Eviction Notice

I have  started working on fixing my issues with food from the inside out 

I want to have a healthy relationship with food

I want to enjoy it with out stress or guilt

I want to be healthy

I want to be happy

and I don't want that happiness tied to what I did or didn't eat this week 

So I am getting help

I have tried everything I know

 I have read all the books

 Studied the theories

I have tried this diet

and that diet

and that one too

I have worked my body to exhaustion and pushed it beyond limits

but I am still overweight and I am tired

tired of trying everything

tired of stressing out 

tired of food anxiety

tired of anxiety in general 

Part of my wishes I could just say fuck it. 

this is me

I am overweight, I am squishy. 

I can also run a shit ton of miles, out swim most people, and I am going to be an Ironman

but that little voice, that asshole fat kid whispers that its not enough

I am not enough unless I can be an Ironman who only eat kale and chicken

I see the ridiculousness in that statement

but when I am not strong enough

when I am tired

when I am sad

the fat kid goes from a whisper to a scream

the fat kid has had a long enough reign

its time to shut him up for good

and its not about losing weight

if this is me and I can say that I am eating right 80% of the time

that I am doing everything in my power to train for my races

then I need to learn to accept that

I need to learn to accept me

fuck the fat kid. 

be healthy

be me

So its time to bring in the big guns to give the fat kid his eviction notice

Nutritionist

&

Therapist

(specializes in disordered eating)

(Please.Please.Please do not worry about me. I am happy with this decision and I am sticking with it. No I am not ready to talk about it, no this is not anybody fault, nobody gets to place any blame or feel pity. This is not oh poor Lauren. This is positive.)

I have been struggling with sharing this information the last couple weeks. 

Not because I am ashamed, scared, or worried what people will think. 

I have worried about that crap for long enough.

I just prefer my privacy

But.

BUT... if one person out there is unhappy, sad, and struggling. 

I hope you are able to find someone to talk to. 

If one person finds comfort in knowing that they are not alone

they are not the only one struggling

they are not the only one who feels like they can't do it alone anymore

then putting myself out there is worth it. 

Oh Look... a Carrot

I knew it was coming

I could feel it barreling towards me like a freight train unable to stop

I could have done things differently

I knew how to fix it

I just didn’t listen

Now the train has come to rest after it barreled into the mountain causing an avalanche

That avalanche came so fast and so hard it dropped me to my knees

Right down in front of the goddamn refrigerator.

Sigh.

Nutrition is hard

I get that it’s not push a baby out of your lady parts or stop using drugs kind of hard

But C’mooooonnnnn

This food is bad

This food is good

This food is good unless the 7^th moon is in the sacred house of Thor

This has gluten

Gluten is bad

Well kind of. Gluten is bad for some, great for others

Fat is bad.

Fat is good

Caffeine is a terrible addiction that will lead to cravings, starbucks gold cards, and a weird connection with keurigs

Don’t eat carbs, they make you fat

Unless it’s this specific kind of carb that of course how did you not know is perfect for you?

You  need to eat while you run

No. Not pizza, dumbass.

Never eat on a run

Gatorade will change your life

Gatorade will make you shit your pants on a run.

Chipotle… see above.

Everything in moderation

You need 3500 calories today… for breakfast.

Eggs are bad and filled with cholesterol

JK… eggs are great, egg whites are bad

It’s enough to make you want to running screaming into the hills or to the nearest nutritionist

Let’s not even get into the organic/free range/vegan/vegetarian fight.

I like meat. I prefer it to be raised ethically and sustainably. I also prefer to not pay $20/lb for a hamburger because the cow as happy before it DIED.

Oh god. I just made so many people angry. I am sorry… I take it back.

Also veal is delicious.

Dammit…. That last one slipped out.

Anyways… it’s hard.

It’s hard to find what works for you

What your body agrees with

What you agree with

What your family will eat

What they won’t eat

Where you can go to eat when you and your stove have a disagreement

When to eat

How much to eat

Calories

Food is Fuel

My engine is running (literally) damn near all the time

And its running long miles

I need lots of fuel

Good Fuel

None of that unleaded shit

(damn I miss pizza)

Saturday I went for an 11 mile run before breakfast

My goo’s didn’t sit right with me for whatever reason

And when I got home the last thing I wanted to do was eat (I know I was just as confused as you are)

I love to eat

I love to cook

I wanted food

My stomach wanted nothing to do with food

So I waited

And I waited

And then I finally ate, I forced myself to eat 3 meals.

