drug pedaling little bastards.

It's the fat kids favorite time of year. The drug dealers are out in their adorable green vests pedaling the fat kids version of heroin... Girl Scout Cookies. I love them all, Thin Mints, Samoas, the lemon ones, the peanut butta ones, all of them. And not like I buy one box and it last all year kind of love.. its the buy boxes until I hate myself, wake up in the middle of the night to sneak a frozen thin mint, eat a whole box at a time kind of love. That's a forever kind of love. I can't even use not having cash as an excuse anymore, those adorable little bastards just whip out their Iphone and slide your visa through their square, all while smiling at you. These high tech drug dealers are at every store, every office, we even saw them waiting outside a Willy Nelson concert (to be fair, that was genius). A deprived fat kid surrounded by thin minty goodness leads to exessive grumbling, grouchiness, and unwarranted anger towards children. So let me say I am sorry in advance,

I am sorry to the mothers who are just trying to raise money for their childs troop... You are not an enabling bitch and I don't mean what I say out of hunger. Nor are your children drug mules.

I am sorry to the children in front of walmart... Your parents do love you, and you probably aren't adopted (but its awesome if you are!)

If you see me grumbling in a corner while shoving carrots and greek yogurt in my face, please know that I am ok, just hangry and better left alone from a safe distance.