Pizza Sprinkles

Scott is out of town this weekend and when he goes out of town we have an unspoken agreement. 

He leaves to attend a conference, hiking with his brother, or have a boys weekend 

and I get to sit at home and watch Harry Potter movies, read Nora Roberts novels, and pretend the laundry and chores don't exist until an hour before he gets home. 

Being the amazing husband that he is, he pretends not to notice. 

I know I could wait and he would help which makes him even more awesome but I like spending time with him when he gets home that does not involve mops or brooms. 

I haven't started my meal prep either except to go grocery shopping

I have been in a meal prep FUNK.  

I am having a hard time coming up with new ideas that fit the following criteria

A. Cheap

I need to make my meals budget friendly. If budget wasn't a concern I would just eat Chipotle every day.

B. Healthy

If calories and nutritional content weren't a concern I would just eat Chipotle every day with cheese and sour cream.  

I prefer lower carb foods with moderate calories.  I need to lose some lb's but I also need to run for an hour. 

C. Portability

I can't cook up a steak and chop a fresh salad in the break room at work. 

It needs to fit in Tupperware

D. Durability

I cook all my meals on Sunday, I need something that won't grow a second head by Friday

I have a few standbys but I am getting bored and when I am bored I forage for something that will make me less bored. Like pizza, nothing boring about pizza. 

or cupcakes. 

Pretty much anything with sprinkles

"But Lauren, Pizza doesn't have sprinkles"

What do you think pepperoni is? 

Pizza Sprinkles.

Standbys include but are not limited to..

Chicken Meatballs in Marinara with salad

Chicken Teriyaki Meatballs roasted vegetables

Salad with chicken

Roasted Chicken with hummus, a hard boiled egg, and carrots

more salad with chicken

More sides of protein and varying sides of vegetables

This week I am going with chicken salad with avocado instead of mayo

I will stuff my face with carrots until the need to forage goes away

I might make more banana cookies as a treat for not ripping through anything and everything I can find in the work fridge. 

Chicken Salad

1 cup chopped grilled chicken 

2 stalk chopped celery

1/2 chopped red bell pepper

1/2 chopped green bell pepper

1/4 cup chopped red onion 

1/2 avocado smashed (like you are making guac)

mix it all up, season with garlic salt and dig in!

It also goes great in a lettuce wrap or in a pita

My plan is to put all the chopped ingredients into a Tupperware and add the avocado the day of. 

Cookie Monster

Today was a day that I could have happily planted my ass on the couch and curled up with a pint of Ben and Jerry's finest. 

I could have pulled up speed dial and let the good folks at Barros talk me into a large sausage and double cheese pizza. 

I wanted to

I realllllly wanted to

I still want to

Instead I went tearing through cabinets and pinterest trying to find a way to make something that would satisfy both my sweet tooth, my hormones, would not require a trip to the store and not help me gain 12 lbs. 

Banana Oatmeal peanut butter chocolate chip cookies

#Winning 

3 bananas, 1 cup of oats, 2 tbsp PB2, and 1 cup of chocolate chips later the beast has been soothed. 

I fixed a flat on my bike (all by  myself!) while they were cooking (20-25 minutes at 350). Then I burnt the roof of my mouth, my tongue, and my fingers trying to eat them straight out of the oven. 

Patience and eating slowly have never really been my thing. 

After devouring a cookie and coating my tongue in aloe I jumped on my bike trainer.

Bike trainers are the best. 

Seriously. 

It's 100 degrees outside and I was able to get in my ride in the comfort of my own home (and AC) while watching Super Troopers. 

and eating cookies. 

whoops. 

I only had 2!

I followed it up with a big ass salad and a Disney movie. 

Because.... I am an adult.

The more I thought about the cookies the more I realized I may have stumbled onto pinterest gold. 

150 calories and other than the chocolate they are filled with good things. 

I think they would make good race food both pre race and race fuel. 

I might try adding a few other things to them like switching the pb2 and  chocolate chips for a little brown sugar and dried cranberries, I could add some flax seed or chopped up dates. 

I could even add some coconut. 

The possibilities are endless

This also means the cookie testing is endless. 

Beating Down My Inner Fat Kid

I am very honest in this little blog 

I don't hide my issues, my insecurities, my fears, my doubts, my bad habits, my training programs, or my relationship with food. 

I know not everyone has the same issues that I do. 

Not everyone wants to eat a whole double cheese and sausage pizza while chugging a beer in their sweat pants. 

I get it. 

Everyone has different life goals, 

Most of you probably don't have the urge to go swim miles, bike 112 miles, or run 26.2. 

I plan to do all three and then because I apparently love pain I will follow that up with a tattoo commemorating the event. 

