Judgement Free Zone.

Do you ever have a workout that was so good you are still panting and sweating as you leave the gym? I did today and as luck would have it, I had to run errands afterwards. Imagine a sweating, heaving mess in spandex walking down aisles of michaels. Now if you were there you might be thinking " wow, I didn't realize homeless people were into crafts and DIY" or you might be thinking "she should shower" either thought would be justified. So I puttered around Michaels for a while until I got my breath back and then I ran across the street to Sprouts (yes, more hippie shit). Now I am sure we have all heard that you shouldn't go the groccery store hungry and there is a reason for that... You will roam the aisles looking for anything you can shove in your face hole. So take tired, add in hungry, multiply that by treadmill workout and lifting and you get hummus, pretzels and cheese snack time as you shop. Yeah. Eating while shopping. I will let that sink in for a moment....
I walked (very slowly, thought about licking) past the muffins and cookies and scooted over to the sabra hummus snack packs and cheese sticks. These are two of my go to healthy snack especially when I go into a murderous rage thinking about vegetables. I picked up what I needed and stood in line waiting my turn while trying to hold my items and unwrap my cheese stick, that combined with my spandex and sweating must have really set off an air of desperation because the lady in front of my told me I could jump her in line. It's ok.. take another moment but remember this is a judgement free zone.

drug pedaling little bastards.

It's the fat kids favorite time of year. The drug dealers are out in their adorable green vests pedaling the fat kids version of heroin... Girl Scout Cookies. I love them all, Thin Mints, Samoas, the lemon ones, the peanut butta ones, all of them. And not like I buy one box and it last all year kind of love.. its the buy boxes until I hate myself, wake up in the middle of the night to sneak a frozen thin mint, eat a whole box at a time kind of love. That's a forever kind of love. I can't even use not having cash as an excuse anymore, those adorable little bastards just whip out their Iphone and slide your visa through their square, all while smiling at you. These high tech drug dealers are at every store, every office, we even saw them waiting outside a Willy Nelson concert (to be fair, that was genius). A deprived fat kid surrounded by thin minty goodness leads to exessive grumbling, grouchiness, and unwarranted anger towards children. So let me say I am sorry in advance,

I am sorry to the mothers who are just trying to raise money for their childs troop... You are not an enabling bitch and I don't mean what I say out of hunger. Nor are your children drug mules.

I am sorry to the children in front of walmart... Your parents do love you, and you probably aren't adopted (but its awesome if you are!)

If you see me grumbling in a corner while shoving carrots and greek yogurt in my face, please know that I am ok, just hangry and better left alone from a safe distance.

 

Mixed Reviews

My parents always taught me that I should always try new things, new foods, and new experiences. I had to try food 7 times before I decided I didn’t like it (PS Mom, I still don’t like fish). While this was frustrating as a child I am glad that I still like to try new foods and new ways to cook especially because chicken and vegetables can get a little boring. I have come up with a ton of different recipes, I have scoured the internet for more ideas, and I have a pretty core set of recipes that I work from but every now and then I have to find something completely off the beaten fat kid path. So I have a new plan… well maybe not new and not really a plan. I have an Idea! Yes that’s a better word. Every week I will pick something out at the grocery store that I have never had and I will find a recipe to use including my fancy new grocery store pick of the week! Or I will find a recipe with a fun new item… Either way, new foods, new recipes, and hopefully a new addition to the current repertoire.

I came up with this idea after I was talking to a fellow blogger (Life, Babies, & Baking… check it out!) and then later when I was prepping my foods as luck would have it, I was cooking a new and fun ingredient. So then BAM! New idea.

This week’s ingredient is...

 

QUINOA!!! OK..OK.. quit with the eye rolling, and don’t you dare call me a hipster! It’s actually not bad, I was pleasantly surprised. It was also easy to cook which is a plus for me. I was looking for something that was fairly low carb, high protein and would help fill me up and keep me full. Quinoa (keen-wah) fit the bill!

This is what I came up with based on ingredients already in my fridge and a quick look at a few Pinterest recipes

Mediterranean Quinoa

1 Cup uncooked quinoa (boil with 2 cups of water then cover and bring to a simmer until all the water is absorbed)

1 cucumber

1 lemon juiced

½ cup feta

1 Tbls evoo

1 Tbls dried Dill

½ cup chopped parsley

10 chopped Kalamata olives

 

I chopped all the ingredients and added the lemon juice and extra virgin olive oil and put them in a container in the fridge to start the flavor mashing while the quinoa cooked on the stove. Once the quinoa was done cooking and cooled I added it to the rest of the ingredients and tossed it until it was fully mixed.  

 

I could have easily added more cucumber, tons more feta, and I think it would be good if I tossed it in a greek dressing instead of the lemon juice and evoo or added tomatoes. I was trying to make it as low calorie as possible and not taking something healthy and pump it up into a calorie/fat laden meal.

