Monday, February 29, 2016

Rambling

I have an eating disorder
I know you are probably thinking I look more like an eating disorder survivor
I am not anorexic
I am not bulimic
I am Eating Disorder Non-Specified
Did you know that was a thing?
I didn’t
 I thought you were either too skinny to be healthy
Or too heavy to be healthy
Or a crossfitter
No in between
I figured I would slide nicely into a binge eating/food aggression category
Do you eat full pizzas by yourself?
Yes.
Have you ever sacrificed a taco bell menu to the gods of all things Hangry?
Hell yes.
Are you willing to share your food?
Nope.
 Turns out all these feelings I had about food put me in a separate category
I eat, but every meal
(unless it was Kale and Chicken)
Results in shame, guilt, fear of gaining weight, fear of going the other direction and not eating
As well all know this came to a head a few months ago
I have this amazing team of people now who’s only goal is for me to lead a joyous life free from the constraints of anxiety, body image issues, and food based shame.
Cool, right?
I know that my family, my friends, my circle of people have wanted that for me for years
I have wanted it for years
And now I have this team of people to help make that happen
A therapist (2 actually), a registered dietitian, my PCP, and soon an psychiatrist to help with the anxiety
Writing it out makes it seem like a lot…
But I want this shit to be over and done with.
And I have all these amazing people behind me supporting me like my husband, my parents, my family, my friends, the dogs (they are not sure what to do but wagging their tails seems to help)
One thing that my husband has told me that really sticks out is that shame thrives on darkness, it can’t survive in the light.
So screw shame.
I am done feeling guilty about what I eat or how much I eat.
I am done wondering if everyone at the table is thinking about what a poor food decision I just made
“Geez, she going to have another breadstick? I thought she was a triathlete or something”
(not that anybody has ever said that but my brain thinks they are)

You want to know the best part of this?
No more fucking dieting.
If the problem is dieting it can’t also be the answer
I get to eat what I want
When I want
I don’t have to run 20 miles to eat a slice of pizza
I can have pizza any damn time I feel like it
Or egg burritos
Or god forbid sour cream on my chipotle bowl
Or  *gasp* a chipotle burrito
Yep.
Pizza loses its power when it’s not some forbidden item that you can never eat
If you know you can have it all the time then you stop acting like it’s the last supper every time you get near one.
I would eat a whole pizza no problem and I would rationalize it as either
1. its ok because I ran/biked/swim a crazy amount today
Or
2. this is the last pizza I will ever eat because starting tomorrow I am really going to stick to *insert fad diet name* and this could be my last pizza
So guess what? I am eating pizza
I have had more pizza in the last 3 months that I did in the last year
But! I stop when I am full, I slow down and work on recognizing my hunger/satiety cues and I don’t go overboard
That is the “normal” way to eat
Which most people are thinking, duh.
But I have never been normal
At some point in time something made me believe that the way I ate was shameful
So I started to hide my eating habits
(my parents used find me in the pantry at night)
what a weirdo.
I ate taco bell in parking lots and threw away the evidence before I got home
Just because I didn’t want to disappoint people
(What?! saying that outloud sounds capital K Ka-razy)
I was worried, so worried that that people would judge what I was eating or they would be disappointed in my food choices that my anxiety manifested itself into physical symptoms. 
Physical symptoms! 
Seriously Lauren?
Yep. 
Anxiety that could choke a Donkey.
I don't even know what that means but it suuuuuucks. 
 So now I am working on eating mindfully
I eat when I am hungry 
(not just because the food is there)
 stop when I am full
(not when I hate myself)
There are no good foods or bad foods
No “clean” eating
If you make such a big deal to eat “clean” food then you are telling yourself that the other food is dirty
Hmm. No thanks
More guilt? More Anxiety?
I’m gonna pass
I don't want you to think its easy and that I have had some giant revelation. 
every meal is a fight still but I am creating new habits and that takes time. 