None of them were shockingly healthy but they filled the requirements

Protein, carbs, veggies, fruit

But it still didn’t replace what I had used up

And I had a big bike ride the next morning

So I did my ride…

Low and behold I still wasn’t starving

I went through the same routine

Protein, carbs, veggies, fruit

Still not enough and I knew it

Well then Monday shows up like the reliable bitch it is and guess what?

I am a starving mess of hulk hangry empty bottomless pit-ness

And I am at work where I limit my food

The train has hit

The avalanche has fallen

And now I am just wandering around looking for survivors

Oh look... a carrot

#FoodPrepSunday #It'sNotRealIfYouDontHastagIt #hashtag

Hi everyone! I am still learning the art of hashtagging, if its an art  I never perfect I will be ok with it! 

I had a couple of people request some of my recipes, here are a few that use as a basis of many meals. Let me know if you like them. Thanks! 

4 requirements for my meal prep... Portable, Cost Efficient, Tasty, and Healthy

Baked Egg

This is one of my favorite breakfast recipes because it’s easy, portable, and holds up well throughout the week.  You can adapt the base recipe and add whatever ingredients sound good to you. I have done artichoke, sundried tomato and feta (seriously awesome), ham and cheese, Spinach sausage and mushroom, the possibilities are endless!

This week I did a Beef Chorizo, bell pepper, and cheese baked egg.

1Lb lean beef chorizo from Sprouts  $2.08 (on sale)

16 eggs (.25/egg) you can also use one of the big egg white cartons

1 Green Bell Pepper ($0.88)

1 Red Bell Pepper ($0.88)

8oz shredded sharp cheddar (On sale $1.25)

This makes 8 servings at $1.09/serving. This can be cut into smaller pieces for little humans but Scott and I have big appetites. I usually supplement this with a green smoothie, toast with avocado, or a bowl of fruit.

Directions

Heat your oven to 425 degrees

Brown the chorizo on the stove until almost all the way cooked, set aside

Chop your bell peppers into small chunks

Crack the eggs into a big bowl and beat until all the yolks are broken and everything is mixed well.

Spray a 9x13 pan with Pam

Spread the chorizo and bell peppers across the bottom and then top with the egg.

Bake at 425 for 45 min, the egg will set and no longer wiggle when you gently shake the pan.

At 45 minutes pull the pan out, top with the cheese and place back in the oven for 5-10 minutes.

(I usually turn my oven off at this time and let it finish baking while the oven cools down)

I leave it in the pan and cut it a slice at night for the next day.

Meatballs

I will do my best to estimate amounts, this is a tweaked family recipe that I have made as long as I can remember and I don’t use measuring tools anymore. I love using meatballs because they are easy to eat at work, I can just cut them with my fork and dive right in.

2Lbs Ground meat of preference, I usually use chicken or turkey because its readily available.

½ cup finely shredded Parmesan

1 cup bread crumbs

1 egg (you can use 2 egg whites as a sub to cut a few calories)

I toss seasonings in randomly. This week I used Italian seasoning, salt, and pepper.

Mix together and roll into meatballs, 2 lbs usually gives me 16 meatballs.

Spray a large frying pan with your oil of choice (I love the new Pam coconut oil spray)

Let the pan get hot and then start adding your meatballs, the pan should be hot enough to sear the meatball.

Keep turning until all sides are browned. You can let them finish cooking in a pot of hot marinara or place a lid over the meatballs and let them keep cooking.

You want the internal temp of the meatball to be at least 165 degrees, you can check using an internal meat thermometer.

Breakfast Burritos

I am still on the hunt for the perfect tortilla. I want one that will hold up, taste good, and not be filled with lard. I am filtering my way through the hippie tortillas at Sprouts, it’s a hard job but somebody has to do it! Heads up, this makes 5 Lauren sized burritos (mfp est cal is 450/burrito) on large tortillas.

5 tortillas (pick your favorite)

1 carton egg whites (again you can always use whole eggs)

1 can drained and rinsed black beans (patting them dry helps too)

2 tomatoes chopped

Sausage of choice (leaving this one open, sometimes I use chicken sometimes I go right for the pork! You can also use ham or bacon or leave it out all together) should be around 16oz of meat. If you choose to go the bacon route, think 1/2 slices per burrito. 

8 oz cheese (give or take)

Brown  and crumble your sausage, set to the side

Cook your scrambled egg whites in a large pan, add in the sausage, tomato, and black beans.

Mix together until every bite of egg has some sidekick yumminess with it

Lay out the tortilla, scoop about 1 cup of egg mixture in the center, add ¼ cup of shredded cheese, and roll that bad boy up!