I put 4 servings into my calorie calculator but I think it is more along the lines of 6 servings

This is the breakdown per serving:

CALORIES    234

CARBS            32

FAT                    9

PROTEIN         9

SODIUM     168

SUGAR            1

 

I dumped a bunch on my salad today instead of chicken and it turned out pretty darn good! But Scott wanted to scrape it off his tongue... So we will go with mixed reviews on this one  

 

I am not a success story

I am not a success story.

Yet.

I am a lose weight, gain weight, work out, eat pizza, cry, eat egg whites, work out, drink soda, get mad, work out, eat salad story. I want to be a success story, I want to be an inspiration, I want people to look at and think “hell, if she can do it, then I can do it.”

So I eat my salads, I portion my “fun” foods, I run, I sleep, I drink more water than feels natural and I keep going. Even on days I don’t want to, those are the days I have to work that much harder. I slip up more than I should, I have my “why me?” days (dramatic, I know) and I have pizza days. I require A LOT of positive reinforcement to keep me going. I don’t know if this makes me like every other person trying to lose weight or if I am a tiny… well maybe tiny isn't the right word…isolated island floating in the sea of marinara (you thought I was going to get deep and inspirational, didn't you? Ha!). Not that I think that I am the only person in the world  battling weight problems, I know that I am better off than a lot of people but when you see people eating whatever they want and 1 grape makes your ass expand, it gets frustrating. I guess that isn't really a realistic sentence either... I have never in my life eaten 1 grape. I eat the whole  bag, then a bagel, then maybe some chips and top if off with a foot long sub if I am feeling peckish. Today I finished a foot long sub (oven roasted chicken, lettuce, tomato, bell pepper, mustard, on flat bread) before I got out of the parking lot... now, it was a pretty big parking lot and I got lost trying to find an exit but still. There are times I amaze myself... I don't even think about how fast I am eating most of the time. I think my thoughts today were, open wrapper, start car, put car in drive, EAT!!, drive, where is the exit to Bell Rd?, dammit that is one way, why is there a church next to a Macayos? shit, another one way, ooh a used bookstore! shit, did I miss the turn? crap, my sandwich is gone. Thinking is part of the change, I think about what I am eating, is it healthy? is it fresh? am I keeping the processed foods to a minimum? are my portions realistic? am I actually hungry? or bored? did I drink enough water today? ... or at least I try to. 

Saturday Schedule:

egg white panini with bacon, Parmesan, thin whole grain bread

coffee

1 hour hike

coffee

coffeeeeeeeeeeee

water

cleaning

cleaning

rearrange the house

foot long oven roasted sandwich

shopping

water

lemon luna bar

grocery shopping 

taco bowls

disney movies, pj's, and blogging.... you know... like an adult. 

Dear salad,

signs that I am back track

Top 5 Signs that I am back on track

1. I am writting this while on an eliptical

2. My first thought is not what can I eat that is bad for me because I just worked out but rather, what is NOT going to F up all the work I just did?

3.my laundry smells like a dead rhino

4. I have more vegetables than cheese in my fridge

5. People are starting to not look at me and wonder if I have gained weight or I have had a severe allergic reaction.

Also, side note I took a pre workout today and I am not sure If I want to run, lift a car, build a house....or throw up. Thats good shit...

Percy, Thurman, BIll, YSSOB, and Bob.

So as we were driving around this weekend shuffling from family event to family to family event, Scott in a rare moment of Lauren-esq a.d.d. asked me a very random question... actually now that I think about it we may have been talking about eating right... scratch that, Scott was right on track with the topic at hand, I was not paying full attention so it just seemed random at the time.

what was I talking about?

squirrel.

oh, right! Scott asked me if the fat kid had a name (see how that could seem random if you are not paying attention because a butterfly just caught your eye?).
 Well, fudge. I don't know...  The fat kid has many names, most are highly inappropriate  for present company (you're welcome). The name changes with my mood as well as his... I am not even sure why he is... well... a he.

Some days he is small and hides in the corner and I think of him as a Percy type of guy, kind of mousy, possibly English. Mostly just stays out of my way and occasionally begs for scraps of food

Other days he is a petulant child by the name of Thurman. Thurman is that fat kid we all hate, the cartmans of the world. He is rude, he frequently interrupts whatever I am doing and forces me to eat pizza. He drags me around and I have little power over that little shit.

He can be middle ground too (maybe...Bill?)  more of a annoying poke in the shoulder every hour to remind me that I haven't had annnny doughnuts today and I will probably drop dead at any moment due to lack of calories.

When I completely go off the deep end into my cave made of pizza and self loathing he is "YSSOB" which is an ancient name that loosely translates to "You Stupid Son of a Bitch"

And when he listens and quiets down enough that I convince myself that salads aren't that bad, chicken is just as filling as pancakes, and water with lemon is no different that soda he goes by Bob. Because.. well, everyone loves Bob.

The fat kid is in all of us, as is the skinny bitch trying to get out.

So as Bill and my inner skinny bitch fight it out over a piece of lettuce, my husband will be at peace knowing that the fat kid is not nameless. He is known, he is acknowledged, and he is going down.

(Scott's vote was for Winston)