I am not everyone

But I hope that in reading this you know that whatever food habits or issues you may have... 

You are not alone. 

It doesn't make you less of a human

And I hope you do what makes you happy while working towards a healthier lifestyle. 

its a struggle

it sucks

its beyond rewarding 

and you can make those changes to achieve a healthier lifestyle 

Sorry that was a little more serious than I normally am so here ya go. 

Nacho Lucky Day

I saw the most amazing picture today. 

Can you guess what it was?

It wasn't a sunset 

It wasn't a beautiful newborn baby

It wasn't a pudgy adorable puppy

It was nachos. 

Glorious, cheesy, and topped with pulled pork.

I was able to refrain from licking my phone but I wavered on that decision. 

Who needs a long, low cholesterol life when you have chips with melted cheese. 

I looked at the picture, drooled over the picture, then tried to figure out a way to work nachos into my life. 

Because I am trying to lose a couple pounds, train for a 1/2 Ironman and generally improve my lifestyle; nachos are not on the regular menu. 

I would have to run a stupid amount of miles, bike to Tuscon, or swim around Lake Pleasant for a couple hours in order to enjoy a face

full of cheesy goodness.

Now most rational people without major food issues are thinking "why don't you just get in a good workout, make sure your other 2 meals are healthy, and split the nachos with your husband?"

A. We don't share food. ever. 

it works for us and helps both of us avoid missing fingers. 

B. Portion control is not really my thing

I'm actually eating my salad out of a mixing bowl as I type this and I may or may not have accidentally spilled cheese on my computer. 

C. I don't feel like biking to Tuscon. 

So I guess that means I am shit out of luck, eh? 

Well I am nothing if not resourceful when it comes to finding a way to eat things I want 

Thats why as I was drooling over my phone and my boss was wondering if I was exhibiting stroke symptoms I decided I would make a Nacho Salad! 

Pulled pork, black beans, corn, red onion, cilantro, cotija cheese, and guac for dressing. All piled on top of  a big ass bed of lettuce. 

Not bad right? 

Its not a plate of melted cheese and deep fried corn tortillas

But it also won't give me a massive food hangover or lead to a downward spiral of food guilt. 

I know it will still be pretty calorie laden but those are all pretty wholesome ingredients. 

I will leave you with this...

I googled "how was cheese discovered" and " Nacho meme" for this blog. 

I was not disappointed. 

Since animal skins and inflated internal organs have, since ancient times, provided storage vessels for a range of foodstuffs, it is probable that the process of cheese making was discovered accidentally by storing milk in a container made from the stomach of an animal, resulting in the milk being turned to curd and whey by the rennet from the stomach. 

I probably should have stopped 3 memes ago. 

Pop Tarts and Pizza

Let me start by saying I enjoyed my salad and turkey meatballs for dinner

My protein box for lunch was delicious

Greek yogurt was a nice snack 

and I couldn't really find any fault in my eggs with chicken sausage for breakfast

But I would kill some pop tarts, a pizza, 12 hotpockets, and 4 cupcakes

I would.
 I would do it and enjoy every moment....

right until I surfaced for air

Then I would probably go through a range of emotions....including but not limited to happiness, sadness, fullness (yes I consider "fullness" an emotion), worry, anxiety, oh look I missed some frosting level happiness, oh crap I just ate a weeks worth of calories, I just ate a weeks worth of calories I should probably brag about this, this is not going to end well, and what the f&*k was I thinking?

So as I watch the 800th Taco Bell commercial and scoff at the taco biscuit being just like Momma's cooking but also thinking that I could really go for a chalupa I try to think about my upcoming races instead. 

I think about the hard work I have put in

I think about the commitment I made

I think about pulling a hot pocket filled stomach for 56 miles on a bike. 

and I go to bed at 7pm so I stay the hell away from the fridge

whatever works, right? 

Goodnight! 

But Why?

I'm starting to feel like the toddler who just learned the phrase "but why" and has irritated all family members, teachers, day care workers, and random strangers on the street to death. I have to ask 10 million follow up questions to every statement I hear about what is the best route, the best training, the best shoe, the best food, etc, etc...

Heart Rate Training is the way to go 

But Why?

Carb Loading is the way to go

But Why?

Metabolic Efficiency Training is the way to go 

But why?

This bike seat is the Cadillac of bike seats

But why?

These socks will stop all blisters

How?

These Shoes will save your life

Really?

This foam roller will cure cancer

Is that so?

Kale is a super food that will make you faster than the flash 

If you are referring to how fast it makes you go to the bathroom then I have no follow up questions. 

Like with most things, everyone has an opinion. 

And everyone thinks there opinion is the right one. 