So where does this rambling end?
No clue
The fat kid is out and wandering around in a daze
(He is very confused by the abundance of pizza and pancakes)
Sometimes he still wants to shove donuts in my face as fast as he can
But now we both step back, take a deep breath, eat the donut and move on with our day
Sometimes we don't. Sometimes we surface 10 minutes later with powdered sugar on our face. 
balance.
He’s happy, I am working my way towards happy, and every day we keep working
We don’t succeed every day but we keep at it. 


sorry bout that. 

Thursday, December 31, 2015

The 365 Day Do Over

Its New Years Eve 
Time to set new goal
Make plans
and think about what we all hope to accomplish in the coming year
Its the annual 365 do over.  
For the last few years my goal has always been to lose weight and get healthy
weight loss is the unattainable goal that always seems just out of reach for me
My weight and height firmly place me in the obese category
bordering on morbidly obese
now, this little bastard chart doesn't take into account that I can swim bike and run 70.3 miles
It doesn't know that I workout 6 days a week
or that my quads are not quads at all but more like quadzillas 
logic says that a number on a scale doesn't mean shit. 
It doesn't tell you that I am wife, a daughter, a sister, dog mom, foster dog mom, horse lover, or an Ironman (half). 
but for years that number has beaten the crap out of me
its too high
(sorry, I had to)

that ever changing number and the little bastard inner fat kid have led me around 
eat this, don't eat that,this will make you gain weight, here is some lettuce, just kidding lets have cake. 

My goals for 2016 are not to lose weight
my goal is to break those ties
the fat kid has been given his eviction notice 
now its time to remove the scale

I am not a number
I am not a size

My name is Lauren
I am who I say I am 
not what a chart says I am. 


So bring it 2016, I am going to crush you. 

Ironman Oceanside 70.3
Ironman Arizona 70.3
Ironman Arizona 140.6

I will be an Ironman
I will be happy
I will be balanced
I will treat people with respect and love
I will work on being as nice to strange humans as I am to strange animals
I will be more outgoing
I will not hide in my house because I don't like how my clothes fit
I will be me
I will be strong
I will be a badass
and I will work hard. 

see ya 2015, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. 

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Eviction Notice



I have  started working on fixing my issues with food from the inside out 
I want to have a healthy relationship with food
I want to enjoy it with out stress or guilt
I want to be healthy
I want to be happy
and I don't want that happiness tied to what I did or didn't eat this week 
So I am getting help
I have tried everything I know
 I have read all the books
 Studied the theories
I have tried this diet
and that diet
and that one too
I have worked my body to exhaustion and pushed it beyond limits
but I am still overweight and I am tired
tired of trying everything
tired of stressing out 
tired of food anxiety
tired of anxiety in general 

Part of my wishes I could just say fuck it. 
this is me
I am overweight, I am squishy. 
I can also run a shit ton of miles, out swim most people, and I am going to be an Ironman
but that little voice, that asshole fat kid whispers that its not enough
I am not enough unless I can be an Ironman who only eat kale and chicken
I see the ridiculousness in that statement
but when I am not strong enough
when I am tired
when I am sad
the fat kid goes from a whisper to a scream

the fat kid has had a long enough reign
its time to shut him up for good
and its not about losing weight
if this is me and I can say that I am eating right 80% of the time
that I am doing everything in my power to train for my races
then I need to learn to accept that
I need to learn to accept me
fuck the fat kid. 
be healthy
be me


So its time to bring in the big guns to give the fat kid his eviction notice

Nutritionist
&
Therapist
(specializes in disordered eating)




(Please.Please.Please do not worry about me. I am happy with this decision and I am sticking with it. No I am not ready to talk about it, no this is not anybody fault, nobody gets to place any blame or feel pity. This is not oh poor Lauren. This is positive.)

I have been struggling with sharing this information the last couple weeks. 
Not because I am ashamed, scared, or worried what people will think. 
I have worried about that crap for long enough.
I just prefer my privacy
But.
BUT... if one person out there is unhappy, sad, and struggling. 
I hope you are able to find someone to talk to. 
If one person finds comfort in knowing that they are not alone
they are not the only one struggling
they are not the only one who feels like they can't do it alone anymore
then putting myself out there is worth it. 








