE helpful

but they also give me panic attacks. 

It doesn't feel like taper week is here

Its Wednesday and I have already swam 7300m

I mean, Fuck. 

AmIright?

I swam so much today that I stopped at the Wendys in my gym parking lot to wreck the shit out of some chicken nuggets

That is not some very well thought out adulting

I am a grown up 

You think I would throw a granola bar or something in my swim bag 

nope

Chicken nuggets

Spicy chicken nuggets 

because while I may not be adult enough to remember a snack

I am adult enough to eat childrens food that will no doubt give me heartburn when I go to bed at 8pm

Its a delicate balance 

I am so ready for training to be done with but I am not ready for race day to be here

Sometimes I think about it and I calmly mentally walk myself through what I think the day will be like from check in to crossing that finish line

Other times I think about the day and I consider turning to Scott and just screaming

Just screaming

maybe some shaking

probably some crying

maybe some chili dogs

who knows where that day dream ends up

I can see myself towing that start line

I can imagine making the turn on my bike

I think about running in the dark 

then I panic

Then I talk to Scott and calm down

then I panic again

I am pretty sure that this will be the routine for the next few weeks

But lets not forget that after I finish, I don't work on Monday. 

I work Tuesday and Wednesday

Then... 

thanksgiving

and I... 

am 

going 

to 

wreck

some

shit

IMAZ 70.3 Race Report

Ironman 70.3 numero tres is in the books

I even managed to squeak out a PR

I came out of the water at 40:18

5 min in transition

Off the bike in 3:39

Another 5 min in transition

And 3:12 on the run

Totaling up to 7:38

This is a 15 min PR on this course and a 2 min PR from Oceanside

This is not my “A” race for the year so I am happy with the outcome especially because I didn’t push it on either the bike or the run.

The morning started out like any other race morning

The alarm went off way to early (3:45)

I grabbed some food, made the coffee and settled into the truck for the drive down to Tempe

Once we were down there I started setting up my transition

I usually handle this like a child, I pull all my crap out of my bags, make a huge mess and sit on the ground as I organize it.

This is also part of the reason I like to be there early, I can make a mess and clean it up before it gets too packed.

By 6 am I was body marked, set up, and out of transition

Because I was in a later heat that meant I still had 2 hours to hang out

2 hours to think about the day

2 hours to contemplate the meaning of life

2 hours to lube up and get into my wetsuit

Justin was out of the water and on the bike before I even stuck a toe in

I wasn’t a huge fan of starting this late, it meant I was going to be in the heat longer and I was going to have to fight through the other waves of people

Once I was in the water I found my way to the front

My coach had given me the ok to push as hard as I could in the swim and I wanted a front row spot

The gun went off and the washing machine started

Women thrashing, kicking, and swinging their way into a freestyle rhythm

I took a pretty good hit to the face when I caught someone’s elbow, luckily they hit my goggles and didn’t break my nose.

This swim felt looooonnnnng

For IMAZ 70.3 it’s an out and back swim in the shape of a rectangle and you swim counter clockwise

They have yellow buoys so you know where to go and at the red buoys you turn.

On the way out I tried to stay as close to the buoys as possible, so close that I accidently ran into 2 or 3 of them

Eventually I started thinking ok, time to look for the red buoy. It has to be coming up

Yellow Buoy

Yellow

Yellow

Where is the goddam red

Yellow

Yellow

Seriously how long is this course?

Yellow

Ok, I give up. Time to take off my goggles and see where this stupid buoy is

Oh.

It’s 12 inches in front of my face.

TURRRRNNN!

I checked my watch at the 2^nd turn (halfway point) and I was under 20 min

My goal was 40 or under so I put on the rocket boosters and did what I could to stay at the front

I started passing swim caps that left before me and before I knew it I was coming under the bridge and making the final turn.

40:18, 2 min PR on the swim!

I let a stranger rip off my wetsuit and I headed into T2

I was a little winded when I came in so I took my time getting my shoes on, eating a PBJ sandwich, lathering what I thought was plenty of sunblock on (It wasn’t) and sticking my hand down my pants for the essential lubing of the chassis

My plan for the bike was consistency, I wasn’t going to push and I wasn’t going to tear up my legs.

I managed to stay in the 19 min range for each 5 mile segment

I was having some technical issues with my bike and the clicking sound was getting worse and worse as I went

I prayed that it would get me through the race and made a silent promise to get it to the bike tech this week

The IMAZ bike course is a convoluted mess of turn after turn with a few hills and one hair pin turn that will pucker you right up.

On my 3^rd loop up to the hair pin turn I didn’t even try to make the turn.

I was tired, it was hot and the small amount of grace and coordination I do have was long gone.

I unclipped (which worried the volunteer) and walked my happy ass around that turn.

I let them know I was fine, just uncoordinated and headed back into T2.

I was so happy to get off the bike

Anytime I get to unwedge my ass off a bike seat I could cry with joy

I made it in at 3:39 this is pretty close to my previous bike time on this I same course but I used a lot less energy this time around.

