I am not a success story

I am not a success story.

Yet.

I am a lose weight, gain weight, work out, eat pizza, cry, eat egg whites, work out, drink soda, get mad, work out, eat salad story. I want to be a success story, I want to be an inspiration, I want people to look at and think “hell, if she can do it, then I can do it.”

So I eat my salads, I portion my “fun” foods, I run, I sleep, I drink more water than feels natural and I keep going. Even on days I don’t want to, those are the days I have to work that much harder. I slip up more than I should, I have my “why me?” days (dramatic, I know) and I have pizza days. I require A LOT of positive reinforcement to keep me going. I don’t know if this makes me like every other person trying to lose weight or if I am a tiny… well maybe tiny isn't the right word…isolated island floating in the sea of marinara (you thought I was going to get deep and inspirational, didn't you? Ha!). Not that I think that I am the only person in the world  battling weight problems, I know that I am better off than a lot of people but when you see people eating whatever they want and 1 grape makes your ass expand, it gets frustrating. I guess that isn't really a realistic sentence either... I have never in my life eaten 1 grape. I eat the whole  bag, then a bagel, then maybe some chips and top if off with a foot long sub if I am feeling peckish. Today I finished a foot long sub (oven roasted chicken, lettuce, tomato, bell pepper, mustard, on flat bread) before I got out of the parking lot... now, it was a pretty big parking lot and I got lost trying to find an exit but still. There are times I amaze myself... I don't even think about how fast I am eating most of the time. I think my thoughts today were, open wrapper, start car, put car in drive, EAT!!, drive, where is the exit to Bell Rd?, dammit that is one way, why is there a church next to a Macayos? shit, another one way, ooh a used bookstore! shit, did I miss the turn? crap, my sandwich is gone. Thinking is part of the change, I think about what I am eating, is it healthy? is it fresh? am I keeping the processed foods to a minimum? are my portions realistic? am I actually hungry? or bored? did I drink enough water today? ... or at least I try to. 

Saturday Schedule:

egg white panini with bacon, Parmesan, thin whole grain bread

coffee

1 hour hike

coffee

coffeeeeeeeeeeee

water

cleaning

cleaning

rearrange the house

foot long oven roasted sandwich

shopping

water

lemon luna bar

grocery shopping 

taco bowls

disney movies, pj's, and blogging.... you know... like an adult.