Sunday, December 13, 2015

Celebrating

Sometimes I get wrapped up in small details
I can't see the forest for all the trees
I complain
I bitch
I moan
I whine
ok.. I whine a lot
There is a bike seat up my ass
Its cold
I am sore
I am tired
I.WANT.PIZZA.

The problem is that when I focus on these small insignificant details I miss the big picture
I am able to ride 35+ miles on a bike
I can run
I can swim
I can afford groceries and pizza

So as I was berating myself for not recognizing all of this as I whined about the cold 
(Internal mental ass kicking is something I excel at)
I thought about how lucky I am 
Am I perfect?
No..no...NO. Far from it
Am I a pro athlete?
HA. no... but that doesn't mean I need to beat myself up for not keeping a 25mph pace
But I do have the ability to do things that not everyone can
I am able to do these things at distances most won't even attempt

So today I celebrate the ability. 

Yes that is a very general and broad statement 
This is me looking at the forest 



Wednesday, December 2, 2015

The 12 days of Christmas

I love the holidays
for me its 98% about the time with family
the other half is about the food
oh, sweet baby jesus. 
The food. 

so without further ado, I bring you Laurens 12 days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
The Fat Kid sent to me:
A Half Ironman entry fee


On the second day of Christmas
The Fat Kid sent to me:
2 Pairs Of Spandex
and a Half Ironman Entry Fee

On the third day of Christmas
The Fat Kid sent to me:
3 Barros Pizzas
2 pairs of Spandex
and a Half Ironman Entry Fee

On the fourth day of Christmas
The fat kid sent to me:
4 Fanny packs
3 Barros Pizzas
2 pairs of Spandex
and a Half Ironman Entry Fee

On the fifth day of Christmas
The fat kid sent to me:
5 Sweat stain Rings
4 Fanny packs
3 Barros Pizzas
2 pairs of Spandex
and a Half Ironman Entry Fee

On the sixth day of Christmas
The Fat Kid sent to me:
6 Guilt trips a laying
5 Sweat stain Rings
4 Fanny packs
3 Barros Pizzas
2 pairs of Spandex
and a Half Ironman Entry Fee

On the seventh day of Christmas
The fat kid sent to me:
7 drills a Swimming
6 Guilt trips a laying
5 Sweat stain Rings
4 Fanny packs
3 Barros Pizzas
2 pairs of Spandex
and a Half Ironman Entry Fee

On the eighth day of Christmas
The fat kid sent to me:
8 beers a drinking
7 drills a Swimming
6 Guilt trips a laying
5 Sweat stain Rings
4 Fanny packs
3 Barros Pizzas
2 pairs of Spandex
and a Half Ironman Entry Fee

On the ninth day of Christmas
The Fat Kid sent to me:
9 empty Gu's
8 beers a drinking
7 drills a Swimming
6 Guilt trips a laying
5 Sweat stain Rings
4 Fanny packs
3 Barros Pizzas
2 pairs of Spandex
and a Half Ironman Entry Fee

On the tenth day of Christmas
The Fat kid sent to me:
10 tacos a eating 
9 empty Gu's
8 beers a drinking
7 drills a Swimming
6 Guilt trips a laying
5 Sweat stain Rings
4 Fanny packs
3 Barros Pizzas
2 pairs of Spandex
and a Half Ironman Entry Fee


On the eleventh day of Christmas
The fat kid sent to me:
11 Cow bells ringing
10 tacos a eating 
9 empty Gu's
8 beers a drinking
7 drills a Swimming
6 Guilt trips a laying
5 Sweat stain Rings
4 Fanny packs
3 Barros Pizzas
2 pairs of Spandex
and a Half Ironman Entry Fee

On the first day of Christmas
The fat kid sent to me:
12 Miles a running
11 Cow bells ringing
10 tacos a eating 
9 empty Gu's
8 beers a drinking
7 drills a Swimming
6 Guilt trips a laying
5 Sweat stain Rings
4 Fanny packs
3 Barros Pizzas
2 pairs of Spandex
and a Half Ironman Entry Fee

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Wrangling the Fat Kid back into the Closet

Hey everybody. 
Sorry about last week's guest blogger
The fat kid has no filter
The good news is that after a week out I was able to lead him back into the the closet like a tired toddler to bed. 
He tried to put up a fight but half way through our bed time story of pizza without calories he went right down.

