A Festivus for the Rest of us

I know I have said this a hundred time before but I love food. Looove. Love. LUUUUUUHHHHVE. 
I love watching food network and travel channel. I love looking at the food catagory on Pinterest. I love reading recipe books and trying new things. I love cooking, baking, experimenting. But most of all I love eating the things I buy/make or the things people make me. The holidays are hard to be good and I have had more bad days than good. I have had booze, sweet treats, pork and other miscellaneous works of the Devil (or just devils food cake). I am also finding that I seem to be more hungry than I normally am. I have no idea why but as soon as I finish one meal I am planning my next.  I just came back to work after 6 days off and now that I am on my new schedule I have spent most of my time sitting in a lazy boy and drooling into my salad as I watch Man Vs. Food. I think I could be a competitive food eater. 64 hot dogs in 12 minutes? DONE. 
Hmm that makes me think of whole hot dogs traveling though my arteries, that might cause a heart attack (but what do I know?!).
The good news is I have been really good about working out. Not every workout has been at the gym, I tried a few new things to change it up and not let myself lull into gym boredom. I took the dogs for  a walk/trip to the dog park. Walking my dogs is a cardio workout as well as a strength workout. I know some of you are reading this and wondering "Lauren, how can walking dogs be a strength workout?" well let me explain... I have 3 dogs, all 3 weigh 60lbs or more and are a tad bit psychotic. They are friendly and super sweet but they love to run and feel the wind beneath their paws and when there is 130+ lbs of dog dragging you down the road, you use every muscle in your body to reign them in. Until you just give up and run with them (this is where the cardio comes in). Now that I think of it, it's also a core workout because you are trying to hold yourself upright.  The other out of gym workout I did was an impromptu trip to Jumpstreet. Now if you have never been I recommend kidnapping your kid/niece/nephew/cousin etc etc and taking them for the afternoon of your lives(you need a kid to make you look legit and not like a creepy pervert). There are trampolines EVERYWHERE! they have trampoline dodge ball, trampoline aerobics, or you can just jump. Because we did not know we were going until 2 minutes before and we were going with our nieces(ages 2, almost 2, and 3), nephew(almost 5), and my cousin(almost 13) we didn't think we would be jumping. I thought we would watch the little ones tumble around and grown ups would be restricted to the hard surfaces. Well I was mistaken, I was allowed to go jump with the kids and because I spent most of Jr. High and High School on a competitive cheer team. I was very familiar with the trampoline. My parents also bought me and my brother one so as soon as I walked in I started grinning like an idiot and trying to figure out how to get on one. My lovely sisters in law handed over there passes and off I went. We spent just over an hour there playing with the kids. I had a blast!!! But if you have not jumped on a trampoline in a couple years like me, the next day you will be sore in places you forgot you had. I can't wait to go back and play on the big kids (SHUT UP, I know I am an adult) trampoline and try doing all the stuff I used to do in cheer. This will probably end with a trip to the ER but I am OK with that. 


So now we are going into the holiday countdown. I still need to finish Christmas shopping, I still need to bake, and I still need to wrangle my love of fudge. I will not restrict myself during the holidays, I will eat in moderation and not let myself overdo it but I will still let myself enjoys the foodie goodness. I will also kick my workouts into overdrive. Its time to kick my ass... Running, Jumping, Walking, and Lifting. GAME FACE!!!! It will be a festivus miracle :)

Letter to the Stairmaster

I hope you die mother f'er.
I hope that when I am sweat profusely and gasping for air, a drop of sweat falls into your inner workings and short circuits the entire system.
I wish you didn't burn calories so efficiently.
Your warning label should not read "stop if you have trouble breathing or chest pain" I feel both of things the moment I take a step, actually I think I get anxiety attacks just thinking about the first step.

see you tomorrow you bastard.

Egg Muffins

This is another complicated and tiring recipe. Prepare yourself to spend a lot of time in the kitchen ;)

Chopped Veggies (whatever you prefer, I used red bell pepper and onion)

5 eggs beaten 

Protein of some kind 

(again whatever you prefer, I used chicken sausage that I had on hand. You could use bacon, breakfast sausage, or no meat at all. )

1/4 cup cheese
pesto-optional 

cooking spray

Spray Muffin tin with cooking spray

add a layer of veggies and protein , filling about 1/3

add a layer of cheese

fill almost to the top with egg mixture

stir with a fork 

Bake for 20 min at 350 degrees

I also made one that was with egg whites, fun fact: egg whites expand. alot. That is the muffin that is taking over the pan. 