Wrap in foil or saran wrap. You can freeze or throw in the fridge, they last about 4 days in the fridge before the cheese gets weird.

Reheat in the morning or lunch or dinner or all three if you are feeling extra burrito-y and enjoy!

I put mine unwrapped in the microwave for 2 minutes (increase time if frozen)

The Battle Rages On...also a cameo by Amy Poehler.

I battled the fat kid all day long. 

Not in the usual sense, I wasn't trying to shove my face full of pizza and donuts at every turn. 

Don't get me wrong.. I was HUNGRY.

I ran hills last night and I could have happily dove face first into whatever was readily available. 

However I made sure to pack my prepped foods so I was able to stay the MF'ing course. 

Today wasn't about telling the fat kid no. 

No, no pizza for me thanks. 

No, Beer isn't really my thing. 

 It was about telling that little asshole to shut the f*$k up. 

Anxiety, fear, and self doubt were the name of the game today. 

That little voice in my head was screaming today. 

I am not fast enough

I am not skinny enough

I am not working hard enough

I will never follow through with anything

I will never finish an Ironman

I just wanted the voice to go away. 

I don't give a shit if I am not fast enough. I am out there pushing my body and working to be faster. 

Fuck. Skinny. 

Yeah I said it. 

I am strong, I am healthy, and I am working on tailoring my birthday suit. 

That stupid number on the stupid scale doesn't define me. 

It doesn't make me less of a person. 

It doesn't tell you who I am. 

I am a strong badass woman. 

Yeah I wear a fanny pack when I run and I own something called Hoo Ha Ride Glide. 

I still Tri 

(see what I did there)

I will finish an Ironman. 

I will finish if I have to drag my legs behind me like a dog. 

Hell or high water

Blood, road rash, exhaustion, knee pain, sunburns, and black toe nails. 

I will finish.

That little voice inside my head just told me that I just jinxed myself and my finish. 

I am going to crush that stupid voice like a bug. 

The battle rages on. 

Its not always physical. 

Sometimes the mental aspect is worse. 

When in doubt, listen to Amy Poehler. 

(Side note, go buy her book. It's amazing. I laughed, cried, and snorted)

Nacho Lucky Day

I saw the most amazing picture today. 

Can you guess what it was?

It wasn't a sunset 

It wasn't a beautiful newborn baby

It wasn't a pudgy adorable puppy

It was nachos. 

Glorious, cheesy, and topped with pulled pork.

I was able to refrain from licking my phone but I wavered on that decision. 

Who needs a long, low cholesterol life when you have chips with melted cheese. 

I looked at the picture, drooled over the picture, then tried to figure out a way to work nachos into my life. 

Because I am trying to lose a couple pounds, train for a 1/2 Ironman and generally improve my lifestyle; nachos are not on the regular menu. 

I would have to run a stupid amount of miles, bike to Tuscon, or swim around Lake Pleasant for a couple hours in order to enjoy a face

full of cheesy goodness.

Now most rational people without major food issues are thinking "why don't you just get in a good workout, make sure your other 2 meals are healthy, and split the nachos with your husband?"

A. We don't share food. ever. 

it works for us and helps both of us avoid missing fingers. 

B. Portion control is not really my thing

I'm actually eating my salad out of a mixing bowl as I type this and I may or may not have accidentally spilled cheese on my computer. 

C. I don't feel like biking to Tuscon. 

So I guess that means I am shit out of luck, eh? 

Well I am nothing if not resourceful when it comes to finding a way to eat things I want 

Thats why as I was drooling over my phone and my boss was wondering if I was exhibiting stroke symptoms I decided I would make a Nacho Salad! 

Pulled pork, black beans, corn, red onion, cilantro, cotija cheese, and guac for dressing. All piled on top of  a big ass bed of lettuce. 

Not bad right? 

Its not a plate of melted cheese and deep fried corn tortillas

But it also won't give me a massive food hangover or lead to a downward spiral of food guilt. 

I know it will still be pretty calorie laden but those are all pretty wholesome ingredients. 

I will leave you with this...

I googled "how was cheese discovered" and " Nacho meme" for this blog. 

I was not disappointed. 

Since animal skins and inflated internal organs have, since ancient times, provided storage vessels for a range of foodstuffs, it is probable that the process of cheese making was discovered accidentally by storing milk in a container made from the stomach of an animal, resulting in the milk being turned to curd and whey by the rennet from the stomach. 

I probably should have stopped 3 memes ago.