So what happens when the fat kid is out? 
Well. 
Pizza 
Beer
 Wine
 Champagne
Cookies 
Fudge 
Wings
Potato skins
Artichoke dip 
More pizza
3 rolls of rolaids 
More beer
Bacon
Tums
More pizza
Pasta
Fast food x4
And finally more tums. 

Good lord I think I burned my esophagus with marinara and grease. 
I try to not let the fat kid out too often because, well....

he turns this...


into this....




You get the idea. 

Actually Heather was able to get a rare picture of the fat kid in his natural habitat. I don't think this has ever been done before. You have to very carefully lure him out with pizza and cheap beer. You have to be careful because he us camera shy and will hide under empty food wrappers if disturbed. 



Yep. 

No other words.

I did run 13.1 miles though
Through some of the most beautiful scenery I have ever seen.
Northern Michigan is gorgeous

seriously...



So now the fat kid is tuckered out and sleeping. I have prepped my food, gone to the gym,  and caught up on the voice. 
 I have 5 months until Oceanside and I don't have to jump right back into training so I decided to work on strength training. It's been so long since I just lifted that I didn't know what to do. I just wandered around the gym picking up weights here and there, I'm sure looking like a complete imbecile but hey every gym has to have one.



Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Living in a Post Ironman World: Guest Blogger

Hey everyone.
It’s the Fat Kid talking today
Lauren kept mumbling about calories, heartburn, and something about a food hangover
So I locked her in a closet
This is my week!
I never get to have fun
Like… ever.
Every time I want a hostess cupcake she turns it around to read the label
Heaven forbid I recommend swapping greek yogurt for froyo
When I do manage to get out I have to grab and eat what I can before she realizes what has happened and puts down whatever fried dough object I was working on.
She can be a real bitch like that.

I think she has fallen into a post-race slump
She doesn’t know who she is or what to do with her life now that she has a break from training
I keep telling her (you have to say it real slow and wait for the comprehension to come)
THHHHIISSS IS A COOOUUUCH
YOOOUUU SIIIIIT ON ITTTT
Watch daisy and cally, they know what they are doing.
NO. Stop. Quit trying to set up the bike trainer.
Just sit.
Sit.
Goddammit, no, don’t clean the house
For the love of Christ woman, sit the hell down.
Every now and then I find  her swiffering the house with her Ironman medal on
What.a.weirdo.

I tried locking her in the laundry room
(Don’t worry, I left a snickers and a piddle pad)
But when I went to check on her, all the laundry was done.

I finally managed to get her to lay in bed with a Harry Potter book but she fell asleep
At 7pm!!!

The Good news is while she is distracted or locked up
I get full run of the fridge
I managed to push past the flax seeds, greek yogurt, and salad to the severely neglected  beer section
Beer on a work night, she won’t know what hit her.

Sunday we both agreed on a sausage and double cheese pizza with Mint chocolate chip ice cream
Monday I snuck the pizza leftovers into her lunch bag
Monday night an enabler (my favorite people) slipped some chocolate chip cookies into the house
Pizza, beer, and cookies… oh my!

This weekend we are going out of town, there will more beer, more pizza, and a run or 2.
There is a rumor of fudge
And the past has always proven that vacations = churros
Maybe some wine (you know, for our health)

I think I will pack the elastic waist pants and leave Lauren at home.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Lauren Ellis, YOU are HALF AN IRONMAN


Its the day after my Half Ironman. I am actually not too tired (I went to bed at 7), my feet are still a little tender, and my knees and shoulders are pretty achy. I am surprised that my shoulders, neck, and biceps are the most sore parts of my body (but they also didn’t get the ice bath). So how did I get here? Here being Monday as I eat pizza and drink my 8th cup of coffee (just for the creamer).  Well it’s a funny story.