I froze mine to be reheated at a later date but you could very easily make this in the morning for a group of people or as snacks for the kids :)

Turkey Meatballs

1lb Extra Lean ground turkey
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1/3 cup shredded romano cheese
1 egg
cooking spray


Combine all ingredients
roll into 1 in balls
brown in a pan that has been sprayed with cooking spray
Transfer to sauce pan with sauce
let simmer and finish cooking (about 20 min)

Now take a break, drink some wine and maybe take a nap. You worked hard and deserve a break :)

Cooking Light on a Heavy Body

In case you were wondering, the spaghetti and turkey meatballs turned out great! the entire meal was 435 calories. That included a full serving of spaghetti, sauce, meatballs, and salad. I honestly can't taste a huge difference between turkey and lean beef when I use it in recipes. I know there is a foodie out there who just gasped in terror but I am not a food snob. I used the same recipe I use for regular meatballs, I just swapped out the pork and veal mixture for extra lean turkey. I also made them much smaller. I used a jar of Prego sauce because I wasn't in the mood to make my own, and my grandmothers recipe calls for about 1 cup of sugar. The packaging on the linguine box said 1/8 of the box so I eyeballed the serving sizes but I only cooked half of the box and we had leftovers (which I took to work and ate cold :) ). I just added some premade salad and low cal dressing and we were set. It was super easy and it tasted good. My dad always made spaghetti and meatballs on Sundays during the winter. So whenever we have a cold rainy day I crave spaghetti. Now I can have it without crying myself to sleep and cuddling with my spare tire. That day I also made "egg muffins" I think they came out great but again I am not that picky. I just chopped up some veggies and some chicken sausage then layered that in a muffin tin with some cheese and beaten eggs. I baked them for 20 min at 350 degrees. They are 100 calories per muffin but the down side is I need about 12 of them to fill me up. I threw them in a bag and tossed them in the freezer. Tuesday morning I reheated two of them and ate them with a apple. Veggies? Check. Protein? Double Check. Fruit? Check. Delicious? CHECK!
Today has been another experiment in Healthy or substitute cooking. I just finished a banana bread that is under 200 calories per slice and no sugar! Woo Hoo. I am pretty proud of this one, I found a recipe on a blog called Clean and Delicious. I swapped the sugar for splenda and it turned out great. I think its a little bit denser than normal banana bread, but if I can eat banana bread at all I am happy. I don't create any of these recipes myself but I like to try new things and turn family favorites into Healthy family favorites.
Today I am also making some shredded chicken in the crockpot that is 120 calories for 4 oz. I just threw 4 frozen boneless skinless chicken breasts in with 1 can of diced tomatoes, enough low sodium no fat chicken broth to cover the breasts and some salt, pepper, cumin, and oregano. I figured we could shred it and keep in in the fridge for meals during the week. I can use it to top a salad, make enchiladas, fajitas, or just as a quick snack.

I want to remind everyone that these are not my recipes. I am in no way, shape, or form creative enough to come up with this on my own. But I do like experimenting and trying new food, especially food that can work with our new lifestyle that I like to call " Lets stay alive and avoid Diabetes"
When I can I will post a link to the recipe that I used. I will post the recipes from todays blog, in case anybody now has a weird craving for banana bread with meatballs and eggs...

Boundaries

Depending on my mood I can be very good at pushing boundaries. I can push peoples personal space boundaries, I can push socially acceptable fashion boundaries (not anything crazy, just a lot of sweat pants) or I can push the boundaries of how much fat my pants can actually hold. Working out and losing weight is about pushing your own boundaries. Pushing yourself to that point where you don't want to go any farther, you want to die, you think dying might be less painful and you curse the higher power who decided that all things delicious must also kill you. I am trying to push myself to be the kind of person that my husband, my family, my children that don't exist, and myself can be proud of. The vain part of me also wants to be the person at the gym you hate because I look GOOOOOD, I want people to call me that bitch who probably never eats a carb, the one all the catty girls talk about. But I can't have my dream legs, arms, back, stomach, or pant size if I don't push myself to the edge. I don't mean that in a "lets see how many days I can go with out food, or lets see if anyone notices that I throw up every meal" but I want to push myself to run harder, lift more, and eat better.
Today I only worked half day so I decided to hit the gym on the way home. I didn't have any time constraints like I normally do and nowhere I had to be. Just me, the gym, and some self induced guilt from not getting up at 4:30 this morning to go run. It was really nice to take my time and really give myself an ass kicking. I started on the treadmill and ran for 30 minutes, 5 minute warm up followed by 5 minutes of jogging, and then 20 minutes of jog for 2 minutes at 5.7mph and sprint for 1 minute at 7.5 mph. I read that sprint workouts burn more calories and are better at increasing your cardio threshold, not sure if its true or not Hmm I should probably ask   Scott about that....Anyways I prefer that kind of treadmill workout because it makes the time go by quicker. After my run I lifter for about 45 minutes. I worked on my arms, killed my legs, and slaughtered my core. Even now as I am typing this I am laying in bed because I am already sore. I then went back to cardio, I did 30 minutes on the stairmaster using the speed interval setting level 5. I always try to end with cardio because I read  somewhere (In a Book! Dodgeball reference anyone?) that you should always end with cardio because your heart rate stays up longer and it boosts your metabolism. After I finished all that I went and sat in the sauna, letting my toxins sweat out like the hippies.

