100 posts and still craving pizza!

100 posts, holy crap.

I wish I could be more articulate then that but that pretty much sums up how I feel. Its been over a year since I started this journey towards a healthier, happier me. I have learned a lot about myself, pushed my body farther than I ever thought it would go and definitely made progress towards the Lauren I hope to one day be.

Hell, I ran 20 miles last week and not just through out the week. I ran 20 miles in a row! That's 4 hours of running...in a row! I know I keep saying that but I am not the kind of person that you look at and think "she must be a runner." I am the kind of person that you look at and think "she must really love pizza" and I do, I really do love pizza.

So here are a few things I have learned along the way

1. First off, whoever decided to spread the nasty rumor that nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels is a lying bastard. Cupcakes are delicious and as much as I love wearing smaller jeans, denim does not taste as good as cream cheese frosting. Cheat meals keep me sane and if I say no all the time then I will binge and when I binge it is not pretty...  please see example below




2. Your body can do more that you give it credit for. In the last 12 months I have run countless miles, been electrocuted (voluntarily), and pushed myself to new limits. My body said screw you, I am going to sit here and drink a margarita and I my mind said no! screw you, we are going for a run and then we went for a run. I have iced almost every part of my body, found new muscles I didn't even know could be sore, bought stock in ibuprofen and enjoyed the hell out of myself.

3. I can eat a lot... like a lot a lot. Add in a good calorie burning workout or 2 and get out of the way. I have learned that it is best for the general public if you do not stand between me and my food. What I eat is usually pretty limited to a few things and if you try and barricade me from the few things I am allowed to have then I will cut you. I will go all sorts of east mesa gangsta on you and do whatever it takes to get to my food. It may be a battle for carrot sticks but dammit if I run a good chunk of miles then I deserve my carrot sticks.

4: Along those same lines... I eat fast. Really, really fast. It makes my sister in law and partner in crime laugh most of the time, sometimes it terrifies her (she doesn't say this out loud but I can see it in her eyes when we go to eat and I finish before she has time to get her silverware out) This is a bad thing and I really do try to slow down but patience is not one of my virtues.

5: Preparation is key. I am probably the last person you should take advice from when it comes to preparing.  I can barely pack my own suitcase... But my boy scout hubby is always there to make sure I have what I need. Like a tooth brush or underwear, simple things really but I almost always forget them.... wait... Where was I? Shit. ummmmm

Oh, right! Preparation! Make your foods ahead of time, grill your chicken, scramble your egg whites, chop your salad. I do this on Sundays that way during the week it is all ready and pre-packaged so all I have to do is grab what I want and throw it in my nifty kids lunch Subway bag. I am waaaay less likely to cheat or go out to eat at lunch if I have it all with me.

6: Find what works for you. Everyone is different, if you don't like tiliapia or white fish, don't eat it! I sure as hell don't. I have a pretty core set of meals that I interchange and that works for me. When I get tired of one thing I change it up. This is my current meal plan:

Breakfast: 3/4 cup scrambled egg whites with taco seasoned ground turkey, and cheese. Side of fruit and 7 or 8 cups of coffee.

Lunch: Big salad, 2 chicken breasts (don't judge) and some kind of dressing
*this is the meal I have to change the most, you can only eat so much grilled chicken and salad. Blah Blah Blah!

Dinner changes every night but I rotate between 5 or 6 meals. Its just me and the hubbs so I don't have to appeal to any picky eaters. Here are a few examples...
Chicken salad (chopped chicken, red bell peppers, onion, celery, mashed avocado, feta cheese)
Baked chicken fajita lettuce wraps
Turkey taco lettuce wraps (I wrap everything in romaine boats, then I close my eyes and imagine its a tortilla)
Turkey burgers
BBQ Chicken with steamed veggies

7: Screw everyone who says you can't. I take every negative piece of criticism and imagine cramming right back into the gaping hole it came out of, then I giggle. I can only act like an adult for so many hours of the day...

8: Take the time and enjoy it. There may come a time when I won't be able to run, or lift, or swim or be active and until that day I am going to enjoy the hell out of myself. Some days I just don't want to go to the gym, I don't want to run, and I don't want to have to do any of it. Those are the days that I sweet talk Scott into loading up the truck, corralling the dogs and heading the lake. I spend a couple hours swimming, kayaking, playing with the dogs and enjoying life. It may not be the same calorie burn as a 10 mile run but it keeps me sane.

9: Involve your family, if you don't have a family then hijack a few friends, if you don't have any friends then grab the homeless dude on the corner. He's not doing anything and could probably use the exercise...
This awesome group of people are your support, they listen when you are bitching about shin splints, they come to your races and hold signs that say "high five station." If you are as lucky as I am then then run the races with you and drink beer with you afterwards...

