My biggest obstacle has always been myself. I can be very competitive and I have the need to constantly please everyone. This isn't just my battle against the fat kid but a battle in everyday life. I want to please my family, my work, my friends and when I don't, I turn to food. Food is my comfort but its a vicious cycle, as soon as I finish off the large pepperoni/sausage pizza I am upset all over again. The happy feeling only lasts as long as my pizza does, then its bloating and disappointment. Finding another outlet for when I am upset or not being so hard on myself is the battle. And while all of this is happening in my head, the Fat Kid is dancing joyfully, eating krispy kreme donuts, and ordering chinese. Last night wasn't my best night and today even though I am not hungry, I want to eat everything bad for me...mostly a double cheeseburger from whataburger (not that I have thought about it). Today already I have had a v8, an apple, and I am drinking my coffee at work. I am not hungry but I keep thinking of ways that I can get more food. I could eat all day everyday if I let myself, 3 breakfasts, 2 lunches, 4 dinners and lets not forget dessert. Its hard to not eat what everyone else is eating, I know its childish to feel left out but that's what it feels like. Its the fat kid looking at me with these big sad eyes (think Puss n' boots from shrek) and saying "why am i different? what did I do? was I bad? Am I being punished?" then its feelings of resentment that I can't have a fast metabolism or an intense dislike for pizza.
But at the same time I don't want anyone to feel like they have to eat what I am eating just to make me feel better, or make me something completely different to eat. If you are a woman reading this you probably understand the battle of voices, opinions, and thoughts running through your head at any given time but if you are a guy reading this you are probably thinking, W...T....F. Sorry girls tend to think about 30 different things at once and those 30 things branch off into subcatagories and it keeps going from there. I have to give my husband credit, he seems to be one of the only ones who can keep up with my a.d.d. riddled thought process. He doesn't even blink most of the time when I switch topics at high speed or pick up a conversation we were having 2 days ago like nothing ever happened.
Ok so today I am going to try and work on myself, I am starting to go down that dark road of twinkies and bacon. But I won't let that happen, I will be satisfied with my apple and v8 and I will repeat my new stress reliving thought when I start beating myself up over something stupid....."Don't try and please everyone, its a recipe for destruction. Eat your salad, enjoy it and go for a run later to clear your head"
But at the same time I don't want anyone to feel like they have to eat what I am eating just to make me feel better, or make me something completely different to eat. If you are a woman reading this you probably understand the battle of voices, opinions, and thoughts running through your head at any given time but if you are a guy reading this you are probably thinking, W...T....F. Sorry girls tend to think about 30 different things at once and those 30 things branch off into subcatagories and it keeps going from there. I have to give my husband credit, he seems to be one of the only ones who can keep up with my a.d.d. riddled thought process. He doesn't even blink most of the time when I switch topics at high speed or pick up a conversation we were having 2 days ago like nothing ever happened.
Ok so today I am going to try and work on myself, I am starting to go down that dark road of twinkies and bacon. But I won't let that happen, I will be satisfied with my apple and v8 and I will repeat my new stress reliving thought when I start beating myself up over something stupid....."Don't try and please everyone, its a recipe for destruction. Eat your salad, enjoy it and go for a run later to clear your head"
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