Living in a Post Ironman World: Guest Blogger

Hey everyone.

It’s the Fat Kid talking today

Lauren kept mumbling about calories, heartburn, and something about a food hangover

So I locked her in a closet

This is my week!

I never get to have fun

Like… ever.

Every time I want a hostess cupcake she turns it around to read the label

Heaven forbid I recommend swapping greek yogurt for froyo

When I do manage to get out I have to grab and eat what I can before she realizes what has happened and puts down whatever fried dough object I was working on.

She can be a real bitch like that.

I think she has fallen into a post-race slump

She doesn’t know who she is or what to do with her life now that she has a break from training

I keep telling her (you have to say it real slow and wait for the comprehension to come)

THHHHIISSS IS A COOOUUUCH

YOOOUUU SIIIIIT ON ITTTT

Watch daisy and cally, they know what they are doing.

NO. Stop. Quit trying to set up the bike trainer.

Just sit.

Sit.

Goddammit, no, don’t clean the house

For the love of Christ woman, sit the hell down.

Every now and then I find  her swiffering the house with her Ironman medal on

What.a.weirdo.

I tried locking her in the laundry room

(Don’t worry, I left a snickers and a piddle pad)

But when I went to check on her, all the laundry was done.

I finally managed to get her to lay in bed with a Harry Potter book but she fell asleep

At 7pm!!!

The Good news is while she is distracted or locked up

I get full run of the fridge

I managed to push past the flax seeds, greek yogurt, and salad to the severely neglected  beer section

Beer on a work night, she won’t know what hit her.

Sunday we both agreed on a sausage and double cheese pizza with Mint chocolate chip ice cream

Monday I snuck the pizza leftovers into her lunch bag

Monday night an enabler (my favorite people) slipped some chocolate chip cookies into the house

Pizza, beer, and cookies… oh my!

This weekend we are going out of town, there will more beer, more pizza, and a run or 2.

There is a rumor of fudge

And the past has always proven that vacations = churros

Maybe some wine (you know, for our health)

I think I will pack the elastic waist pants and leave Lauren at home.