Down but not Out

Monday started out great. I had my coffee, I was working EMS in Glendale (my favorite city to work in due to the amount of crazy people,stabbings, and shootings) and I was prepared to take down the fat kid. I was armed with salad, edemame, and water. The day was going pretty slow, we had only run 3 calls and they were all easy stuff. Except for the strangulated bowel call earlier that morning (I will let you imagine the smell). We were sitting at the station when we received tones for a Chest Pain call. The patient was waiting for us in their car on a busy road, we loaded all 400lbs of the patient onto the gurney and used a 4 man lift to raise the gurney. Sounds like things are going just nifty right? well about 30 seconds later when we tried to lift the gurney into the ambulance, I lifted and felt a shooting pain go down my side from my lower back to my leg. Now in my profession this is something you always hear about, lifting mechanics are preached about like Jesus' second coming. "Lift with your legs and not your back, don't lift more than you can handle, call for help, etc etc." So as soon as I felt my back go I knew It wasn't going to be good. I finished the call and went home after work. The pain started out as tolerable then quickly went down hill to unbearable. Luckily I married a Physical Therapist who just as quickly went to work on my back, I was set up with ice, stim, and evaluated. I reported my injury and off to the Doctor I went. The official diagnosis is Lumbar Strain, I go back today to get re-evaluated and hopefully cleared for work. But unfortunately this means I am also out of the gym, I am going to go later and try to use the bike for a little bit and just get some movement going. Being sedentary for this long is getting on my nerves. It also means that my caloric intake will be dramatically cut while I am not working out. It is salads, chicken and broccoli until I can start hitting the gym hard again.  

My weight loss goal for November was 10lbs, today is the 1st and I lost 5 lbs. I didn't hit my goal but I am trying to not let it bring me down, I am still down 15 lbs. I can't let this be an excuse to eat and eat and eat. I want to...I want to wallow in my fat sorrows with a pepperoni pizza and Dr. Pepper for company. bleh. The sad part is that I don't even really want those things, just the idea of them. I had a skinny peppermint mocha and egg white wrap from Starbucks today for breakfast and it was delicious. So I don't know why I want the bad stuff even though I enjoy the good stuff.

So new plan.... Eat better, fix the back, and enjoy it. Its not a death sentence, Fat last longer than flavor and I want to last as long as I can. 

Turkey Hangover

Well it was a busy couple of days with some highs and some lows, I will try and recap it all...

Thursday was great, we went for a 7 mile run, ate at Eisensteins for breakfast, went to the Paulson/Kernan household for Thanksgiving dinner and I had my first run at Black Friday! If you didn't know Eisensteins has great egg white bagel thin sandwiches for breakfast, they are under 400 calories and when paired with a fruit cup they make a pretty well rounded breakfast. The run went ok. My knees, hips, and ankle started to give out but we finished and that's all that matters. Its a big deal that me and scott were able to run 7 miles basically non stop and that we even considered the idea. Even a year ago we wouldn't have even thought about working out before a big calorie day. We ran the skunk creek trail behind our house, 3.5 miles out and 3.5 miles back. Then after some frantic last minute baking and showers we left for Thanksgiving dinner. We had a great time and I didn't even think about calories while we were there. I had beer, played dice, ate turkey and all the essential side dishes, then I even had pie....mmmmm pie. The turkey coma hit soon after and Scott was snoring on the couch, I couldn't move so I watched football and tried to not fall asleep. After that we went to the Lewis household for some more drinks and to say hi to friends and puppies. We also went over all the Black Friday adds to get ready for the midnight madness. Black Friday was fun, we started at 10pm and except for a 5hour nap from 3am to 8am we were out until 4pm. We had a late lunch at Four Peaks, I had a awesome greek style salad. So that was the Thursday/Friday Recap :)

Friday I had a big slip up, I went to jack in the box and woofed down a taco. I went back to my days of hiding food, eating out of shame, and not being able to say no. I got caught and it was horrifying. But now I can move on and keep trying to lose the weight. Going into Thursday I was 5lbs away from my goal of losing 10lbs in November. I gained 3lbs over the holiday but I have since lost 1.5 of that so if you do the math, I now have 6.5 lbs to lose in 3 days... Probably not going to happen but I am going  to work my ass off to lose as much as I can in those three days.

