They say that the beginning is the hardest, once you take that step to choose to be healthy, to chose to be fit that you can do anything. Well I have been at this for 3+ months and it is still hard, I want to know when it will get easier, when it will all slide into place. Everyday is a fight, a battle against the fat kid. I arm myself with lean protien, fruits, vegetables, and water but have you ever tried to battle a piece bacon with a fruit bowl and water? I can say all the right things and preach until I lose my voice but that doesn't change anything when I eat pizza anyways. Its hard to know that I CAN do this, I know HOW to do this, but I still don't always make the right decisions. Its hard to not get down on myself when I know what the right decision is and I turn into the loving warm arms of fast food. I am on a path of self destruction and I am ignoring all the signs that say turn around. I will say its a delicious path but still its a path that leads down to a deep dark hole that I don't think I can pull myself out of again. Unfortunatley my lack of krispy kreme also makes me very cranky towards the people who are trying to help. Sorry If I have bitten your head off in a fit of hunger rage, I don't mean it...You weren't adopted, your parents still love you, and you are not the son of a bitch I claimed you were :) Lack of fat makes me a grumpy SOB. I know I can't have both but I don't think its too much to ask, all I want it to eat and be skinny. NO sorry not skinny...Healthy. Healthy is the new term, skinny is out. I want to keep my curves and I don't want to be able to see my food as it is digesting.
I read somewhere that calories are tiny evil creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes just a little bit tighter every night. It made me laugh but it also made me think of all the "small" lies the fat kid whispers to us as we reach for just one more bite. Things like "a small slice of pie doesn't count" or "there are no calories on vacation." There lies are what got me through all the guilt ridden meals in Hawaii :)
Sometimes you have to let go, have fun, and leave the calorie counter at home. The food lies are what get me in trouble. Like thinking a salad is good for me and low calories just because they call it a salad, but if its covered in cheese, dressing, and croutons all that hard work goes right out the window.
have a happy Sunday everybody. Enjoy your day off, read a book, day dream about waistlines that don't expand (ever.) and relax. I can do this, I can be the person I want to be. The only person standing in my way is me and because its kind of hard to offend myself I can tell myself to "shut up fatty, no one asked your opinion anyways." to which my fat self would probably respond with " no you shut up ass hole, I am going to sit over here in my sweat pants while I enjoy a double double from In and Out"
hmmm I may have a slightly over active imagination....I can't stop imagining scenarios between my fat self and my healthy self. Its like Rosy O'donell has Kelly Ripa in a Headlock and while rosy has kelly in pure substance, kelly is a scrapy little fighter and she is ready for the take down.
Yep. Imagination is waaay too overactive.
I read somewhere that calories are tiny evil creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes just a little bit tighter every night. It made me laugh but it also made me think of all the "small" lies the fat kid whispers to us as we reach for just one more bite. Things like "a small slice of pie doesn't count" or "there are no calories on vacation." There lies are what got me through all the guilt ridden meals in Hawaii :)
Sometimes you have to let go, have fun, and leave the calorie counter at home. The food lies are what get me in trouble. Like thinking a salad is good for me and low calories just because they call it a salad, but if its covered in cheese, dressing, and croutons all that hard work goes right out the window.
have a happy Sunday everybody. Enjoy your day off, read a book, day dream about waistlines that don't expand (ever.) and relax. I can do this, I can be the person I want to be. The only person standing in my way is me and because its kind of hard to offend myself I can tell myself to "shut up fatty, no one asked your opinion anyways." to which my fat self would probably respond with " no you shut up ass hole, I am going to sit over here in my sweat pants while I enjoy a double double from In and Out"
hmmm I may have a slightly over active imagination....I can't stop imagining scenarios between my fat self and my healthy self. Its like Rosy O'donell has Kelly Ripa in a Headlock and while rosy has kelly in pure substance, kelly is a scrapy little fighter and she is ready for the take down.
Yep. Imagination is waaay too overactive.
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