9 Months ago I sat in a van with 6 other people, little to no sleep, in the middle of running 200+ miles. Let me say that this is not the time that decisions should be made, you are all hopped up on endorphins, lack of sleep, and compression socks. I, with 2 of my friends decided that we were going to do Ironman Arizona 70.3 and we were taking Scott with us. When you are 9 months out and lacking sleep 70.3 miles doesn’t sound like a big deal. It is a big deal… ask the blister on my big toe.

So we trained. And trained. And trained. Bitched and trained some more (as the boys looked on and laughed from the donut shop). We woke up before the sun, we forced clif bars down while we stared lovingly at beer bottles, we went to bed early instead of going out with friends, and we enjoyed 99.9% of it (0.1% just wanted to sleep in and drink a beer).

It felt like race day took FOR.EV.ER. to get here but also somehow snuck up on us. I told Heather about a week ago, I can’t believe it’s only a week away… I somehow want to wait another 3 months but I also want to be done and crossing that finish line.

Saturday I attained my goal of doing as little as possible while eating as much as possible. I checked my bike in, picked up more nutrition, packed my bags, and then sat back to enjoy my pre-race meal and watch football. I went to bed around 7pm and slept amazingly until around 3:00am. I woke at 3am rested and feeling pumped, I still had another hour before I needed to get up so I willed myself to go back to sleep. That was a bad idea, I ended up having a bad nightmare that I had gotten off course at my race and it took my two days to complete it. I was furious at everyone in my dream!! I woke up mad and ready to study my race maps for the 100th time.

We packed the car, I ate my oatmeal in mostly silence and drank my last cup of black coffee. When we arrived in Tempe the crowds and excitement started to get to me. The energy was so uplifting I was ready to jump in the lake right then and there. It looked like the weather was going to hold and we started laying out our transitions. Of course I had my normal lube up the chassis moment. Spandex? Check. Lube? Check. Hand in pants? Check. Family trying to take pictures of their athlete who is behind you while you have your hand in your pants? Double check. Dignity? Long gone my friend, long gone 

Once transition closed we were lined up in a corral by wave, luckily Heather was in my corral so I was able to have her as my safety blanket. The music was loud, people were excited and because I have done 3 triathlons at this venue everything felt normal. I wasn’t nervous, this wasn’t anything new. Ok I had to get in 70.3 miles but I knew this patch of concrete, I knew the stairs, and I was used to the swim start. I just needed to swim a mile and get to my bike, I knew that’s when the real work would start. I am swimmer by nature and sometimes I feel like my race doesn’t start until I am out of the water.

Before we knew it they were calling our wave up the stairs where we would jump feet first into the drudges of Tempe Town Lake. I lined myself up at the front so I would get a good posittion and not have to fight as much to get out in front. We had 5 minutes before our gun went off and I was shoved, pushed, and kicked more in that 5 minutes that I have been during an entire swim. Girls were vicious about getting to the front. I had one girl grab my should and push me behind  her. Now I am not a fighter, I say sorry if somebody accidently knocks into me but I was ready to pull off my hoop earings and put my hair into a ponytail for a fight. I was so mad. I don’t see the need to push and shove just to get to the front. Much less in a body of water surrounded 45 other people. I decided to let people shove and kick as I worked my way towards the back. The gun went off and off we went. I found a nice open spot to the outside where I was free to swim without worrying about other people, I put my face in the water and did the job I had come out there to do. My swim felt good, my pull was long and felt strong (Down to get the friction on? Sorry. That was bad.) . I wasn’t looking at my watch and just went with feel. The water was choppy, it was like getting thrown around in a washing machine. I eventually started to pass cap colors that had jumped in before me and made my way to the front. I knew I wasn’t going to be breaking any records or finishing in the top of my age group but I still wanted to have a solid time. I ended up getting out of the water in 45 minutes. I couldn’t belive that, that is 15 additonal minutes to any swim I have done before. I talked to a few others and they said the same thing, choppy water and longer than anticipated. I climbed up the step, sucked in my stomach (I had decided to just wear my shorts and a sports bra) gave a wave to the camera and ran into transition.

