Epic Fail.

Well I hit 30 days of clean eating and I destroyed it with pizza, beer, tequila, and red meat. Saturday was my first race, it was 6 miles of running and obstacles. We finished in 1:15 and had a AWESOME time, I can't wait to run another race. So to commemorate this momentous occasion we had Pizza... Beer...Hot dogs...hamburgers...and Tequila. Bad News? I gained 1.5lbs. Good News? It didn't taste as good as I thought it would and it killed the craving. As I sat down with my cheesy bread and cheese pizza there was this overwhelming sense of guilt and failure. Scott managed to talk me down from the ledge and into the warm welcoming arms of dough, cheese, and marinara. So I killed the cheesy bread (so quickly that I had to hang my head in shame) and then moved onto the pizza. We went to little Cesar's out of lack of money and time and the pizza wasn't the greatest. I had two pieces and was so full I couldn't eat anymore. This sadly is an improvement, I am ashamed to say that there was a time I could have easily downed the cheesy bread and pizza while growling at anyone who tried to come close. We then went to the ASU football game (in wildcat blue) where there was ice cold beer, hot dogs, hamburgers, and a tiny drunk lady waving a bottle of tequila. I loved every minute of it, its amazing how quickly I get drunk after I stop drinking for a month. I was able to do all of these things in moderation, but I wish I had been able to say no. The tailgating crowd got to me, I was swept up in the moment. Sunday rolled around and as I nursed my food hangover we went to breakfast and a movie. We went to Crackerbarrel and I managed to order just a 6oz steak with eggs. I gave scott all of my sides (after I had 1 bite of hash brown casserole...I'm not a superhero! and some gravy) then we went to go see Moneyball and we turned down the popcorn and sodas.I was also trying to get my allergies under control and was fighting a sinus headache so food didn't taste the same. We had chicken shwarmas for dinner with low carb tortillas instead of pita bread for dinner. This helped me get back on track. Today I was much better I had 1 scrambled egg with 1 oz cheese on a low carb tortilla for breakfast, a muffin snack, lean cuisine for lunch, celery for afternoon snack, and leftover pasta from last week for dinner.

I keep fighting myself and if anyone ever heard the arguments I have with myself over food I would probably lose a lot of my friends. I have a very hard time not eating everything in sight. Sunday when we went to cracker barrel, even though I wasn't hungry I wanted to eat everything. Its hard for me to see a table full of food and not think that I HAVE to eat it, that wasting food is a bad thing. At home I set the portions and when I'm done there isn't a need to go into the fridge to eat more. Going out for dinner is easier because I can order a smaller appetizer and feel full.

So this week its a war between me and my inner fat kids ability to lay the guilt trip on pretty thick ( I think he must be catholic) So I am going to work on enjoying my food and not agonizing over what isn't good for me. I just have to keep thinking about it like a cigarette, sure 1 isn't going to kill you but a lifetime of it will.
FYI for pizza lovers: Oggis has a selection of flat bread pizzas all under 500 cals, I ordered one last week with a side salad. I wasn't able to finish it all but it was really really good.