10: Do it for yourself. If you try to make this lifestyle change for someone else it will lead to bitterness and resentment. You deserve to be the best you, you can be.  I hate to get all sappy and heartfelt but seriously... If you want this to be a decision you are going to stick with then you have to find a reason to fight for it.

My reason changes everyday but make sure that I have a reason.
Here are a few of my reasons....
-My family has a history of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and strokes. This is my best defense
-I want to be there for my future kids and I want to be able to keep up with them
-I like pizza and beer
-I want to rock a bikini
-I want to finish a triathalon
-I want my family to be proud
-I want to prove everyone who says I can't, wrong.
-I want to put up some kind of fight when I my 150 lb rottie decides she wants to sleep on the bed
-I want to be happy with myself, I want to be proud of what I see in the mirror. I am tired of sucking it in, wearing spanx, and limiting what kind of clothes I can wear.



I hope I have helped a 1 or 2 people along the way, I hope I have made people laugh and ya'll enjoy reading this.


Here is to 100 more posts, laughs, and stupid ideas  (this is where we cheers our imaginary drinks)

one more picture...


promise! (kinda)

the benefits of locking kids in cages

I am a big believer in living life to the fullest. Drink wine, eat red meat, and just generally do what makes you happy(unless it involves murder or watching toddlers in tiaras). I have an inner fat kid so I have too watch myself and keep him on a short leash but every now and then you just have to let the leash go and hope for the best.

I let the fat kid out this weekend and he came to the party dressed in cut off jean shorts, an 'merican flag tshirt, a beer in one hand,  a turkey leg in the other and a fanny pack filed with donuts. The fat kid was ready to party and party we did. Beer was consumed in mass quanities, and the food.. sweet baby jesus, the food. It was fair food on steroids, if it wasn't barbequed it was fried and if it wasn't fried it was wrapped in bacon. We had an amazing time but I will be on a steady diet of pepto, tums, and advil for the next couple of days.

This means we are now in the official marathon countdown and that means as soon as I leave country thunder it will be egg whites and chicken. I am not overly excited to shove the fat kid back in his cage but it has to be done. I will lock him in, wrap bungee cords around it and then padlock that sumabitch if I have to.

the standard picture, in honor of cages...

Channeling the Spirit of Chris Farley

You know what sucks about marathon training?  You are hungry all the time… and not just “oh give me a few carrots and I will be good” hungry. Like “somebody give me a whole GD chicken and leave me the hell alone” hungry.  Yeah…

 It’s not pretty and it’s certainly not lady like. Scott knows to just drop a goat in the cage Jurassic Park style and run for the hills after I do a major run .

 Yesterday I ran 18 miles (in a row!)  then I had an egg white sandwich from Paradise for breakfast, it didn’t fill me up but I was too excited to get to the lake to care too much. Scott also brought me a banana and some Gatorade to help me recover, running that much seriously kicks your ass.  Then I swam for an hour or two, kayaked around the lake and just generally relaxed with the hubs. This was all fantastic but by 4pm I was ready to EAT and because I had run 18 miles and then swam for a little while, I had calories to spare. So we went all out it was a sausage, extra cheese, hold the rabbit food and leave your dignity at the door pizza. It was delicious!!! I am still hungry today and its killing me. I had a big lunch of rotisserie chicken and a giant salad but I still could eat a couple foot longs from Subway (Yeah, I said it! Don’t judge).

 

 

This is me when I am hungry. Again… this is a judgment free zone, so lay off me, I’m starving!

10 steps to your first marathon! (only 2 involve pizza)

This journey to my first marathon has been a long one, its had its ups and downs. It is the one the most rewarding decisions I have ever made that I somehow still regret (kinda). The feeling of accomplishment and doing something I never thought I could do keep my feet moving along the road. I am now less than 1 month out from D-day and I thought I would share with you a few things I have learned along the way.

 Here is my 10 step program to running a marathon

Step 1: Go to an extremely inspiring event. This usually involves people crying, cancer (that rat bastard), exercise, and raising money. For me this was PF Changs Rock and Roll Marathon, watching cancer survivors cross a finish line, people raising money for every kind of terminal disease, and realizing that this is something I can do to help make a difference. This is something I could do for my family members with cancer, for my god father, for all the people who can't get up and run. The moment you realize that what you take for granted and probably don't even think about in a normal day, other people are praying that one day they might be able to. If you run for a cause its hard to back out...

Step 2: Find a friend and get them drunk.

Step 3: Talk drunk friend into running 26.2 miles with you (make sure this is someone you enjoy spending time with and that you are ok sharing stories about bodily functions)

Side note: you can also join a bad ass running group if your friends refuse your awesome drunken plots. There are TONS out there and they will help you train and provide support.

Step 4: Find a race that inspires you. It doesn't matter why it inspires you, as long as it is something that will keep you on track. This could be a run to support breast cancer, a run that ends with free beer, or a destination race. I went for the destination race, because if I am going to run 26.2 miles it better involve a beach and drinks with umbrellas afterwards.