I see no problem with that because I am harassing everyone I know in the tri/running world for their opinion. 

But it can be hard to wade through everything to find something that works for me

Carb loading doesn't work for me

Minimalist shoes don't work for me

But these things could be the almighty savior for others runners/triathletes

So off I go again to scour blogs, articles, and stalk a few athletes to find out what makes them faster, stronger, leaner, and able to eat pizza without gaining weight

I'm sure somebody out there is thinking they are probably faster, stronger, and leaner becuase of the lack of pizza in their life but I disagree.

 I have yet to meet an endurance athlete who does not enjoy pizza and ice cream. 

Go run 20+ miles and try to convince me that a kale smoothie would really hit the spot. 

Working on my inner athlete

Weekends are always the hardest.

 I want to get up and get my miles in but I also want lay in bed surrounded by donuts and coffee. 

My morning started with a sauteed vegetable, bean, potato, and cheese burrito and a few hours at work. It wasn't sleeping in and donuts but it could be worse. It's also the all holy rest day so I have spent my afternoon watching bad 90's movies and grocery shopping.  

Tomorrow my plan is to meet Heather at 5:30 and run 7ish miles, then plant my face in a bowl of eggs. 

I don't know if this behavior is actually beating my inner fat kid down or just tiring him out like an excited puppy. 

It's hard to tip toe that line of losing weight and getting in the calories required to train. 

My body says eat a steak topped with some chicken nuggets with a bottle of ranch dressing and a dozen scrambled eggs on the side...maybe a pizza and ice cream for dessert. But my mind says if you run 8 miles and eat just kale you could totally hit your goal weight. 

Neither of those are "healthy" thoughts 

The healthy thing to do is fuel my body with the proper foods to train. 

Pizza tastes better than healthy thoughts. 

(see how the fat kid just lashes out when you least expect it?)

Athletes eat and train they don't diet and exercise. 

So I try to act like an athlete, I try to be an athlete. 

I spend most of my days in different forms of spandex

I run, I bike, I swim, I go to the gym, I eat entire grocery store aisles 

(that last one is super athletic)

   

Racing Recap and Tacos

Yesterday was my 4th sprint triathlon, Lifetime Tri Events Marquee at Tempe Town Lake. 

I am by no means an experienced triathlete but I have figured out enough through trial and error how to not make (too big) of an ass out of myself. Not that it really matters at triathlons, you are surrounded by the most amazing and supportive group of strangers you will ever meet. I was struggling in the middle of my run yesterday, no matter what I do I tend to fly out off of my bike and out of transition 2 at around an 8:30 pace. I am in no way shape or form an 8:30 runner, my body likes the 12 min zone, every now and then I can hold a 10-11 min pace but that usually involves a lot of downhills. So this 8:30 pace usually lasts about a mile before I can convince my legs that this was a terrible idea and we need to slow the F down if I have any chance of not dragging them behind me across the finish line. After I finally slow down I start the wogging portion of my day....

walk...jog...gasp...repeat. 

I get a lot of "good job buddy! You got this! Almost there!" during this time. 

This leads me to believe that I look very pained or constipated

Either way, these strangers who don't know you, your history, or what brought you to this point are trying to help you finish. 

This never fails to amaze me. 

I am a head down, head phones in kind of runner. Partly because I am shy, partly because I tend to make poop jokes when feel uncomfortable and this usually does not go over well with a stranger. 

(sometimes they laugh and that is how I have met 90% of my friends)

You're not allowed to use headphones during races so I don't have the option to be unsociable. 

I held a conversation with a perfectly nice stranger yesterday, he was just begging for someone to talk to him during the last leg of the race. I was clipping along back at my 8:30 pace to finish the last mile when I heard a guy I had just passed yell " great job! seriously that is like a sub 9 minute mile! the finish is just around the corner! great job! is this your first race? are you training for a specific distance? "

He fired these questions off rapid fire

in my almost to the finish line haze I actually responded

Thanks... yes its an 8:30 pace... thank you for noticing? yeah just a mile left...thanks... no this is my 4th... IMAZ 70.3...gaaaaaassp ( this pace is not conducive to talking)

stranger: thats awesome! what about a full? when are you going to do a full?

Me: snort... gasp... snort... 2016 is the plan

Stranger: you should volunteer this year!

Me: are you human? snort...cough...

Stranger: you are pulling away, push to the finish!

me: Ok... thanks! take..luck..

That was just the run. 

I also managed to blow a snot rocket onto one of the elite/pro athletes. 

Those guys come out of nowhere!

I looked behind me, all was clear... I blew my nose to the right...then blew it to the left, right as a blur in a leotard flew by. I couldn't even tell you if it was a male or female. All I know is they got a face full of grossness. 

