The best way to describe how I feel about food is that it is a battle, every day, every meal, every workout, every moment of every day. Yes that may be slightly over dramatic but that is how it feels. Every day I wake up I want a Cinnabon extra large cinnamon roll, doesn’t matter that an egg white omelet is delicious or that a bowl of fruit will fill me up, I still want what I can’t have. The devil foods cake on one shoulder and the angel on the other, eat the cake, don’t eat the cake, eat the pizza, have a banana, watch greys anatomy in your sweat pants with Ben and Jerry, go for a run…etc etc
Today I had oatmeal for breakfast (150 cal) with 2 cups of coffee and by 10 am I was starving. I know, how can I be “starving” 3 hours after breakfast? No idea but I would have killed a box of krispy kremes if they were in front of me, I would have been crying in a corner as I ate them but I still would have destroyed them. But because we didn’t have any krispy kremes or any other bad choices free and available, I went and got the apple I packed for lunch. Woofed that down and then tried to imagine that I wasn’t still hungry…well that dream lasted about 30 seconds before I was back in the lunch room working my way through my lunch. I had a piece of the left over pizza from last night (calm down people I made it at home with whole wheat crust, skim mozzarella, and turkey pepperoni) I was planning on eating it with my lunch but that was in the dream life where I eat only what I’m supposed to when I’m supposed to. I finished that and I was at least able to hold off on eating lunch for a few more minutes. 10:35 hit and I was in the lunch room creating a salad of epic proportions (not really but I like to build it up in my mind to make myself feel better) it was just a bag of premade salad, feta cheese, and light balsamic dressing on the side; healthy, delicious, low calorie, and filling. So the battle against the fat kid is over at least for now, I will have to gear up again for dinner and then tonight when we take my boss out for retirement drinks. I am still working on building up an arsenal against the fat kid, right now it includes Scott(very persuasive when it comes to talking me down the from the pizza ledge), the gym (where I go to clear my head of all the negative thoughts), the mudder (because jiggly fat arms will not help pull myself up a 20ft wall), and good old fashioned catholic guilt.
Side note:
I stared down a serving of sweet and sour chicken today… I could have motor boated the chicken, stuck my face right in it and devoured its deliciousness. But I didn’t, I wanted to, I still want to but I am going to stay strong. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. You don’t want chicken, your don’t want delicious sweet and sour chicken, you don’t want amazing Chinese food… ok dammit that’s not working. Lauren you don’t want chicken that is going to go right to your ass and never leave, you don’t want to have to go to the gym on your rest day, you don’t want to have to add an extra mile to your run tomorrow. Ok slightly better, at least it’s not my main focus anymore. Mmmmm chicken
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