Now I am off to make dinner. We are having Whole Wheat Spaghetti with turkey meatballs (pray for scott, this is an experiment) and I am going to try and make the "egg muffins" I will post pictures and recipes if they turn out to not suck. Hey! more boundary pushing! I am going to push my husbands comfy food boundaries :) not that he has much say in the matter haha

ohhh sorry one last thing! Shout out to the hubby.... He made an awesome Turkey Chili Meatloaf last night out of the biggest loser cookbook, it was delicious and only 172 calories for a 2 slice serving. 

Overactive

They say that the beginning is the hardest, once you take that step to choose to be healthy, to chose to be fit that you can do anything. Well I have been at this for 3+ months and it is still hard, I want to know when it will get easier, when it will all slide into place. Everyday is a fight, a battle against the fat kid. I arm myself with lean protien, fruits, vegetables, and water but have you ever tried to battle a piece bacon with a fruit bowl and water?  I can say all the right things and preach until I lose my voice but that doesn't change anything when I eat pizza anyways. Its hard to know that I CAN do this, I know HOW to do this, but I still don't always make the right decisions. Its hard to not get down on  myself when I know what the right decision is and I turn into the loving warm arms of fast food. I am on a path of self destruction and I am ignoring all the signs that say turn around. I will say its a delicious path but still its a path that leads down to a deep dark hole that I don't think I can pull myself out of again. Unfortunatley my lack of krispy kreme also makes me very cranky towards the people who are trying to help. Sorry If I have bitten your head off in a fit of hunger rage, I don't mean it...You weren't adopted, your parents still love you, and you are not the son of a bitch I claimed you were :)  Lack of fat makes me a grumpy SOB. I know I can't have both but I don't think its too much to ask, all I want it to eat and be skinny. NO sorry not skinny...Healthy. Healthy is the new term, skinny is out. I want to keep my curves and I don't want to be able to see my food as it is digesting.


I read somewhere that calories are tiny evil creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes just a little bit tighter every night. It made me laugh but it also made me think of all the "small" lies the fat kid whispers to us as we reach for just one more bite. Things like "a small slice of pie doesn't count" or "there are no calories on vacation." There lies are what got me through all the guilt ridden meals in Hawaii :)
Sometimes you have to let go, have fun, and leave the calorie counter at home. The food lies are what get me in trouble. Like thinking a salad is good for me and low calories just because they call it a salad, but if its covered in cheese, dressing, and croutons all that hard work goes right out the window.

have a happy Sunday everybody. Enjoy your day off, read a book, day dream about waistlines that don't expand (ever.) and relax. I can do this, I can be the person I want to be. The only person standing in my way is me and because its kind of hard to offend myself I can tell myself to "shut up fatty, no one asked your opinion anyways." to which my fat self would probably respond with " no you shut up ass hole, I am going to  sit over here in my sweat pants while I enjoy a double double from In and Out"
hmmm I may have a slightly over active imagination....I can't stop imagining scenarios between my fat self and my healthy self. Its like Rosy O'donell has Kelly Ripa in a Headlock and while rosy has kelly in pure substance, kelly is a scrapy little fighter and she is ready for the take down.
Yep. Imagination is waaay too overactive.

Dear Santa....

For Christmas I would like...

1. An ass like Jessica Biel
2. Arms like Jessica Biel
3.  To look like Jessica Biel :)
4. to be able to work some martha stewart magic on my house
5. win the lottery
6. to be able to control my taco/beer/pizza craving
7. Somebody to invent calorie/carb free vodka (really, we can put somebody on the moon but you can drink and be skinny?)
8. The self control, will power, and determination to not give up.