For that I apologize, I am so so so sorry. 

Nobody deserves that. 

The swim went well, the water was so much cleaner that my last race. I didn't have to fight my way through bushes or dead bodies. (joking! kinda..) only live ones. It was colder that I was planning for so Heather and I were some of the very few and very brave no wearing wet suits. It was our own Arizona polar club. I am not convinced I really need a wet suit but everyone seems to think they are the best thing next to wearing floaties in the water.

My shoulder is pretty pissed off today but open water will do that. 

I ended up taking 17 minutes of my previous time on that course. Its amazing what taking 20 lbs off your body and a decent training plan can do. 

(I can hear my husband rolling his eyes)

This race has me so damn excited for whats to come. I am ready to dive into training head first and not come up until an athlete resurfaces. I hope the athlete in me manages to hold the inner fat kid under the water until he shuts the hell up. He is usually the loudest after a race, yesterday was no exception. I finished the race, grabbed my medal, watched Heather come in, loaded the car back up, and hit the first drive through I could find. 

A jumbo jack has never tasted so good. 

I won't go into details but it wasn't pretty. 

I am just now starting to get over the post race fat kid hump. 

The raging hulk hunger has mostly subsided and I am not sitting in a ball of shame surrounded by empty take out boxes so that I will call that a win. 

My food is prepped for the week and I am ready tackle whatever comes. 

Even if the fat kids rears his ugly head again, I will wrestle his ass to the ground and hog tie him. 

Food for the week:

Breakfast: Smoothies, Scrambled eggs with ham, cheddar, and tomatoes 400-500cal

Lunch: Green lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and homemade turkey meatballs 300cal

Dinner...

Guess... 

Seriously you won't get it...

Guess!

SALAD WITH CHICKEN!

calm yourself.

I can barely handle the excitement 

#truestory

Prepping for Ironman

I try to do at least one race a year that scares the absolute shit out of me. It keeps me focused and I do better with a goal in mind. Ironman is beyond terrifying, that is why I am starting with a 70.3 or half Ironman. Prepping for Ironman has become a huge part of my life. If I am not running, I am biking or swimming. If I am not working out, I am researching nutrition theories, reading training books, or shopping for triathlon gear (the last one is my favorite). My bike trainer has become my new best friend, I can set up my bike, get some miles in, watch tv, and read my training book. 

My 16 week training plan doesn't start until July 1st so I am working on getting my nutrition in line and getting my baseline training where I want it. I read that before you start a 1/2 Ironman training program you should be able to run, bike, and swim comfortably for 1 hour. I can do all of those things for 1 hour at a time but not at the speed I would prefer. I have been working on getting my speed back and my endurance up. 

I have also been trying to make nutrition my main focus. I know how to train and I know how to eat to lose weight. I don't know how to do both. 70 miles is no joke and if I don't fuel my body properly I could run face first into the wall before I reach the finish. I have to put a lot of my focus on training my eating habits. The more weight I can take off, the better my body will feel. There are so many theories, books, plan, and opinions when it comes to what is right in the nutrition world. It can be daunting to try and figure it out on your own. I am trying to read as much as I can to get a well rounded view of whats out there. The most intriguing theory I have found is Metabolic Efficiency Training. This involves training your body to use your fat store vs carb stores. If you burn fat vs carbs you can go longer without having to constantly refuel. One thing I hate about long races is constantly sucking down race nutrition. I don't want to eat while I run, I want to get the race over with and fall face first into a large sausage and cupcake pizza (not a real thing but it should be) If I could run and refuel with pizza and beer I would but for some reason people insist on water, gatorade, and goos. 

I forgot what I was talking about. 

.

.

.

Nutrition! 

MET also involves training at a lower intensity to trick your body into using your fat stores for longer burning fuel vs the quick energy you get from carbs. 

 

I looked into hiring someone to tell me how to do this but as it turns out nutrionists are slightly outside my Ironman budget. 

Plenty of triathletes have finished races without trainers, nutrionists, million dollar bikes, and tri suits that wipe your ass for you. If Dave Scott can win Ironman on 10 bananas I can figure out how to eat the right food to fuel my body

right?

right. 

well..maybe.

 

My brain says the best way I can succeed as a triathlete is to give this everything I have, push myself, and be the best possible shape before I start my training program.  This means strapping on a feedbag full of lettuce when I want a bowl of ice cream with a kalua drizzle or my own pizza topped cupcakes (seriously, can someone get on this?). It means swimming/biking/running when I want to watch binge watch netflix until I forget what year it is. 

It means (as a good friend reminded me) embracing the suck. 

