Anxiety Girl

Whole30 ends this week and we also going on vacation. 

I am not really sure how I am feeling about it, I have adjusted to the paleo lifestyle easier than I thought I would. 

That doesn't mean I don't spend 90% of my day thinking about cheese or daydreaming about a huge coffee topped of with french vanilla creamer but the choices are easier than they used to be. 

I can pick an omelet at a restaurant and not choke on the words when I ask for no cheese

I can make dinner for us and enjoy it 

I am not eating just rabbit food and I am eating enough to fill me up

I feel like I am actually making a lifestyle change. 

I still have a lot of weight to lose and work to do on me and my body but I feel like I am in a good place. 

I am also struggling with how to get back to the real world and not go completely off the deep end. 

My goals are to work harder on my race training, continue to eat paleo style 6 days a week and then give myself 1 cheat meal a week. 

I am a worrier. 

I worry about hypothetical situations before they could even happen. 

So I am having a tiny panic attack over eating on vacation

On one hand I am excited beyond belief to have a giant coffee with cream and cheese on my eggs

On the other hand I am getting chest palpitations thinking about gaining the weight back and throwing away every choice I made over the last 30 days. 

I know its just another series of choices 

5 days of choosing to not eat crap at every meal

5 days of making the best choices possible

5 days of making sure that I earn the calories I do choose

5 days of enjoying myself, my husband, and my family

Its just 5 days right?

I am about to complete 30 days of sticking to my goals I can handle 5 days. 

right? 

right. 

right, goddammit.