I don't think that is too much to ask? haha ok most of you are probably either A. Laughing (what I was hoping for) B. going into mom mode and think, "aww hunny you are fine the way you are! who cares if every time you bend over you can hear your jeans scream in pain, while you die a little bit on the inside?" or C. "C'mon Fat Ass you can do this, quit whining and get off the couch!"
I myself am thinking of a combination of all three when I read my list, "C'mon fat ass, I just heard your jeans scream again and even though people like you as you are and being happy is more important than being skinny, think of how happy and healthy you could be!" all while laughing of course, because lets be honest...a world without tacos is no world for me.

This week was a struggle after my free for all last weekend. I know most of what is holding me back is a mental   issue. I have good days, bad days, awesome days, and pizza days. Wednesday at work I did awesome! I worked out with my sister in law at 4 freaking 30, did my cardio and didn't cheat all day. I wasn't even hungry for most of the day. I honestly think I was so tired that I just didn't care and every time I started to get hungry we would run and call and I would forget all about it. Thursday I was trying to catch up on sleep after a busy week at work that I didn't eat that much either. But when I am home and my options aren't limited to food I can eat on the go or in the ambulance I tend to cook more elaborately than I normally would. So I had egg whites and Wheat toast for breakfast, I went out and got some coffee then planted my ass on the couch for some quality time with hulu and pinterest. I made some kind of chicken thing (I don't know what to call it, I browned some chicken and put it in the crockpot with a jar of beer and onion braising sauce then served over brown rice) it was a little spicy but under 400cal/serving and it was nice for a cold night. Tonight I am going out to dinner with my best friend from HS/Maid of honor and luckily she is awesome at eating the right things so she always helps keep me on track. Its hard to justify ordering fried chicken when the other person is having a salad, no cheese, dressing on the side and water to drink. It guilts me into eating the same. When we go out to eat and people are ordering food that isn't on my plan, I will usually take that as sign from above that its a splurge day (Yes I know the higher power doesn't usually use food as a sign)

I hope everyone has a good day, I will leave you with this picture....its either motivation for you or you are a boy and you are just going to stare at the screen for a few minutes. either way ENJOY :)

I like beer. and Pizza. Ohh ohhh and Beer... Damn

Most of you know from past posts about my constant struggle against wanting to enjoy life and learning to enjoy life without the fat producing, sloth inducing, fun having items such as beer... pizza...and cinnabon. I give into peer pressure very easily, I am a people pleaser. Most of the time I say yes ma'am and yes sir without realizing it, I say excuse me after somebody else body checks me at the mall, and as soon as somebody says "Lauren, we're getting a beer sampler" my response (because I don't want to hurt their feelings, that would be rude) is usually something long thought out and thought provoking like.."I'm down." I love beer. It's cold, delicious, and thirst quenching. So what had happened was... We went to Four Peaks for dinner last night with our friends Amy and Chris, and my sister in law Heather and my Mother in Law Karen. Heather and Karen had never been so we had to show them the amazingness that is Four Peaks. How can you not love fresh cold craft beer and really, really, really good food. So when you take a Four Peaks virgin for their first time you have to take them through all the essential steps. You must A. make them drink a beer sampler B. make everybody order something different so you can all share and C. Make sure somebody orders Arizona Chicken Rolls. These steps are very important, and we followed everyone of them. So after my good breakfast, my low calorie pride inducing/ego boosting lunch...I had pizza and beer. Amazing pizza and beer, but still calorie loaded pizza and beer. The guilt would have beer hard to deal with if not for the comforting arms of beer. I feel like this is getting repetitive. I like beer.

So now its Saturday, I made the whole wheat banana bread pancakes for breakfast. I think they turned out really good, Scott liked them too. The syrup was a little rich but I am not a big fan of pure maple syrup. I liked them with just butter on them. It was a nice alternative to regular pancakes, with the whole wheat and the bananas it turns a calorie loaded carb party into a calorie loaded carb party that you can be proud of. It is definitely a breakfast that should be a special occasion breakfast but still a crowd pleaser. I shared some pizza with my nieces and then because I didn't have any beer telling me its OK to eat pizza, I went for a 7 mile run. The run went well, my knees hurt but that's nothing new. I wasn't able to run the whole thing but I finished.