Sometimes you just need a steak wrapped in bacon

I have hit a new "hippie" low in my weight loss journey. 

a vegan, no gmo, zero fat-low. 

Vegan Soy Crumbles-low

I know.

 This bacon eating, chicken wing loving, red meat devouring, lover of all things meat is thoroughly embarrassed.  My mom bought this for me a few weeks back and I was skeptical. Why eat crumbles when I could eat a steak? I think I even accused her of being a hippie. 

Well mom, I tried it. 

Verdict?

Not bad when covered in feta, avocado, and wrapped in a low carb tortilla. 

However if you try them by themselves its not good. Just not good. Its what I imagine cat food tastes like. 

Nutrition facts aren't bad... But again, why eat this when you could eat real food? Chicken, Pork, Beef??!! When you buy the right cut of meat and you bake/grill instead of fry then meat is awesome for you! 

(sorry I accidentally smeared avocado on the box)

I will leave this gem on the shelves for the vegetarians/vegans/people who have given up all hope. 

I am going to go eat a steak wrapped in bacon, just because I can. 

Then go run of course! Because I am a healthy human being. 

I will definitely not continue to sit on the couch 

Also please don't get offended vegans or try to start a conversation on how awesome tofu is. 

its not. 

Bad Decisions and Pinky Promises

This is a post about all the dumb decisions I make.



Let’s start off with a race I recently ran called Ragnar. 12 runners, 2 vans, no sleep, and 205 miles. Nothing about that last sentence says “I am a smart human” but I had fun… a lot of fun. More fun than I thought I could have running 5 mile legs while sleep deprived. It helped that I was locked in a van with my partner in all things idiotic Mrs. Heather Romero… Bad jokes were made, good jokes were made, inappropriate jokes were constant, yo momma jokes were shot off rapid fire. Overall we made some people laugh, we laughed, and we made others uncomfortable but that’s about par for the course with us.

Anyways after 2 legs, over 24 hours in a van, and a severe lack of pizza we started talking about all the races we want to do. Maybe not the best time to start discussing this… Races should be decided on a full stomach, after a full nights rest and while you are in peak training form. Not when you are trying to sleep with your eyes open, run, and your thoughts keep turning back to a large sausage and pepperoni pizza from Barros. This is when bad decisions are made, when you are delirious from your runners high you agree to things like more marathons, Ironmans, and eating more salad.



So what dumb decision did we pinky swear on?



Ironman 2016.



There, I said it. It’s on the internet so as my husband would say “no-takies-backies”



What.in.the.hell.did.I.get.myself.into???



Ironman? I’m am not made of the things that Triathletes are made of.



I’m squishy. I don’t enjoy the feeling of a bike seat wedged up my ass. I like pizza. I cry easily.



The other part of me is screaming with excitement. My inner badass who is hiding behind the squishy-ness is bouncing in her seat with her bike helmet already strapped on. I could do this! Anyone can do this! With the right training, dedication, and severe lack of beer I could do this. I might be slow, overweight, and have my own dent in the couch but I could be an Ironman.



That is the pull of these races. Anyone can sign up but not everyone can or will finish. You have the chance to do something most won’t.



I can see myself hobbling down the finishers shoot, I can see myself training my ass off, I can see myself rolling in ice bags and pizza once I’m done.



I can also see myself whining to Scott about my knees hurting, I can see myself wanting to give up, hitting the snooze button when I really need to get my ass on my bike before dawn.



This will take a level of dedication that could break me. I am not sure I can do it, I am not sure I want to do it, but I will hold the sanctity of 3am pinky promises.



So in order to accomplish this goal I have to do the following. (words of encouragement, 4am alarm wake up calls, training buddies, and gifts in the form of carbs are greatly appreciated)



A. Volunteer at the 2014 Ironman to get my place in line for signups

B. Get my base level training to a point where I will be ready for a 6 month training program

C. Take a bike maintenance class so that I can actually change my own tire instead of calling Scott to come pick me up like I have done in the past

D.  Increase my strength training

E. Work on an eating plan that will fuel my training

F. Set goals and smash them

G. Sign up for training races in 2015/2016 including but not limited to a sprint, an Olympic, and a half ironman

H. Cry a little as I spend my hard earned money on spandex and body glide





November 2016 is closer than I think… Time to strap on the old fanny pack, slide into my spandex, lube up, and get to training.