I like to take my time in transition, it lets me catch my breath and refocus on my next task. I dried off, grabbed some food, grabbed my bike and headed out. The bike felt really good, I knew this course and I was ready to push myself and make it my bitch.  The universe must have heard that and thought meh, lets drop her down a few pegs. I made the climb up mill and noticed that bikers were not coming back on Mill, they were going under the bridge. Waaaaait a second, we have never gone under the bridge before, whats under the bridge? Trolls are under bridges… sonofabitch. So I went under the bridge, turns out there are no trolls but a very nice couple dressed in unicorn leggings with horse heads on, dancing and cheering. On the other side of the bridge is a ass kicker of a hill. Screw that hill, stupid hill with its stupid face. Everytime I came around that corner there were 10-15 people out of the saddle, huffin, puffing, and using the F word like a comma. At the top of the hill was a very nice volunteer yelling at the athletes to keep going, PUSH!!!! DON’T STOP!!! GO! GO! GO!. I finally made it up the hill then of course I had to turn and climb again, then a quick downhill, another big but steady climb, a hair pin turn to pucker up your butthole a little bit, screaming downhill, aid station, big climb back up. By the time I made it back to mill I was not super happy about having to make that trek 2 more times. I tried not to think about it was 56 miles but as 3 loops instead. 3 sounds waaaay better than 56. As I made the second loop I felt something in my nether regions shift and slide (not what are you are thinking, dirty bastards). My bike seat had come loose and I was tilting very far backwards, I felt like I was riding a horse that was rearing. 

You know what's not graceful? Trying use your nether regions to push your saddle back down into a flat position.

Not the most comfortable ride in the world. I had already seen 2 bike techs roaming the course so I knew if I could find them again, they would have an allen wrench that I could steal (I will be putting one in my flat kit now). I finally found a guy around mile 35, he tightened my seat and off I went. The 2-3 minutes off the bike was a godsend, my back didn’t hurt any more, I could feel my feet and hands again, and my legs no longer felt like jello. I decided then that went I came back by the aid station during loop 3 I would take another 2-3 minutes, get off my bike, get some cold water, and regroup. Loop 3 sucked, no if ands or buts about it. That climb on the other side of Mill was haaaard. I had a lady yell at me for unclipping as I made the hair pin turn (she was trying to pass me on the right), I had somebody lose a waterbottle that then came flying at me (I ran it over and managed to not go down), I finally came flying down mill ave towards Rio Salado. I saw and heard my family and friends at the turn. Not gonna lie, I was a little teary eyed coming into T2. I couldn’t belive I had finished 56 miles, all I had to do now was run 13.1 miles and I was done. I could see the light at the end of the 70.3 mile tunnel.

Once again I took my time, I changed shoes, put on my hat, strapped on my race bib and headed out. I had decided earlier in the week to take a page from SwimBikeMoms book and run 3 minutes, walk 1 minute. I looked down at my watch, noted the time and started running towards the 1st aid station. I came out the gate too fast (happens every time) and was checking my watch every 10 seconds waiting for the 3 minutes to be over. I made it to the first aid station, grabbed some oranges, some pretzels and filled my water bottle with ice. Those became my holy grail, trifecta of aid station goodness. I love oranges during races, I needed the salt from the pretzels to counteract what I was losing in sweat, and I just couldn’t stomach another GU or chew. Just the thought was making my stomach turn.  After aid station #2 I decided the 3:1 run walk ratio was not working for me, I was spending too much time looking at my watch and dreading the running. I decided that I was going to run as long as I could with my goal to get to the next aid station, walk the length of the aid station, and then power on. This ended up working better for me because I wasn’t obesessing over my watch. It started to get really hot outside on the run, I was pouring more water over my head, and down my back then I was drinking. I am not generally a sweaty person but I could see the salt stains on my shirt which told me I need to force down as much nutrition as possible.  As I was coming around the 2nd loop I realized I just couldn’t keep running, my knee was starting to go and as I learned at Ragnar, if my knee goes I am screwed. So I did the math and decided if I could keep a 15 min pace then I would come in around 7:45.  I let my body do what it felt it could do, of course my body was saying F this, lets go get a pizza and I was begging it for just 10 more miles.