Step 5: Pay yo money. Its hard to back out when you have already forked over the cash. Unless you are a former lottery winner or trust fund baby, and it that case... Bite me.

Step 6: Spend lots of money on new gear (I will elaborate further after I finish the steps)

Step 7: Train. Train. Train. Train.

Step 8: Well I personally am not at step 8 yet but its race day. So run your race and kick some serious ass...

Step 9: Drink a cold adult beverage (unless you are under age, then you get a frosty glass of milk and a high five from me for being so far ahead of the game... seriously if you run a marathon before you are 21 you didn't reach your full lazy adult potential and you can probably still wear the same clothes from high school you bastard. Never mind, no high five for you! and quit making the rest of us normal adults look bad!!)

oh and pizza, eat lots of pizza!

Step 10: Ice bath and a hot date with ibuprofen...and pizza. It will be a super awkward but awesome bath.


Things you will need:

Good running shoes. I cannot stress this enough, go to a running store and get fitted. You will spend more money than is comfortable and you will leave an empty wallet, sweet kicks, new socks that are designed for runners, and insoles. It feels like a scam but its not, you actually need all of these things.

New socks. I prefer the ultra thin ones with arch support that a low cut. Don't go to Walmart and just  grab any old pair. This is also something you will need to buy at a sports store, unless you enjoy blisters the size of a chihuahua.

Sweet fanny pack. You will be running stupidly long distances and this will save you from dying. You can fit all your waters, goos, and spare change in it. Again something you will need to buy at a running store, they have special running fanny packs that are not big and bulky.

Goo's. They suck and taste awful but they work and when you are running 2-5 hours at a time you need a calorie replacement.

Body glide. (If you need an explanation as to why you need body glide, go run 5 miles without it and you will see how effective it is when it comes to putting out the fire that your thighs rubbing together started)

Spandex. (see above) don't question it, just hand over your credit card to the judgmental 17 year old at Sports Authority along with your dignity.



Great tools:

www.mapmyrun.com

seriously this website is awesome, they also have an app that you can use to log all your runs. It tells you your pace, calories burned, distance and all that fun stuff. I use the website to map out my long runs so I know where I am going.

I am sure there is tons of stuff  I am forgetting but just leave a comment if you have any questions.

thanks!!

*** FYI these are MY steps to running a marathon and other than I am currently training to run one, I am in no way shape or form qualified to give running advice :) think of them more as helpful hints from a lightly seasoned running veteran (I've got the blisters and chub rub to prove it!)






ha. You thought I forgot to include a picture....

Marathon Training through the fat kids eyes

I have never felt more Bipolar then I have during the last 9 months, let me explain that sentence a little more. About 9 months ago I made a very stupid and idiotic decision. I decided to run a marathon, if you are not familiar with marathons, they involve running a stupid and idiotic 26.2 miles. When I made this decision I could barely run 1 mile without ending up bent over sucking wind and thinking about tacos. 9 months later I still think about tacos while I am running ( and ice cream, smashburger, etc, etc) but I spend hours doing this instead of minutes. This is where the bipolar comes into play, now that I am into my major mile runs I have lots of time to spend thinking. I spend most of this time thinking about running, how much I hate it. How much I love it. How proud I am of myself. Wondering why I am allowed to make my own decisions. Wondering why I am paying someone for 5-6 hours of pain. Thinking about all the high heels and new clothes I could have bought with the money I spent on new running shoes (minus the bad ass pair my husband bought me for my bday). Thinking about how bad ass my new running shoes are.  Wondering when the last time I wore something other than running clothes was. Thinking "damn I love yoga pants."
It goes on like that for 3+ hours.... Riveting I know.

Training for a marathon has introduced me to a whole new world. (admit you sang that last part to the tune of  Aladin)

I had dipped my toe into the world of active adult living a time or two but nothing as serious as this. I had no idea how intense and huge this other world is. You find your self talking and reminiscing with complete strangers about things like chub rub, body glide, and the pros and cons of fanny packs (yeah take a second and absorb that gem of a sentence). Or say things like, "oh its only a 9 mile run" to which my inner fat kid responds with something like this...



yes this just became a picture book-esque blog.

People will also tell you that you are an idiot, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. But they will also tell you that they are proud of yu, that you are in inspiration**. These are the things that in combination with better fitting clothes and an huge weekend calorie deficiency, keep you going. I am sure you are wondering how someone calling you an idiot will keep you motivated to get up a 5 am and go run 17 miles, but I am overly competitive and this pushes me to prove them wrong.

**side note, I am still not sure how to take that one. I am used to impressing people with how much pizza I can put away in such a small amount of time or my innate ability to use cream cheese in all of my recipes.



So that's a short look into where I am with marathon training. I will check back this week with more... :)

ok, one more picture....



you're welcome.