(You’re welcome for that image)

getting happy

Weight loss is a fickle beast, one day is in your corner cheering you on telling you that you can do it and the pounds are falling off,  then the next week one grape causes you to gain 10 pounds, your mood shoots into a downward spiral, and you get emotional over a TV commercial. Now to be fair that may be related more to my hormones than my weight loss but it didn't help. Recently I have had more than one person ask me if I'm doing okay, if I'm happy because I don't seem like my normal self. I don't feel unhappy but my lack of weight loss, my lack of control when it comes to my eating decisions, and my lack of workouts has combined to make me feel not as happy as I should be. It's a combination of being upset with myself and stress over wanting to make sure I get things right. In general I am a high anxiety person and I can stress out over the little things, its been both a benefit and a negative aspect of my personality. It's always forced me to work harder in school, and athletics, and in the work setting but it also causes me to beat myself up more than I probably should over the small things. I really want to be a healthy person I don't want to worry about my weight, I don't want to worry about diabetes, I don't want to worry about heart disease, & I certainly do not want to die young. I also struggle with wanting to be a "normal" person but who knows what normal is anymore. I want to be able to go out with my friends and have a beer or two or 12, I also want to go out and have a burger or salad or whatever I feel like at that time but I can't. I have to be so stringent with my meals because it's very easy for me to gain weight. Today I looked up over eating disorders and I met every single one of the criteria, I had a feeling that I would but it's still sucked to see every one of my mannerisms on this list. At the end of the article it said if you meet three or more of these criteria you should consider talking to your doctor. I don't think that's a step I'm ready to take but I know I need to, I need to get healthy. Running sporadically, eating right sporadically, and the want are no longer enough. I also want to be happier, I want to have a good body image and I want to be comfortable with who I am. Now please don't read this and think oh poor Lauren or start worrying about me. I am ok and I'm going to make sure that I continue to be ok, I really debated over writing this tonight. I've actually been debating about writing anymore at all recently but I thought that if maybe there was just one person who felt the same as I do then maybe they can make that next step to getting happier as well. As with all addiction it is a step by step, day by day process and although I feel silly comparing my issues with food to somebody who is struggling with a more dangerous addiction it's really the best way to describe my relationship with food. It is an addiction and it's something I can't stop, unfortunately it's also something I need to live. I can't quit food cold turkey it doesn't work like that. So I'm going to take it day by day and I'm going to start over again. I have to do something to change this cycle and get out of this never ending loop. Today steps where to go to the gym, go on a hike and prep my food for the week. Not huge steps but it's done and I can move on to tomorrow. Here's to a new day, new me, and getting happier. 

the struggle is real

Food is a struggle for me

I still enjoy it but not like I used to, it also comes with a sense of anxiety and a room full of questions.

This for me is one of things I struggle with the most as an overweight person.

Every meal whether it is good, bad, healthy, recovery, nutrient dense, or a plate of ice cream comes with a 20 minute (or longer) battle with myself and the fat kid.

Is this good for me?

Did I work for this food?

Will this help my body?

Does this really need cheese? Of course it needs cheese. But do I really need cheese? Shit. Where did I put the cheese?... Scott, did you have a quesadilla???

How will this affect my weight tomorrow morning?

Well. I had 8 slices of pizza and each slice is about 200-300 calories so, I have to run like 20 miles tomorrow.

Am I making the right choice?

Did I serve myself enough? 2 plates of salad and 4 chicken breasts doesn’t seem like it will fill me up.

Am I happy with this choice? Can I defend this choice?

Are people looking at what I am eating and judging me?  Maybe I should go up to that complete stranger and explain that I got up at 4am this morning and ran to explain why I am eating so much food…

Do I have to be full at every meal? Maybe I could be one of those people who only eats half of a portion.

Seriously, I just bought a bag of cheese yesterday. Where the hell did it go??

What if I just chew 4 cups of ice before I eat? That will trick my stomach right?

Carrots. Carrots are the answer… I will just eat bags of carrots in between meals

Maybe I should just drink protein shakes for every meal

And on, and on , and on it goes

Bad meals lead to guilt

Good meals lead to a false sense of security

Small meals lead to binges

Big meals lead to more guilt

A cycle of food and emotion that I have created.

And I know people are reading this and thinking… “ you have to break free from the chains that you and food have placed on yourself”

I wish it was that easy.

This is a battle I have been fighting for a long time. It’s not that easy. I know that sounds defensive and a little cranky.

Part of me even hears what I say and thinks… just shut up. Stop. If you want to change something then make that f’ing change. How hard can it be? Put the breadstick down and walk away. Learn to say no every once in a while.

And so ensues another battle with the fat kid. The little  bastard is winning right now.

inquiring minds want to know

Ever look at your salad and wonder if anyone would notice if you just dipped your croutons into the dressing?

Instead of actually eating the lettuce

Or that you snuck a meatball in?

Running and Diddy

I will be the first to admit that I am not always the most social person in the world.

