Handling stress like a true fat kid

The more I stress the more I want pizza. As my work load, family worries, and general “being an adult sucks” stress increases I try to find ways to bury them in gooey, delicious, cheesy, doughy, goodness. Yes, it’s not the most adult way to handle my adult problems but it’s how I have always dealt with things in the past. Take a hour or so, enjoy a good meal and an adult drink, relax, forget my worries (just for an hour), regroup and then tackle everything head on. So this week when I am thinking about moving ahead at my job, getting the mortgage out on time, my family in Texas, I immediately want to go to my old standby. I want to order an extra-large Barros pizza with pepperoni, sausuage, and extra cheese. Maybe a side of wings if I am feeling dangerous… Oooo and let’s not forget the extra sides of ranch. You are not a true fatty unless you have an emotional connection with ranch (I am worse because if I am not smearing something in ranch then its mayonnaise and the real stuff not the wimpy “miracle whip”) The hardest part of trying to make a lifestyle change is the fight you have with yourself, the rationalizations, the arguments, the “but everyone else cans”, or my particular favorite… How many miles do I need to run in order to cancel out the heaping serving of cardiac arrest I just served myself? It is a constant frustration, all I want to do is eat what I want and not get fat. I don’t think that’s too much to ask…

Last night I went to the gym, ran 3 miles and did the intermediate 300 workout. That workout kills me everytime, my abs are still sore. Now that the half marathon is over and we are creeping up to the Mudder I really have to work on upper body/core strength. Being able to run for hours at a time is not going to help me get over a 20ft wall. I have asked Scott to make sure that I am sufficiently terrified in the hopes that it will keep me from eating crap.

Today has been really, really, really hard to not shove my face with carbs covered in cheese or chocolate, or ranch. I am trying to stay strong and right now my only defense is to combat the urge to eat crap by eating good stuff. Carrots, bell peppers, almonds, hummus with a whole wheat pita, salad, chicken, egg whites, gallons of water… the urge is still there, I still think I am hungry when there is no possible why I can be, but this is part of the fight, part of the changing, and part of the challenge to better myself.

So off I go to eat rabbit food (I am not overly enthusiastic about it today) and continue my prayers that one day I will live in a world where pizza is calorie free and doctors encourage you to eat tons of it.