Workout Diary
Thursday- 7 mile run
Friday- 5 mile run
Saturday- 2 mile run
Sunday- day off


Food Diary
Thursday: egg white bagel thin(400cal) Turkey Dinner (8billion cal) 4 beers, coffee
Friday: Bagel Sandwich, greek salad, taco
Saturday: Egg white omelet, turkey sandwich and baked chips, I can't remember what we had for dinner (I'm getting old)
Sunday: coffee, artisan egg sandwich 310 cal, hummus(tapas size) and side salad with grilled chicken from pita jungle, no dinner (lunch was so late I wasn't hungry)

So now its monday and I have my game face on, I had a egg sandwich for breakfast 300 cal and I brought edemame, a salad, and an apple for snacks. LEEEEEETS GO!!!

Happy Thanksgiving :)

Thanksgiving is the time of year where we remember how thankful we are for the lives we have, our families, and our friends. We celebrate this by eating as much turkey, mashed potatoes, and stuffing as humanly possible, watching football, and spending time with family. Its one of my favorite holidays and even though it will be somewhat small this year that doesn't make me any less excited. There is a feeling of dread when I think of how many calories I will consume and the promise I made to myself, to run 5+ miles the morning of. I would much rather sleep in, play with my dogs and then eat dinner without worrying about the evil calories. But I will feel a lot less guilty if I go for a run before dinner. This is a day to be thankful, so there will be no worrying about calories. I will enjoy myself to the fullest (literally) and I hope everyone else does too. 

The Battle

My biggest obstacle has always been myself. I can be very competitive and I have the need to constantly please everyone. This isn't just my battle against the fat kid but a battle in everyday life. I want to please my family, my work, my friends and when I don't, I turn to food. Food is my comfort but its a vicious cycle, as soon as I finish off the large pepperoni/sausage pizza I am upset all over again. The happy feeling only lasts as long as my pizza does, then its bloating and disappointment. Finding another outlet for when I am upset or not being so hard on myself is the battle. And while all of this is happening in my head, the Fat Kid is dancing joyfully, eating krispy kreme donuts, and ordering chinese. Last night wasn't my best night and today even though I am not hungry, I want to eat everything bad for me...mostly a double cheeseburger from whataburger (not that I have thought about it). Today already I have had a v8, an apple, and I am drinking my coffee at work. I am not hungry but I keep thinking of ways that I can get more food. I could eat all day everyday if I let myself, 3 breakfasts, 2 lunches, 4 dinners and lets not forget dessert. Its hard to not eat what everyone else is eating, I know its childish to feel left out but that's what it feels like. Its the fat kid looking at me with these big sad eyes (think Puss n' boots from shrek) and saying "why am i different? what did I do? was I bad? Am I being punished?" then its feelings of resentment that I can't have a fast metabolism or an intense dislike for pizza.  
But at the same time I don't want anyone to feel like they have to eat what I am eating just to make me feel better, or make me something completely different to eat. If you are a woman reading this you probably understand the battle of voices, opinions, and thoughts running through your head at any given time but if you are a guy reading this you are probably thinking, W...T....F. Sorry girls tend to think about 30 different things at once and those 30 things branch off into subcatagories and it keeps going from there. I have to give my husband credit, he seems to be one of the only ones who can keep up with my a.d.d. riddled thought process. He doesn't even blink most of the time when I switch topics at high speed or pick up a conversation we were having 2 days ago like nothing ever happened.
Ok so today I am going to try and work on myself,  I am starting to go down that dark road of twinkies and bacon. But I won't let that happen, I will be satisfied with my apple and v8 and I will repeat my new stress reliving thought when I start beating myself up over something stupid....."Don't try and please everyone, its a recipe for destruction. Eat your salad, enjoy it and go for a run later to clear your head" 

Goals

I have never been the kind of person who writes their goals down or really even imagines what my goals are. I think its time to change that, I think that having something to work for will help me focus. I can go for a run and when I hit that point where my knees start reminding me that I am getting old and I am wheezing like 2 pack a day smoker, I can say HEY! REMEMBER THAT CHEER UNIFORM FROM HIGH SCHOOL YOU WANT TO FIT INTO? WELL ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN BY WALKING, SO PUT IT IN GEAR SISTER! or something like that... I want to lose weight and be healthy but the selfish/vain part of me also wants to wear a bikini and look cute in jeans. So its time to set some goals.

1. I want to fit into my high school cheer uniform and I don't mean suck it in until I can't breathe and not be able to zip it up, I want it to be comfortable
2. I want to lose 50lbs by next April, I know there are always people who say "you don't need to lose that much" or "thats too skinny" but it's not, its healthy and its in the range I need to be in for my height.
3. I want to run a half marathon in 2 hours or less.