 I tend to be very shy at first and I have always preferred the company of a very few rather than large groups of people. When it comes to racing I've never been any different, I tend to keep my head down, my sunglasses on, and my earphones in. I might have even growled a time or two at the people who would pass me and pat me on the back with a "good job buddy or keep going you've got this." Running to me used to be about punishing my body for the food sins I had committed or was about to commit( okay it's still kind of about the beer and pizza) . The farther I delved into the racing world the more I came out of my shell.

 I have never found a group of more positive or supportive people than I have in the running & Triathlon World. They are just so damn happy.

 I'm not sure how they manage it but I'm trying to be more like them and focus on the good that comes from running biking or swimming rather than the shin splints and raging hulk inducing  hunger. I've made more friends than I thought it would in the racing world, I always kind of figured that I would keep my close nit group of idiots and that would be the end of the story. Rather they seem to embrace me regardless of my foul mouth or my tendency to say inappropriate things at inappropriate times. I made a poop joke the first week and they haven't thrown me out so I think I'm OK. Its not uncommon for me to be bent over at the track trying not to throw up grasping my shins and complaining in ways that would make a sailor blush but without fail I usually hear a "good job Lauren" and I know I have to push through the next set of laps.

Maybe it's those endorphins I keep hearing about but I still think those are a load of crap.

Happy running everyone! 

and remember... 

If Diddy can do it...You can do it

 

Runners

There is a moment that every runner experiences at one time or another. This moment for me begin 5 steps into my first sprint of the night, I had already run 3 miles and I was gearing up to finish strong. I'm going to warn you now this is not for the faint of heart, as is par for the course for me. Scott I'm sorry it's been 3 years and the honeymoon may be over after this next sentence.

Let me say again this is the moment that every runner experiences... That moment where you feel a rumbling between your bottom half and your top half but you're not sure which half its gonna come out of. This happens for a number of different reasons maybe you didn't eat right today whether that's what you ate how much you ate or how much you didn't eat, maybe you didn't hydrate properly today or maybe your body's just giving youa big f you because its 110 out and you think running at the track is going to be a "fun" time.

Again let me apologize, I know not everybody who reads what I have to say is expecting to bond with me like this. it's okay this is a safe zone and we're all best friends now  :)

Another fair warning I am my father's daughter and I think poop jokes are funny, yes I am 27 years old and I still laugh at poop jokes if you do not find them funny I don't recommend checking out the next picture but it made me laugh. A lot. Like a lot a lot.

Fat Kid Update

Holy Crap. 

It has been over a month since the last time I blogged!

So what have the fat kid and I been up to??? 

Whole 30.

Rocked it. (ok, maybe not rocked it but I finished it)

Cried like a baby over the loss of cheese in my life.

Lost 10 lbs. 

I didn't have any life changing or lightning bolt moments but I did feel better

I like it as a basis for everyday eating but not as a bible. 

Colorado

Gained all 10 lbs back.

Drank A LOT of beer

Laughed so hard I cried

Ate a burrito the size of my head

Watched my husband drink, sway, and sing on a bus of equally drunken people

Started training for CYA (6 hour race)

then stopped training for CYA and focused on tacos. 

started training again and focused on shin splints

Started running with Gotta Run in Surprise

I met some awesome people

reintroduced myself to heatstroke

Spent a good portion of the time trying not to vomit 

Heather had the baby!

I have my partner in crime back

I have another awesome nephew

I get to hold a baby

and buy obnoxiously adorable clothes

people still think we are a couple at the gym. 

Decided to do a 100 mile challenge

100 miles in 31 days

easy? pffft  I got this. 

I am a runner. 

I run. 

Ok... I jog-ish

8 days and 27 miles in.

I need ice and ibuprofen. 

So that brings us to today! I have a 6 hour race this weekend that I am not prepared for but I have trained my liver hard for the drinking that will commence approximately 1 nap and 2 pizzas after the race ends. This race has never been about time or distance it has been a chance to get out of the heat and burn enough calories to validate a pizza binge. I am hoping to get around 15 miles in but the more miles I get in the more pizza and beer I get to have (do you see the theme??) So who knows maybe I will do a marathon this weekend... HA!

If I do a marathon this weekend, Scott better push me around whiskey row in a wheel chair. I will be that old lady sleeping in the corner with a peperoni stuck to her shirt and whiskey in her sippy cup. 

Actually that sounds pretty darn awesome...

 Scott please remember to pack my sippy cup and fanny pack! Oh and my calf sleeves and gaiters... 

crap. I almost forgot... my spandex too!!

Its going to be hard to look as cool as me... 

Anxiety Girl

Whole30 ends this week and we also going on vacation. 

I am not really sure how I am feeling about it, I have adjusted to the paleo lifestyle easier than I thought I would. 

