Sunday, June 19, 2016

22 Weeks and Counting

Fear is real and it is scary
For someone with anxiety, fear is common
worry is a constant state of mind
I am scared
Scared. Shitless.
Shit.Less.
One without shit
Lacking in fecal matter
The complete and utter absence of shit.
More scared than I have even been in my life for a race
140.6 miles
Are you fucking kidding me?
What in the actual fuck was I thinking?
(I may hit an all time high for use of the word fuck and or shit in this post) 
(leave the easily offended at the door)
Fuck. 
Fuck. 
Fuck.
Fuckity Fucking Fuck. 
*sigh*

ok. 
(there is an actual point to this long and winding example of the multiple uses of the word fuck)
22 weeks until Ironman Arizona
2 weeks until official training starts
3 minutes until I ask Scott another question about training
4 minutes until I ask Scott another question about bike maintenance or rehab or the course or any other topic my brain can dissect and worry over. 

I have a lot of reasons for loving my husband 
lots. 
His prior experience on the IMAZ course and general triathlon knowledge is near the top of the list right now. 
His endless patience (even when I test it on a almost daily basis) with my never ending line of questions is another reason. 

So what is there to worry about?
I've raced in Tempe before
I have completed two 70.3 races in the last 9 months
I have a training plan
I have run 26.2 miles before 
I have swam 2 miles before 
I have never ever fucking ever biked 112 miles
(nor have I ever wanted to)

Lots of things to worry about. 
I actually started writing them out 
and then I deleted them
and then I worried over deleting them 
and I thought why is the hell am I writing down what I am scared of?
What good does that do?
instead I am going to re-read the sentences above. 
I can do this.
if I train, work hard, and trust myself and my training then I can do this. 
It will take everything I have. 
I will need support from every corner of my life
I will cry
I will scream
I will curse the triathlon gods 
I will forget body glide and chafe in places that don't see the light of day
I will push my body to new levels
I will spend more time in spandex than out of it
my weekends will consist of long training days
I will fall asleep in random places 
I will laugh and enjoy the hell out of myself
I will appreciate the cool ass shit my body is capable of

I WILL be an IRONMAN

See ya in November Tempe, I'm coming for ya.