I think these are reasonable and attainable. BUT! I will have to work my butt off in order to accomplish them. My body likes being overweight, its quite comfortable at its current weight and its fighting me for every pound. BUT! I can do it. That's something that even a month ago I wouldn't have said and that side of me can kiss my big white behind. Its time to be positive and work hard, because with eating right and working out you get 100% out of it what you put in.

If you think you are too busy to workout then think of it this way, What fits better into your schedule? working out 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day.

This is What I imagine the Fat Kid Looks Like

Turkeys, mashed potatoes, and an extra helping of Guilt.

The holidays are quickly approaching, Thanksgiving is next week and Christmas will be here before we know it. For many of us, this means family, fun, alcohol, food, and pants that are too tight. Throughout this journey of egg whites and celery I have always said that I will not give up enjoying life in order to lose a few more pounds. Even as I say that I realize how selfish and self serving that sounds, and I want to clear up exactly what I mean. I am slowly learning that enjoying life does not mean that I have to always have a beer when we go out with friends, or if we go out to dinner I don't have to have the fried chicken. I can enjoy myself and my friends or family while eating a salad. I don't have to tie what I eat or drink together with the amount of fun I am having. However there are some situations that I think you should have a beer or cocktail and enjoy the food to its full potential. My Aunt told me last weekend that "Life is too short to not eat bacon" and I agree but I don't have to eat bacon everyday or when I do eat it, I don't have to eat the whole package by myself. Self control and moderation are two of my biggest fights with the fat kid. So for Thanksgiving this year I will enjoy the turkey and all of its delicious sides but I will also go for a run in the morning that I don't feel as guilty while I stuff mashed potatoes into my face. I am planning on really pushing myself that morning and going for a run that will make up for the excess of calories, I am thinking 5+ miles but that may change :)

The sad part about all of this is even as I am writing this, I am battling the Fat Kid. Its that voice inside your head that says pssssshhhh you won't go for a run....you will give this up soon enough, you can't keep this up....you are always going to be overweight, once you accept that then we can fully enjoy all the things fat has to offer like keeping you warm in winter and eating whole pizzas by yourself.
But I will win and if that means I go to the gym twice today and run until I can't hear anything but myself gasping for air much less the fat kid, then that's what I will do. So take that voice you hear, make an egg white omlete and use the voice for motivation. Imagine skinny jeans, days of shopping that don't force you to have an anxiety attack because nothing fits, and a bikini next summer.... 

Shout out

I would like to thank my Sister In-Law for saving me from bad pizza and delicious chocolate chip cookies last night. It was family game night and there was an intense game of Battle of The Sexes going, I started to turn to meat lovers pizza and chocolate chip cookies for comfort as we slowly started to lose to the boys. I even told Scott that I would have no problem tackling him for his pizza and stealing his cheesy bread (I am not proud of this). But Heather stepped in and reminded me that I didn't need it and it wasn't worth it! I knew I would regret it later so I grabbed my water bottle and pretended that it was a giant Dr. Pepper.

 I am usually on the website Pinterest (its a great website for DIY'ers) and they have a fitness section with tons of quotes for motivation. I saw one yesterday that I really liked. " Don't trade what you want the most for what you want right now" last night this was the mantra I kept telling myself every time I started to reach for a cookie.

Enjoy your Monday, Go to the gym, and leave your excuses behind with your box of twinkies. "If you really want it , you will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse"

Food Diary

Sundays dinner: turkey sandwich and bag of baked chips

Monday
3 egg whites, 2 oz chicken, 1/4 cup salsa
yogurt
apple
Lean cuisine
1 sl laughing cow light cheese
dinner is undecided :) 

If you can't Beat Him, Drown him...

I have a big weakness for my parents cooking and drinking with the family. This weekend we went over to my parents house for the community garage sale and what garage sale is complete without a smoker cooking up a brisket and a couple pork butts? And lets not forget the beer fridge stocked to capacity. I went over with the best of intentions, "no, I am good. Just water for me!" "thats ok I brought my own salad" "you know just for today I decided to be vegetarian!" Blah Blah Blah. Well that lasted about 30 seconds before I was clinging to a bloody mary like it was the fountain of youth and mowing down a chorizo quesadilla... I eventually got a handle on myself and put down the bloody mary, switched to water, and stayed out of the kitchen. We went to Four Peaks for dinner, I stayed away from the tasty craft beer and drank my water with lemon. Me and Scott shared a white pizza and a salad. I ate most of the salad, he ate most of the pizza. It wasn't great but I managed to wrangle myself in before I started drinking ranch dressing.