Just 10 more miles, we can run 10 miles in our sleep, that’s an easy morning jog after all this training. Just 10 more miles, just 9 more miles, just 8 more miles, just to the next aid station, just one more loop, just 3 more miles, just to the porta potty, just to the bridge, run to the finish, we just have to loop around Ironman village and down the chute, where the hell did this hill come from?!, ok over the hill and down the chute, high five Sammy, high Five Dad, sorry mom no High five you are on the wrong side of the chute, high five BAMers, run to the guy with a mic, fist pump for pictures, smile, no, cry, no, smile, smile while crying, hold medal up, grab a water, and the most expensive hat you will ever own, fall into husband, smile.

And done.

Lauren Ellis, YOU are HALF AN IRONMAN!!!

(no they don't really say that, but I wanted them to.)


I finished in 7:50 sqeaking just under 8 hours. Once I finished all the pain that I had been ignoring for 8 hours came rushing back, I felt the blisters on my toes, the cramping in my arms, and the stiffness in my knees. I looked down and realized I no longer had ankles, just calves that attached directly to my feet. My mom helped my take my shoes off and put on sandles, there were lots of stinky hugs and well wishes. I still had to pack my bags and load my bike back in the truck, as we started walking to the truck the weather that had been holding out came pouring down.
We headed to In and Out for the traditional post race meal, my stomach was not ready to eat so I just watched and sipped on 7up until my stomach settled. The car ride home was very pungent, none of us smelled like roses.

We picked up a large sausage and extra cheese pizza on the way home (my one request after racing), a couple big ice bags, and two containers of our favorite ice creams. Getting everything unloaded and into the house while simultaneously feeding 4 dogs who were convinced we had left them forever was quite a task for two people who could barely move. Once the dogs were settled down,  everything had been brought in,and the truck was febreezed, we set up our individual ice baths. I went first, Scott kept yelling at me to make sure I was in for 5 minutes, I kept yelling back that I wasn’t even in yet, and yelling at the 4 dogs who wanted to sniff every part of me, stick there heads in the bath, and generally walk underfoot at all times. I love them but after my blisters were stepped on for the 3rd time I banished them from the room. As soon as I placed my delicate and badly abused body parts into the water I started crying, and not little girlish sniffles. Big racking sobs. It hurt, it brough to light every chafed piece of skin, every blister, every ache, and every nerve. After about 3 minutes I stopped crying and let myself sink into the water. It started to feel good, it was pulling the pain out of my knees, my ankles were coming back, and I could wiggle my toes again. I had a friend tell me that Ice baths are where Heaven and Hell meet, and I couldn’t agree more. After 5 minutes I turned the shower to the hottest setting and felt my muscles unclench for the 1st time in 12 hours.

After the shower I settled in bed with my large pizza, a gallon of water, and a bowl of ice cream… I then proceeded to pass the F out. Gone. Goodnight.

I woke up to Cally (our bloodhound) drinking my water from my cup next to the bed. She did not give a damn that I was still dehydrated.

Thank you everyone who came out, cheered, and helped me get to this point. I couldn’t have done it without the support of my family, friends, and even the random strangers who wished me luck.

I think I am now more scared for Oceanside, this was harder than I anticipated and I have a lot of work to do.

I get 6 weeks off to rest, and let my body heal up before I jump back into training. Most of the next week will be spent eating, eating, and drinking beer.

Except for 4 hours on Saturday when I run a half marathon (not sure what I was thinking)


Oh… and I know you all are wondering… no I did not poop my pants.