I averaged just over 15mph, which for me is huge to keep that pace consistently

I walked into T2, went through my costume change (no shame in Ironman), re-lubbed, added more sunblock, grabbed my hat and headed out on the “run”

I decided after about 5 steps that I was not going to run this race.

I knew that even with a few days off I still had to jump right back into full training and I wasn’t eager to trash my legs.

I decided I could keep a 14:30 pace if I walked quickly and set my eye on that goal.

The 1^st loop of the run was uneventful, a little lonely and I perked up big time when I saw my family

I asked Scott to walk with me for a while just to take my mind off the heat and walking

This is such a huge lifesaver for me, I am not big on talking to strangers and even an introvert like me could use some company after 5+ hours of alone time.

I started to chafe a little bit on my under arm and I thought about asking the athletes around me if anyone had lube.

Then I thought that might be a weird way for me to start a conversation with a random group of strangers

“excuse me, does anyone have lube?”

“No, don’t look at me like that! It’s for my arm chafing”

“ yes that really is a thing”

“Yes. Arm Chafing”

“Never mind”

I think the world of triathlon is one of the only places you can ask someone for a stick of lube and they don’t even bat an eye.

I knew I had an aid station coming up and I knew I had a friend at that aid station

So as I came across the bridge I asked Amy to see if they had Vaseline at her station.

They did!

As I came around the corner she held up her stick of lube and asked if I needed anything else.

The only appropriate response was some friendly sexual harassment

(I will spare you the details)

My mom and Sarah joined me for a few minutes, my dad stopped in, I high fived TDDS, and kept on trucking

As I started the 2^nd loop Scott caught up to me again (He ran almost as much as I did)

He talked me through my aches and pains and said those magical words every triathlete longs to hear

“You have a chance to PR this”

Swoon, right?

No?

Ok.

Well those were exciting words for ME to hear

I still was intent on not running but I knew even if I kept my current pace I could PR

The last loop started to wear on me, the heat was intense, I could feel my sun burn, and there is very little shade on the course.

I was ready to be done and sitting in the AC

Before I knew it I was less than a mile out

Scott and my parents were there and kept me going

Scott let me know I had 6 min min to get to the finish line for a PR

I started running

Then I promptly thought “well, Fuck this” and went back to walking

Scott told me again, 4 min to PR

Crap. I am going to be so pissed at myself if I miss my chance at a PR because I was walking

So I ran or hobbled if you will

Ironman is a group of twisted souls so of course there is a hill right before the finishers chute.

I made it up the hill and my pain disappeared.

I high fived Amy, heard the announcer call my name and ran across the finish line

I was surrounded by awesomness, Julie was there to give me my medal, Scott and my family were waiting at the end of the chute for stinky hugs, and I was finally done.

70.3 miles in the books

I came out with some soreness, a wicked sunburn, some chafing, a blister the size of Texas, and a smile on my face

We grabbed some In N’ Out on the way home and I crashed

Well. First I had a mild panic attack about the full 140.6 then I crashed.

My big race is just around the corner.

I know I will get through it but I am scared.

Scared and panicked and scared

Thank you for everyone who came out to watch and cheer, all the volunteers, all the well wishers near and far

You were all with me on that race course and I couldn’t do it without the support.

Next up Ironman AZ 140.6

Don’t vomit

Don’t poop your pants

Don’t die

Cross the finish line before 17 hrs

Eat all the things

Eviction Notice

I have  started working on fixing my issues with food from the inside out 

I want to have a healthy relationship with food

I want to enjoy it with out stress or guilt

I want to be healthy

I want to be happy

and I don't want that happiness tied to what I did or didn't eat this week 

So I am getting help

I have tried everything I know

 I have read all the books

 Studied the theories

I have tried this diet

and that diet

and that one too

I have worked my body to exhaustion and pushed it beyond limits

but I am still overweight and I am tired

tired of trying everything

tired of stressing out 

tired of food anxiety

tired of anxiety in general 

Part of my wishes I could just say fuck it. 

this is me

I am overweight, I am squishy. 

I can also run a shit ton of miles, out swim most people, and I am going to be an Ironman

but that little voice, that asshole fat kid whispers that its not enough

I am not enough unless I can be an Ironman who only eat kale and chicken

I see the ridiculousness in that statement

but when I am not strong enough

when I am tired

when I am sad

the fat kid goes from a whisper to a scream

the fat kid has had a long enough reign

its time to shut him up for good

and its not about losing weight

if this is me and I can say that I am eating right 80% of the time

that I am doing everything in my power to train for my races

then I need to learn to accept that

I need to learn to accept me

fuck the fat kid. 

be healthy

be me

So its time to bring in the big guns to give the fat kid his eviction notice

Nutritionist

&

Therapist

(specializes in disordered eating)

(Please.Please.Please do not worry about me. I am happy with this decision and I am sticking with it. No I am not ready to talk about it, no this is not anybody fault, nobody gets to place any blame or feel pity. This is not oh poor Lauren. This is positive.)

I have been struggling with sharing this information the last couple weeks. 

Not because I am ashamed, scared, or worried what people will think. 

I have worried about that crap for long enough.

I just prefer my privacy

But.