 My goal is to lose 10lbs for November and I really need to realize that means, NOOOOO cheating. Even just a small slip up can cost me 1-2lbs. I spend a lot of time arguing with myself. I thought this was something I was past, but every time I see a donut or free food in an EMS room its the devil on one shoulder and the skinny angel on the other. The Devil seems to constantly have the Angel in a headlock. I wonder if this is something that I will ever get over, even when I am able to finally lose the weight. Is there some great reveal when you hit a size 2? Automatically you can fit into your jeans and wash them, instead of doing what all females do and only wash them every other week because you finally have them "stretched out." Do you just stop craving anything dipped in ranch dressing or covered in cheese?

So today its me a lean cuisine and a gallon of water, maybe if I just drown the fat kid he will give up....


Saturday: 30min cardio, 30 min total body circuit
egg mcmuffin with apple slices (315cal)
1 bloody mary, chorizo and three cheese quesadilla, 1 massive roll of bread (8bazillion cal)
3/4 salad, with tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, dressing on the side

Sunday: Day off from the gym
2 egg white wrap from dunkin donuts, 1 lrg coffee with skim milk  (345 cal)
2 laughing cow light cheese slices (70cal)
lean Cuisine(340)
Apple (95)
Hummus with celery (100cal)
Dinner is unknown at the moment...

Fall Recipe

I love fall and all the delicious food that comes with it. How can you not love pumpkin roll, pecan pie, turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, and apples? This is a dinner from my Mother In Laws Cooking Light  Cookbook. Its one of my favorite meals but now its low calorie and hits all the nutritional reqs.

Pork Loin Chops with Cinnamon Apples

1tsp dried rubbed sage
1/2tsp salt
1/4tsp fresh ground pepper
4 (4oz) boneless center cut loin pork chops, about 1/2 in thick
1/2 tsp vegetable oil
cooking spray
1tsp butter

• 4 cups (1/2-inch) slices peeled Granny Smith apples (about 4 medium) 
• 1 tablespoon brown sugar 
• 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice 
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• Dash of salt 

Preparation

• Combine first 3 ingredients, and sprinkle over the pork. Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray over medium heat. Add pork; cook 3 minutes on each side or until done. Remove the pork from pan. Cover and keep warm.
• Melt butter in pan over medium heat. Add apples and remaining ingredients, and cook 5 minutes or until tender, stirring frequently. Serve the apples with pork.
• Calories 251  Fat 8.3 Protein 24.1 carb 20.2 Sodium 388
• 
  

And because no fall meal or really any meal is not complete without mashed potatoes, here is the recipe from cooking light

Mashed Potatoes

1/2 lb red potatoes quartered

1tsp butter

1 garlic clove

3 tbl fat free milk

1/8 salt

put potatoes in a small saucepan and cover with water, bring to a boil, reduce heat, simmer until tender

combine butter and minced garlic in a microwave safe bowl, microwave on high for 30 seconds or until butter melts add potatoes, milk. and salt, mash mixture to desired consistency

serving size 3/4 cup

Calories 208, fat 3.9, Protein 7.9 Sodium 357 

Day Ten....again

 Every now and then I run into a situation at work that hits home and makes me realize why I am doing this. When you see a young lady not even in her 40's who can't walk or even take care of herself because of complications from diabetes and high blood pressure, it really hits home. I don't ever want to be in that position, those are conditions that can be reversed. It is something she did to herself, and that could have easily been avoided. If you didn't know Ralphie May the comedian was just released from the hospital after complications from pneumonia. He went to the hospital with a chest cold that turned out to be pneumonia that had sent blood clots into his lungs. He almost died and was very lucky to make it out alive. I listened to him  
give a radio interview today and one thing that he said really got to me. He said that he felt like a scumbag because of everything he put his family through and making everyone worry. He now wants to lose more weight and he has stopped smoking weed. These are two extreme situations but they are situations that I don't ever want to put myself  or my family in. So while I may want a breakfast burrito from filibertos, I am going to have egg whites and grilled chicken. Because honestly, it just isn't worth it. What would you rather have, extra years with your kids and spouse or a krispy kreme? I am not saying that we should never eat these things, or that you have to eat clean every moment of every day  but you can't eat crap every day either. I had pizza this weekend, and it was Glorious! but I also ran 13.1 miles. Its a game of debits and credits, if I insist on eating bad food then I must also kick the crap out of myself at the gym. If I take out or put in something in one column then I have to add or subtract to the other to balance.

