Hi.
It's been a while
A long while
My computer gave me a "new number who dis" when I tried to sign in
My self imposed year off is over
I celebrated by signing up for a half marathon
because... duh
and I am sure you are all wondering why I signed up for another race
But Lauren, you didn't even know if you liked racing anymore
You couldn't remember what it was like to enjoy training
you spent hours and days wondering if you actually liked racing or if you did it because other people in your life enjoy racing.
You.Took.A.Year.Off.
and this is what you decide??
A half marathon?
way to ease into it dipshit
Guess what?
Turns out I really do like racing
training.... eh
its alright
but racing.
Fuck...
its the best.
Finish lines and cheering crowds
people pushing to be their best
the adrenaline
the sweat
the feeling like your chest is about to explode and your legs might give out and jesus christ am I hallucinating or is that pepperoni pizza at an aid station
its the best.
and I missed it
at first I didn't think I did
I went to a few races and without fail 17 or more people asked me if I was sad
and I proudly held up my breakfast burrito, looked down at my sandals and said NO!
then a few months later I went to some more races
and I watched people cross the finish line
cross the finish line into a giant puddle of sweaty stinky smiling mess
and I smiled
then I teared up
then I said seriously Lauren? get yo shit together.
and thats when I realized
I missed racing
I missed it so much
I wanted to grab a bib from someone, anyone and push my legs to the limit
I wanted to have the black lung from a particularly hard run
I wanted the hunger and the pain
I wanted it all
Its official.
I.LOVE.THIS.SHIT
Love it
I have this competitiveness that has to be let out
running gives me that feeling
and it doesn't matter if I am first or last
(but first would be pretty fucking cool)
It matters that I gave it everything I have.
Will I do another full Ironman?
probably not
Will I do another half Ironman?
Fuck Yes I will
and I will hit sub 7
Will I have moments of failure, moments of wanting to quit, moments of doubt, fat kid off the leash at at buffet moments
Ha... oh yes, so so many moments.
Will I decided to push for a sub 2 hour half?
You betcha
Will I make other decisions that make people question my sanity?
More than likely.
but fuck.
Life is too damn short to give it anything but everything you've got.
As the wise Bruce Willis once said