BUT... if one person out there is unhappy, sad, and struggling. 

I hope you are able to find someone to talk to. 

If one person finds comfort in knowing that they are not alone

they are not the only one struggling

they are not the only one who feels like they can't do it alone anymore

then putting myself out there is worth it. 

Oh Look... a Carrot

I knew it was coming

I could feel it barreling towards me like a freight train unable to stop

I could have done things differently

I knew how to fix it

I just didn’t listen

Now the train has come to rest after it barreled into the mountain causing an avalanche

That avalanche came so fast and so hard it dropped me to my knees

Right down in front of the goddamn refrigerator.

Sigh.

Nutrition is hard

I get that it’s not push a baby out of your lady parts or stop using drugs kind of hard

But C’mooooonnnnn

This food is bad

This food is good

This food is good unless the 7^th moon is in the sacred house of Thor

This has gluten

Gluten is bad

Well kind of. Gluten is bad for some, great for others

Fat is bad.

Fat is good

Caffeine is a terrible addiction that will lead to cravings, starbucks gold cards, and a weird connection with keurigs

Don’t eat carbs, they make you fat

Unless it’s this specific kind of carb that of course how did you not know is perfect for you?

You  need to eat while you run

No. Not pizza, dumbass.

Never eat on a run

Gatorade will change your life

Gatorade will make you shit your pants on a run.

Chipotle… see above.

Everything in moderation

You need 3500 calories today… for breakfast.

Eggs are bad and filled with cholesterol

JK… eggs are great, egg whites are bad

It’s enough to make you want to running screaming into the hills or to the nearest nutritionist

Let’s not even get into the organic/free range/vegan/vegetarian fight.

I like meat. I prefer it to be raised ethically and sustainably. I also prefer to not pay $20/lb for a hamburger because the cow as happy before it DIED.

Oh god. I just made so many people angry. I am sorry… I take it back.

Also veal is delicious.

Dammit…. That last one slipped out.

Anyways… it’s hard.

It’s hard to find what works for you

What your body agrees with

What you agree with

What your family will eat

What they won’t eat

Where you can go to eat when you and your stove have a disagreement

When to eat

How much to eat

Calories

Food is Fuel

My engine is running (literally) damn near all the time

And its running long miles

I need lots of fuel

Good Fuel

None of that unleaded shit

(damn I miss pizza)

Saturday I went for an 11 mile run before breakfast

My goo’s didn’t sit right with me for whatever reason

And when I got home the last thing I wanted to do was eat (I know I was just as confused as you are)

I love to eat

I love to cook

I wanted food

My stomach wanted nothing to do with food

So I waited

And I waited

And then I finally ate, I forced myself to eat 3 meals.

None of them were shockingly healthy but they filled the requirements

Protein, carbs, veggies, fruit

But it still didn’t replace what I had used up

And I had a big bike ride the next morning

So I did my ride…

Low and behold I still wasn’t starving

I went through the same routine

Protein, carbs, veggies, fruit

Still not enough and I knew it

Well then Monday shows up like the reliable bitch it is and guess what?

I am a starving mess of hulk hangry empty bottomless pit-ness

And I am at work where I limit my food

The train has hit

The avalanche has fallen

And now I am just wandering around looking for survivors

Oh look... a carrot

The Battle Rages On...also a cameo by Amy Poehler.

I battled the fat kid all day long. 

Not in the usual sense, I wasn't trying to shove my face full of pizza and donuts at every turn. 

Don't get me wrong.. I was HUNGRY.

I ran hills last night and I could have happily dove face first into whatever was readily available. 

However I made sure to pack my prepped foods so I was able to stay the MF'ing course. 

Today wasn't about telling the fat kid no. 

No, no pizza for me thanks. 

No, Beer isn't really my thing. 

 It was about telling that little asshole to shut the f*$k up. 

Anxiety, fear, and self doubt were the name of the game today. 

That little voice in my head was screaming today. 

I am not fast enough

I am not skinny enough

I am not working hard enough

I will never follow through with anything

I will never finish an Ironman

I just wanted the voice to go away. 

I don't give a shit if I am not fast enough. I am out there pushing my body and working to be faster. 

Fuck. Skinny. 

Yeah I said it. 

I am strong, I am healthy, and I am working on tailoring my birthday suit. 

That stupid number on the stupid scale doesn't define me. 

It doesn't make me less of a person. 

It doesn't tell you who I am. 

I am a strong badass woman. 

Yeah I wear a fanny pack when I run and I own something called Hoo Ha Ride Glide. 

I still Tri 

(see what I did there)

I will finish an Ironman. 

I will finish if I have to drag my legs behind me like a dog. 

Hell or high water

Blood, road rash, exhaustion, knee pain, sunburns, and black toe nails. 

I will finish.

That little voice inside my head just told me that I just jinxed myself and my finish. 

I am going to crush that stupid voice like a bug. 

The battle rages on. 

Its not always physical. 

Sometimes the mental aspect is worse. 

When in doubt, listen to Amy Poehler. 

(Side note, go buy her book. It's amazing. I laughed, cried, and snorted)