I am getting ready for the week and I am going to try and make some new breakfast items. I saw a recipe on pinterest where you just whisk up some eggs, pour them into a cupcake tin, and add whatever you like. You can add cheese, turkey, tomato, etc. and then you just reheat them when you are ready! sounds good to me :)

Will Power is a Muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.


if you are interested in Pinterest.... just go to www.pinterest.com and I apologize in advance for your new addiction :)   

Lazy Day

Good news... I am clear to go back to work! woo hoo! this also means that I am clear to go back to the gym. I am still going to take it easy because I have never hurt my back before and I don't want to aggravate it again. It sucks! I went and did yoga yesterday. It was nice, I didn't break a big sweat but I am sore today so that's a good thing. Today is going good so far, I had egg whites with turkey, avocado, and cheese for breakfast. I had a salad with turkey roll ups for lunch and dinner is undecided. I am also becoming a very big fan of the skinny options at Starbucks. I have always been a fan of their zero calorie tea but  now that I can have a Skinny Peppermint Mocha, I am in coffee heaven. I think I know what the Christmas spirit is all about now, I am less inclined to kill drivers who go 30mph down a major road when I have some caffeine in me. Or more inclined depending on how much caffeine I have actually had....Life has been fairly boring today, I have spent all of my time at the doctor or impatiently waiting for work to call. Boring usually means a eating binge, or a cleaning binge, or a workout binge. But today it has been a relax binge...stressful, I know. I am letting my back heal? Anyone buy that? No? or I am just being lazy.

Todays exciting lunch :)

Get ready for awesomeness...

Are you ready??? OK here it is, the new recipe. A new Sunday/Saturday morning tradition... it has bananas and whole wheat flour so it must be healthy right? Well kind of anyways...its more of a once in a while food that  hits the nutritional reqs when paired with a fruit salad. You can also swap brown sugar for splenda's brown sugar and cut out the syrup completely. With everything it runs about 200cal per pancake and yes that includes the syrup! so add a fruit bowl and drink your water with it and you will have a well rounded breakfast! FEAST ON!

PS: I found this recipe on Pinterest, it's from another blog called "How Sweet It Is" She has tons of great stuff..check her out!

Whole Wheat Brown Sugar Banana Bread Pancakes

makes 12 pancakes

2 cups whole wheat pastry flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

2/3 cup milk

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

3 large ripe bananas, mashed

2 tablespoons butter, melted

In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, sugar, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg in a large bowl. Measure out the milk and add the vanilla extract to it. Whisk together the dry ingredients and add in milk and vanilla, stirring to combine. The mixture will still be dry. Add in mashed bananas and mix. Add in melted butter and stir until batter is somewhat smooth.

Heat a skillet or grilled on medium heat. Using a 1/3 cup measure, spoon batter into rounds and cook until bubbles form on top – about 2-3 minutes. Flip and cook for a minute or two more. Repeat with remaining batter. Serve hot with butter and syrup, or the vanilla maple glaze.

Note: if you don’t have/can’t find whole wheat pastry flour, use 1 cup of regular whole wheat and 1 cup of all purpose. Or 2 cups of all purpose.

Vanilla Maple Glaze

1/2 cup maple syrup

3/4 cup powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and stir until smooth. Pour over pancakes.

Happy Holidays

December is officially here. That fun time of year when family comes into town, parties are thrown, presents are unwrapped and your pants no longer fit. We drink, we eat, and we celebrate. Most the time we are too busy working overtime for extra Christmas money, wrapping presents, shopping, and eating or drinking at parties to actually hit the gym. The food is always good, tenderloins, fudge, and lets not forget the roast beast. Drinks include eggnog, champagne, beer, and the ever present liquor. Now I am a fan of all of these things, they get me in the spirit of Christmas and they are just delicious. However I need to stay away from them, they are not going to help me attain my goals and I need to make up for November. I don't want to go back to the uber strict rules I placed on myself during the first month to help me gain control but I think it might be time for that. I tend to do better when there are strict rules and no exceptions. I can make an exception for food at any time. So white meat only, no fast food, and no drinking anything but water, tea, and coffee. Back to 6 small meals a day and as soon as my back is feeling better it will be back to the gym. 

If you are curious I went back to the doctor yesterday, she didn't clear me for work yet but put me on light duty. I feel a lot better but it does still hurt and as the day progresses it tends to tighten up. I go back again on Friday and she thinks she will be able to clear me for work. WOO HOO! As for now I am laying flat on the couch, all 3 dogs piled on top of me and relaxing.