That doesn't mean I don't spend 90% of my day thinking about cheese or daydreaming about a huge coffee topped of with french vanilla creamer but the choices are easier than they used to be. 

I can pick an omelet at a restaurant and not choke on the words when I ask for no cheese

I can make dinner for us and enjoy it 

I am not eating just rabbit food and I am eating enough to fill me up

I feel like I am actually making a lifestyle change. 

I still have a lot of weight to lose and work to do on me and my body but I feel like I am in a good place. 

I am also struggling with how to get back to the real world and not go completely off the deep end. 

My goals are to work harder on my race training, continue to eat paleo style 6 days a week and then give myself 1 cheat meal a week. 

I am a worrier. 

I worry about hypothetical situations before they could even happen. 

So I am having a tiny panic attack over eating on vacation

On one hand I am excited beyond belief to have a giant coffee with cream and cheese on my eggs

On the other hand I am getting chest palpitations thinking about gaining the weight back and throwing away every choice I made over the last 30 days. 

I know its just another series of choices 

5 days of choosing to not eat crap at every meal

5 days of making the best choices possible

5 days of making sure that I earn the calories I do choose

5 days of enjoying myself, my husband, and my family

Its just 5 days right?

I am about to complete 30 days of sticking to my goals I can handle 5 days. 

right? 

right. 

right, goddammit. 

In a constant state of hangry

If you have ever read my blog then you know that I have a few "issues" with food. 

These issues are centered around 3 main problems....

I eat too fast

I eat too much

I am constantly hungry

This has led to some unfortunate moments in my life and I thought that I should definitely put some of my most embarrassing moments on the internet. 

Disneyland January 2013

I had just finished running the Tinkerbell half marathon and we all decided to go grab Subway as a post-race/ pre-Disney day breakfast. We walked in the door, I pushed my nieces to the ground and ran up to be first in line. I ordered my footlong egg white flat bread, filled up my drink, safely tucked away my cookies and got to work. Now the next few moments were a blur but the next thing I knew my sister in law was sitting down next to me with her breakfast. I came out of the red haze just long enough to hear Heather utter the words "Don't judge me, I ordered a footlong"

She was asking ME not to judge HER. 

ME.

The hangry individual who had EATEN her entire footlong sandwich in the time it took Heather to order hers. 

When Heather and I realized that I had already eaten my sandwich we both about fell out of our seats laughing. 

I was kind of ashamed... kind of (I was mostly still hungry)

Mothers Day 2014

I got up early, ran 5 miles, ate an apple, and hiked North Mountain with my family. 

Now, if you know me or have spent any time reading this blog then you know that AN apple is not going to fill me up or keeping me from torturing and pillaging the village folk. 

So when we finally arrived at the restaurant I was a little... um... Hulk Smash-ish

my husband safely termed it "twitchy"

When we sat down I quickly ordered my cheese-less omelet with tomato slices and got to work. 

 I polished it off in about 5 seconds and our waitress came out quickly to clear my plate.

Scott was not far behind me and then proceeded to finish Heathers meal, in order to make room for her plate he put his empty plate in front of me. 

No big deal, right?

I had already eaten, I was staying strong just minding my own business.

Then the waitress came back.

I know we have all had those moments where we think something maybe not so nice and somehow it comes out of our mouth. 

This was one of those moments for the waitress...

As she came back to check on us she saw another empty plate in front of me and as she went to clear it and uttered the phrase 

"oh you ate that too?"

Whoops. 

Yes ma'am you did in fact say that out loud... and no I did not "eat that too"

After Scott and Heather climbed back in their chairs and quit laughing I might of smiled... 

assholes. 

Today

Most of these stories start with exercise... 

That makes my red haze of hunger rage sound better

This morning I got up, biked 8 miles to breakfast where Scott met me with shoes and a table at The Good Egg. 

Not a bad way to start my day... 

So I ordered my usual, La Casa Potencia
6 egg whites, chicken, salsa, and bell peppers
Healthy, delicious, and a lot of food.
I was starving so while Scott continued to talk and tried to hold a conversation I focused on my meal.
I still listened I just didn't converse back...
We made it through our meal and we were getting ready to go pay when the waitress stopped by...
She looked over our table and said
"Well I was going to ask you if you needed any to go boxes but it looks like you ate it ALL"
She was so amazed that we had eaten all of our food.
I just looked at Scott... not quite sure what to say.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh or pull out my hair...


 
I have amazed people with how much food I can eat and how quickly I can eat it.
I wish I could say that  I am not always like this but I can't back up that statement
Scott and I find the funny in it and usually ending up laughing like loons as we each kill a large pizza