Ok enough with the serious talk.

On Sunday my mom and I ran  in the Womens half marathon. 13.1 miles of up hill, down hill, live music, great views, great people, and jello legs. We finished in just over 3 hours, it was my moms first one and I am very proud of her! she kicked some serious butt! If you have never done one of these races before, I recommend them. Even if you walk you are raising money for a charity and exercising so its a win win. I haven't worked out for the past three days (terrible I know) Day 1 was because I was letting my knees take a day off, days 2 and 3 I have no excuse for not working out. So today I will go back, the tentative plan is to run to the gym (2 miles) do the mudder workout, and then run back home.

Food Diary
Sunday(race day) : frosted flakes with 1% milk, apple, v8, and a redbull. split lunch with my mom after the race, biscuits and gravy and Arizona chicken rolls, left over pizza for dinner

Monday: v8, luna protein bar, apple, sugar free jello, lean cuisine, hummus with celery, pretzels, chicken sandwich  string cheese

Tuesday: egg sandwich, v8, apple, sugar free jello, lean cuisine, apple, sugar free pudding, pretzels

Wednesday: light yogurt with granola, v8 , grilled chicken with asparagus, tomatoes, and mozzarella, side ceasar salad, pork tenderloin with potato pancakes and salad.

Thursday: 3 egg whites with grilled chicken cheese and salsa, soup, turkey spinach enchiladas.

Still no Alcohol, no fast food and still on track for exercising :) 

Work out options
So here are two new workouts that i tried this week courtesy of Mr. Ellis :) 
 
Warning: you will not be able to lift your arms much less wipe your own rear!
Workout# 1: the 300
There is a ladies version and a men's, I did the ladies version twice and it kicked my butt.
Ladies 300
5 pull ups
30 dumbell dead lifts
20 push ups
25 body weight squat jumps onto a 24in platform
20 v-ups
20 dumbell push press
5 pull ups
I used a 15lb dumbell for the press and a 30lb bar for the dead lifts and v-ups
Men's 300
Same exercises but more reps
25 pull ups
50 db dead lifts
50 push ups
50 bw squat jumps
50v ups
50 db push press
25 pull ups
Here is the link to the youtube video with examples.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtube_gdata_player&v=ggiYjRelWgc

Workout# 2
The murph
I haven't tried this one yet but it's my plan for the day.
Run 1 mile
100 pull ups
200 push ups
300 body weight squats
Run 1 mile
Scott likes this one but he recommends breaking it into 10 sets of 10 pull ups, 20 push ups, 30 squats. You're supposed to do it in under an hour but the main goal is just to finish :)
Enjoy and curse me later

Satisfying the fat kid

Satisfying the fat kid.

Its not hard to satisfy a fat kid, they love everything . (Get your mind out of the gutter) I'm talking about doughnuts, pizza, disneyland...you know, simple stuff! But how do you trick the fat kid into thinking he's still fat and happy? Lean cuisine comfort foods are a great option, the fat kid doesn't need to know that your meatloaf and mashed potatoes are only 300calories, or what you are pretending is soda is actually just sparkling flavored water. But he's a sneaky bastard and just when you think you have control over the little jerk, BOOM Halloween hits and there is candy everywhere. We didn't even buy any this year, we gave out candy that was leftover from the wedding (sorry sam and cc). We gave it all out, we didn't want any left in the house. I was proud of us, nothing hits our weak spot like chocolate and peanut butter. So I'm riding on this high of control and a candy free house when I walk into work... freaking candy EVERYWHERE! Turns out my work is collecting candy to send to the troops! You try and turn away from a bag of Reese's. The only saving grace was the guilt trip of taking candy away from soldiers who are risking their lives for our freedom. Damn!
This week has been ok, workouts have been good, eating has been ok. Control is warring with the fat kid and it's been hard. My goal is to lose 10lbs in November. I only lost 1.5lbs in October and it's time to get the fat kid wagon rolling. So back to the food and workout diary. Remember im a catholic/lutheran hybrid so guilt trips can shame me into eating only celery for days. Thank you agin for the never ending support! The fat kid is shrinking today and the little jerk is fighting a tough battle.

Food diary:
2eggs, toast
2cups coffee with 1%milk and sweetnlow
Lean cuisine
Celery with hummus
Chicken tacos, lettuce, tomato,cheese, non fat sour cream, corn tortillas

Workout: 4 mile run with big dummy (our 70+ lb bloodhound pup)